Lovefraud receives many letters from people who want a sign. Readers ask, “How do I know whether or not someone is a sociopath?” There is one behavior that every sociopath engages in to extreme excess. If I were only allowed one criteria for the diagnosis I would choose this behavior. If someone does not do this thing to extreme excess he/she is certainly not a sociopath. Those of you who have been involved with a sociopath know too well what this one thing is. It is lying.
I enjoy reading old religious texts because I believe there is truly nothing new under the sun. It is comforting to get reassurance of that fact. I mentioned some time ago that female sociopaths are described in the Bible. The cardinal symptom of sociopathy is described best in the Babylonian Talmud! One source I found dated this document to the 6th century.
The Babylonian Talmud describes something called geneivat da’at (literally, theft of one’s mind, thoughts, wisdom, or knowledge), i.e., fooling someone and thereby causing him or her to have a mistaken assumption, belief, and/or impression. The sages believed that there are seven types of thieves and, of these, the most egregious is the one who “steals the minds” of people.
Anyone who has been in contact with a sociopath has had his/her mind stolen. Sociopaths do not interact with anyone without stealing a mind.
Although sociopaths are very proud of their ability to steal minds, this behavior does not make them unique, talented or special. Sociopaths are just the worst species of thief!
Many are baffled by the lying sociopaths engage in. A reader who wrote me recently commented that they lie even when the truth sounds better. Sociopaths continue to lie even after their lies are discovered. This often makes them look silly.
Sociopaths lie in order to steal the minds of others. They do this because of an unrestrained drive for power and control. This drive is present in all of their dealings with others.
The best thing to do if your mind has been stolen by a sociopath is Take it Back! Don’t have any more interactions with that person. Accept that you can never deal with a sociopath without experiencing the theft of your mind.
Sunny
OMG! Have just read your post of 27 June and not only have you put into words everything I feel, your timescales are the same as mine.
Tired, no motivation, no goals – all my dreams shattered – everything I trusted about myself – gone – I have good days and bad days – the regret, the regret, the regret! I knew at the time I was feeling undermined – I ignored it and let him keep chipping away at all the parts of me that I knew were strong.
I feel so foolish. I too isolate – it’s sometimes the only way I feel I can protect myself from any potential threat – I wouldn’t even consider going on a date with someone – the risk is too big and what little progress I have made over the past year is so precious, I don’t want to jeopordise it by inviting the ‘devil through the door’ – boy do they take your mind.
However, it’s been one of my bad days today and I am hoping for a ‘late surge’ of positivity tomorrow.
Would like to hear of your progress and any tips you may have for the return to sanity.
All love.
E
Dear Advocate, thanks for bringing up this old article. I have been here two eyars and thought I had read them ALL but apparently I have not! This is one of those “sleeping beauty” posts that should be at the TOP OF THE LIST of “NEEDFUL READING” for all new escapees!
Only one or two of the names of the people posting back when this article was new are familiar to me, and they have “moved on” and no longer post (not sure if they still read) There is an ever-changing turn over of posters here with only a few “old heads” that have stayed and STAYED and are still here.
This article is so good, so enlightening and so TRUE. Mind THEFT! My egg donor said of my P-sperm donor that “he would lie when the truth would fit better’ and “he can make black seem white, and vice versa.” When I was a teenager, he stole my mind! Twisted it! Stomped on it! Squashed it, and I no longer knew up from down, left from right, or black from white—Advocate, I can relate to how your children felt in the vortex of the BLACK HOLE of their “sperm donor’s” (the term FATHER must be EARNED) twisted influence. I am so glad that they ESCAPED into sanity! It is not easy, it took me 40+ years to escape completely from the theft of my mind. I have had to search the universe to find the scattered pieces to put together to form the puzzle-picture of sanity in my life at age 62. I am glad that your children reassembled their minds and hearts at a younger age than I did.
The worst part of all was though, that I passed on the toxic genetic material from my psychopathic ancestors to one of my biological children, little knowing at that time that there was a genetic omponent to EVIL! My other biological son has decided not to have children for that very reason, so I will never have biological grandchildren, but I am OK with that. I wouldn’t breed a dog or a cow with the genetic tendencies that my family has for EVIL, so I can’t fault my son’s judgment in making that decision. At least my family’s genes will stop with the current generation, as my P-son is incarcerated (I hope for his physical life).
Dear Escapee,
We all I think have “bad days” or ones that are more challenging than others, but those days will decrease in intensity and frequency as you progress toward the healing end of the road.
Just as you can’t hurry some thing s(you can’t get a baby in one month with 9 pregnant women! lol) healing too, takes an amount of TIME…and the amount of time (clock wise or calendar wise) will depend on how deeply and how long you were wounded as well as what your resources are. It IS worth the journey though, so stay on the road toward healing. (((hugs))) and my prayers.
I was researching more on this site..when I read this article..the mind is so much clearer today..I did indeed work hard to regain myself..the truth has set me free..thanks for supporting and sharing..that means a lot to me right now..as I am still dealing with the ex husband..because he keeps bringing me back into family court..for issues that no longer exist..has a lawyer this time..making things more interesting..but I really don’t want to be around him..but he apparently is still attempting to win at something…
Advocate,
That is interesting that even though your kids are grown he keeps taking you back to family court.
Sometimes they NEVER GET OVER the “injury” we did to them by OUTING them, INSULTING THEM by refusing to give in to their power and control.
My sperm donor P held a special hatred for me that he kept to the end of his life (over 40 years since I had had contact with him) and also with others who had “outed” him and failed to be afraid of him. They have to BE THE CENTER of your world and when they are not, it is a big insult to them. At least it is one way we can “get even” with them. LOL
Oxdrover,
Yes, he has real issues in taking me back to court..even though the children are adult children..my son is still in college and the ex is still paying child support..that’s why..he hates paying child support..he is in love with money.
When I was awarded sole legal custody..his parental rights were limited..I diovrced him..had the two children living with me..making all the decisions regarding our children..better living arrangements..he got court ordered to pay all debt from the credit card..not me, I walked away debt free..
He physcially..emotionally..mentally..abused all three of us..He had the affairs..and most of all: He lost total control of me when I divorced him..best thing I do for me and our children..was to leave..
by the way: he has been remarried for the last 9 years..and still raises issues with me..figure that one out…strange..or what?
Thanks for sharing with me..
Advocate55
To All,
Lies. lies and lies. My S even used my academic qualification as his own to impress others. All my carreer achievements were used by him as if they were his to impress others (and I did not know he was doing that). He married me after 5 years together and we had two children together (I never believed in marriage but ended up giving in because he insisted so much , and our life together was a bliss, so I tought there is no wrong in here). Hey, he was married to someone before and I never knew that and he never divorced the first wife either. and refused to divorce me. The S is so S that in our marriage certificate he put himself as a Lawyer and me as a Home duties. How in the hell a Lawyer commit bigamy so easily and get through all the systems in place to prevent this to happen?. He has never been a Lawyer and I never been a Home dutie (nothing wrong with being a home dutie wife) I had a brilhante career and a PhD in Economics. How do you think I feel? the smart woman falling in the hands of a conman.. WOW.
We stayed marriage for 23 years but the crackes started appearing just after I agree to married him. By then I had nothing to worried about because his family was very close to me. Guess what? The family is also a confamily, specially the mother. I GOT THE LOT. As soon as I realised all that I slowly started becoming smart.
I managed to get my last grasp of air with my two children and we got rid of him (without him knowing we were doing that).and we saved ourselves and best of all I did not have to engage lawyers, no family Court no nothing. I managed to have him out of the house and 80% of all assets and he has no way to even complain about anything and he is exactly where he went leaving us behind, believing that he was playing one more of his tricks on us, by having affairs overseas. He stayed in there and no chance of returning. although he has tried hard.
We have to become smart and play the game back to them. This site empower us to become those sort of women, strong and powerful within ourselves and have a full recovery and enjoy life in full again. Even if we do not get together with anyone else we feel complete and enjoying every litle moment in life because we gave ourselves a second chance in life.
Oxdrove
I have freed myself from the S about 7 years ago. I managed to survive and help my children to survive and have our feet in the ground again. We have recovered everything we lost and our lives is progressing well. The S is in hiding but he continues being a S and doing even worse things with other people. My son became a very strong young man and my daugther I can see some demaged done on her by the actions of the S, minor issues but she came out very strong as well.
One issue that I strugle with is if we should report to the Police all the crimes he committed: For example falsification of signatures and documents to be able to marry me and so commiting bigamy. Obtain a Permanent Visa and subsequently citizenship to the country where I live by using false documentation. Stollen personal documents, including medical reports, jewelery from my daugther and money from my bank account. He still operating under false qualification (another qualification now in the country where he is currently based). He is calling himself a Professor with specialty in childrens education. And he is denying that he still married to me and that he never married me. So in doing this he refuses to divorce me.
My strugle is that : none of what he is doing now is my business, but what he has done to me and my children is my business. I do not want any contact with him but also feel the obligation of informing authorities about a criminal person and his actions. This is a way to put a stop in his continuing deceiving actions and stop hurting other inocent people.
Up to now I had no strength or time to do this. But I now fell that I should do something to prevent such person and his devastating actions destroying other lives. I feel that if I know of something bad I should raise an alarm to the authorities. I also feel that if I do not take action I am conivent with such devastating bahaviour. I would like to hear your views.
What does the research shows in this respect? What would be the appropriate thing to do? Be silent and let him carry on with his activities or file a report against his actions?
Brilhancy
Just reading your lat post. If he was already married and then bigamously married you, YOUR marriage is null and void – because it wasn’t legal – because of this fact, your marriage to him could be very easily anulled and I don’t think you would necessarily have to do anything else – like be present in court etc. I think you, at least, need to bring this to the attention of the authorities, being careful to stress that you did not know this at the time – be sure of your facts and that you can prove them. If you can highlight this to the authorities, together with his other activities, without actually becoming involved in any proceedings, it may be worth doing but I would think very carefully before involving myself in anything that may bring him back into your or your family’s life.
It may be wise to take some professional advice on this to see where you stand and then make the decision – if you feel so strongly that you shoud intervene.
Just my thoughts and opinions – hope this might help you come to a decision.
Escapee,
Thank you for your response. I have approached the Family Court and they gave me this advice. I also lodged a report with the Immigration Department with all necessary documentation as proof of my alegations (this was necessary because I was appointed to a National Security Position and I needed security clearance). The Immigration has put a record on his file that he is not allowed to enter this country without my knowledge. They also advised me to report to the Police if I ever feel treatened in anyway, which I do not feel at the moment. The Family Court says that he is allowed to context in the Family Court if he wishes, using the allegation that he is mentally ill and he could even claim a pension from me. But this would be unlikely to be accepted by the Family Court.
I refuse to spend my money with Solicitors as I think my money should not be spent with his cause in anyway. But I feel or I sense the obligation to report his other criminal activities to the Police. I have asked myself several times if this urge is an indication of vindictivenes (which I do not want to cultivate in me) or if it is to satisfy my sense of justice. And this is what I have not come to a conclusion as yet.