Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
I understand your point Oxy. I don’t see myself as a pushover but I do know that I invest a lot in relationships (friends, family and partners), I attach/bond quickly and strongly, am highly loyal, and I don’t easily detach the more I myself am emotionally involved: this counts for anyone I love. So, I must be careful that the people I invest in are worth it: that is, they are people who invest a lot too, also have an attachment to me, etc…
I think that the biggest danger is to consider ourselves “safe” from spath attacks, regardless of how much we work on ourselves, and that we will need all our resources: intuition, red flag observing, knowledge, self-honesty to stay safe.
Matt-thanks a lot for the advice. I made an appointment with an attorney for Friday morning to discuss everything.
Yep, Darwinsmom,
We need to ACT on our knowledge of red flags as well as to know them. The Bible talks about “faith” without “works” being of no value, and KNOWLEDGE WITHOUT ACTION is equally valueless I think.
Primary health care providers (physicians, nurse practitioners etc) ARE THE WORST PATIENTS AND SELF CARE GIVERS in the world! We prescribe care for others, life style changes for others, but we do not DO them ourselves. My doctor recently was laughing at me when I had gone to visit her and told her about all the life style changes I had made with stopping smoking, losing the first 30 pounds, low sodium diet, etc. and I asked her why she was laughing at me for being “good.” Her response was “I’ve never seen a primary care provider before who was a compliant patient.” LOL
Well, I am pretty dog gone compliant now, I wish I had been 40 years ago but better late than never I guess.
The same thing with the emotional self care and the social self care, I have FINALLY put into PRACTICE WHAT I KNEW ALL ALONG, plus learning some new things too.
Just as I had to LEARN TO COOK WITHOUT SALT and still keep flavor, I have had to learn new tools to keep the disordered out of my life in a healthy manner and still be able to function. But I also know that just like smoking was bad for my health, so has been associating with my dysfunctional relatives and the people who used and abused my “pathological altruism” (Phrase stolen from Dr. Barbara Oakley)
It’s a learning process and I am starting to PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH.
Oxy,
Needless to say, there are complementary ways of looking at this. Personally, I prefer to err a little on the side of “empowerment” and what some might regard as “overconfidence.” There is certainly something to be said for looking at the question, “what was it about me that made me vulnerable, etc.?” At the same time, that often turns out to be a slippery slope which can easily fall into a “blame the victim mentality.” I don’t know – perhaps we need people like you urging caution, and people like me saying “don’t beat yourself up too much for what you were/are, and for other peoples’ evil!” – and the truth will come out somewhere in the middle.
Of course, even Cleckley and Hare talked about being taken in by their patients. And that was in a clinical setting where they were already on their guard. Fair enough. But in my case, I’ve sort of made this impossible for the following reason: I’m not in the business of making new friends or acquaintances; and every friend I now have (including the one with red hair, perky boobs, and somewhat better social skills than yours truly!), are first rate human beings that I’ve literally known for years or decades. Obviously, for someone who is “in the dating scene,” or otherwise looking for new friends, etc., I suppose there is always some degree of risk. But for me, the friends and loved ones presently in my life, are the ones I plan to live and die with – and it’s highly unlikely there will be any new additions in the future.
In any case, Oxy, be careful of “psychopathologizing” yourself – even in jest. You’ve obviously had life experiences that not one in a million has had. And as far as I’m concerned, you don’t ever need to apologize to anyone for anything. Sometimes Skylar says the same kind of stuff (i.e., about being a “doormat” N-supply, etc.); but I have to say that, to me at least, neither of you gives off even a HINT of that vibe. (I can already hear Sky objecting!) If you insist, I’ll grant that perhaps it was arguably more true in the past; but what I see now in both of you (and in so many others here) are strength, insight, boundaries, and lots of wisdom. In short, don’t confuse what you WERE way back when, with what you are NOW. (I guess this is the part where I would say TOWANDA, but that sounds a little wimpy for a wrestling coach! – so I’ll refrain.)
Of course, like I said the other day, we probably are in entire agreement on all of this stuff. But for the sake of discussion, it’s fun to play the contrarian from time to time!
Oxy
It IS easier to spot an spath attacking someone else than it is to see them attacking ourselves.
That’s when I noticed my marriage really started going off the rails. My husband set someone up, and then ridiculed them. I got upset b/c I grew up being ridiculed and I wasn’t going to stand by and watch it happen to this good hearted person. His arguement was that they KNEW and they were okay with it so I was over-reacting. I was aware they knew but I was also aware they PRETENDED not to care b/c what other option did they have? They didn’t want things to escalate and they were confused why it was happening in the first place b/c they thought my husband LIKED them so they ASSUMED they must be misunderstanding something.
My Husband LOVED humiliating the person and then getting them to agree that humiliation was okay. (loves manipulating people into abusing themselves in a public display.)
But it took a LONG time for me to figure out that my husband was clowning me too. He took a character on tv who was a caricature of a stereotype and from then on, he’d just label me… and people would laugh.
Bottom line, if an spath will do it to them, they’ll do it to ANYBODY, including and especially the ones he says he loves.
In reading through the post and the 7 pages of comments, I have to say there is one thing weighing on my mind about the ‘normal traits’ of the spaths as well as the ‘normal traits’ of their victims. Neither side really has a definitive list.
Yes the spaths take all they can get and more so if they can- all the while without investing anything of themselves into the mix or at least as little as possible… but as some of the victims may be strong and outgoing, hard working towards their goals and reaping he rewards of such, there are also those who are the ‘people pleasers’ trying to make everyone happy no matter what, all the while letting go of their goals and losing their grip on what they wanted in life.
Their traits and ours cover all aspects of the spectrum. There are spaths who stand tall and proud, boasting of accomplishments and rank- to those who throw the victim card, lay on their back and cry like a whipped dog. Just like there are spath victims who push back, ask questions and as skeptical of everyone they meet, there are those who aren’t sure how to BE that kind of person so they do whatever they know how to do to keep everyone around them quiet and happy while they endure what they maythink or feel is ‘normal’ behavior.
I had recently emailed Oxy about this very thing. Some of the spath traits I have seen mentioned and discussed here- mine is the EXACT. POLAR. OPPOSITE. So to say they target certain personality traits, cultural status or people with self esteem issues- some do, some don’t.
I guess it really all boils down to whatever suits their game the best and who is the closest ‘target’ they can get it from. Sure they are like the common theif and prey on the easy targets. Make the battle difficult and some of them walk away where other just become more driven to ‘WIN’, whatever that is in their minds.
Mine has actually come up with a new tactical manuver recently when the fighting begins. If I call him out, pin him down and nail his ass to the wall on any given topic- he throws his hands in the air, calls me unreasonable and walks away claiming when I can discuss things like an adult, he would be happy to talk about it.
I guess there is more than one way to skin a cat or shut him up. I’m looking forward to things being mighty damn quiet around our house for a while. *snork*
Constantine,
You, contrary? Ah I beg to differ! LOL Yea, a good debate is wonderful stuff actually because it makes you look at your own logic and point of view from the other guy’s stand point.
A friend of mine and I used to debate a lot of issues and actually he got me to change my mind about the death penalty. I’ve always been FOR the death penalty and would have volunteered to pull the switch to fry the bastards! However, in studying the “justice system” or the IN-JUSTICE SYSTEM of these United States, I have come to realize that there are many innocent people in prison. Right now there are about 2 MILLION folks in prison and another 5 MILLION on parole or probation. Now, 25% of those are 30+ scoring psychopaths, so that’s a bunch of bad guys! Now, if only 1% of those 2 million are actually INNOCENT, that’s 20,000 people, and frankly I don’t think that ONLY 1% of the people arrested and convicted are “innocent” I think the number is higher….I don’t know how many people are on death row in the US but I am pretty sure it is hundreds so there are a hand full of INNOCENT men/women on death row. They just released another one in Arkansas (see West Memphis Three) recently though they did not declare him “innocent” there is little doubt that he is, and Texas alone has released DOZENS of innocent men off death row and after 30+ years due to DNA evidence. Doesn’t mean all these men are choir boys but does mean they did not do what they were sentenced to DIE for.
Personally I cannot even entertain the THOUGHT of an INNOCENT PERSON ON DEATH ROW. I don’t like the idea of an innocent person in prison, but at least there is a chance they may get out at some point, but not if you kill them. What about their kids and families? So I’ve changed my mind about death penalty. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to personally stab some people to death for what they’ve done to others….where there is little or no doubt in their guilt. Still, you can’t have it both ways. So I have to “give up” my right as a citizen to execute someone for a crime…on the off chance that they are truly innocent.
When my son Patrick was arrested for murder, I think I would have died myself if he had been sent to death row…just the thought of him being in prison “for decades” was more than I could bear. I could visualize him being attacked by other, bigger inmates (he is a small white guy in a prison filled with ethnic gangs) and he got his share of thumpings, broken bones, dislocated joints etc. He learned to live with it though and has learned to survive. I really don’t even want to know what it took him to learn to survive under the conditions he has lived in because mostly the last 10 years he’s been in the the higher security prisons because of his rule infractions, including having a cell phone and a shank. But he EARNED the right to live in prison by his behavior, and the consequences of what he has had to endure because of his behavior are the JUST DESERTS of his behavior.
I am genuinely sorry that my son, who I loved from before he was born, has chosen this path, but it was not my doing, and I did everything I could to turn him from the path that HE CHOSE. After he was in prison the first time for 2 years of a 5 yr sentence, he immediately went back into crime, having no fear of being arrested again apparently. He had every opportunity to go “straight” that any person could have….he had family willing to take him in, family willing to help him get an education, but the RULES for that help had not changed, and they included honesty and no crimes, and he would rather have had the crimes than to have lived “the straight” life—we were boring I guess. He could have had any profession except attorney he wanted after he got out of prison the first time. He had the brains and could have done anything…but he chose to be a thug. His loss. Society’s loss. My loss, but not my doing.
Phoenix,
That’s one way to shut him up! LOL I’m just sorry you have to live in a battle zone. It isn’t any fun, even if you “win a round” every once in a while. I’ve found that as PEACE REIGNS in my environment, I feel so much better the longer the peace lasts. When something upsets that peace, I do a bit of a spin, but am getting back to that peace more quickly each time.
Yes, there are some psychopaths who are very “successful”–Bernie Madoff is an excellent example. Some have gotten to the white house and some to the governor’s offices of this country….and some others are common thugs and robbing liquor stores, others are like Russell Williams the Canadian military guy, but the COMMON DENOMINATOR I think is the lack of empathy, the lack of morals, and the lack of remorse (or sometimes even awareness) of hurting others.
Whether they are smart or dumb, educated or illiterate, socially skilled or a complete creep, doesn’t seem to matter –they are not going to have REAL relationships with others, but they may FAKE them pretty well.
The phoenix,
Actually, Kathleen, Sky and Oxy make a good argument about people pleasing. In the survey done to investigate the victim profile discussed in the book “women who love psychopaths” the majority are highly invested in relationships, prone to focus on the good and block the negative (positive socialising and sentinmental) and are concerned of people’s high regard.
That applies to me too, as much as it applies to the posters here who call themselves pathological givers. I may be a free spirit who doesn’t care what strangers and society thinks of me. But I do hold the opinion of those I value in regard. A spath would not remain long with a person who does not give, and would see givers to parasite on. Spaths also target different victims for different reasons. Spaths don’t really have a type I think.
But like Constantine, I don’t think natural givers are weak or even pathological. We need to learn where to draw the line and to whom the give. And we need to learn that giving to pathological takers will not make them respect us, let alone love us. Quite the opposite. Kathleen, Sky and Oxy made very valid points on that.
Your fight description reminds me of my spath’s reaction when I shut up during a discussion. He HATED it! He could get me so mad at times that I just stopped and took a time out. I did this, not for him, but not to tear my vocal cords and hurl epiphets at him which I simply do not want to do. He’s the only person in my life I’ve called names, and I hated myself and him for it. So, I’d cut the phone call, or turn around and ignore him. He’d have others call me to tell me to call him again, and then he’d be ranting that I was being unfair to cut him off. Or he’d sit in the living room, put on one of my cd’s at high volume to make sure I could not sleep. I once got up and picked a hard rock CD of mine and replaced it with his music and went back to my bed, without saying one word. LOL. One time my silence caused a crocodile tear fest.
Oxy- it’s not winning one battle here and there- I win them all. I give him no wiggle room on the details, no way to play off anything he did, his only way out is to shut up and leave the room. He finally figured that out, maybe from his sisters coaching, but she’s a shrew who will get her due in time as well.
Darwinsmom- I get it on all the points made in the comments upwards of this. That’s what I meant when I said there is no definitive description of the spaths or their victims. What drives one of them towards me, may put off another spath or push them harder to ‘WIN’, whatever WINNING means to them. What works for one person may or may not work for others because we and the spaths are all different. Theirs and our own diversity is what keeps us all guessing at times which is why when we see the red flags going up and our gut instinct saying GET OUT! We really should listen to it and do what we are told. Even if that’s not something we normally do. you know, follow directions….