Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
I am having so much trouble dealing with the sociopaths in my life. I know my dad is a sociopath because he cheated on and beat my mom and the five of us kids the entire time we were growing up. When my mom developed Altzheimers and I found out he was hitting her again, I fought him in court of guardianship and tried to get her into adult daycare. I found out my younger brother, who is just like my dad, had talked her into putting her house up for equity on a pizza place he bought and there was noting to show that the money went to him. Now my mom is in a nursing home (the court awarded an outside guardian) and it was the best thing. I didn’t have it in me to fight my dad and brother anymore. Now my dad is dying and my daughters are pushing me to go see him. I am visiting once a week and calling a couple of times a week, but I have absolutely no feelings for the man. I feel like maybe I am a sociopath for feeling this way, but I start having anxiety attacks when I go around him or my brother and my brother is always there since my dad gave him power of attorney. I think my role is to look after my mom. I wish my daughters could understand. They have no problem not dealing with their father (my ex) who is an addict and was also a lot like my dad. Am I a cold hearted b**ch because I just don’t want to be with my dad who had always been evil?
“I cannot tell you how much I wanted to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. But this time I didn’t. It’s a huge change for me. I will never know whether I made the right decision. But if my past history is any kind of indicator, I did.”
TOWANDA! for stargazer
“Am I a cold hearted b**ch because I just don’t want to be with my dad who had always been evil?”
NO you are NOT! It’s your STRONG self that whishes to KEEP YOURSELF SAFE that is ringing the alarm bells not to go there.
If your daughters want to see him, and are old enough for it, why not let them go visit by themselves? Why would you need to?
Thanks, D.W.M.! I needed that TOWANDA. 🙂
Louise, you can still have great sex – it’s just not with another person right now. I believe that the more joy you can let into your life, the better, no matter what form it takes. Enjoying a man is just one more facet of that. When I was with my Latin lover, I really did enjoy him. But now I don’t have him. 🙁 Solo sex for me again.
My therapist is using a technique with me (can’t think of the name) that is very effective for releasing trauma. She is trained in EMDR but thinks this is better. For patterns that just seem like infinite loops, you may need a little help to get unstuck. It seems to be helping me somewhat. In case I sounded flippant before, I so understand how being traumatized can leave imprints in your body, mind, and emotions that are hard to release.
Dear Cathyann,
NO!!!! You are not a cold hearted biatch because you do not want to see this man. Tell your daughters to shut up, that it is YOUR CHOICE to see this man or not and your CHOICE IS NOT!!!!
It is difficult to learn to set our OWN BOUNDARIES of what we do and don’t do, and not let other people “not understanding” make us do what we don’t want to do what is harmful to us.
TAKE CARE OF YOU and your mother, and let your brother deal with your psychopathic dad. You do not have to. It is NOT YOUR DUTY. God bless. (((hugs)))
Stargazer:
Oh, yeah, solo sex…I know all about that.
I do have all those other things in my life…good friends, no financial worries, a pretty good family even though we are/were extremely dysfunctional, etc. I just don’t feel the joy. The parts are there, but my joy is not. I haven’t felt it at all since March 2010. I guess I need to stop worrying about it and it will come back when the time is right.
If you think of the name of the new technique your therapist is using, please post it here. I had thought about EMDR, but I am not even seeing a therapist right now as my current insurance won’t cover it.
Louise,
“The joy” in life doesn’t come back just like one day BAM!!!! it is THERE!!! But it sort of SNEAKS back in on little cat feet, and one day you become AWARE of it…maybe a beautiful view as you drive down the road makes you smile or open your eyes wide in wonder, or you laugh at a toddler taking wobbly steps or two puppies playing. It comes back one smile at a time.
One year about this time I was so sad, so down, but I kept LOOKING FOR BEAUTY and there were some wild flowers (weeds) still blooming out the back window of my bedroom down in the woods and each morning I’d look out there at those tiny perfect blooms and enjoy them and how they hung on to their beauty in spite of the creeping cold of fall/winter.
The past couple of weeks I’ve been enjoying the fall colors and the small things in life that are maybe not “brass bands” but they are enjoyable. I’ve got a new little stereo (got it for $7 at the auction the other night) and now play my CDs during the day and as I am laying in bed going to sleep, the music quietly plays in the background, or as I read I put on an instrumental.
Life, I think, is made up of these quieter moments of enjoyment, not just of the”parades and brass bands” of the “special” times, it’s the quiet back ground music of our lives that sets the tone.
Loiuse,
March 2100 you say?! Well, that’s practically yesterday when it comes to recovering from something like this. It’s been six bloody years for me, and I can honestly say that the biggest improvements were from years three to six. I wasn’t bad after the first year, but it took a little longer for the joy to come back. So keep that beautiful body of yours on hold for just a bit longer, and all will be well! I personally find pretty “fifty something” women to be quite appealing. And besides, fifty is the new forty, isn’t it?
Darwinsmom,
Your therapist doesn’t really need to call the P a P: It’s enough that she is meeting you half way, and at least validating your insights. In any case, she sounds like an intelligent lady.
Stargazer,
Good post above. As I’ve said before, I think it’s a bad idea to discuss these things too much with new friends and lovers. When I said this a few weeks ago, some people seemed to be a lilttle taken aback by that. But one thing I forgot to mention in that regard (which has been quite effective for me), is that for the sake of honesty, I actually addressed this directly with my girlfriend by saying: “You know what, we’ve both had these other relationships, yet what is the point of dredging up that stuff now and rehashing the distant past? etc. – And when I said that to her, she actually got a big smile, and said, “You know what, you’re entirely right about that – what IS the point of discussing that crap?!”
The point being, when you say that, you ARE being open, even if it’s about what you AREN”T going to be talking about! People can disagree, but I think there’s very little to be gained from always alluding to past “victimization” – especially with new love interests. Why spoil a good new thing with old garbage?
I think that the term “pathological giver” has some truth to it. But at the same time, it always makes me laugh a little. I can almost picture going to a mental ward and peering through the window of a padded cell: inside, a woman with dishevelled hair and a straitjacket, rocking back and forth while muttering incoherently to herself, etc. And then you say to the doctor, “What in the hell is the matter with her?” – “Well, that’s a very grave prognosis, don’t you know – a chronic pathological giver! Probably a lost cause, I fear, but for the sake of the family we’re keeping her alive with forced feeding; and after all, one can always hope for one of those miracle breakthroughs!”
Okay, gotta run. Have a nice day everyone!
Oxy:
Thank you. I definitely do take in those moments such as we had the most beautiful fall this year. The trees were the prettiest I have seen in a long time and I really reveled in that. I even took pictures of the trees! But it is short lived. Is that normal? What I mean is that yes, I will take joy in seeing the beautiful fall colors or a baby or a kitten, but the next minute I am sad again. I guess I think that I need to feel it all the time. The sadness is outweighing the joy.