Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
Darwinsmom,
When I dreamed about the fingers I had no idea what my spath was. I thought he was a bad person but I didn’t know that it meant unfeeling or emotionless. I always thought evil was an expression of intense hate or rage, and it is, but it is rage suppressed so deeply that the ability to feel is deadened. The rage impulse is still there so the behavior shows evil, but I do believe they feel absolutely nothing. This was something beyond my imagination until recently.
I believe the spath can transmit his thoughts to me. One time, I was looking in a cupboard for something because I wasn’t feeling well and spath was sitting on the couch in the living room within sight. I suddenly had the idea pop into my head that he was poisoning me. This was many many years ago. I thought, “Gee Skylar, you must be really sick to imagine such ridiculous things. If people knew what kind of paranoid thoughts are crossing your mind, you might be institutionalized.” Then I turned away from the cupboard and looked back at him and he was watching me.
As it turns out, he was poisoning me for many years.
Another time, we were in his car and our german shepard was in back. Suddenly another car cut him off and he had to react quickly to avoid the car. Spath showed no emotion, he didn’t get angry as I (or anyone ) would when they are jolted by a rude driver. Other than the steering response he showed no reaction, but at that moment, the dog whimpered, jumped up and cowered in the back corner of the car. I looked at spath and said, “spath, the dog read your mind. He knew you were pissed at that driver. Isn’t that amazing?” spath just said, “yeah.”
In hindsight, I realize that spath (who really worked his compassionate animal lover mask) had been beating the dog behind my back. That’s why the episode made the dog whimper and cower. So there IS some kind of emotion there and the dog “felt” it, but I believe that if we could “be” the spath for a moment, we would find the way they “feel” to be very alien.
good thread….at first I fell for the love bomb and the long, adoring list of compliments. I wish I could post pictures. The cold stare, the flirting with the female photographer, or any other needy female in our presence behind my back, malignant posing (kissing me while looking like a pickled pigsnoot or a clenched fist at his side while the other arm was around my shoulders) “could you sign for a loan against OUR IRA so that we can fix up the house – I love you sweetie” Just to find out that I relinquished the IRA to him to hide the asset in his married girl friends business – never to see a dime from it again.
I’d like to find the yes in the mess. A lesson learned? Without it I would not “get it” when a spath victim needs help.
Sky,
You did not need to know ‘consciously’ imo for your body and subconscous mind to realize that his touch, his actions could only make sense if he was devoid of feelings.In any case, I’m sure the emotionless dream where you crawled into his skin is probably something that you will never forget. Through a dream, you know how they ‘feel’ and therefore ‘think’.
Plenty of us here are probably wired in a way that we pick up way more signals than the average person, being highly sensitive. It’s often too much info and data to process conscously anyway, so much of it has to be resolved subconsciously.
I have done tarot readings for total disbelievers, but who challenged me to read their cards. I don’t even need the cards actually, but it helps me to limit what comes out of my mouth to a certain life area, rather than venture into issues they are not ready to face yet by accident. I have to then clear my mind and start talking about whatever that comes to the surface related to the cards. They are absolutely shocked then how I nailed the issue. Meanwhile a part of me is screaming at me, “there’s no way that man has an issue with his job. He comes across having so much confidence, Besides he didn’t talk about his job even once.” So my conscious often has the opposite impression than my subconscious. The latter turns out to be spot on though. And then in hindsight, I suddenly realize that for example the man questioned everyone about their jobs and how they loved it, etc… but ommitted talking about his own. That is indeed a sign the man is troubled about his job or career, but not an obvious one. Not to mention, that I’m trained to produce ideas by gathered data from all directions and jump associations as an inventor.
Maybe I prefer my explanation of our subconscious picking up signals and putting 2 and 2 together to produce these truth revealing dreams of something we cannot possibly consciously know, and in fact are in denial about, because it empowers us, rather than give them supernatural powers to make us fear them even more.
If we can pick up all those signals to appease them and walk on eggshells for the slghtest sign of their mood, then I believe we can also pick up the signals to warn us or suddenly give us an idea to make us realize what is truly going on. We do not wish to think that way conscously and rationally, and meanwhile it gets processed at a lower level, and then suddenly the puter has assessed all the related data from left and right, up and down, and the answer pops out with a “eureka!”. But we have become so fearful of them and see them as powerful, because they were so able to dominate us, brainwash us, etc that it’s easier to ascribe it as their inexplicable power over us.
I think you’re selling yourself short, Sky, by making it his power, instead of your own. For me personally, I refuse to accept that, while I can use and steer my subconscious to reveal stuff to me and others for product creation, for tarot reading, for people pleasing, it’s his psychic long distance control over my brain when it comes to subconscious self-protection. Nah, he’s a loser guy who fucks up his life and that of others all the time with his stunts. His tool of power is manipulation, but not dream control.
skylar says:
He is a dominating bully. Bully is a perfect word.
“When we fight back they ramp up the abuse until we “learn” to “respond correctly”, to quote my spath.”
Yeah. The only correct response is to submit, and even maybe to the point where they take your life. I guess dying is the correct response…
I have already grey rocked… no contact, private facebook, no ruckus from me. I do have a child support order, but he lives with another victim in Texas now, and I know I’ll never see a dime. And, I know he doesn’t are about my son. So, being quiet and under the radar works perfectly for me, now.
“These are ways to use non-aggression to get rid of a spath. Others might be more successful using other methods but that’s the only thing I’ve been able to come up with. ”
The way that worked for me was pregnancy – I was no longer the desired sex object anymore, and he would no longer use my money on himself. HE would have to start providing for another person. Literally, the pregnancy worked as a poison on him.
Except for the fact that I had to pretty much pick up, leave town, and remove all his avenues of contact. Because he started to go homicidal on me towards the end. If I’d stayed either me or my son would not be alive, now.
And, that I can thank my intuition and instincts for… they warned me really well about that.
My N who brought me here lovebombed the hell out of me and so did my N lady next door. Both times it made me lose sight of my intuition and my moral compass. I was thinking after the first one was so blatant that I would never fall for THAT again-then along comes HER.
I had really low self esteem when the first one struck. He constantly told me how I was the most beautiful thing that he’d seen in his whole life and how I was the ONE who he had been waiting for his entire life-the wife at home with all her many many faults was just someone he married and that he didn’t love her but couldn’t divorce her because of the financial ruin that it would put him through. The relationship moved WAY too fast. He told me he loved me after just three weeks. The sex was amazing-I had never had an orgasm from someone other than myself. He mirrored all my interests and made himself the one that I always wanted.
It was so pitiful that my self esteem was so low that I allowed myself to be with someone who couldn’t be entirely mine. I wanted to break it off so many times and I threatened to do so too many times. Then he would lovebomb me back in.
Then she did it within a month of me living here. Telling me how she loved having a woman living next to her finally, telling me how beautiful I was and trying to be someone that I needed when I lost my job. She told me how she was up at night trying to figure out how to help me and she tried to hook me up with jobs and introduced me to people. She pretended that she wanted to be close to me and that she was interested in something more than friendship. It took me SO long to figure out what she really was-an N. It finally made me know that I am not at all ready for a relationship-not even close. She finally showed me her true self in August-and even though I was totally infatuated with her I finally figured out that she is who she is and there is no way she will change-no matter how much I wanted her too.
Now I no longer trust my intuition. I don’t trust myself and how to keep the wrong people from getting close to me. For the time being, until I figure that out, I can’t let anyone get close to me. I’m so afraid that it’s going to happen again. I can’t do that to myself. It’s all about me now-doing everything that is best for me. I got a new haircut with my new job and I am finally starting to feel like my true self again-crazy curls and no more barbie doll hair. I lost 20lbs and I am signing up for the gym on Friday(big discount and payroll deduction from the new job). Everything is going to happen and for the first time I feel positive. It all started with my haircut. I cut off all that dead stuff and it cleaned things out for me.
darwinsmom,
I don’t consider the ability to project your thoughts or to receive another person’s thoughts to be either unusual or supernatural or even any great talent. All my pets could read my mind and I’ve read many articles and research that seems to indicate that pets can do this. They don’t “hear” my thoughts, they just read my emotions even when I’m not in the same room as they are.
Spath’s brain thinks in pictures, while I think in words. This much is certain. To see pictures without sound or emotions in a dream is unusual for me to say the least. So I believe they were his thoughts.
I think people project and receive thoughts all the time, but we miss it most of the time because we aren’t constantly vocalizing everything we think of.
One morning, about a year ago, my BF woke up and he said he had dreamed he was in India. I was flabbergasted because I had dreamed I was swimming in the Indian Ocean! We had not had any prior conversations about India.
Hi Louise,
I just got back on line so have just begun to scan the comments.
I actually am a doctor (but not an oncologist and not a psychiatrist) and lost one of my graduate school mentors to pancreatic cancer. I know all to well how deadly it *can* be. It’s not always. Steve Jobs had one of the treatable varieties, according to his doctors and according to him (in his biography just released). He chose not to have surgery because of intuition.
I find that sad and feel tremendous empathy for his wife and children. There has been enough said about Steve Jobs as an employer that I have wondered about whether he has the brain of a sociopath. If so, he would be one that harnessed his brain for enormous creativity. He also, to all appearances, had a very loving and long-term relationship with his wife. I admire that.
Unfortunately, no time to read beyond that first comment right now but am seeing the last one as I type this.
Isn’t it fun how a haircut can pick one up! I do think that there are meaningful physical actions that can “cut off all that dead stuff” and help one shift one’s identity.
As an aside, I also am a strong believer in EMDR; there is solid evidence regarding its ability to treat PTSD because it does just that:”clean things out.”
ugh. I wanted to link to this:
http://www.quora.com/Steve-Jobs/Why-did-Steve-Jobs-choose-not-to-effectively-treat-his-cancer
I’m interested in reading what you all wrote when I have a break at work. My point was that “intuition” is used as a word to describe a lot of things from “a funny feeling about someone” to outright obvious choices to walk away from a dangerous situation.
I am interested in how people can get a better handle on “intuition” so that they can have a solid trust in their decisions as they leader richer lives.
drivers that dont use their turn signals are sociopaths
people that balance their checkbook and are texting while checking out in walmart not caring they are holding up the line are sociopaths
anybody that pisses me off is a sociopath,,
am I bitter?
Hens:
I think you are on to something. Thanks for sharing. Shalom