It should go without saying that there are inherent risks that accompany on-line dating. However, in our electronic age, this practice has become quite acceptable and commonplace. I know many people who have met their very decent significant others on dating sites. Regardless, it is always a good idea to be cautious.
A few years ago, I decided to try a popular site. I was busy juggling parenting, fighting court battles, attending graduate school, and working. Dating was not a priority, but I thought I’d give it a whirl. It wasn’t long before I was matched with the individual I just broke it off with! Initially, I was confused, because while we were together, it did not seem he needed “help” in this area. The nature of his work took him away from home and allowed him to meet a variety of women. However, apparently, he was in between love interests, or simply trolling for a “better” one. Thus, the profile.
After being matched with, and promptly blocking him, I thought about the futures of the women he might meet who were doing nothing more than searching for a “good guy” like the rest of us. Then, I considered the types of people I was being matched with on the site. Most were probably fine, but I couldn’t help but think about the less than stellar experiences I was having. I couldn’t help but think about the super nice guy who claimed to be 5’11”, but was really 5’1″. Now, I don’t care about a guy’s height, but did he really think I wouldn’t notice 10 “missing” inches? All it caused me to do was wonder about what other lies he told. On another occasion, I began “communicating” with someone who turned out to know one of my friends. Her words of warning played over and over in my mind, and the red flags were, in fact, everywhere. Further involvement with him would have probably yielded nothing more than a “repeat performance” of what I already lived through. On another occasion, I was matched with a local person, who was actually married, in spite of his self proclaimed single status on the site. What if I had not already known who he was and became involved?
After a few disastrous dates and then a few others that were simply just not matches, I decided that I needed to meet people the old fashioned way. Nonetheless, on-line dating remains quite popular and a great option for many. However, anyone who ventures out into this environment must be careful. While it can be an excellent way to meet others, it can also be a smorgasbord for the ill intended.
The problems have become so common that the term catfish is now a noun with a new meaning. Essentially, it is used to describe an individual who has created a fake on line profile with the intent of deceiving others. MTV now has a reality show by that title, which chronicles the stories of many who have fallen in love on-line, only to learn the truth (or lies) about their other halves. Entertainment aside, even the FBI acknowledges the potential hazards. Cyber dating has created some unique challenges.
Below, I provide the link for the FBI warning. The fact that they have chosen to address this issue is good indicator that the problem is more widespread than many might think, even if we are fairly more aware than most. Their suggestions may seem like common sense suggestions, but we know how convincing these individuals can be. Often, their strange stories are plausible enough for us to believe. Therefore, it is critical that we move forward with caution. Hopefully, these reminders help us all!
Looking for love? Beware of online dating scams, on FBI.gov.
Tea Light
BBE, ”other personal details “exaggerated” if you know what I mean”” *innocent face*, why what can you mean BBE?:)
So true. Those ads are never on in the day time when you are busy with life.
They grab you while you’re in your pajamas, off guard! vulnerable!
Apparently on the dating sites women tend to lie about their age, men about their height, weight and marital / relationship status.
I read an interesting analysis of the biggest French / Euro dating site, which is called meetic.com. It had a lot of ads around Paris a while back, with slogans like ”Find Love Without Falling in Love!” ”Find Love Without Risk!”. It was selling the idea of the risk free love relationship. As if love is something that can be brokered like a business deal. The article was speculating that falling in love is seen as a scary and unwelcome loss of control by a lot of people, and dating normally with it’s risks is a waste of precious time. What a world.
behind_blue_eyes
Tea Light;
While he does try you use an “innocent” look and names to suggest such (i.e. XYZBoy), he exaggerates his “manhood” — covering up for the lack thereof…
Of course, by using a Red Ribbon badge for safe-sex awareness, he is also trying to mask that he is HIV+.
kmillercats
As far as dating sites…I think about 40% of the guys I emailed or emailed me quickly and mysteriously disappeared shortly after I interacted with them. Suspicious to say the least and I know some of its friends are on the site. The one is definitely disordered. Predatory stare both times I met him. I thought he was interested but, now I know different. He is 55 and trolls for women between 20 and 40. He also socializes with his daughters friends. They are in their late teens. He’s a real creep.
BBE I would be very wary of someone in a church group also. Spaths love trolling there. People think they are a “good” person because they go to church. Part of the persona. It loved going to church and acting like a “christian”.
MoonDancer
I have an account on a website for playing games, cards, boardgames etc, I love to play canasta. But you have to fill out a little profile about yourself and create a avatar or character ( no real photos )…
I have met lot’s of nice folks, mostly ladies from all over the world. They put me on their friends list and I do the same. Well, I put in my profile ( more than likely I am just a figment of your imagination ) because these ladies get attached to me and start asking all kinds of personal question’s etc..I just want to play canasta, chat and have a good time.
I dont think I should have to reveal my sexual preference just to play cards, but maybe I should, there’s lot’s of lonely women out there with wild imaginations ~!
MoonDancer
Same with age, most of those online queens have been 40 for the past 20 years ! I would like to know how they do that because I just keep gettin older…..
behind_blue_eyes
In the gay community, some “exaggeration” is almost expected I guess, lol!
One reason is their own shallowness. I did an experiment. Made profiles on two different sites, everything the same except location and age.
I needed to have two different locations as many have profiles on different sites. I used the exact same current picture, but gave my real age (39, then) and 29.
The difference in activity was startling. I was even accused of using a “old” picture when I gave my real age.
Out of curiosity, I actually met several people using the fake age — never once was I questioned. I felt bad for this one guy: nice but not my type. However, he became somewhat obsessed with me, even after my telling him that I did not think we had much in common.
I often feel weird when I go out. I meet more 20-something guys at 42 than I did at 22! My x-Scousepath would be jealous.
The other week I was out and this somewhat drunk 23 year old approached me. We started talking and h asked me how old I was. I said guess… He said 28 or 29. I laughed and said dryly “you are very good at telling somebody’s age…”
We talked for like an hour. He even bought me a drink. Then he tells me “wow, you must have a very interesting life as your knowledge and experiences seem like that of somebody much older…”
Then he says to me “are you a Vampire or something…” I laughed. “Maybe.”
I never told him the truth. I bought him a drink and then talked a bit more and simply said goodbye. He was beating around the bush but never put things together.
I guess I am lucky in one way but in another way frustrated. So many gay men either do not take care of themselves or the ones that do opt for a tanned and muscled stereotype look that is not my type.
I have said this before. The real hold the x-Scouspath had on me is that while he was very much starting to show his age, he had a look and exterior charm that was very attractive to me and I have not met a 35+ year old guy since him that did the same.
Ox Drover
The HORROR STORIES of people who have met their psychopath on line are terrible….talk about catfish! HUGE CATFISH! I have also met a couple of psychopaths, not romantic and not on a dating site, but other sites that seemed very nice, but it didn’t take long in “real life” to see that these people were psychopaths and out to use me if they could.
I’ve also met some disordered people in real life in mutual interest groups, some at work, and some in business relationships….and gave birth to one, and was sired by one…
Online dating? Long distance dating? Nah, I will pass, if I ever again find anyone to date it will be in their natural environment where I can observe them and see how they treat others.
Tea Light
Moon, making note to self “learn canasta” . How pleasingly retro a hobby is that!
behind_blue_eyes
This is funny. The x-Scousepath on several profiles uses this one photo in which he looks very young. He has his arm around somebody, but the picture is cropped so that the other person is not visible.
His best friend uses the other half as his FB profile picture — with the x-Scousepath cropped out…
Several of this guy’s friends noted that it is a very old picture!
Tea Light
Liverpool’s not that big. I think we need to consider the appalling possibility that the Scousepaths are distantly or even closely related. Second cousins is a definate maybe. Time for my medication.