Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
PK
My daughter’s name means pearl. For years my husband would buy me jewelry with some arrangements of pearls. I loved wearing the pieces b/c they connected me from him to her. That is, until I found out his hidden message with the jewelry. He bought one with every new conquest. A total mindfark. Watching me be so happy and proud and him knowing what it represented to him and a few others that he let in on the story.
When I found out the truth, the Fn STEREOTYPE that gifts were his trophies for all the women he cheated on my with and there I was manipulated into parading around his trophies, I was to say the least, emotionally devastated. But mind you, he was so gentle and kind and considerate while he did it.
I write this to help you keep perspective, TO USE FACTS, not his manipulations, to keep you grounded in truth. B/c CONmen are known for their ability to snow people which is the REASON they are called CONmen.
I too, WANTED to believe my husband, until I could no longer find anything to believe about him. Who WANTS to believe someone so nice to my face was CLOWNING ME? OF course spaths are sincere, they believe themselves. But that’s what makes them evil and dangerous.
Find what keeps you grounded and put those reminders all around you. They are your shield against evil. If my solution doesn’t help you, ask yourself what would work for you? Then do it.
Best
Katy
ps anyone want some crappy jewelry?
Lizzy.
Towanda babe. “I always try to be the most authentic version of myself.” Love it. Great mantra. Great ideal. Am amused that it was like holy water sprinkled on evil. 🙂
pk,
I don’t know your story, but if a man is emotionally abusing you – or abusing you in any other way – then why would you want to hang onto him? There is a really good recent thread here called “Is He Salvageable” or something like that. A lot of people hang onto their bad partners because they are hoping that if they just wait it out or love the person enough, the bad person will change. The reality is that they rarely, if ever, do. Don’t throw your life away for someone who mistreats you.
Katy-thanks. I am going to be 40 next fall and my friend just turned 40. She wrote a really inspiring post on FB about turning 40. I recently cut 8 inches off my hair to get my curls back-since straight hair isn’t me. I had done this straightening treatments on it due to my spathy sisters putting me down and telling me how I need to have straight smooth hair like theirs. I also did the treatments cuz I wanted a change when I finally got over the N who brought me here. Now I just wanna be me.
It is like sprinkling holy water on evil. My N was lovebombing me telling me how much she loved my hair and I was very non emotional with her. BTW, my cat is totally afraid of her and I think that’s a sign.
Lizzy
You were caught in backwards thinking. Be aware of it. It’s one of the traps of growing up as an abused child. I got out of it, I think mainly b/c I was so neglected and my ethical caring neighbors influenced me. I saw it in my husband and his family. They have this bizarre sense of reality.
Curls are to be envied. Think that was the problem, your sisters convinced you that your asset was a curse. It’s okay that others (and even N neighbor) comments on your hair, they should. It’s beautiful. But by handling it non emotionally you were practicing a healthy form of grey rock. Again, TOWANDA. Keep it up. You prove it works and how to
Hi Stargazer,
I love your id. it makes me smile. You have nailed me, I guess it takes one to know one 😉 As the saying goes.
I feel as if I lived a very long time in such a short time.
It was only eleven years ago that I took that sabbatical on “life” to get to know who (ME) I was. I had to stay exclusive and I read every about every religion I could.
One week I was going to be a nun the week after that I was thinking of being a high class hooker.
Actually it was an O.k. time in my life. I limited contact with the world. That was when I embrace the child with in.
We had a lot of fun, I took pictures, amerced my self in creating more art.
About the third year,guess who showed up.
You guessed it… The love of my life..ha
The only reason he returned was to save me so he claims.
Course it wasn’t to get even for having him go to jail cause he choked me until I lost all my facilities. Yet every chance he had, it was mentioned in a tone of voice that I had did it to him. No, he put himself in jail.
We went on for some years on an off. Each time I would learn something. Plus I had changed that bothered him. No matter what I did it was not good enough, stupid and I didn’t know anything. I would ask” well what the hell do you want to be with a person who was stupid? I finally was on to his game. I became more of a challenge, not the chaotic challenge, like it always was before. An intellectual challenge. I study how these peoples brains operated. Without the knowledge we will continue to get “duped’ A little pun there for ya.
I swear I had made a career out of going to see a counsel.
I remember saying, Ohhh so often, It is mee… I have to be doing some thing!!! Nope, not one counselor would agree. I wasn’t happy with this man.
Yet, I still miss him and I cry every day, I am so sad in my heart that the pain is as if I was stabbed.
You see I had made my mind up to leave him before I had turned fifty. It was my turn. My mother has been gone now for three years. The kids are grown and on there own.
I felt that I had lived the first fifty years under every one else’s thumb, always wearing that inadequate clock around me so the world could see me as a nothing.
I was to live the rest of my days differently. My mind was made up.
Around X-mas time my daughter was having many problems. The dame broke. The man I choice to help me raise my children as if they were his had been molesting her since she was in the second grade…She had developed that Stalk Holmes syndrome. I could not pry this child away from this maggot@....... the time…hapy 50th
So that is why I am here. I have no place left to go.
This is when I usually delete my post. Not today.
I have had my mini break down, the reason I came back on here tonight was. I am a severely infected individual from the scum sucking soul snatchers as we give them a dignified title: Sociopaths.! haha
I posted for the first time last night an I am very sorry I can’t recall who is is was. They copied and pasted something I had wrote in my comment…..I need to address this due to it renting space in my head. Could you tell me why or what was it to mean?
I am sorry…lol I would rather confront you, then leave it to my own imagination. We don’t want that.
You had posted it right around Athena s kind words to me;)
Thank you to the people who moved the clutter out of the way with their sweet words. As tears roll down my face.
Had I not been acknowledged… course I would not have come back. I need help so badly to keep me from self sabotaging and going back with sociopatho sicko.
Namaste”
Me
Dear Tobeme,
I’m sorry for what you have had to go through. My heart especially broke when I read about your daughter. I found myself wondering how old she is, if the abuse is still going on, and if it is the same guy you are talking about that you met 11 years ago. However, I don’t want to pry if you are not comfortable sharing the details. I really hope he goes to prison for what he has done. I hope you will stick around here and keep blogging. Just don’t take it personally when people don’t respond. There are a lot of side conversations going on. I’ve had dozens of my posts ignored. And I don’t respond to a lot of posts. It’ not personal toward anyone. It’s the nature of the internet. I myself am not around here much, so if you address me and I don’t respond, that’s why.
Sorry, I don’t know who commented on your post that you are referring to. Besides Athena, I think maybe Skylar commented, but that’s as far as I remember. You can go back and look through the last few pages.
I myself almost ordained as a nun once, in the Buddhist tradition. I spend many months over a period of 4 years in silent meditation retreats. And though I never was a hooker, I was a stripper for two years. So I understand about your exploring the extremes of your personality. We are all such complex beings capable of doing and experiencing so many different things. I believe all these things build character if we can learn something from them.
Thank you for your post.
Dear Tobeme- so sorry to hear your story. He sounds like my dad. My mother escaped after 40 yrs and was really scared he’d track her down and kill her. Thankfully he didin’t. He is dead now and in a strange way he is controlling from the grave. Because of the will he left he has now split the family causing more heartache for my mother.
I have read alot of articles on this site and one comment that sticks in my mind is that you can’t hurt their feelings ‘cos they havent got any. You are doing the right things. My situation is no way as trauma ridden as yours but I know how I feel.The comments on here are generally helpful and supportive. Keep reading and posting.
Look after yourself- good food, exercise- keep strong! I have been obsessed with finding out how their minds work because for years ,I could not understand why anyone would act like this and hurt me. I now understand more and feel better. Keep reading and sharing!
Good Morning Star and “Thank you pk.
I am trying to understand how this posting works. Like I said I have been reading for a couple of years only I haven’t posted.
It is amazing how both of you had mentioned the very things that crossed my mind before I had went to sleep.
So nobody is confused:
There is phatho #1: the man I married who left when my son was four months, with another women. Best favor he had ever did for me.
Phatho#2 : I met him when My kids were about three and four. I was not looking for a relationship nor,interested in this man at all.
He was very creative in the persuasion to get me to go out with him. I know this sounds like I am a lunatic. He brain washed the whole family he took control over the whole house.
Even the kitchen.
My kids never complained about my cooking, he convinced them only to eat what he would cook. I know that sounds so mi note. My point is..he did this and other things in a way that you did not noticed he was doing it.
I am so frustrated at myself for not being sharp enough.What the frig is wrong with me?
He was/is a master at this game.
I had asked my daughter when she was thirteen was anything going on between the two of them. She said No.
I taught my kids not to lie, why would I not believe her.
I could not pry her away from this man. I had told him to leave and she had to go with. I had chased her to come home …..no way could I get her to trust me. I did every thing less then stand on my head. Nothing.
I knew better..They said I was crazy. You are CRAZIEEEEEE that is all I heard.
In order to have my daughter back I allowed him to come back home.
I couldn’t handle how unhealthy the relationship was between him and I . Her and him.
When she was old enough to drive.
I got an apartment with phatho#3. lolo That was when I turned forty.
When I was told the truth this past Dec, I just wanted to be crazy…It would have been so much easier.
Of course, my daughter’s life is in ruins now. She is trying to do her best to get it back together.
pk,
Before all this, I was adamant about living a healthy life style. This is why I am on LF. God help me, it would be so easy for me just to be crazy. This way I would not know I was crazy. But yet, I am crazy. I have been willing myself to just die. I can’t even write this with out having a break out of tears.
The tears are not for me…….I am so mad, ther isn’t any one left to trust.
I can see my own heart on the ground. I literally feel the people stomping thier feet on it.
Wow what a wayto start a day…………:)
Thank you.
pk, what you hurt is their egos. They are driven by believing they are entitled to what ever they please, I know that two of these men could talk a hungry dog off of a meat wagon.
I know it! The abilities they process in getting over on others stimulates the ego. That “Great I am syndrome.
What I have learned, when they feel/think they may lose something….that is when you would need to be very careful.
Like you and I if a person has a admirable attribute, we would most likely emulate it, try to acquire it, maybe.
The truth is as far as my experience goes..they are just so scared and frightened that they are not good enough.
Phatho#3 : he wanted what I had so badly, he believe the only way he would attain it was to steal it. He would say things to break my self esteem down, cruel things. instead of following by example.
Some where in his mind two people could not maintain the same potential for development.
What did he do stoop to conquer (cunning) Have a great pk!
Hugsssssssssssss
me