Lovefraud receives many letters from people who want a sign. Readers ask, “How do I know whether or not someone is a sociopath?” There is one behavior that every sociopath engages in to extreme excess. If I were only allowed one criteria for the diagnosis I would choose this behavior. If someone does not do this thing to extreme excess he/she is certainly not a sociopath. Those of you who have been involved with a sociopath know too well what this one thing is. It is lying.
I enjoy reading old religious texts because I believe there is truly nothing new under the sun. It is comforting to get reassurance of that fact. I mentioned some time ago that female sociopaths are described in the Bible. The cardinal symptom of sociopathy is described best in the Babylonian Talmud! One source I found dated this document to the 6th century.
The Babylonian Talmud describes something called geneivat da’at (literally, theft of one’s mind, thoughts, wisdom, or knowledge), i.e., fooling someone and thereby causing him or her to have a mistaken assumption, belief, and/or impression. The sages believed that there are seven types of thieves and, of these, the most egregious is the one who “steals the minds” of people.
Anyone who has been in contact with a sociopath has had his/her mind stolen. Sociopaths do not interact with anyone without stealing a mind.
Although sociopaths are very proud of their ability to steal minds, this behavior does not make them unique, talented or special. Sociopaths are just the worst species of thief!
Many are baffled by the lying sociopaths engage in. A reader who wrote me recently commented that they lie even when the truth sounds better. Sociopaths continue to lie even after their lies are discovered. This often makes them look silly.
Sociopaths lie in order to steal the minds of others. They do this because of an unrestrained drive for power and control. This drive is present in all of their dealings with others.
The best thing to do if your mind has been stolen by a sociopath is Take it Back! Don’t have any more interactions with that person. Accept that you can never deal with a sociopath without experiencing the theft of your mind.
Escapee
Brilhancy
Just keep yourself safe and watertight first – whatever you decide to do. I think the hardest part of recovery for many people here at LF IS the sense that they have got away with it, that there hasn’t been any justice. I know that’s what is at the root of my on-going anger. I’ve been left crippled with debt and ill and that B****** is skipping off into the sunset untouched and now, after over a year, has been through god knows how many other poor unsuspecting woman and lord knows what else. It’s human nature to want to feel vindicated by some act of universal justice.
All love to you and keep posting for strength and clarity.
endthepain
Made the mistake of having contact with the S yesterday regarding our son….BIG MISTAKE…complete asshole…wound up hanging up on me….I got upset all over again….he lies and lies and lies…and I still cant fathom it..I have tried….wound up speaking to his mom…another mistake…as more lies….and now I got myself all upset! So not worth it!
Ox Drover
Brilhancy,
If you can prove he was married at the time you were married to him, I think you may be able to get your “marriage” which was illegal set aside as NULL AND VOID.
I am NOT an attorney and I think you do not live in US so you might check your local laws and/or contact an attorney. My understanding here in US is that if the MARRIAGE WAS ILLEGAL (bigamy) a “divorce” is not necessary to regain your freedom to remarry. Check it out with your local laws and a local attorney.
Ox Drover
Dear sweet ETP,
NC I know is difficult, but it is the ONLY wey if at all possible, and if not totally possible, then contact through a third party or written contact (KEEP all correspondence for evidence and BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY!)
Because you are NOT dealing with a normal person, you cannot expect anything but lies etc.
Many of us have broken NC and 99.9% of the time it is a BIG MISTAKE as you said! Forgive yourself and keep in mind WHAT you are dealing with—both him and his coniving mother…that apple did not fall far from that tree! (((hugs)))) and God bless you.
lostingrief
endthepain …
i’m sorry you are hurt. yes, they lie … always! about everything.
it is impossible to wrap your brain around. don’t bother trying!
they are impossible nano-beings who — it seems — pride themselves on twisting even the smallest thing into a federal case.
breathe. give yourself a hug. get him out of your mind for now, and enjoy the rest of the day.
lostingrief
ox:
you said: “My sperm donor P held a special hatred for me that he kept to the end of his life (over 40 years since I had had contact with him) and also with others who had “outed” him and failed to be afraid of him. They have to BE THE CENTER of your world and when they are not, it is a big insult to them.”
the last thing my ex said to me when i threw him out was, “i’ll always have a vendetta against you!”
amazing, ain’t they?? i never did one thing in 25 years to hurt him. (but i sure should have!)
Ox Drover
Dear LIG,
It actually was some “comfort” and “consolation” to me that my sperm donor rented me so much space in his head with his hatred of me. I long ago quit even bothering to hate him, so ohe was no longer “renting” space in my head, but obviously I “lived in” his head to the end of his life. He cut me and two of my three half-sibs out of his estate and gave it all to the P-colone youngest son, but I actually thought of that as an accolade rather tahn an insult. I knew he would not have given me a dime, I actually expected him to elave me “enough new hemp rope to hang herself with” LOL ROTFLMAO, but by the time he actually died, if he had left me 10$ Million I would have donated it to some worthy cause that I knew he would have hated, just because I did not want any of his “blood covered money.”
Once, one of his first cousins was writing a family history book about how the early physicians in this county had invluenced the medical care here ( my grandfather build the first hospital here) he knew she was in contact with me, because I had gathered most of the data necessary for her book, and he called her and wanted to come visit her. She told him, “You are welcome to come visit me, but I WILL NOT DISCUSS OXY WITH YOU.” He did NOT come to see her. LOL It galled him no end that all of his cousins and uncles were all close to me and respected me very much and they did not want anything to do with him. He wanted everyone in the world to envy him—envy his brains, his money, his women, etc.–he was so crude and crass though, that few people above the level of some drunken wino “admired” him.
questionmark1
Hi all! I’m a longtime listener; first time caller here.
Good News! It’s great how everyone is supportive and stuff and i have definately benefited from the info and comments from people for about 2-ish years because of my “gay for pay bf”. [The good news is]”Eventually, you get past revenge and/or whatever, and reach the nirvana of indifference!
I was your “drunken wino” who admired him; and only just realized he is no longer “renting” space in my head. So, i guess i’m just sayin…they r right; eventually it does get better.
YesIt'sMe
Here it is, New Years Eve, & I’m sitting here reading all these stories from 2-3 yrs ago, & CRYING. I am SO determined to leave this ALL behind in 2011!
The lies, lies, lies, illusion, broken promises, broken dreams, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal. It just hurts like HELL to KNOW that none of it was real, that there’s nothing to “figure out” because there was no reality in it, & that there was no love at all, much less the “perfect love” I thot it was. He was the most proficient of mind thieves.
Thank you, Dr. Leedom, for this piece of wisdom & insight that puts it all neatly in a box for me. Now I just need to bury the damn box. Before Midnight!
bluejay
WhyMe,
My h-spath put me through so much upheaval during the past several years, I used to say, “I don’t have to go to hell, I’ve been to hell”. We both will get to Healthy in 2011. The articles do help us sort through the nonsense. Happy New Year, WhyMe – make it a good one.