Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
Constantine:
You launched me into the future…haha! I know what you mean though. It hasn’t even been two years yet (actually it will be two years next month that he very first contacted me), but society makes one feel like two years is a lifetime…like I should have been over it in a minute. I can see it taking me at least three years and maybe even six. Who knows. I guess I just need to stop beating myself up over still being hung up on this! I am getting more depressed just because I think I should be over it by now. I have to finally realize that I will be over it when I am over it.
As I said in another post…. little babysteps of joyful moments, and then one day you realize you climbed that sad looming mountain! It’s as if our body needs to relearn to smile, laugh and take our gard down a little to enjoy the moment. The more it does get reacquainted with it, the easier it will come, and then one day nothing needs to happen or be seen to feel it
Louise, I envy your close friends and financial comfort. I don’t really have either of those things. And I may never. I don’t feel them to be a necessity for happiness, but it certainly makes things difficult sometimes. And no family whatsoever. This is certainly an obstacle, but it’s not insurmountable. I believe that ultimately happiness is a choice. It’s not easy to see that when you have been traumatized.
Constantine, I agree about having some boundaries with what you tell people. I also believe that the words we use to define ourselves are very powerful. One of the wonderful things about dating a man with a language barrier is that it forced us to be in the moment a lot. I really relished the pure joy of just dancing with him in my living room, or listening as he played my guitar and sang to me. Similarly, with the Canadian guy I met in Costa Rica, that was focused very much in the present. Granted some of my pain and fear came up and I shared it with him and this brought us very close. But I did not share all the stories from my childhood. I did not find it necessary, and he probably wouldn’t have understood anyway. Some of those events have already been processed, and I don’t feel the need to continuously bring them up unless they are affecting my present experience. When I process a fear, it usually leads back to some trauma from childhood, which can be cleared. But I’m finding the trauma work my therapist is doing with me is so fast and effortless that the energetic patterning of trauma can be released without having to process it. I feel this is the future of healing and psychotherapy for trauma patients.
Louise, I will find out the name of the trauma work and let you know. I have had two sessions of it. I just humored the therapist throughout the process because I didn’t think it would work. But I do feel a difference in spite of that.
I also want to share that I made a big decision today. I am trying out a 100% safe laser procedure to help contour my midsection. It has come with a money-back guarantee and a payment plan, no downtime or side effects. It’s not unreasonably expensive, and I am getting a half-price deal. Although I eat healthier than about 95% of all people out there, and I do exercise, I have never been able to lose the stubborn spare tire. Part of the process is switching to the paleo diet, which I do about 80% of the time anyway. I’m really excited about this procedure and the lifestyle change. I already started today when I bought my groceries for the week. I think this will really be the jumpstart I need to make some more positive changes in my life. I will keep you all posted. I’m starting some of the dietary changes now. But I will wait till the week of Thanksgiving to get the procedure. (It is 6 sessions over 2 weeks). I’ll keep you all posted. If it works, I’ll post the link. Supposedly, it works for everyone.
Stargazer:
Awww, those things are really not to be envied. Like you said, one can be happy without them, but it is hard to see it when you have been traumatized. Too bad you live so far away…we could hook up and be “real” friends 🙂 You never know, maybe the occasion will come up for us to meet. After all, we both love those gory movies!
I appreciate you finding out the name of the trauma work.
Good luck on your procedure! I think I have heard about it before. I can’t wait to hear about your results!
The phoenix
I was off line today, but found your posts insightful.
Quote:
It seems I have uncovered a few truths in my life lately. Those who are so willing to cast the most hurtful stones, do so with gusto because they have no self confidence, self respect, self control or self worth. In essence- they have no SELF!
The deal with my subhuman, he has no self control so he tries like hell to control everyone around him.
He has no self worth, because he has never had to work hard to acheive the money to pay for anything. So he destroys everything belonging to anyone else. If I have nothing left, how can it compare to his stuff?
If he had self confidence, he could easily take control of his own actions, accomplish something on his own and begin to build his self worth. Then he may begin to have a sense of SELF.
If he had any self respect, he would have NEVER, EVER in a million years, done half of the things he has done, treated me the way he has for the past ???? years or he would have surely felt like an incredible POS for having done this. He would have made some serious changes, starting with himSELF”
So back when you wrote this, it was clear in your head, and SKYLAR brought you additional insight about the lack of self.
She reminded me that my SPATH is a COWARD. She’s right. I fell in love with him because I thought he was brimming with self confidence when in fact he was overdosing in FEAR.
How crazy is that.
Stargazer
I think you are right to question how much time we spend drudging up the past. I wonder about this every week as I trudge to the therapists office. Do therapists intend to make us need them? Are they incented at all to springboard us on UP and OUT? I wonder about this. I wonder if going over this again and again just keeps me down.
Athena
This article sounds so very familiar….
“…But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.”
Imagine that. Had she not trusted her instincts, she would have been another victim of a psychopath’s illness and rage.
If we know they are capable of extremely ugly and heinous things, why would we ever let our guard down again? To them, if you do, you are weak and they find that very amusing that you would open yourself up to more abuse from them when they really don’t like you at all in the first place.
They moved up next to you to suck your strength and your soul, out of extreme disdain for your strength and your determination. Don’t ever let them know you understand their evilness now because suddenly you become a target. Or perhaps you aren’t so easy to ‘persuade’ or ‘love bomb’ into submission – yes, that’s it. They love a challenge but not when the challenge fights back. They like to be able to control their ‘victims’ before they kill them.
Psychopaths are not made, they are born.
I believe this with all of my being. I have never had such an experience in my entire life and I fully and completely intend on not having it again. I will keep and save my compassion for the people who truly deserve it.
Athena: Yes, sometimes the ruminations DO just keep you down. Not everyone heals at the same pace. If you are having problems with your rumination, as I still do, heavily, at times, you will need to find new habits to replace the ones you now have. Concentrate on YOU as much as possible when you find yourself ruminating. Learn EFT tapping. You can find it on You Tube. Just search EFT tapping. Do it, it works.
Sometimes we need to stay away from the poison…
I survived another ‘spath attack’ you guys…
YAY! Let’s have a party. 🙂
Dupey
Louise, if you are chronically depressed, you may need a little push to start feeling better. The trauma work – or any kind of energy work – is one way to get the ball rolling. Some people opt for medications. Even a trip to go see a Hindu guru helped me when I had just gotten discarded by the sociopath. I actually felt energy shifting from her help. This (to me) is the goal, to get energy moving and flowing again. Thoughts and emotions are both forms of energy. Sometimes deliberately changing your thoughts can physically change the way you feel. Also, if you are prone to any addictive behaviors – overeating, drinking, etc., stopping those things should get things moving.
I have spent years literally in the fog of depression – with and without the sociopath’s influence. But having it lift makes me realize that we ALL deserve have some joy and happiness, whatever it takes. Just keep going and don’t give up. You will find the thing that helps. It may be a lot of little things over time.
Athena,
yep, it’s the 180 rule. The spaths are exactly 180 degrees the opposite of what they pretend to be. Even 180 degrees opposite of what THEY believe they are.
Their shamelessness hides an overwhelming sense of shame. Their audacity is to cover their fear. And their grandiose persona is to cover a complete lack of self.
Everything they are, they have copied from someone else, yet I believed my spath to be a unique and impressive human being. He was none of that, not even the human or the being.
😛
Louise, quite a bit of my depression lifted when I was finally able to accept that my parents are spaths. I think the reason is because I have been asking myself, “what am I doing wrong?” because I couldn’t seem to get them to understand me or to see what I wanted them to see. But realizing that they are spaths set me free. I now know that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I was just not dealing with normal people. They know exactly what I’m trying to tell them, but it doesn’t suit their purposes to acknowledge the truth, so they don’t.
As long as I continued to look at them as normal, I was going to keep accepting responsibility for my part in not being able to communicate with them.
I’m not saying that you have that kind of relationship with anyone at this time. I’m only suggesting that perhaps you need to tweak your perception of something in your life. If you can see it in a new perspective, it might brighten your mood.
Skylar,
You said:
Their shamelessness hides an overwhelming sense of shame. Their audacity is to cover their fear. And their grandiose persona is to cover a complete lack of self.
That nails them to the board for sure. Thanks for that.