Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
Dear New Beginnings,
Those are very interesting thoughts on extra versus intra verts….and I do not doubt that there are chemical differences in how the two are hard wired. Good points.
Recharging our batteries is done differently for different people so don’t let what others say you “should” do to recharge make you feel badly, but recharge how YOU need to do so. IF you feel the need to be with others, do so, if being alone does it for you, then wonderful.
I have found that through the years my needs to be with others has changed, and the last few years I am VERY picky about who I am with, and where….and how many. My little hole in the woods is a sanctuary for me. Enjoy being with others some, but also enjoy my own company, and those on LF.
Hey New beginnings, Notice the irony there? Usually spathy women are the ones who sleep with married men with intent to maliciously hurt and tear families apart. If anything, I want to stay far away from anymore spaths and drama period!
I’ve volunteered which I’ve done for years and actually got distracted while I was with spath because he ‘required’ so much time. Since then I’ve started back. I’ve been mentoring and working as well yet I still feel unfulfilled. They say love yourself and I do I know I won’t accept anything less than I deserve ever again but I’m such a sad person now. I feel like love for me is hopeless and nonexistent. People I meet don’t seem to share any of the same interests as me and my family thinks I’ve become a bitter bitch since spath. I feel so lost.
Recovering,
You are doing the right things to recover from your spath experience. You’re moving away from him, and towards the light.
I think you’re still grieving. I am too. Day by day, moment by moment, though, you are getting better. I guarantee it.
Don’t wait for love to find you. Go out and find it yourself. Volunteer to help the elderly or homeless – perhaps you’re already doing that? Shovel snow for a neighbor. Do something nice for somebody other than yourself.
Soon you will feel so much better.
(HUGS).
Athena
Ox, I’ve been trying to dig really deep inside myself to figure out why I’m so unhappy. I’ve been single longer periods of time before. This time is different. I have however figured out why I attract and tolerate toxic men.
Yes to the rescued doggy!!!
My problems:
Putting individuals before myself
Not knowing how to say no
Believing that all people can change and are good deep inside
Having poor boundaries….I have to constantly remind myself of my faults so that I won’t repeat them. The biggest one has been the need to be loved by a man so deeply that I accept the smallest crumbs of love/affection when they were obviously shallow and superficial.
I just want to experience what it feels like to be loved back. Every boyfriend ive ever had even since high school treated me like crap and I allowed it.
Thank you Athena! It just hurts so bad.
Dear Recovering,
Yes, irony abounds in my world it seems!
I am sorry to hear that you do not find volunteer work to be fulfilling now. I think you are onto something with the “love yourself” – to me it is key to feeling fulfilled in general. My ex impaled my soul. We had been married for 30 years and I only became aware of his true nature during the last couple of years we were married. Of course there was no lack of red flags that could be seen in hindsight. The thing is, the emotional me is only a mere shadow of what I had been for most of the past half century. I’m not sure I have anything to give right now as I still cannot adequately take care of myself. I don’t feel whole anymore…..not by a long shot.
I feel lost too and I know how much of a struggle it is. You feel alone, I feel alone….but there are many of us in this state so does that make us not completely along? Over the past couple of years I find I am emotionally paralyzed and sometimes physically in the sense that even the simplest task requires a major effort to complete. Also find that I cannot connect with people in the same manner I used to. The walls are up and life isn’t as simple as it once was. I am hoping that time and healing will resolve this.
Perhaps others may have suggestions for us. One thing for sure is that we are not the only ones dealing with this. So many here have been through that and some so much more. That gives me hope…..and hope is more than I had a year ago.
Be well.
~NB
Oxy,
Yes, home is definitely a sanctuary! It is a “safe” place…….which is why I cannot let anyone in mine now except for my son. Sure hope that changes at some point but I have to come to the realization that life just isn’t the same now.
Interesting how things change in life after the psychopath. We’ve learned to be careful about who we let in our world and protect our safe place in a way we never did before. If that action keeps us from being spathed again, then indeed we have found a better place! 🙂
I was born an introvert. When I was a child and friends were over to play, after a couple of hours I would ask my mother if they could go home now. LOL. No one understood it then but I just needed some time to recharge. Needless to say, it didn’t take long before my mother stopped inviting other children over to play! As a teenager I was a social butterfly but my brothers were away in college so it was like being an only child so I had plenty of recharge time when home. In that regard, I am fortunate to not mind being by myself and actually enjoy it…….though it’s been a bit too much lately! And now my neighbor is putting up a fence to keep me out….and I’m going to have to weed whack along my side of it. I guess it will give me more area for planting beds. 🙂
I agree, LF fills a void that no other can. People understand here.
~NB
Recovering,
I thought I was loved back for close to 30 years. It was great, I felt SO fortunate. Realized in the last couple years of the relationship that not only did he not love me, he didn’t even like me. He despised me, but played the “I love you” card quite well. He didn’t want to marry me and almost didn’t show up at the church…..only realized it 28 years later. Didn’t understand why he had been up ALL night before the wedding. Turns out his father kept him up all night to make sure he showed up at the church. My FIL is a good man and had good intentions but at the time, I didn’t have a clue what was going on in the background. I went through my life thinking as long as we were together and our son was ok, then life was good. Turns out he’s a sex addict so who knows how many other women there have been? He’s also tried to eliminate me…..probably for money or because divorce is too much trouble.
I miss feeling love back to. My Mom loved me but she’s gone now. I don’t think anyone will be able to love me until I learn to love myself again.
I know it hurts….actually feels like a physical pain in the core of your being. I feel it too. This is a place to heal. Read the stories, others have traveled this road and it has been a journey, one with new experiences and joy on the horizon.
Be well.
Recovering,
Something that helps me feel better is going for a walk outside each day. It doesn’t fix everything but the endorphins do help lift my spirits a bit!
NB
NB, That was a big problem for me in that my “sanctuary” my home became a fort…an indefensible one and I had to flee…leaving behind what was important to me, my sanctuary and my home. But I came to realize that a PLACE, a piece of dirt, sticks and stones, rugs and furniture…and are not what makes a home.
I can be happy in a tent if that is where I have to be to be safe and this place that I built, much of it with my own hands, is not what is important. Neither is the land under it that has been in my family for generations…it is simply a piece of dirt.
I’m willing to leave here if I must to be safe, and I didn’t realize that before, I had invested my soul and my happiness in this piece of dirt, but I can be happy without it.
King David had to flee into the wilderness to avoid being killed by King Saul, and you know I think there were some lessons there in the wilderness for David….and I know I learned some lessons as well when I was living in my RV at the lake on a friend’s property. I learned that my house is not important and my farm is not important….I AM IMPORTANT, and that is all that matters in the end. I can’t lose myself and live, but I can lose everything else and still BE OKAY.