Book review: Win Your Child Custody War

Lovefraud receives many e-mails and phone calls from parents who are in child custody disputes with sociopathic ex-partners. If this is you, you are desperate for help and advice.

Personally, I think these are the most tragic cases involving sociopaths. Sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children. Children, therefore, are pawns in their game, and the game is to torture you. In the worst cases, the game is also to turn your child into a Mini Me, a budding sociopath.

To make matters worse, sociopaths are capable of putting on such convincing appearances—smoothly blending partial truth with lies and accusations—that judges frequently believe them. Sociopaths also manage to find attorneys like themselves, who know every way to manipulate the legal system to create havoc for you. In short, family court battles with a sociopath are a nightmare.

A book to help you

What do you do? Child custody cases are incredibly complex. You probably have never done this before, so you don’t know what to expect. Perhaps you’ve never had any contact with the courts before. Where can you turn for help?

I recommend a book called Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book—A How-To System for People Serious About the Welfare of Their Child, by Charlotte Hardwick.

The book has 650 oversized pages of information and references related to child custody disputes. It covers just about every topic that may come up in your case, including:

  • Documentation and evidence
  • Contact log
  • Attorneys
  • Detectives
  • Evaluations
  • Psychologists
  • Judges
  • Visitation
  • Religion
  • Home schooling
  • Drugs
  • Neglect, abuse and violence

The book takes a no-nonsense approach to what it will take for you to prevail in your case. It uses a military analogy—you are the general of your war, you have an army to lead, and your ex is the enemy with his own army. For those in the midst of a child custody battle, the terminology probably feels appropriate.


The book is written for all people involved in child custody disputes, not just those dealing with sociopaths. In some cases, therefore, it seems to underestimate the lengths sociopaths will go to in order to win.

The chaper on Lies and Perjury, for example, starts out by stating, “Telling lies successfully is almost impossible. The truth will come out.” Those of us who have dealt with sociopaths know that this is not always the case.

Later in the chapter, however, there is an enlightening discussion of how liars—read sociopaths—recruit people to their side. It goes like this:

  1. Save Me—the liar gives “facts” that will invoke pity and identify the liar as the victim.
  2. This fosters a desire on the part of the recruit to offer support and protection.
  3. The liar makes obvious a small thing that the recruit can do to help.
  4. The liar claims facts so detailed, painful and horrendous that the recruit will blindly mistrust—even hate—anyone who opposes the liar. That would be you.
  5. All information about the liar’s enemy—you—is subconsciously filtered through the negative “facts” that the liar has told about you.
  6. Once committed to the liar’s army, the recruit’s own pride is at stake. He or she must help the liar win against the evil enemy—you.


Unfortunately, once you’re in court, many judges do not understand the implications sociopathy. They do not realize how severely a sociopathic parent can damage a child, especially when that parent presents such a respectable image in the courtroom. So sometimes it doesn’t even pay to try to convince the judge that a parent is a sociopath. To them, it’s just a pejorative label.

The only thing that really counts is documentation. Win Your Child Custody War gives detailed instructions on how you should collect and organize documentation, even providing forms for you to copy or adapt.

Documentation is one of the most critical parts of your case, and you must be meticulous in keeping it.

Worth the investment

I recommend this book for anyone who is involved in a difficult child custody dispute. The book has a few technical problems—like spelling and grammar errors—but overall, the information is extensive and detailed. At the very least, it will tell you what to expect, and that can be important in itself.

The book costs $75, but if you are serious about the welfare of your children, it’s worth the investment. To order it from, click on this link:

Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book—A How-To System for People Serious About the Welfare of Their Child.

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17 Comments on "Book review: Win Your Child Custody War"

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Katya..I agree..lets keep in touch…my biggest defense is my son has only known his S father for about 4 months..and that was a sad destructive time…he is married and has done damage there as right now he is looking to try and look good with the help of his mother whomk I was very close to even when her own S son was doing all of this to me and she was on MY side…she is mad as I spoke to his wife and NOW i believe that everything she said is true…before the wife was the enemy we are both the enemy..its sick and twisted!!

if you and his “other” wife put up a joint front, you are in a much better position. She is his mother. I bet, Just like you, she feels the need to protect. I hope she won’t be in your face too much, but the courts will see that she has a motive.

End, I just ordered the Newer Edition of this book via Amazon. It costs 130$. I will gladly make copies to mail them to you (it says there that the “Forms” are for copying, so I guess that means it isn’t a copyright issue). Perhaps, we can both communicate through Donna if she allows, and /or I’d send it to Donna at the legal address and she can re-send it to you for your and my protection.
god, I hate being scared of even my shadow, but now we must be prudent and careful with others.

yes..true..which is why his mother feels the need to protect..she believed me when I would tell her things and she was on my side…she never believed the wife…now she feels ahe has brainwashed me and hates me now too

Katya…Please ..yes let me know…and I agree I am scared…but very cautious!!

I paid for a 2 day delivery / so once it’s here, I will ask Donna privately if she’d do this for us. You can confirm this request on your side. We’ve got to help one another as best we can…
Do you feel your ability to trust even women has been hindered?
I can’t trust any strangers now. It’s terrible. And I am so hypervigilent, even going out with friends leads me to turn my head 15 times to check environment.
I Have had a gun pointed at me years ago, and several thefts (just my luck) but never felt so strongly


I just found it. 🙂 Glad I could help.

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