It should go without saying that there are inherent risks that accompany on-line dating. However, in our electronic age, this practice has become quite acceptable and commonplace. I know many people who have met their very decent significant others on dating sites. Regardless, it is always a good idea to be cautious.
A few years ago, I decided to try a popular site. I was busy juggling parenting, fighting court battles, attending graduate school, and working. Dating was not a priority, but I thought I’d give it a whirl. It wasn’t long before I was matched with the individual I just broke it off with! Initially, I was confused, because while we were together, it did not seem he needed “help” in this area. The nature of his work took him away from home and allowed him to meet a variety of women. However, apparently, he was in between love interests, or simply trolling for a “better” one. Thus, the profile.
After being matched with, and promptly blocking him, I thought about the futures of the women he might meet who were doing nothing more than searching for a “good guy” like the rest of us. Then, I considered the types of people I was being matched with on the site. Most were probably fine, but I couldn’t help but think about the less than stellar experiences I was having. I couldn’t help but think about the super nice guy who claimed to be 5’11”, but was really 5’1″. Now, I don’t care about a guy’s height, but did he really think I wouldn’t notice 10 “missing” inches? All it caused me to do was wonder about what other lies he told. On another occasion, I began “communicating” with someone who turned out to know one of my friends. Her words of warning played over and over in my mind, and the red flags were, in fact, everywhere. Further involvement with him would have probably yielded nothing more than a “repeat performance” of what I already lived through. On another occasion, I was matched with a local person, who was actually married, in spite of his self proclaimed single status on the site. What if I had not already known who he was and became involved?
After a few disastrous dates and then a few others that were simply just not matches, I decided that I needed to meet people the old fashioned way. Nonetheless, on-line dating remains quite popular and a great option for many. However, anyone who ventures out into this environment must be careful. While it can be an excellent way to meet others, it can also be a smorgasbord for the ill intended.
The problems have become so common that the term catfish is now a noun with a new meaning. Essentially, it is used to describe an individual who has created a fake on line profile with the intent of deceiving others. MTV now has a reality show by that title, which chronicles the stories of many who have fallen in love on-line, only to learn the truth (or lies) about their other halves. Entertainment aside, even the FBI acknowledges the potential hazards. Cyber dating has created some unique challenges.
Below, I provide the link for the FBI warning. The fact that they have chosen to address this issue is good indicator that the problem is more widespread than many might think, even if we are fairly more aware than most. Their suggestions may seem like common sense suggestions, but we know how convincing these individuals can be. Often, their strange stories are plausible enough for us to believe. Therefore, it is critical that we move forward with caution. Hopefully, these reminders help us all!
Looking for love? Beware of online dating scams, on FBI.gov.
Tea Light;
Based on descriptions, I actually thought that. I believe they both went to the same Uni, although maybe 5 years apart. While the x-Scousepath got out of Liverpool as soon as he graduated, his sister still lives there. Given that she is 4 years older than her brother, she might actually know Louise’s x-Scousepath.
She is a piece of work. I literally feel for her sons as their mother drinks like a fish and does not hide it. While on holiday she apparently was once sunning by a pool and decided to go topless. Then she went for a swim with the boys and forgot to put her top on…
I once saw a picture of her and her girl friends that would make the cast of Desperate Scousewives look upscale.
Hi, I haven’t been on for a while, but have been reading. I haven’t been on a dating site for at least 3 years as my last boyfriend was definitely a spath. I quit dating two years ago to take some time to get over my divorce of a 25 year marriage. Having said that, I had a profile on Singlesnet which can be used for good or for bad. The best thing to do is to meet right away in a public place of course.
The mistake many people make including myself is to fall in love on email or phone. What I seemed to need and my ex spath sensed that was phone time. He would talk to me, mostly listen to me. When we finally met I felt like I knew him. Any of the red flags I would shsssssh in my head. I do realize now that he was telling me what I wanted to hear.
Another really scary story, the candidate before him had talked on the phone a lot with me. When we were getting ready to meet he told me he had to tell me something. He told me that he had been in prison for 20 years. I held my breath and asked why? FOR MOLESTING HIS OWN CHILDREN!!! I swear the room spun after he told me that. The reason he was honest is that I mentioned I liked parks and I had been a teacher. He was not allowed to be in a certain proximity of schools or parks. So, after him my soon to be ex spath seemed like Prince Charming.
TTS
TTS that’s horrible, you must have been very shaken. Good God what did he expect from you after that? A dinner date? Horrible.
OMG. My brother had a similar experience with a women he met online — sex had been convicted of having sex with a 13 year-old boy!
Tea Light,
Yes, it was horrible. I had almost forgot as I was with the ex-spath for a year and a half. The pedophile wanted me to meet him at some community center where he went dancing once a week. The scary thing is he seemed like a nice guy on the phone. I later looked up his criminal record and sure enough he had one. Fortunately the only thing I wasted on him was some phone time, but just talking about it makes me feel like I need a shower or two.
TTS
BBE, it really is a possibility, a friend of mine is from The Wirral (sort of posh suburb of Liverpool) and when I stayed with his family his brother’s best friend turns out to be Paul McCartney’s cousin. They’re all related! Small city.
Louise;
Deleted…
TTS, so sorry, completely understandable that you would have that feeling of contamination . Did you report him to the site he has his profile on by any chance? If so were the site managers responsive? I don’t know what they would do in the case of a convicted sex offender. These sites are a hazard unless people are psychologically prepared to encounter and deal with individuals like you unfortunately encountered TTS. Peace and love to you x
Hello to all,
OMG…I met my spath on line.
This may seem hard to believe… that he was the first and only man I ever dated from the only site I ever went on. He pounced on me the 2nd day I was on this site. I now see how predatorial it all was….at the time, i just thought he really dug me !!!lol
I did recieve alot of responses and sifted through them methodically , only speaking with a few…most just seemed to want s-x, to chat you to death or honestly admitted to nothing in common on phone. A few nice , but no contact happened b/c they went slow …..Imagine that !!!
Well..sadly , he was the second man I dated post divorce and the first and only from the date-site I joined. I will never on- line date again. I am sure some are normal…but I just could not do it again.
All seemed so wonderful in early days…and you already know “the rest of the story” or I would not be here….
I have wondered if I should report him? He really is a sick one …I do think he is dangerous, at the end, he threatened my life for having crying spells and emo-outbursts( never mind that he was cheating and very cruel, i left after the threat) …he even told me at end that he is more dangerous than I know (shiver)…and I know he will go after 18 n up, he likes them pretty and sweet!…..this man is filled with evil ….but I would be considered just a jilted lover….right?
And I am legitamately afraid of him. I have never known a crueler man in my life. When he “turned”, showed true colors and took off mask, it was not pretty.
I will addres this ? and more with my conselor b/c I also know of his aspirations that could put him on a college campus with 1000’s of young fair “game”….truly scary. And he works with young women…has anyone else ever felt a moral responsibility to tell someone?
But the fear I have is real…and I have children…I have to honor that first.
Bluemosaic
Bluemosaic and Tea Light, No I didn’t report him.
It seems like such a long time ago now. I met my ex spath after that. He didn’t have a prison record or anything but he did seem to have a record of manipulating people, using people, just for some sort of game.
Looking back now, I would have never given the Ex-Spath as much time as I did had it not been for all of that phone time. I should have met him at Starbucks at least and see if he paid”.or for dinner and see how big a tip he left. He would give me gifts, but he was mostly a free-loader. He ended up on my phone plan. It was interesting as his previous girlfriend had him on her phone plan. Once I lost my phone battery under the refrigerator. He told me he could loan me his deactivated phone until I found it (same plan as mine). I found my phone but I had this brilliant idea. All I had to do was add a line to my plan and he could have his old phone”.ha ha ha. Wasn’t I brilliant. It is hard to believe he had me believing it was my idea. Guess who paid his phone bill every month. Not him!