Lovefraud receives many letters from people who want a sign. Readers ask, “How do I know whether or not someone is a sociopath?” There is one behavior that every sociopath engages in to extreme excess. If I were only allowed one criteria for the diagnosis I would choose this behavior. If someone does not do this thing to extreme excess he/she is certainly not a sociopath. Those of you who have been involved with a sociopath know too well what this one thing is. It is lying.
I enjoy reading old religious texts because I believe there is truly nothing new under the sun. It is comforting to get reassurance of that fact. I mentioned some time ago that female sociopaths are described in the Bible. The cardinal symptom of sociopathy is described best in the Babylonian Talmud! One source I found dated this document to the 6th century.
The Babylonian Talmud describes something called geneivat da’at (literally, theft of one’s mind, thoughts, wisdom, or knowledge), i.e., fooling someone and thereby causing him or her to have a mistaken assumption, belief, and/or impression. The sages believed that there are seven types of thieves and, of these, the most egregious is the one who “steals the minds” of people.
Anyone who has been in contact with a sociopath has had his/her mind stolen. Sociopaths do not interact with anyone without stealing a mind.
Although sociopaths are very proud of their ability to steal minds, this behavior does not make them unique, talented or special. Sociopaths are just the worst species of thief!
Many are baffled by the lying sociopaths engage in. A reader who wrote me recently commented that they lie even when the truth sounds better. Sociopaths continue to lie even after their lies are discovered. This often makes them look silly.
Sociopaths lie in order to steal the minds of others. They do this because of an unrestrained drive for power and control. This drive is present in all of their dealings with others.
The best thing to do if your mind has been stolen by a sociopath is Take it Back! Don’t have any more interactions with that person. Accept that you can never deal with a sociopath without experiencing the theft of your mind.
Truthspeak
WhyMe, I’m just curious about why you are compelled to diagnose and categorize someone who is clearly toxic? What difference does it make whether someone is a substance abuser (very narcissistic endeavor), ,or not? If someone is toxic, as LessonLearned pointed out, why search for an excuse for that toxicity?
For me, toxics are out, and I don’t have the time or inclination to attempt to sort out their issues to better understand them. I have too much work of my own to do than to waste precious time sorting someone else’s issues out.
Brightest blessings
Laura19
Thank you, Ox Drover, kmillercats, and moving past the facade for helping me out tonight with your comments. 🙂 It really, really helps. I guess I just need to hear the same reassurances over and over to get through this. And it’s really good to read about similar stories and experiences. So thanks again.
And moving past the facade, I feel the same kind of jealousy. I talked with her twice (we’re done talking now, no contact!), and although that helped me find out a lot about the lies he told me, which is GOOD, it still hurt to hear her tell me the things he said about me. Actually, he said mostly good things, that I was very good to him and a really nice person (which are true) and that he did everything he could to convince me that he wanted a serious relationship with me (which is also true), but that he didn’t have a “connection” with me, that he never loved me. Which, actually, is true!! (Although he told me very clearly in the beginning of our relationship that he felt like we had a connection…sounds familiar!) But of course he’s told her he has such an amazing connection with HER. He also said there was no “HEAT” between us, and the new girl went on and on about how great their sex life was/is. (One of the red flags of love fraud right there!!) I, apparently, am not as hot in bed as she is. Ouch. However, I know that he is just using this girl too. Like ErinBrock said on another thread, she’ll have to figure it out on her own! Good luck to the targets of our exes, they’re going to need it!
Laura19
Truthspeak,
Thank you for your support. 🙂 The new girl is not yet his wife, although I think that he has moved in with her now. They only met back in August, and my relationship with him ended in November. Anyway, I have not had any contact with either of them for about three weeks and will make sure it stays that way!! Thank you again for helping me.
moving past the facade
Louise,
It can’t be the same place. Spaths are just everywhere!!!
Laura,
The new girl really just thinks he’s her buddy. I warned her about him, but that was when I first started to unravel his lies and thought he was just an ass. She told me he was a d bag and not her type anyway, but they are still friends. He did tell her lots of good things about me, as I’m technically over both of them and i’m the ‘cool, approachable boss’. But just A few weeks ago, he told her I that I stalk him. She told me right away. I confronted him, he lied about it, tried to say it was a joke, but eventually (almost a week later) he TOLD me he had said it to make himself look better and make her think that he was finished with me. He still will tell me that she’s only his friend…but he already told me his real rational.
Right now, I’m going to focus on fixing me and ‘gray rocking’ this sob. After I get myself in a better place, I may try to give her a little more info on what he truly is.
I have to see him tomorrow. But I plan to be direct, and un-emotional when I have to communicate with him. I wonder if that will make him try even harder in his pursuit?
Laura19
Moving past the facade,
I really hope that girl does not get involved with him! I think your plan to be unemotional with him is a great one. I’m not even going to try to figure out what he’ll do as a result–I just can’t ever understand people who act this way–but I think being detached is the way to go, from what I’ve been told here at the LF blog. 🙂
Louise
moving past the facade:
I know. It’s just that what you are describing sounds so very much like the one I knew and it is at work just like my scenario was. That one your dealing with is using the same MO as mine did. Just makes me think…
You will be in my thoughts. Good luck.
Louise
moving past the facade:
The more I read your post, the more that he REALLY is saying the exact same words mine was saying. He told me that the OW was stalking him (same words)…told me she was jealous. He told the OW that he and I were just “friends from before.” This is so eerily similar. A word of warning to you and I can’t remember if I told you this before or not (I think maybe I did). The OW in my scenario was telling me that she was not seeing him (just like yours is), but she WAS. Don’t be surprised if this ends up happening or is already happening. You may not care anyway, but just be cautious. I ended up not telling her anything. That is what she wanted from me. She was only trying to get info from me. Thank God I figured her out. Take care.
Oh, and she warned me about him just like you warned her about him.
moving past the facade
Louise,
Yours was an executive, mine was lucky to have a diploma…’I went to High school for 5 years, I ain’t no dummy’.
But is astounding that they are so similar in their ways and MO. Mine was so subtle at first…’I sent you a friend request on FB, I hope that’s Ok…’ Our first lunch date was because I lost a sports bracket that he insisted we compete in. Then that lunch was ‘so nice to be away from work, we should do it again’. All just part of his slimey plan…
moving past the facade
Louise,
That is eerily similar….
The OW at my place isn’t seeing him…yet. I could see it happening later. When she told me about the stalker comment, I told her he was just sending me pictures of his man parts…that’s not what you typically send to a stalker, is it?
This was all when I just thought he was a jerk, but then I looked further into his emails and he had become completely obsessed with her – more than 1000 emails in just a months time. And non-stop texts when not at work. He actually ignores the emails from me, his other ladies, and his wife to answer hers. And complete lies to her.
One more thing about it then I’ll stop…when she was hired on maybe 6 months ago I was telling him about her. He said to me ‘is she hot’? I said why, are you going to trade me in..haha? His response…I would never do that…
Slimey, slimey, slimey.
Louise
moving past the facade:
Yes, mine is an executive. OMG…mine was also sending the OW pictures of his man parts…this is waayyyy too weird. I only know because she told me and then he was trying to do it to me, but my phone is so old, it doesn’t have a camera…haha! So I never got pictures of him and he asked me to send him a picture and of course, I couldn’t! Even if I had a camera, I would NOT have sent him a naked picture of me…I am NOT that stupid…are you kidding me??
I think mine was obsessed with OW, too. He told me that SHE was obsessed with him and that is true, but I think he also became obsessed with HER and that always bothered me. I thought “Why wasn’t he obsessed with me?” Hahaha! I think he was only obsessed with her because SHE perpetuated the relationship. I just read something on here yesterday in one of the many articles about how the spaths need prodding all the time and that was him! It was almost like he needed the stimulation to keep things going that is how lazy he is and since I didn’t do that, things fizzled out. But OW…that is a different story…she pursued him relentlessly. And he loved the attention.
Sooooo, how can those two really only be friends after 1,000 emails and texts, etc.??? No way, I would never believe it and you should not believe it.
Yep, they sound so much alike…like when he was asking if she was hot…yep, they sound like twins.