Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
Hi One!
Keep your head up…..and look straight forwards!!!!
🙂
haha hens, you are right – i did give a very good pitch for NOT getting a new doxie. 🙂
EB – yup, and as I sit down to write a proposal in response to RFP for a fundraising consultant, it’s a timely reminder.
Could some of you vets give me some pointers/red flags to look for. I’ve read the signs, lists, tendencies, and researched all over the net. I just feel so scared and afraid of people in general since this experience.
I’ve spent almost a year since spath regaining my sanity, working on establishing better boundaries and focusing on myself. Now, I really want a companion. It doesn’t have to be serious. I just feel much happier when I have someone t share with. Am I wrong for this? Am I still not ready?
Please help…
parallelogram,
I like your post, and I like your attitude! We may not know exactly what is the person’s perversion, but there is something wrong with them and we can tell it….maybe not every time, but many times.
So many times I have just “not liked” someone, not sure what it was about them that made me “not like” them but there was something, and several times these same people have been arrested for pedophilia or turned out to otherwise be psychopaths, dishonest, etc. Then there are those who I thought were “great” who turned out to be psychopaths as well….so I don’t claim to be right all the time, but if I don’t like someone, or I see ANY RED FLAG…then I am as far away from them as I can be immediately. And stay that way.
Glad you are here parallelogram—
Dear recovering,
We were posting at the same time. I realize what you are saying and EVERYONE Except a few hermits “want a companion” to share with, and that is normal and natural. “Are you ready?” I can’t say. I would suggest that you seek to find “companionship” with your friends for now rather than SEEK a “companion” (whatever that term means) When I SOUGHT a companion to fill my lonliness after my husband died, I found a psychopath because I was needy.
Now that I am no longer “needing” a companion, if I were to find someone who shared my values etc. I would not be so likely to pick a psychopath because I am CONTENT and SATISFIED with myself. Sure…I’d like a “companion” to share the rest of my life with and my heart and my bed, but failing that, I am still HAPPY, CONTENT AND AT PEACE. Does that make sense? Be happy with yourself. ONE IS A WHOLE NUMBER. Be a happy content person and then maybe you will run into another happy content person who shares with you. No one else can make us happy. We have to BE HAPPY with ourselves, then find another person HAPPY with themselves. Again, not sure I am expressing what I mean, but I hope you can still gather some meaning from my rambling.
Hey Ox, I get it. I guess I feel that way because my friends are all married with kids and their husbands and boyfriends have a problem with them being with me, the single friend. I am still searching for that something…I’ve never had a problem being alone and I enjoy my own company but you’re right, every time I felt lonely I got in a relationship and all have been bad. I’ve never had someone to genuinely love me. Not to have a pity party….but does anyone ever just feel like they’ll never find that someone???? My experience with spath only seemed to validate those feelings. I have so much love inside me maybe I should get a puppy.
Recovering,
I am in a similar situation as you in that my friends are all married and they do not have the availability to spend much time with me. Also found a similar thing with my neighbors who used to invite me to their cook-outs etc but have stopped because they don’t want their husbands exposed to an “available” woman. If only they knew how very far away I am from even considering a romantic relationship. One of my neighbors came right out and told me she didn’t want me speaking to her husband when she isn’t there……but our yards abutt each other’s and I garden a lot in the summer. And I have NO interest whatsoever in this guy anymore than I do his wife……just being a friendly neighbor. Last fall they started putting up a fence and she told me in the spring they are extending it along our mutual property line as well. Who knows, maybe her husband is a spath with a sex addiction, lol.
I haven’t quite figured out what I am going to do to add more people to my life, especially since I lean a bit toward the introvert side of the personality scale. Perhaps I will start volunteering….something small scale where I can slowly get to know other people.
Sorry to say I don’t have any suggestions for you but did want you to know there are others dealing with the same thing. Let me know if you come up with a solution and I will do the same!
Take care,
NB
Recovering and NB, try living in teh boonies and being 65 years old….not exactly PRIME MEAT on the marriage market…there are 50 women for every man that I would be even half way interested in….and there are few and far between those. LOL
So I am NOT looking but if someone was available and interested in me I would go out with them. The few dates I’ve had since I dumped the psychopathic X BF, I quickly saw the guy wasn’t someone I would want to continue a relationship with. Minor things, but RED FLAGS none the less.
Right this minute I only know ONE guy I would be interested in, but he is HAPPILY married, so there is no way he would ask or I would go since he is married. I have quite a few male friends who are married or in relationships but I have friendships with their women as well and the women are NOT the least bit jealous of me. My male friends range in age from 18 to 78.
I am making more of an effort to get out and do things with my groups….and with other friends as well. I’ve made one new friend, about my age who moved here from 120 miles away to be near their daughter, and we are “running buddies” and have similar interests and enjoy shopping together when we go to town. She lives near me so that is company for errands and other things.
Making “friends” (deep, bare your soul type) friends takes time, and so spending time with others is required in order to do that, but that can be fun too.
Volunteering is a good way to find people wiht mutual interests, or clubs of some sort, or GET PUPPY! And if you decide to get a puppy, please get one from the rescue shelter and give one doomed to die a home instead of buying one. ((hugs)))
I no longer feel the deep pain from what the spath put me through however I am still coping with the loss of my Mom and my two brothers who deserted me in this process. I know if I could get out more and increase the “distractions” in my life I’d be well on the road to recovery.
Meetup.com has presented a few problems for me. One is that I’m introvertish and the diversity and number of people at some events is overwhelming. I am interested in one of the book clubs however am trying to get them to “reserve” a spot for me without RSVPing via the internet. Otherwise my ex has access to where I’m going and when……and there is a vulnerabililty from point A (vehicle) to point B (event). So they all think I’m just a nut now, lol. They may be right but at least I am a LIVE nut……much better than a dead one.
For the introverts out there or those who have introverts in their lives, a great book to read is The Introvert Advantage – How To Survive In An Extrovert World.
The thought process and chemical make-up of the introvert’s brain is actually different than an extroverts. We take in A LOT more information than extroverts do which is why large gatherings and parties are so draining. Lots of interesting information in the book along with the realization that we really just need to recharge by ourselves and extroverts recharge by being with others. We’re not weird…..no matter how much the extroverts want us to feel that way!