It should go without saying that there are inherent risks that accompany on-line dating. However, in our electronic age, this practice has become quite acceptable and commonplace. I know many people who have met their very decent significant others on dating sites. Regardless, it is always a good idea to be cautious.
A few years ago, I decided to try a popular site. I was busy juggling parenting, fighting court battles, attending graduate school, and working. Dating was not a priority, but I thought I’d give it a whirl. It wasn’t long before I was matched with the individual I just broke it off with! Initially, I was confused, because while we were together, it did not seem he needed “help” in this area. The nature of his work took him away from home and allowed him to meet a variety of women. However, apparently, he was in between love interests, or simply trolling for a “better” one. Thus, the profile.
After being matched with, and promptly blocking him, I thought about the futures of the women he might meet who were doing nothing more than searching for a “good guy” like the rest of us. Then, I considered the types of people I was being matched with on the site. Most were probably fine, but I couldn’t help but think about the less than stellar experiences I was having. I couldn’t help but think about the super nice guy who claimed to be 5’11”, but was really 5’1″. Now, I don’t care about a guy’s height, but did he really think I wouldn’t notice 10 “missing” inches? All it caused me to do was wonder about what other lies he told. On another occasion, I began “communicating” with someone who turned out to know one of my friends. Her words of warning played over and over in my mind, and the red flags were, in fact, everywhere. Further involvement with him would have probably yielded nothing more than a “repeat performance” of what I already lived through. On another occasion, I was matched with a local person, who was actually married, in spite of his self proclaimed single status on the site. What if I had not already known who he was and became involved?
After a few disastrous dates and then a few others that were simply just not matches, I decided that I needed to meet people the old fashioned way. Nonetheless, on-line dating remains quite popular and a great option for many. However, anyone who ventures out into this environment must be careful. While it can be an excellent way to meet others, it can also be a smorgasbord for the ill intended.
The problems have become so common that the term catfish is now a noun with a new meaning. Essentially, it is used to describe an individual who has created a fake on line profile with the intent of deceiving others. MTV now has a reality show by that title, which chronicles the stories of many who have fallen in love on-line, only to learn the truth (or lies) about their other halves. Entertainment aside, even the FBI acknowledges the potential hazards. Cyber dating has created some unique challenges.
Below, I provide the link for the FBI warning. The fact that they have chosen to address this issue is good indicator that the problem is more widespread than many might think, even if we are fairly more aware than most. Their suggestions may seem like common sense suggestions, but we know how convincing these individuals can be. Often, their strange stories are plausible enough for us to believe. Therefore, it is critical that we move forward with caution. Hopefully, these reminders help us all!
Looking for love? Beware of online dating scams, on FBI.gov.
Louise
Tea Light:
When I find out for sure why he was fired, I will let you know. I am only speculating of course as to why since he was trying to screw everyone, but it could very well have been for doing something like falsifying reports or something with his actual work, but my intuition is telling me that perhaps it was a combination of both. He felt like he was above the law and it finally caught up with him. I also feel like he was probably in trouble in England and that’s why he came to the states to begin with…he was running away, but sooner or later, things do catch up with people.
Yes, this also happens at my former company when there is clear evidence of something very bad (summarily dismissed). Maybe he was caught in a conference room having sex with someone? After all, he used to kiss me in conference rooms…anyone could have walked in on us.
Exactly, he could sue them if it was unfair, but he wouldn’t dare do that after all he has done!!! That would be truly laughable!
I do feel like I can hold my head high now IF I would ever see any of his minions because who’s laughing now??? It’s validation that HE was the disordered one who messed up so many lives. Thanks, Tea Light…I am still trying to wrap my head around this. I may want to talk about it for a bit. x
MoonDancer
Louise ~!
Their bullshit always catches up with them eventually, it’s called karma..
I dont know if my X wacko still works where he did five years ago but there was this lady he didnt like and he was always trying to sabotage her.
And I am sure he was sharing his pecker with anyone that wanted it. It would be interesting to know if he still works there but I am not going to take the effort to find out…He had a history of short term jobs, he always worked ( I will give him that ) but he never stayed anywhere very long.
I think there is a book or a article here about Sociopaths in the work place.
Anywho I am happy this has given you some satisfaction and justification.
Does this call for a party?
bluemosaic
Hurray for you Louise!!!
Just saw your xspath got Fired…see, universe will take care of them all…in due time : ) May he live on canned cat food and wear sole ripped slippers as his only shoes…till infinity!
Truthspeak, thx for tip on not going to therapy with a diagnosis of ex Bf monster. How did you know that I was going right in there to tell them I loved a spath…boo-hoo, help me? I will now just state the facts…It really is just about what I need to fix that he helped uncover and the emo damage he did do. Very valid point on the cog/dis struggle I am having. I think it will be awhile before I really get that. I honestly do feel like he brain washed me.
Peace warm hugs
Bluemosaic
Louise
MD:
I know…gosh, this is hard for me to digest! One part of me is soooo glad he finally got what he deserved, but another part is not happy. It is KARMA though. Wow.
Yep, probably not a good idea to think about whether your spath is still at that workplace or not.
Mine did ALL his bad stuff in the workplace…that was his playground…absolutely! And how sick is that??? Work is not a playground, but it was for him!! I know they hate to fire people, especially at his high level, but they obviously finally had enough of him. I had heard that he was trying to do some other shifty stuff with paperwork with a government agency (very important stuff) so perhaps he got found out with that? I will find out and let everyone know.
Yes, it does call for a party! Get out your dancing shoes!
Louise
bluemosaic:
Thanks! Yep, I hope this helps you in your recovery…they WILL get what is due to them. KARMA.
MoonDancer
Bluemo…
” it really is about what I need to fix that he helped uncover ”
Yes ~! your gettin it, your gonna be just fine, hang in there !
darwinsmom
I’m so glad that people caught up with the spath, Louise! And I’m glad and relieved you have some source of vaildation about him!
Tea Light
Blue you nailed it! Fix in yourself what the episode has uncovered. With me, I have already moved from obsessively thinking about my abuser to focusing on why the hell my boundaries were so ill defined and permeable that he got anywhere near me in the first place. They arent fixeable and it’s not our role to fix anyone anyway. People have to fix themselves with support and encouragement from well meaning good hearted others but we have to do all the self fixing hard labour. Really great to read your insights blue you have a lot of fighting spirit that is very healthy. Peace and love x
Louise
darwinsmom:
Thanks so much! Validation!!
Louise
Tea Light:
I feel like now I can help other people more than I could before. I feel like him being fired takes me to the next level. Like you said…you are no longer obsessing about him, but are now focusing on yourself and that they are NOT fixable…SO TRUE! Scousepath being fired is PROOF that they are not fixable so why try? It has been four years since Scousepath started all his shenanigans here in the US and it all finally caught up with him. FOUR YEARS of non stop deceit, lying, cheating, manipulating, lovebombing, drinking, on and on I could go, but it finally got him. Let this be a lesson to anyone here…just get OUT. It will NEVER get better.
At the same time, because I am such a compassionate person, it is sad. So sad that they are so damaged that they just can’t be helped. 🙁
This guy had it all and I mean ALL…an awesome wife, beautiful kids, executive career, a gorgeous house, expensive vehicles, but it wasn’t enough. He was trying to fill a hole that could never be filled and now he has lost all he had. I am sure he will gain it all again though; they usually do. x