Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Clint.”
You have heard the story hundreds of times. I was a naive do-gooder with a new friend that i just could not figure out. Last night, he explained himself to me in way I would not have believed possible.
A little background on me: I am an engineer/scientist in my education and way of thinking. I do not believe anything that cannot be proven in a controlled experiment or supported by scientific data. I do not believe in magic, ghosts, ESP, UFO’s, voodoo, witchcraft, good & evil, etc. etc. That is until last night. I realize now that i should not dismiss things not fully understood.
I met a 23 year old guy named Alex about 3 years ago. We quickly became friends and I integrated him into nearly every facet of my life and inherently trusted him as fully as my brother or mother. I always knew something wasn’t quite right about Alex’s psyche but was unable to pin it down. I found him fascinating and I literally studied his every move in an attempt to figure him out. In the process, I have become almost obsessively in love and lust with him. I am 50 years old and I have never experienced love and passion with such intensity.
Long story short, I recently figured out that he is a sociopath and confronted him. He pulled me in closer and tried to explain the he did not actively plan and think about ways to hurt people. I was simply incapable of understanding him. My mind is “pure as the ocean” as he says. I have never experienced evil thoughts.
Last night, Alex and I communicated telepathically. I don’t know how it happened nor the process that allowed it to happen, but for several minutes I was actually inside his head and I could see, feel, and hear the whole experience of what it is to be Alex. It was absolute terror. It was the most profound, scariest, and most horrific experience of my life. I literally ran out of his house screaming. Have you ever heard of this telepathic connection thing before? I understand him now.
I understand how a sociopathic mind works. I know why they mistreat animals and commit violent acts at an age when they should have no concept of what they are doing. I understand now that I am in real danger because this thing is inhuman and lacks a soul. It’s a freak of nature that resembles a normal mind turned inside out. Everything about good & evil and right & wrong is in reverse. Oh my god there is pure evil all around us.
What now?
I can only imagine the terror of being in his head. I ignored the many red flags and even became a good minion. Gradually I saw the lack of goodness and in him but not soon enough. The absence of goodness was awful and I left him then. I do not even remember when the pure evil became visible to me. I was free from him and yet is was still the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. I once believed that everyone was good deep down and there was no evil. “Evil is merely the absence of goodness” Now I know that is not true. I met him when I was 18 and my mother was dying. I have known him for almost 50 years since we have children together. I still have recovered my life and my self but I have not recovered from knowing his evil. I do not know if that is even possible. There is no way to describe it to someone who does not see it and especially to those who do not want to see it. It seems like once you have really seen the evil in them, you are changed forever.
Towards the end of the hell I had to endure I was always shaking in fear. He’d smile. One night I was in bed next to him afraid to sleep when I saw a snake tongue going in and out of his mouth as he was in and exhaling. Another time I saw a ball of snakes where his stomach should be and snakes were slithering in and out. One time his head was a huge cobra with fangs as long as my fingers, ready to strike. The thought was that the venom will paralyze, however the death would come from the force of his body. One time I saw a scroll above the bed, blue with black letters. LEAVE.
I believe in guardian angels and I am spiritually sensitive. I believe it was all a warning since I was too ashamed to tell anybody and had nobody in my corner.
I am not spiritual at all. But I have experience this with my ex path. I have taken or somehow entered his mind and felt his “feelings”
every time I finish having that experience I come back to myself feeling confused, scared and anxious. Struck by evil.
Then I try to go back to feel it again, but I can’t. It happens spontaneously or after a good amount of thinking of him or replaying a traumatic event with him on my mind. I have also felt it while he was at home with me, or when I was alone in the house and he was out with his friends.
I also felt his devious ways, he is a sexual predator and before I found out about him, I remember telling him that he was sexually devious. And he will just say “No I’m not”..He would never ask me why would I think that of him. He would say that, and then disregard me, and act like I never said anything.
But you’ve never had the experience of “I have taken or somehow entered his mind and felt his “feelings” with anybody else you intensely loved before? To me that is a classic when I fall deeply in love. I “felt” him when I thought he was a nice person, and of course it was shocking to “feel” him when I realized he wasn’t at all. But the experience in itself remains the same.
I think I too got lost in the quiz of figuring out this person that I just could not make sense of or connect to. I think my curiosity got me into big trouble more than anything as this has been the toughest riddle of my life. I did not see snakes and stuff, but I remember the last effort he made at D&D, once aware of what he was I could see clearer and the face, I can’t describe it made me feel like I needed to flee from like an animal, and I did, I ran as fast as I could and raced my car home as fast as I could. It was pure and raw disdain mixed with hate, a rough cocktail. What I did have just after leaving him (this prior the final D&D attempt) were dreams, dreams that had me wake up terrified more than when I was with him and they without fail warned me of an impending contact attempts. Once I dreamed of him carrying back a piece of furniture back that I had returned, sure enough he messaged. Then he texted me a photo of a photo inside my house, I checked and the photo was still in my house but he had no reason to have a copy of it, it was unrelated to us, I then dreamed the lock in my door was removed and someone was peeking in, I changed the locks. And so the dreams kept coming and me waking up petrified at what they were warning me of, each time, something happened. I finally implemented no contact in full and I dealt with him as advised, as he dealt with me, I allowed myself to admit I can actually feel repulsed. But then dialogues in my head started involuntarily, the type that would have me scream out loud leave me alone. I then started referring to him in thoughts and conversations in the third person, I practiced making him one person removed, a him not a person. Finally the thoughts and dreams subsided, the dreams became normal ones where my mind was just processing and I wasn’t waking up petrified. My thoughts became rational. I have an app on my phone that blocks calls, they still show the attempt at a call but the call gets cut, he still tries weekly to contact, normally every 6 to 7 days, but by tangibly removing him, distancing myself, not checking, eventually the upset of these calls reduced and I can acknowledge the attempt without going into a mind rush. The only way is to decide and really decide that you are over with this, tired with this, and cut it off in your own mind, if you don’t, every little thing will throw you into that familiar space of chaos. It really is a decision for yourself and a constant reminder to yourself that you should not care, you should not care, you should not care until it becomes automatic. Just like you’d say, I don’t need that cigarette, until one day, you actually don’t. It does still intrigue me how powerful the mind games are and how they alter reality. You know, to be honest, he wasn’t good looking or even a good talker, he just seemed odd, an artist, I was curious but had no attraction at all, I felt safe for that reason with him as a friend, after some months, he asked if I’d consider a relationship and I said no, he accepted it seemingly and didn’t treat me differently, I thought well that’s a gentleman, I warmed up to the idea and finally did start dating him thinking I’m safe with this person who has been so patient. Only to realize that the “Choices” I was offered with manipulations and already there he was reeling me in slowly, 6 months later I was slipping into a dark place, 3 years later I thought myself destroyed, I wasn’t, I still (barely) had my job and house etc. but as a person I was in pieces. Then there was a physical attack and then, 2 weeks later a second attempt where he swore me and told me he doesn’t respect me, you know in that minute I was broken and superbly excited, all I could think is “Truth! I can still recognize truth” – I really didn’t think I was able to, only then could I start separating lies from the only 1 truth ever told to me, I let him out and then started the mind attacks. So after the long story I just told, all I can say is, they do seem able to still attack even in absence of body, explain it or not but they do. That’s why it’s important to not look, even at a photo on Instagram that they post because even there they send stuff, in my case he was posting pictures of around my work and home that freaked me out, they felt taunting but to anyone else they look like whatever images. No contact, even extends to our own minds, they can’t get in if you un-name them and make them its rather than humans, then they become as distant in the reality of your own minds.
I’m sorry all of you out there who have to battle through this but it is possible over time to forget them a bit more every day and find some other riddle to figure out like playing a guitar:)
Yes, it was a quiz and we were curious. And, come on, we got a hell of a ride! The more I’m detached from it the less dramatic I see it. Which doesn’t mean that it was not painful and that he was not a selfish and cruel bastard to blame for, but there are people who choose to be like this, the same way others choose philanthropy… To accept it it’s important.
Why I don’t buy is the view of those people “entering our minds” and all that pseudo-esoteric interpretations. I am sure that people who were in concentration fields in the nazi era had terrible dreams afterwards and typical reactions of having lived a trauma, but that doesn’t confer anybody or anything metaphysical powers… Let’s give to our brains what belongs to our brains…. Some reactions are normal after trauma. And of course if we realize that someone is dangerous or a stalker we might have nightmares with that and actually the person might actually call us, because maybe we were right and he was a stalker. But not because we dreamed about it…
To have a relationship with a constant lier it is of course something that makes people confused about knowing what is going on. But that, again, it is normal. If tomorrow we go to the street and everybody looks at us and tells us that our face is painted in green, though we don’t see it in the mirror, we will get confused too.
Don’t give this people a power they don’t have… and simply deal with the consequences of having had a traumatic experience. And, yes, we should all play the guitar 😉 Life goes on 🙂
Hmm, thank you, your comment adds perspective that I can chew on and perhaps accept. If you dream he will call, and he does, then you are right, he is a stalker, true. It just wasn’t daily and it seemed connected, please realize I write from a time before where I am today. I do have a great passion for atoms and a true belief in interconnectedness of the various vibrations we call life, it may not be scientific or sensible, but I took it to be similar to the gut feel you get sometimes and in my case I took the dreams as warnings, fear driven perhaps but effective. I think in that raw time, you are really operating on instincts so I won’t easily say the evil people “see” is not “real”, it could be their minds painting a visual picture to help them get out of a bad thing, you know we are constructed to survive so anything can appear to help us, dreams/omens/snakes/angels/people/miracles etc. Be it as it may, what it did achieve is to yes, own my brain back once I could recognize trauma, in the end, like you, I agree it was a quiz and ride of a lifetime, one I don’t want to repeat but what I am grateful for (just don’t tell him). What I was trying to say is that I don’t find it an unplausible thought that your mind could be in effect to a cause, even if you are the one creating the cause with a temporary altered reality at play and your subjective survival at risk. The dreams and stuff illustrated a journey to realizing that one can and should fence off your mind to get out of an anxious state of mind, how each of us get to the other side will differ and it should, as my dreams are not tangible to you, you had your own protection mechanisms I’m guessing. That their hold lasts a bit longer than a physical exit is a reality, so I say, whatever you experience to help you out and through is just fine. This is the time to learn to to trust and listen to yourself again and walk the journey to that point where you start finding new interests and live again. Life goes on, hopefully fuller and better than ever before since you own parts back that once were attached a bit flimsily.
This is a great article and thread. I do believe in the spiritual realm which includes such experiences as telepathy and clairvoyance. I also have seen a spath “turn into” a writhing snake right before my eyes. I don’t know what that *was* but it was not simply my imagination playing tricks on me; it could have been emanating from her, or it could have been coming from my own inner wisdom — however, it was a valuable insight into her true nature. And it was very helpful for me to be able to see through her deception. Yes, I was fully awake, we were in a conversation and I was listening to her speak, and I simultaneously saw her as she was sitting there, AND as a slithering snake — just for an instant. This type of experience does not happen to me all the time, and I believe it was true and significant.
Some people are more or less sensitive to spirit than others. For those who are sensitive, we know this ability to tune in waxes and wanes — rarely constant or something that can be called upon at will. For those who are less sensitive (or self described as “not” sensitive), it is easier to explain away these experiences in terms of science and the brain, things we believe we understand.
Most sensitive people I know do not reject science, but cannot deny spirit, either. For me, it seems to be two separate worlds, superimposed. We do NOT have to make everything align or reconcile. There can be both a scientific explanation and a metaphysical (or outside of material reality) explanation, and both can be correct, in some sense.
I do think that it can be quite shocking for a person seemingly grounded wholeheartedly in the material world, to have a sudden jolt into the more supernatural. It can be hard to rationalize what just happened.
It is possible that the telepathic like experience was the subconscious putting observations and facts about the spath together and presenting them to the conscious mind. The information about what the spath is like and how he thinks may have been gathered through the non supernatural senses, and the subconscious put it together and was able to create a picture of what is really going on in the spath’s mind.
In my experience with my ex psychopath, many of my conclusions and ‘aha moments’ were presented to me by my subconscious mind – it was all too unbelievable and horrible for me to figure out consciously and he kept me very stressed.
Spaths often use hypnotic techniques and keep their targets in trance like states which add to the supernatural effet.
AnnettePK…your post is exactly what I believe happens.. sociopaths like you state literally hypnosis their targets and keep them in trance like state continuously by creating constant stress.
It’s the constant stress which causes adrenal fatigue (body’s adrenal gland issue) for the target victim, which in turn the adrenal glands puts out high quality of cortisol, adrenaline and messes up over 50 hormones including estrogen, testosterone, progesterone that the adrenal glands regulate this is turn causes brain fog, memory loss, anxiety, depression, sleep issues, panic attacks etc etc. When the body’s adrenal glands are not working right your brain can not think clearly which allows the sociopath to keep you in the trance like state very easily just by creating chaos & drama. Once the victims breaks free and has time to relax then the brain can think clearly again and see the truth of what they endured.
I remember early on after I moved in with my ex I woke up with him steering at me at the time it freaked me out and believe that he was hypnotized me while I slept because I felt like he was in my mind. When I first left I asked my new counselor who told me exactly who my ex was if he was brain washing me…she said yes…she gave me the book Woman who love psychopaths by Sandra Brown. In this book she discusses the sociopath trance/hypnosis. SO SO SCARY!!
This is what society does not get…they do not get the pure evil ways of a sociopath they think that they are only killers but in fact sociopaths are killers of the soul (mind).
PS if you want to know more about “sociopath trance & hypnosis” just google those words. There are many article on the subject.
A couple of years ago I started a journal, ago fete my best friend died. I didn’t write in it every day, just significant events, good and bad.
I was re reading it today and was amazed at how many times I have written negatively about the spath friend. Saying things like, “I feel I have been betrayed” “I thought I had a great friend but he was never my friend”
He obviously got back in my good books every time.
Interestingly, exactly one year ago I was writing like this about him.
In February we were great friends again, I don’t want to say how I know that because it involves another catastrophic decision on my part……. But by April. I was negative again.
I counted 8 cycles like this last year…. In August drastically so, recovering to a decent level between October an December and now things are as they are now ( the worst ever)
He can swing!!! He isn’t going to get another chance!! What is wrong with me that I have let this happen to me????
Hi Elsa…I am so glad you decided to read your old journal. Being able to look back at your feelings is really a gift. YES, sociopaths put their target victims on a emotional roller coaster over and over and over…they will put on their “good” face mask when you are literally done with them…they do this to suck you back into their sick & twisted mind games…they love to break someone down slowly over time.
Once you decide to jump off their emotional & mental roller coaster ride you take your power back. No Contact Rule is your power! It’s your secret weapon against them.
Keep reading your journal when you have any doubt about him or want to call him.
Your beautiful best friend in heaven is sending you love & trying to guide you away from this evil guy. That is amazing!!
Look at the sites Adrenalfatigue. org, DrLam. com & Mialundin. com….adrenal gland issues is a big issue with healing from an abuser (PTSD). This is why I keep directing you to this area. The continual stress this evil guy has put you under has messed up your adrenal glands.
The adrenal glands regulate our blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenaline levels (fight or flight mode) & over 50 hormones including progesterone, testosterone, etc. The progesterone hormone is the body’s natural relaxer when this one is out of balance (along with all the 50 hormones) it will cause you not to think clearly or be relaxed in your decision making, meaning you will be more impulsive in your decision making. This is why finding a good hormonal specialist or adrenal gland doctor is important to get your adrenal glands working correctly again that way you will think clearer and make proper decisions in this case to kick this guy to the curb once and for all.
Elsa, you are going to get through this hon…I know right now it seems impossible but you are moving towards the light at the end of the tunnel each time you vent, read your old journal and read all the info on sociopath abuse at the top of Lovefraud. Keep educating yourself about sociopathic abuse it is opening your mind up from his brain washing/mind control.
Take care.
Thanks once again Jan.
I have no idea where to get tested hormonally in the UK, but I will look.
I ahev net felt like “me” for a long time and he took me right out of my comfort zone. Once when he withdrew and I didn’t understand why, I asked him ” did you not miss my company”? He said “I missed being able to introduce you to new worlds” ( I don’t know quite what but he obviously knew he had a spell over me!!)
He did!!!
Now I feel like “how could I have been so shallow”?
I remember going out in a locals pub with him and he was putting on the charm with the barmaid. When she turned her back he nicked a bag of peanuts off the bar and put them in his pocket and still carried on chatting to her all the time.
I exposed him! She laughed and he denied he was going to take them.
But I have thought about that incident in the last week or so and realised how pathetic he is. He is 63 years old. He once eyed up this younger woman ( around 30) and said to me ” if I wasn’t sitting here with you I could pull her”
Who the heck does he think he is?
But everything I read fits with what he is!!!
I am scared if seeing him so much. I am going away with a friend tomorrow, although we have around 12 inches of snow here right now. But if I can get away,that will take care of things until Monday!! Then it will be three weeks since he yelled at me!!
Reading my journal has made me realise that he MAY come back – he has come back more times than I ever realised!
My friend who died loved me a lot and it broke my heart when they died. The spath sympathised with me a lot. It almost tarnishes their memory. I hate that I discussed my feelings so easily and deeply with him!
Hi Elsa, Your Welcome! I know that the medical community is much different in the UK then in the US. If you look at adrenalfatigue. org take the questionnaire to see how your adrenal glands are functioning. Also read/see the symptoms list. Dr Wilson adrenal expert & Dr Lam both say to take large dosages of B complex, D & magnesium to help heal your adrenal glands obviously you should get vitamin deficiency tested but if you read on those sites you can learn more about how to take the vitamins/minerals. In Mia Lundin’s book she discuss hormones ie progesterone creme that you can get at your local health food store it’s important to read her explanation as you can have too much progesterone creme which will lead to depression this is why it is important to have a doctor test your hormone levels.
Elsa…every victim has gone through the phase “why did I believe his lies”, “why did I not end things”, “how could I get sucked into his mind games”…the reason is simple sociopaths are master manipulators and normal people simple do not play games and therefore think everyone else does not play games. This evil guy loves to play mind games and get on over on people…him taking the peanuts was for two reasons he wanted to prove he can do anything and he wanted to see how you would react…it’s all fun sick games for him. When he took your chair it was the same for him as taking these peanuts from this bar maid. My ex h was aways getting people to give him things or he would take things it’s all just games.
This guy is 63 years old….remember you can not teach a old dog new tricks…what you see is what you get with this guy = an evil con artist sociopath. Know that sociopaths push everyones boundaries they love, love love to push people out of their comfort zone and in to their crazy zone…they also love for you to reveal all of your deep feelings and secrets so that they can used them against you later…be very careful in your future as to who you share your info with. IF someone is prying to know your deep feelings then they are most likely a sociopath but most people would never ask what are your deep feelings as it crosses the polite boundary and standards.
Glad you are going away with your friend…dont talk about this guy when your mind drifts to this evil guy focus intently on what is happening in your surroundings ie notice the good things in the room ie I like the window view, I like the woman’s dress/or the guy’s tie or I like how the restaurant table is set…just take this time to see all the good in this world…the snow falling, the nice hotel etc. enjoy life again!!
Train your mind on the good things again!! 😉
Have a great weekend!!
“I missed being able to introduce you to new worlds” sounds like word salad with absolutely no meaning at all.
Denying he was going to take the pack of peanuts is a ludicrous lie, since he already had taken them and pocketed them.
He is a joke!! Thinks he is clever!
I have had the same kind of experience with the sociopath I was together with. I have had countless times when we had telepathic contact. After 3 years of living hell with this person I finally managed to break free from him and I tried to cut all contact. But at times when I was thinking of him, I shortly after got an email or a text from him! I found it scary how every time I thought of him, he contacted me! Now I try to not give a single thought to him!
My best advice to you is to cut this person out of your life immediately!
Hello all,
Okay, I was so glad and amazed to see this thread because I had a similar experience and couldn’t imagine even telling my therapist because this was just too weird. I don’t know if it was telepathy or intuition, but most of the people I know believe neither exists, just too “woo woo” to be true?! It could also just be that my senses were stronger due to my eXPH and that I knew the person and some of his friends, and we all come from similar backgrounds.
At any rate, here’s my story:
I went through a bad divorce from xPH, and was very down and vulnerable. This fellow I’d known as an acquaintance for a few years, an extremely handsome younger man, I’ll call him PlayerB, had been occasionally flirting with and hitting on me since finding out I was divorcing. But I’d been ignoring PlayerB, especially as I knew it couldn’t ever be more than a casual fling because of the age gap and… well….I’m rather boring!.
Anyhow, one day I announced to my friends the legal separation from eXPH and a thought went through my mind “Now PlayerB will appear and be all sympathetic and try to hit on me”. Low and behind, he appeared from no where, came up behind me seconds later, hugging, saying how sorry he felt for me, all in a very nice way.
Then I thought “PlayerB” will start saying “we” like I’m his girlfriend -low and behold – he did.
I am ashamed to admit I had the fling with PlayerB because I was lonely and hadn’t had sex in years. Then one day I thought “PlayerB has told everyone I’m just his nurse, not his lover”. That very day, PlayerB confessed to me he’d been telling people I was his nurse (being as I’m a nurse).
Then I started to be able to sense exactly when PlayerB would phone or email, and be able to predict what he’d ask. I also could sense what his moods would be before he’d troop in the door, and when he’d been – ahem – busy with other ladies.
I also would catch myself thinking “I bet (insert name of other woman) paid for that” “I bet he just doesn’t want to pay for (whatever)” and before you know it he’d be telling me the exact words.
Then one day long after the D and D (why does a fling/FWB need a D and D?!!), PlayerB was hanging out, cozying up, and I thought out of the blue “I bet he’s going to ask me if I’ve ever been date-raped, maybe he’ll want future ammo” and out of the blue he asked the very question, I just looked shocked and said HUH?!!
Okay, months after D and D (yes I know I’m the idiot still talking to PlayerB, I got that weird sense again “PlayerB is going to start saying I”m his Aunt” and low and behold he did say this and I told him to get out of my life. A few more rounds of “get out of my life” and all such phenomenon stopped entirely!!
Then unexpectedly, no sense of it at all, I got a loving message from the guy, too late, I’d already blasted him saying “Don’t ever darken my life again”.
I know I’ve posted about a few negative fellows here, they seem to turn up in my life when I’m down and vulnerable, generally I look for nice, sweet, kind men!
And so,
CatHas9Lives
I was also able to predict some movements of my sociopath but I don´t see that as telepathy at all. Rather that I was able to spot how a Player (that is well chosen) would behave to get what he wants. More or less like the police would do to try to catch a criminal: to try to understand how he thinks and his ways to foresee his movements. It is about observation and an eager interest that makes possible to guess someones future behaviors, and moreover these Players are not that complex people. They have devious interests by their ways are pretty plain and dull, like children games. Like a toddler telling her mother how much he loves her before asking her to buy him a new toy.
Oh, one more weird thing, I never let PlayerB back in my home after he started asking about my childhood pets and my mother’s maiden name. Now (after reading dozens of articles on fraud and identity theft), I finally get that one!!
The thing is, I felt kind of hypnotized at points, but also just vulnerable and “with my blinkers on”,
And so it goes!
Good for you to protect yourself and not let him in your home again.
You probably were hypnotized. My ex spath used hypnotic techniques on me and it took a long time to get out from under his ‘spell.’
I believe in the existence of a spirit world of good angels and demons. Also, one’s subconscious mind processes information gathered through physical means/the five senses. The conclusions drawn by the subconscious are presented to the conscious mind as intuitive conclusions. It’s a helpful part of our minds that can protect us. The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker is a good book on the subconscious mind and how to tune in to it.