By | October 20, 2013 5 Comments

Talking openly about domestic violence

Leslie Morgan Steiner wrote the book Crazy Love about being involved with a man who routinely abused her. In this TED talk from last year, she describes how she was drawn into the relationship, and why she didn’t leave.

Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don’t leave, on

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.


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This is an outstanding video that should be shared among family and friends. So many people, who have been lucky enough NOT to have ever experienced domestic violence, need to learn more about it. We need much more understanding, and compassion, instead of judgmental reactions to our painful stories.

Thanks Donna, and all our Lovefraud community, for being here to support those of us who have suffered so greatly, due to DV.


Leslie Morgan Steiner did a nice presentation here. She has a really nice way about her which helps when you’re trying to get such an important message across. Why do they stay ? I guess they must enjoy the abuse. She covers all that pretty well. I’ve been reading a lot about the psychopathic bond lately. Relates pretty well with this subject. The best article I have ever read is called The Psychopath’s Relationship Cycle : Idealize, Devalue, and Discard by Claudia Moscovici ? i found it on Psychopathyawareness. The process is explained so well and in enough detail that it really hit home with me.


Very enlightening video. I don’t talk about my stepfather’s physical abuse with many people, unless you count this public forum, a few trusted friends, and a few therapists. I am a very private person, but I have often wondered if it would be helpful to me to share my story more publicly. In retrospect, the physical abuse I suffered was the least of the damage I suffered. After I released the physical trauma from my body and the anger over it when I was in my 20’s, it’s not something I ever thought about very much. The neglect and abandonment of my biological parents has had a much more profound effect on me and my choice of relationship partners. This is something much more complex. I don’t really identify myself as a victim of domestic violence, but I actually was for 9 years growing up.


Great presentation of why we stayed and endured torture. What is not talked about often is the financial control that is manipulated, so that we cannot leave. I agree that I need to speak openly about the abuse. Although I find that when I do, people cannot believe that a human could commit these acts toward another human. The crimes I endured were never prosecuted. What stops me from speaking of the financial crimes is that many do not care as it does not affect them. What these individuals do not know is that so many women suffer in silence, children are damaged and the crimes continue and are reinforced by our silence.


Well, I am going to be the “wet” blanket on this video. Please don’t get me wrong about the content. It’s spot on when it comes to the experience of the abusive relationship, but I am having some issues with Ms Steiner.

Let me explain. I discovered her on a FB page and watched her video about abuse. I noticed that she was in support of a film produced by Gloria Steinem entitled “Private Violence” which has been given a gift of $500,000.00 by the Sundance film foundation. What I take issue with is that the writers AND supporter believe that domestic violence is COMPLETELY a social perception of a woman’s role in our culture.?????????????????????

What? Are you kidding me? One of the writers/supports and I discussed at LENGTH the ideas behind violence against women. At one point she suggested I read a book that was written in 1980 and OUT OF PRINT.

When I commented on the fact that MODERN neuroscience has brought us more information about the personality disorders involved in most violence against women she banned me from her FB page. Ok. Her conclusion was that we just need to “change” the world’s perception of women. Ok. Please don’t ask me. I only lived it for 30 years. I have NOOOOOOOOOOOOO clue, do I?

When I was reading an article that Ms Steiner wrote about “political wives” in Washington DC on her FB page this summer, her comments on the Democratic wives was not nearly as harsh as those of the Republican wives. In fact, she labeled John McCain’s wife the “stepford” wife.????????????????

When I challenged her on this comment and reminded her of the FACT that John McCain is an American hero – she banned me from her FB page. ??????????? Why take this opportunity to criticize women?? I don’t understand that position from a woman that supposedly “supports” women??? Please explain.

My point. Many of these women are not supportive of women’s issues just their own political issues and bank account.

This will be one of the mitigating reasons that so many of us will struggle to educate others about violence against women. We have issues with men but the women are also lining up against us.

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