Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
“Go slow and keep your eyes open” seems to be a golden rule.
My intuition told me to stay away from him the first time I saw him walk by. He wasn’t even aware I existed. Once he later became aware of me, I saw his deceitful actions and I wanted to have nothing to do with him. That is when I became a target. Evrything inside me screamed “be’s bad news”. And yet my own intuition backfired.
The same night he started to zone in on me, the night he stared at me for mins on end and was kind and seemingly respectful… I had a dream about him. It was a predictive dream. I’ve had two predictive dreams in my life, and this is one of them. I dreamt we both were in a violent river, being taken by the stream (aka… strong violent emotions, upheavals, drama, etc). The helter skelter water would switch sometimes to a secluded area where everythign would be peaceful, and that’s when he would reach out for me. It had a hypnotic peaceful feeling about it. The river was in the jungle, and though there was noone to be seen, it felt like the jungle was full of people on a war path. It gave me a feeling of being a guerilla fighter, an us and them feeling. And at one of the peaceful spots, he proposed and talked of wanting children with me.
I woke up with a start from that and out loud said, “Him? No effing way!”
What I did not really take into account was that the predictive dream was a warning to show me what an emotional turmoil it would be with him, on and off with some quite moments. How it would make me cut myself off emotionally from other people, because I’d have to stick up for a loser and criminal. It even predicted the lovebombing.
But sadly enough the dream had also made me feel how I’d feel on those peaceful moments, how I’d feel bonded. So when I woke up again the next morning an enormous attraction had started to kick in, that I fought with reason only for 3 days. I catalogued the predictive dream as showing me that it was meant to be. When the mask came off, I realized the dream had tried to show me what kind of a relationship I’d end up having.
Darwinsmom,
That’s really strange, because I had a lot of psychic experiences with my ex-socio. In fact, there were a few times that I woke up and hallucinated a dark shadow figure standing up straight in my bed. It was waist deep through the bed, but the figure was facing me. This only lasted a minute and disappeared once I woke up completely, but I was left with a very scary ominous feeling.
Then, my socio called me on my cell phone. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Why do these people have all this psychic/energy stuff going on around them? Still to this day, I can tell when he’s thinking about me because I’ll start seeing his name pop out at me reading various places, street signs, dreams, etc. I know it sounds totally nuts, but this stuff correlated with him contacting me (before getting out of hell like a bat, and going no contact).
This psychic stuff only added to how hard it was to leave the relationship, too… because it was so surreal and supernaturalish… in a bad way, but still.
I suppose it COULD be the result of the sociopath just digging down so deep into the psyche, but some things really were beyond explanation. He knew where I was, what I was doing, thinking, feeling, etc. It was like he literally occupied my life.
purewaters3:
First, thanks for making me laugh…getting out of hell like a bat…too funny!
Very interesting about the psychic stuff. I know what you mean although I can’t really put my finger on it; can’t verbalize it. I would love to hear other takes on this…
Louise,
I have a much better sense of humor now + 3 years away from sociopath. 😀
I wonder if the majority of people feel that their sociopath has an extraordinary ability? Or, if the majority of sociopaths that people encounter are just exceptionally manipulative, and not so invasive and psychic.
Louise,
speaking of fingers and being psychic…
After I knew that my spath was evil, but not knowing what he was, I pretended to be unaware. I knew I had to bond extra close to him so he wouldn’t suspect. Even though we didn’t sleep together for 15 years, (he slept on the couch) I asked him, “Honey can I sleep with you on the couch? I’m so stressed out from everything that’s been happening.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but he loved to hold my body during periods of stress so he could “feed” off the signals. So he agreed. We laid down in the spooning position and I fell asleep surprisingly quickly. Then I started to dream.
In the dream I was watching my fingers getting chopped off but felt no pain or any anxiety at all. Then I was watching myself from behind. I was laying face down without a shirt and someone was whipping me with a whip and blood was coming out from the lashes, but I felt no pain or anguish at all. It was like I was observing someone else’s thoughts and their complete lack of emotion. I have never had a dream or even a waking experience that was so devoid of emotion – especially in the presence of violence.
About a year later, I found a stash of my ex-spath’s behind his toolbox in the shed. In it, was a box. In the box was a collection of what appeared to be old, decaying, chopped-off, bloody fingers. They were actually ceramic but very realistic looking.
I wouldn’t call the dream a premonition, but more of a connection with the spath’s very strong thought projection.
wow.
I had several dreams the last 3 months about my spath: he didn’t contact me as often anymore, and in the dream I was searching for him, but it began with a bird view and I ended up in Costa Rica where he was selling himself on the market, completely ignoring me when I tried to talk to him. When I heard of him afterwards I learned he had been in Costa Rica.
And then I had a dream where I arrived on a canoo at his village. Water all quiet (a sea)… and a refeence to ‘The cold waters of death’. I arrived feeling depleted and unhappy, but was welcomed by his father (who died several months before that and knew what his son was, and while trying to do the correct thing, he did not let his son play with him: no money, didnt care what his stories were… he was a good man) who pointed me the way to a staircase cut into a rock. It was made by my ex-spath, and rather hidden. I took the staircase and ended up on top of the mountain with great high perspective. And his staircase seemed to reference to ‘moving on’.
I do not think that sociopaths are psychics in that way. But I believe that our subconscious cuts out the confusion and reveals us the most likely explanation on what is going on, what will most likely happen, etc… It kicks in either when we are in real danger or confused.
He’s not the sole one I have such dreams or premonitions about. I’ve had it with my grand love too, for ten years. And it was mutual. Even when we were friends, he seemed to know exactly when to contact me and tell exactly what I needed, even though he could not know what was going on in my life. And I’d do the same for him unknowingly. And when we had a fallout after our break up where he wanted to break all contact with me, I had a predictive dream months later out of which I knew I would get a mail from him 3 days later. And it happened. And that man is not a spath. In hindsight, it was highly likely he’d eventually make contact again, certainly around Christmass. But my conscious self would not have believed such, so a dream alarted me that I’d have good news soon.
So, I think purewater that with all the observing you did of your spath (because of hypervigilance) your subconscious is able to tell you when he’ll try to contact you, and tries to give you a warning he will. This seems freaky, but is actually a helpful thing. It can be seen as a ‘headstart’, so that by the time he does call you, you’ll be more in control of yourself and less surprised. It’s an aid to avoid you beign taken off guard by him.
Wow!!! I’m so glad you mentioned the psychic stuff (also so glad Donna touches upon this in her book). Because that was my experience, as well. (and it’s a weird thing that I’m afraid to bring up because — you know, we already sound so crazy — do I really want to sound even more crazy?) My second marriage was to a man who I seemed to have this psychic connection with. I am wondering… did I mistake a psychic connection for attraction?
I had a sense that he and I knew each other before, from another lifetime (who knows) or that this moment had been foretold (in a dream? planned before we were born?) — like we were destined to meet and have a relationship. Like it had been all planned out. It never occurred to me that — if that were so (destiny) that it might have been due to bad karma and not like we were loving soulmates.
It really isn’t so simple as, he stared into my eyes, or… he told me he loved me and that I was beautiful and sexy, or… that he pursued me and it felt good… there seems to be way more to it than that! But hard to put your finger on…
At this point, I am curious AND creeped out by it, but also these types of hidden connections (such powerful bonds) have tripped me up in the past. That is why I am so interested in hearing from all of you about differences between psychopathic love bombing and simple (loving) infatuation that could lead to a healthy, normal relationship.
It is too hard for me, at this time, to get my mind around “destiny” or… why I might be tricked or fooled into being with someone who is psychopathic, when yes absolutely there are deep, spiritual lessons to be had from the experience. So, in the end, will it turn out to be true that these were lessons I had chosen to learn in this lifetime? I am still on the fence about what to make of all of that.
But I think (hope!) I’m done for now with these danged “lessons” — it would sure be nice to have some peace and love/healthy relationships in my life, at this point.