Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
tobeme,
what a heartbreaking story! I feel so much sorrow for you and your daughter at the moment. What a sick man. To me it sounds like he triangulated your daughter against you. He must have lovebombed her as he did you, which was why she followed him. It’s just uttery sick!
Dear PK
In your post above you ask whether he is a S or a P.
If you go to this link
http://www.sociopathworld.com/2008/08/why-i-hate-narcissists.html
Despite what the URL says, it is actually a FAQ about the differences between sociopaths and narcs. I think it’s very good. It is a matter of degree, which you will see once you read it. I know have a clear understanding of the difference.
However, I will say that as much as I too need to know the difference, I will agree with Ox Drover who always says on here that TOXIC IS TOXIC. I don’t know why you don’t think you can go NC with your abuse, but, I will point out to you that you are MAKING THE CHOICE – you’re valuing something else he’s giving you – food, shelter, clothing, money?
Please think about THAT and the tradeoff you’re making.
Is it worth it?
Athena
KatyDid
Regarding your jewelry story. I am so sorry. I can feel the rage, disappointment, humiliation you must have felt as a result of his deception. What a jerk.
It blows my mind, the evilness of it all.
I don’t know if all spaths did this, but mine did too. He shoved it in my face and put a BRIGHT LIGHT on it every time he cheated on me. He was not bread crumbs, it was a HUGE loaf of bread he put in my face, so big I couldn’t see it.
He got off on that.
Yours did too.
They are so gleeful in their deception, and they’re so egotistical – sometimes it takes a while, but the mask eventually slips. Then we have to work through our own disbelief to see what is actually there.
When you’re ready, disposal of that jewelry (pawn shop, ebay, garbage) will be a cleansing exercise for you.
hugs.
Athena
Tobeme,
I feel for you, from the depths of my being – the “crazy-making” makes use believe that we truly are insane. You aren’t crazy. You aren’t nuts. You just aren’t any of those things. If you “Google” search the term, “crazymaking,” you will find more information on that technique than you ever wanted to know about!
The spath ex did the same things by coercing his immediate family (children and me) to adopt what HE proposed to be “correct” or acceptable. Foods, movies, political beliefs…they were ALL dictated by him, and I mean “dictated.” There was no dissention allowed. To disagree with the spath was to risk further isolation, degradation, etc., ad nauseum. THIS is why we go along with the spath’s program.
There is also a clear indication that you suffered domestic violence, as did many of us who read and post on this site. I don’t know the whole of your current situation, but getting into contact with http://www.ndvh.org can help you find resources that will help you begin your healing journey. In most cases, counseling is free of charge, and there are some legal resources that are provided pro bono.
You’re NOT crazy, Tobeme. You were victimized, plain and simple. Getting involved with some strong counseling can help you to sort out your boundaries so that you can better spot and avoid another spath. God knows, I keep getting these lessons, and I’m STILL an easy target!
Brightest blessings to you.
Katy,
If the jewelry has any value and you invested finances in him during or after to pay off his financial chaos, I’d sell them.
My ex still had clothes here in my closet. One of the first things I did in the days after he dumped me was invite my best male friend and he could try on whatever he wanted. He got a jeans and sport shoes out of it. My mom dropped the rest of the clothes which were still good at a recycle shop. I threw everything else in the garbage. Only thing I kept were a pair of bycicle gloves, which I used on my trekking in Peru. They probably had not been his in the first place. No idea, whom he got them from.
And it felt good! The gloves are a reminder to me that I got clear headed and detached enough to keep something useful for myself. My best friend’s jeans and sneakers are a reminder of the cleansing ritual. It makes me smile.
Tobeme: It takes a lot of courage to face the truth. In my own way, I opted for craziness for many years (in the form of just disassociating from my feelings and hiding in my house). I hope you find the courage to face your life and your relationship with your daughter. I can’t imagine the guilt you must feel about her.
In my experience, there is a big difference between a narcissist and a spath. I grew up with narcissists. They have real feelings but the feelings are only for themselves. They don’t care about your feelings. They only care about you insofar as what you can do for them. They are not necessarily liars or con artists but they are very toxic just the same.
Sociopaths are all pathological liars. They will look you in the eye and tell a bold-faced lie, even when it’s easier to tell the truth. They will also fabricate stories or twist a situation around so that you constantly feel sorry for them. The pathological lying and the pity play are both the telltale signs of a spath.
Dear Stargazer, how has your garden been growing? Our growing season is slowly down here but you know there were some spring plants that I thought were gone, that have pushed back up through the soil now that things from the hot summer had cooled off….just goes to prove that sometimes weeds sprout back when we least expect them.
Honestly!
“I have finally developed enough self worth to trust my instincts.”
It’s unfortunate that anyone would trust a website that is written by self proclaimed spaths…….
Yeah…..I’ve got my own real world experiences…..I certainly DO NOT need to voluntarily visit a site with douche bags arguing about themselves.
Don’t post this crap……