Isn’t it strange how the mind works? I read with approval Dr Leedom’s latest post. In it she manages to be at once hard-nosed, realistic, and still keep positve. There are very real differences in the brains of those with psychopathic traits, she writes, but the brain is plastic and therein lies just a sliver of hope.
For some reason the opening lines of Martin Amis‘ novel House of Meetings came back to me. It is set in the Soviet Union:
Dear Venus
If what they say is true, and my country is dying, then I think I may be able to tell them why. You see, kid, the conscience is a vital organ, and not an extra like the tonsils or the adenoids.
Amis has also written a stunning nonfiction book about Stalinism, Koba the Dread, which has its own staggering opening:
Here is the second sentence in Robert Conquest‘s The Harvest of Sorrow: Collectivization and the Terror-Famine:
We may perhaps put this in perspective in the present case by saying that in the actions here recorded about twenty human lives were lost for, not every word, but every letter of this book.
That sentence represents 3,020 lives. The book is 411 pages long.
And then I remembered that Amis’ cousin Lucy Partington was murdered by the infamous serial killer Fred West! How could I have forgotten? Amis wrote wrenchingly about it in Experience:
My family cannot understand the extraordinary collision that allowed him to touch our lives, and I have no wish to prolong that contact. But he is here now, in my head; I want him excised. And Frederick West is uncontrollable: he is uncontrollable. For now he will get from me a one-sentence verdict…. West was a sordid inadequate who was trained by his childhood to addict himself to the moment when impotence became prepotence.
Amis clearly knows a thing or two about psychopathy. Consider his compact ‘verdict’:
a sordid inadequate
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- – this suggests ignoble actions and motives arousing moral distaste and contempt combined with a biological lack
trained by his childhood – dysfunctional modelling and upbringing by his family and surroundings
addict himself – this both highlights the central, pleasurable place wickedness played in his life and emphasises the crucial place of will (he didn’t become addicted he addicted himself)
to the moment when impotence became prepotence – here is the defining characteristic of the psychopath: he lives for the moments when his power or influence over others occur. Deep beneath this is a secret fear/knowledge of his utter unimportance/worthlessness.
Amis, through the imaginative power of the artist, has captured remarkably well the heart of the matter.
He is not an easy read, but it now occurs to me that in a way our theme has been one of his central themes. For example, Lovefraud readers have recently written worried letters about the perpetuation of psychopathy among the young via antisocial social environments and psychopathic genes. Time magazine’s recent cover story is about the phenomenon of youth delinquency in Britain. Amis was ahead of the curve when he wrote about it in his novel Yellow Dog.
His forthcoming book is a collection of essays on 9/11 called The Second Plane. (You can read one essay, ‘The Age of Horrorism’ , here.) The collection has received a lot of negative comment: Amis is a racist, etc. Well I’ve read a lot of Amis’ work and and can’t square with that judgement. (What he says is that Islamofascism produces awful racist feelings in him and he doesn’t know what to do with them.) I wonder whether some of the objections to his book are due to what we at Lovefraud encounter all the time: regular folks’ refusal to believe in human evil. These are the fortunate people who have not fully encountered evil – hope their luck holds out.
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Back to Dr. Leedom’s article – she makes it clear that the small candle of hope she holds out is not for the full-blown psychopaths Amis writes about, but for those with psychopathic traits.
Dear OxDrover,
Thank you for your words & wisdom,
I copied them below . . because they are SO important,
and so wise, and NEED repeating!
“The truth is:
There is NO tooth fairy.
There is No Easter Bunny.
It does NOT take two to fight.
There are NOT two sides to every story that are both valid.
There is NOT good in everyone.
Some people are EVIL personified.
NOT everyone can be “helped”/reformed/fixed/understood.
Everyone is NOT equal.
I AM BETTER than a psychopath.”
midlifecrisis says:
I agree with this need to ’win’ but they are not so intelligent as they will cut off their noses to spite their faces ”“ the ’win’ can be something that totally sabotages their lives as well as the lives of others around them and makes them look like a failure to the rest of society, but they still count it as a ’win’ if they have got one over the other person or made their life a misery in some way.
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Ha! I didn’t realize you knew the monster in my life. 🙂
They’re all the same, a cookie-cutter of each other. The one I used to be married to will gladly blow $100,000 to cheat me out of $100 and then, the way he gloats and boasts about his win. Sick, sick, sick! They really are very sick puppies.
Dear Sarah and one step,
Thanks for reminding me of this post of mine! Even though I wrote this, sometimes I FORGET it. But I do think it is the bottom line truth, the mantra if you will, and I need to remind myself of this over and over.
I can validate myself! Sometimes I may even be the ONLY person who validates my truth, what I know is TRUTH, what I know is RIGHT.
Truth is not determined by a VOTE, and it is NOT changed by public opinion. There was a time when people would be burned at the stake for saying the world was a globe, because public opinion was it was flat, but that id NOT change the shape of the world.
We in this country hold up Democracy as some sacred truth of fairness, but there are times that “democracy” ends up being two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for supper tonight!
When the psychopath and any number of their dupes are all in agreement that WE are the ones that are the problem it is sometimes enoughh to make us question our own truths and what is right or wrong.
I rememember a letter from my P son telling me that the entire family agreed with him, and therefore I was OBVIOUSLY the one OUT OF STEP. It was difficult to hang on to the truth when everyone else is saying I am “out of my mind”—but it is important to us and our own sanity that we CAN validate our own truths, “there is NOT good in everyone and there are not two sides to every story that are both valid.”
It is good to be validated here, but also that we learn to VALIDATE OUR SELVES!
Thanks guys for reminding me of my own words! (((hugs)))
i just wrote a friend and told her what my heart is up to. my dear girl heart is deeply sad and hurting. and resolved.
the last few days have brought much change. it’s good. it’s tiring. it’s complex and nuanced.
i have the pieces of the puzzle now. the shock and awe is lessened. the grief goes deeper.
the dowsers were here today. and tonight i have to sneak out and put a number of wire omega signs in the earth along a ley line. I am not sure if the tings we did today will help – but they will not hurt. I held dowsing rods (to use) today for the first time. i walked some boundaries (fence lines, etc.) and witched, looking for lines of different sorts of energy. the fellow i worked with is a 3rd generation dowser (and an engineer). i like him much. the rods were awesome – a tool, an illustration. i want to learn to find water.
it’s bunny day. and i have had no chocolate eggs.
oxy shot the easter bunny, that’s why. 🙁
Dear One-step,
Well, since I killed that little long earred faker, you might just have to go out and get you some stuff at the store–and make you some of those TRUFFLE chocolate things you made online last week and PUT UNDER MY NOSE to make me slobber like a dog looking at a ham bone! Besides you were a bad girl and the easter rabbit wouldn’t have brought you anything but some coal and switches for your stocking—er ah–basket, and you will probably not get a visit from the GREAT PUMPKIN either come Halloween! You and Charlie Brown can sit in the pumpkin patch til you learnn to lay your own chocolate easter aggs! LOL ROTFLMAO
Folks around here believe in dousing too, some use a piece of a tree limb and some use copper rods held in the hands or inside little pieces of copper pipe so they can swing freely.
I’m not sure what I believe about it…I’ve seen some good demonstrations that make me wonder for sure. There is a man I know who can walk over a flat piece of field that is our local grave yard and his rods cross when he passes over a grave, even with him blindfolded and led around by someone else. ??????? But there are bigger things in the universe than I know that is for sure!!!
Hope you had a great weekend! Even if you were chocolate deprived. If it helps SO WAS I!!!
oxy – how do yo know HOW BAD i’ve been? 😉
i have kinda stopped celebrating any holidays in the last few months -‘cept my birthday actually – and it was made good by other folks…i just showed up. residual from the spth. no energy. no money. no focus.
i have had a wild ride the last few days. it’s good, as things are moving forward with the unravelling of the story i have been living with the spath – but i am a bit wiped out. (and now lf has posted my comment beofre i was done!?)
the dowsing is interesting. we are – the whole dowsing group and i have a field trip planned to go out to my land in June – and look for water. I had a pretty interesting time today with them. i feel energized when i talk to these folks. and that is a good thing. I don’t get too energized about much these days. that will change and needs to change. life is so much better than it seems right now.
it’s so weird – the spath got caught and she didn’t get away with one of her latest scams ’cause an old dupe busted her. and now i know who the REAL people were in all those photos i have that the spath used to represent the pantheon of peeps i had contact with.
this week with have lawyers in it. i just have to keep walking forward.
Dear One-step,
Well, I’m sending you some cyber chocolate to cheer you up!
You know, the spatholes usually get “caught” or “outed” one way or another eventually. At the very least, we know that they are “hollow-grams” of real humans and are empty on the inside and none of the things they do really are fulfilling to them.
Keep on walking forward One-step! ((((Hugs))))
Yes, they{the spathholes,} are empty, just like the choc eggs are empty! Just as well, or wed put on even more weight!
Your cardomom chocs sounded so great One- step, when are you going to make some?
Hope you had a good Easter!
Easter Bunny Hugs!!!,
Gem.XX
Sorry Oxy, Cyber chocs just dont do it for me, darlen!!{No Oxytocin rush!}Love, gem.XX
Well, I am feeling IT around the spath- I have been for days. And I am having a hard time with it.
He is in my thoughts haunting me and I know intellectually that there is NO WAY and I am by ACTION NO CONTACT but the haunting is hard.
I don’t understand it and its frustrating to have this subroutine running all the time.
I try to understand that there are set back s in the process and retry to gain beach in the battle for my life.
But, its not about what HE did or didn’t do its about the process of letting go and moving on.
Check the map. Hmm Even if I am not as far a long as I wanted, I am in the process. I can check where I am.
I can focus on the power of now- what do I need to do NOW-
Breaking it down into the simplest steps and achieving them one at a time.
On the bigger picture, I can get help. A job coach, family, friends, therapists, attorney,support community-
What ever pices I use, I can assemble an army. Remember the guy from Fed EX who got marooned on an island?
He kept company with a volleyball!
On the spiritual side I can be grateful for a lot of the aspects of this and even the suffering of having been lied to and betrayed.
I can let go of my fear to Christ and be forgiven for anything I’d beat myself up for.
I have learned how to talk to my inner child and to calm her down, I know I am worthy of a better love and I know what happened in my past which empowered the Spathhole.
The tools are there, I just have to use them and the only thing this is going to take is time.
Time, time time.
Ascertain position.
Call in the troops
Assemble the weapons
Consult the experts
Acknowledge the higher power
Find peace in the decision to let go
Execute the decision to let go
OK. Check.
Its a lot of gear to carry around.
I wonder if there is an easier way?
The day is on.