It is likely you are reading this because a sociopath said “I love you” and you believed him/her. You also probably thought that when the sociopath said “I love you” he/she used these words as you do, to express a sense of intimacy, passion and commitment. However, what a sociopath says and what a sociopath does are so different it can be crazy making.
In the aftermath of a relationship with a sociopath, former romantic partners are left to wonder, “Just what was going on in that person’s mind?” “What was he/she thinking?” Many people have written in asking, “Did he/she really love me?” and “Do you think he/she loves that other person now?” It is the second question many find most disturbing.
In 1943, Dr. Abraham Maslow in his classic paper, A theory of human motivation, declared that psychopaths lack the capacity and motivation for love. “The so-called ‘psychopathic personality’ is another example of permanent loss of the love needs. These are people who, according to the best data available (9), have been starved for love in the earliest months of their lives and have simply lost forever the desire and the ability to give and to receive affection (as animals lose sucking or pecking reflexes that are not exercised soon enough after birth). ”
Contemporaneously with Maslow, Dr. Hervey Cleckley described psychopaths in The Mask of Sanity and developed a set of criteria for their identification. According to Cleckley (criteria #9), psychopathy is associated with “pathological egocentricity and incapacity for love.” He declared “The psychopath seldom shows anything that, if the chief facts were known, would pass even in the eyes of lay observers as object love.”
Cleckley also maintained that an “absolute” incapacity for love is even found in those with an “incomplete manifestation” of psychopathy, who lack the full disorder. Writing in 1956, Drs.McCord and McCord disagreed with Cleckley and Maslow. They described psychopaths as having “a warped capacity for love” stating, “there are indications that the capacity, however under developed, still exists .”
My guess is that the McCords got fooled just like you and I and a recent paper shows us why.
Dr. Barbara Gawda at Maria Curie-Skldowska University Poland studied the “Love Scripts” of sociopaths. Love scripts are simply ideas about love that a person has. These ideas include how people fall in love, and what people in love are supposed to do.
Dr. Gawda showed a picture of a man and a woman hugging to 60 sociopaths in prison, 40 prisoners without disorder and 100 university students. She asked all participants to write a story about the picture and to imagine themselves as one of the characters.
The sociopaths stories were significantly longer, more detailed, and more self-centered than the other two groups. Contrary to expectations then sociopaths do not lack love schemas. They are perfectly adept and perhaps more adept than most in talking about love. The findings of this study jive completely with my own clinical experience. That is, over the years many people I knew to be sociopaths told me about their love experiences. Their stories were impressive and had me believing that they were capable of love.
If clinicians, scientists, lovers and family members rely on verbal reports, they will never come to understand the lack of capacity to love that characterizes sociopaths. Cleckley reached his conclusions about psychopathy and love only after observing their actions over a number of years. He also said this,
“In a sense, it is absurd to maintain that the psychopath’s incapacity for object love is absolute, that is, to say he is (in)capable of affection for another ”¦ He is plainly capable of casual fondness, of likes and dislikes, and of reactions that, one might say, cause others to matter to him. These affective reactions are, however, always strictly limited in degree. In durability they also vary greatly from what is normal in mankind. The term absolute is, I believe, appropriate if we apply it to any affective attitude strong and meaningful enough to be called love, that is, anything that prevails in sufficient degree and over sufficient periods to exert a major influence on behavior.”
References
A theory of human motivation. Maslow, A. H.; Psychological Review, Vol 50(4), Jul, 1943. pp. 370-396
McCord, W and McCord, J (1956) Psychopathy and Delenquency New York: Grune and Stratton, Inc. page 13
Love scripts of persons with antisocial personality.Gawda B.
Psychological Reports 2008, 103, 371-380.
This study compared the scripts of love among 60 prison inmates diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder and those of 40 inmates without an Antisocial Personality Disorder diagnosis but low antisocial tendencies, and a control group of 100 adult students in extramural or evening secondary schools without Antisocial Personality Disorder traits. The study focused on emotional knowledge about love of the group with Antisocial Personality Disorder, as they present lack of capacity for love. The study was done to examine how they perceive love and how much knowledge they have about love. All described their reactions to a photograph of a couple hugging each other. The content of these scripts, analyzed in terms of description of actors, their actions and emotions, and length of description, was compared among the groups. The scripts of love by antisocial inmates contained more actors’ feelings and strong emotions, as well as more descriptions of actors’ traits, their actions, and presumptions. The inmates with Antisocial Personality Disorder showed more focus on themselves when they described love than the other inmates and the controls.
Geminigirl’s suggestions are perfect:) You need to start taking control of your life and things will start to fall in to place one way or another. Not everyone is an ’empath’. There are perfectly normal people, i.e people who dont go around systematically ruining other’s lives for their own selfish gain, or because of their selfish impulses, who dont ‘get’ the whole love thing; the wonderful spectrum of the human psyche (in which the sociopath is NOT included IMHO). I think that maybe if you deal with the obvious flash points (like alcohol) and go No Contact with your ex, as gemini suggested you will allow yourself the much needed calmness and space to gain some clarity about yourself and your life choices. Also: getting professional help(counselling, AA, support groups,talking to your G.P,finding someone to talk all this through with) is actually not a bad suggestion… we all need help sometimes.x But it is you who is in control of your actions and your life. How do you want it to go? Live well.x
ADMHW:
I have to tell you…..(and I am known to be harsh and to the point.)
I am not going to beat around the bush with you for several reasons.
1. This is a serious situation for you.
2. You struck a personal note in me.
This is what I have told my ex, whom I believe to be a NS and would tell him if he wrote the same words to me directly…..
You have negatively affected YOUR life, MY LIFE and all of our kids lives….I enabled you and I will not allow the behaviors any longer. From either of us.
There is obviously issues here…..not sure if you are trying to diagnose yourself, your ex and what you expect to ‘change’ from ‘figuring it out’.
If something is broken….fix it!
No one here can ‘diagnose’ you. If you are serious….I suggest you seek a professional Psychiatrist/Psychologist to council you through your ‘issues’ and thoughts on the topic and beyond. This will offer you clarity and peace….when the journey proceeds.
My ideas…..and only mine….NOT PROFESSIONAL….
are:
There are NO cookie cutter symtoms….some S’s have some, some have all, some add to the list….Bottom line….It’s a combination foul, toxic lifestyle.
Its not impossible for two S’s to attract each other….common actually.
Your statements of “i don’t believe’ are alarming to me….YOU either DO OR DON”T KNOW about your own behaviors and thoughts are.
It’s not about what you believe about yourself…..there is no gray area here! You seem to make a ‘grey area’…..BE HONEST!
That’s like me telling you I believe I am a beauty queen weighing in at 120 lbs…..Im hot and sexy and red hair…..
I BELIEVE, I THINK…..
WELL EB….when was the last time YOU looked in the mirror…
You are 420 lbs, grey hair, and a pock ridden face stretch marks on your neck and back, and torn clothing…..but….I believe I am hot…..this is a severe gap in my reality……BUT I BELIEVE…..does it make it true……just ask those around me who see me for WHAT I really Look LIKE……
Definition and how we interpret words and ‘twist’ them to suit ourselves and what we want to apply at the moment.
IE…… S STATEMENT: The car is not running…..
Interpretation by society: The car is broken down, in the shop….etc…
S definition: The key is not in the ignition….so it’s not running.
See how things can be twisted?
Drugs: Healthy people do not have shit teeth from using drugs…..this would alert me that I had a serious problem.
ALSO your minimizing of ‘dabbling’ in grade A’s too……U are either a drug user or NOT……don’t minimize it by it’s only marijuana. IT”S ALL ILLEGAL and your teeth are falling out? HELLLOOOOO….problem here!……this is the example you are setting for your kids! Would this example be okay if it was your child telling you these excuses? I think NOT!
S’s dont all sleep around…..some do, some don’t…..some withhold sex….it can be used as a control issue. Again, sex is not cookie cutter.
YOU BELIEVE YOU WERE ENTIRELY FAITHFUL…..again, you either were or were not. I believe I am a martian…..does that make me a martian? Where is the grey area here? What IS your definition of faithful. Faithful is 100% committed to the relatioship at all times…..not the few times you believe you may have slept with, kissed, had oral sex another…..
This is like Clinton saying….I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN……knowing full well…..he had oral sex and shoved a cigar up her vaginal area……
I guess this depends on YOUR beleif in what is faithful?
Respecting woman……again, depends on YOUR definition. Who is your example of respecting woman…..
ALARMING contradiction: “I haven’t taken money off people or manipulated others to get their belongings but I am not currently working have never performed well at any job and survive on small hand outs here and there, bouncing from place to place. ”
WHY IS THIS OKAY? Does the world owe you? People do not give ‘small hand outs’ unless they are sick of you or you give them a sob story. Bouncing from place to place……Couch surfing…..come on….your an adult…..we can all figure life out on this level. There are 3 things we owe ourselves, clothing, shelter and food……YOU are choosing not to provide any of your OWN essential necessities currently….because WHY? You have never been good at keeping a job…….Oh, ofcourse….don’t buy it…….
GET GOOD AT KEEPING A JOB>……figure out your priorities and do what it takes.
“I have done some utterly stupid things with regards to my son since the split, mostly because my ex-partner knows how to push my buttons and I haven’t yet learned to control myself, it’s not her ’fault’ I’ve done them,
Re-read what you wrote above…..and think about that…..
You cant justify your stupid actions towards a child by claiming your are not blaming your ex….BUT…..if she hadn’t….I wouldn’t have…..YOU AND ONLY YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR ACTIONS….PERIOD! Take responsibiltiy…..only then will you see the light…..whatever watt bulb is in it.
” she claimed I was violent but have never raised a hand to her, ever, again it’s totally against what I think I believe in, ”
I THINK I bELIEVE IN……Abuse is not only hitting….pushing, biting, shoving, locking in room, control, financial abuse, sexual abuse, mind fucks, creating fear…..THEN MAKING EXCUSES FOR IT…..DID THIS MEAN YOU KICKED HER? THAT COUNTS TOO!!! There is a big ‘gap’ in this statement’….only you have this answer….
Just because no one saw it…..doesn’t mean it didn’t happen….
I don’t know if you did or didn’t…..but I certainly do not question myself on concrete actionable items of my own behaviors.
Kinda like raising a hand to hit your partner…. to create fear and intimidation, and claiming you were just scratching your ear!
“but how the **** does one tell?”
I’ll tell ya~
By being 100% honest with yourself and Others. 100% of the time. PERIOD! Breaking yourself down to RAW……REAL, Vulnerable, and making the commitment to make yourself more productinve and happy in this world. Allowing yourself to be a great father, who sets good examples and teaches (general societies ideals of )GOOD life lessons to his son, not causing a child harm…. IN ANY WAY! Children are fragile……you can cause life long harm to them……Just because you believe you haven’t done harm….doesn’t make it less harmful…..this is for your own guilty conscience.
There is pain involved addressing our own issues……and facing reality of “WHO” we are, and HOW we affect people, regardless if you are a victim, perp, or person just having a problem in life…
It’s about WHO we wish to become and HOW WE WISH TO LEAVE OUR FOOTPRINT ON THE WORLD.
Your ex had feelings she felt…..it’s good you are taking a look inside yourself, hopefully you are doing this seriously, If so I commend you…..dont’ stop! …..whatever your issue is…..you will come out ahead, if you take it seriously and seek serious honest and productive counseling!
There is something telling you it’s just not right……
You can either continue your journey of destructin or veer of into self healing and honesty.
I will leave you with:
A clear conscience is the softest pillow……
Good luck to you in your journey,
I bid you peace.
XXOOEB
Ok, to clarify some things, In reading my post back again I see where some of the problems you cite arise and where you are coming from.
I know what I think, clearly, I am as honest with myself as I can be but any venture into psychology shows us very quickly that this is always relative. I know what I think about myself but then when others make statements about me or my behaviour I do stop to look and readdress to see if it holds water and I’ve missed something. Thought opinions and feelings vary not only from what’s going on internally or externally but also from the time of day it is and what the weather is like, we all vary, always, it’s the ’who is ACTUALLY me’ question I think I am trying to raise.
I try and be as direct and honest as I can be in statements both to myself and others.
Nicotine and sugar are drugs too, illegal does not under any circumstances denote levels of harm, at all! I HAVE used classic ‘drugs’ perrenially for a long time, I don’t any more and have not for quite some time (about 8 months), I also don’t drink coffee, a drug, don’t use anything with artificial sweetners in it, drugs that are exceptionally bad for you etc etc, I agree my teeth are shit but not just from drugs, I didn’t learn a brushing routine and never took the time to implement one, sure out of maybe later syndrome, that’s probably more of a cause than anything else, I also haven’t had the money for 8 years to go to a dentist.
My statement was meant to read I believe I respect women, new sentence, I was entirely faithful etc. I only ’believe’ I respect woman because I am not one and therefore have no specific gauge on what that would mean to one, I don’t treat them as objects, I believe in total equality, I am polite, open doors (paradox on equality perhaps) etc etc I also believe that men and woman are two entirely different species and one cannot ever understand the other, hence my caution in saying I respect them to a whole audience of women.
I was ENTIRELY faithful, under both your offered definitions and my own.
The world owing me is a tough one, no of course it doesn’t, I have held a number of decent jobs for extended periods of time but I never felt that I was any good at them (the world agreed) as I never believed in what I was doing/selling etc. I supported the family right up until it all blew up, I then left the country simply because I knew she would immediatley jump into bed with someone else (she did) and since she home schooled she managed to entirely separate me from my son something that in hindsight I can see happened progressively for years; (she has been with him 24/7 for 11 years, he has practically no choice but to believe every word she says) and since there is an individual my son calls his best friend who has been obsessively hanging around my ex for 12 years, who caused enormous ongoing problems in my and her relationship throughout as she adored the attention without any intention of satisfying this guys needs etc and told me I was being selfish when I asked that he not come round the house seven days a week and stay until 4 in the morning to chat, I feel he is a truly evil influence as my son is only the ‘means to an end’ the end being his staying close to my ex, I wasn’t allowed near yet this guy could, it was driving me nuts so I left.
I tried to take a time out in a foreign country, I am there now, no money no job as I cannot work here legally and only two places left to go. one my home where my ex lives or two back to my country of birth, somewhere I dread with all my heart, that’s why I left, so I am in a quandry as to what to do, yes, both in terms of geography and working.
I am not now nor ever trying to justify my actions, particularly towards my son, that was meant to be my point but again my means of expression failed, the emphasis was supposed to be on I DID IT, it makes no difference at all what she did, only what I DID, i get that.
I am not disingenuous, when I said I wasn’t violent I meant in all ways, we argued of course etc but for you to assume that I’m coyly ommitting to let on that I kicked her I find really hard to fathom, I am being HONEST, or as honest as I am able, of course I didn’t kick her, that’s violent! I didn’t witthold money, she had her own account and earned for herself too(what was mine was hers and what was hers was hers), I didn’t check up on her, I didn’t forbid her seeing anyone, yes I begged her to stop letting this guy come around but I never ’forbid’ anything, it wouldn’t even cross my mind to do so (back to respect for women in a lot of senses), I mention these other things only because they are what has come up in post after post as benchmarks, I’m not ‘proudly’ saying I didn’t do them!
I’m trying to pull my head out of my arse but I’m so goddamn shellshocked I just don’t know what is right, wrong and in between now because it’s all been so turned on it’s head that’s exactly the point I was trying to make, it’s got me doubting ME now, but I KNOW what I did and more importantly what I DIDN’T do.
As to my son, that’s a whole other topic, she guards him utterly and feeds him his lines, something I commented on a great deal in the last years of our time together, it’s another source of massive confusion for me as of course I NEVER had any intention of causing him harm (and no this isn’t me being disingenuous again, shit happens when families break up despite anyone’s best intentions humans fuck up) and now can’t work out what action to take that DON’T do so, do I disappear (dad deserted me), do I try and get back in when she controls ALL avenues from his e-mail to phone to friends to 24/7 life, he is still homeschooled, it’s just not as cut and dried as you make out.
I AM trying to shift and have murderously confronted myself with utter ruthlessness in the true Casteneda sense of self revelation and laying bare but truth is a nebulous concept particularly where humans, emotions and perceptions are concerned, I came to try and define things better but it does still all appear to be only perception based after all.
Forgiveness is the key, no doubt but I can’t seem to find it, I struggle to see how particularly the two of them, my ex and her lap dog (my sons ’best friend’ at 44!!) can be but in holding onto it I continue to poison myself and raise the doubts, and the question have I really missed it, am I that deluded, frankly it’s terrifying
Thanks for the responses and I’ve probably come out swinging far too hard here and if so I apologise, I recognise at one leveI am looking for reassurance but I am more urgently looking for a finer ‘truth’ if there is one
the dad deserted me bit is meant to be my son thinking by the way, not a statement of my life experience
by the way erin, your first statement to your NS boyfriend I agree with completely, the problem is it applies to BOTH of us, I struggle to get where that leaves me in what to do and how to deal with this so my son gets least hurt and yes selfishly so I get to actually BE a part of his life
ADMHW:
It’s always hard to ‘read’ the written word…..and interpret as intended.
I go with the straight up approach.
I stated you hit a personal nerve…..what you wrote my ex couldv’e written…..and I interpreted it as if it WAS from him….
So I appologize if I sounded harsh, I will never mince my words…..
I did it for toooooo long!
I only mean well and hard hitting or not, I care about people. You reached out…..and I reached back.
The thing that stands out in your posts to me is your questioning yourself…..this could be due to a lack of self esteem, or gut, or the crazymaking of living with a toxic person.
Based on what I interpret your latest post to be….
Heres my take.
There is nothing on earth that would keep me from my child…..
that said…..it was attempted with me.
I would NOT leave MY home, I would NOT leave MY children….HE HAD TO GO! He caused the abuse, he was the abuser to all of us……HE CHOSE THIS…..HE HAD TO GO……I made sure of that!
You are already gone……too late to stay now……
Not clear on why you left the country and with no job or path to take except run.
We do this……out of desparation…..you are right….we are all human……
Okay…so starting TODAY….what do you do?
Start with going back to the states or wherever ‘home is’ Not inside the home, but local…..and file custody papers with the court…..MAKE IT LEGAL…..visitation…..DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD…..whatever or how hard it will be! You know your child did not ask to be born or in this situation.
So…..follow the law…..
You need to be healthy to do this…..emotionally, physically and a ‘whole’ person.
Go back, stay sober,rent a room, find a job and visit your child. I’m hoping you are actively ‘working’ a program too, 8 months is NOT that long and relapse under the stress you are under is an option…..I congratulate you on your choice to get sober…..I congratulate you on your 8 months….and I in no way wish to minimize your achievement….ITS HUGE…..just stay connected to WHY you chose sobriety and HOW you feel sober.
File legal docs for custody arrangements and follow through.
Send your son cards, develope a habit that you can’t deny……I don’t know how old your son it…..but you may be in it for the long haul…..if he is a teen, he will see the love ou have and want to be a part of your life, in spite of what MOM says or does….as teen boys have a mind of their own, and have an inate need to know their fathers around 15 ish.
Teeth:
There are agencies ALL over the US with free dental care to fix your teeth……this is a wonderful service dentists do to allow you to boost your self esteem through physical means and give you a chance to gain employment and succeeed.
This is what dentists do…….they want everyone to have a healthy mouth……seek this out…..it will do you wonders….on so many levels.
Remember the serenity prayer….
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ,
change the things I can…..
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Say it over and over……
You are your sons father……if you were not abusive to him, and are a fit parent, then you should be in his life…it seems, given your drug background, you may have to prove yourself as a fit parent. No judgement there, just public perception……it would help the ‘perception’ getting your teeth fixed and actively working a program.
I won’t even address the sweetner, caffein yada yada……THE DRUGS YOU CHOSE WERE NOT LEGAL……don’t mix this up! It wasn’t a moral or debatable – political issue in your life……it caused problems for you. Get that straight……
My ex did this ALL the time…..bottom line….ILLEGAL….you could go to jail…..until the laws change, drink coffee and smoke cigars….keep it legal……Save that debate for the burning man festival!
Your self esteem is in the dumps…..clearly….YOU need to get to the bottom of WHY and take control of your life and decisions.
I think you may be concentrating on ONE thing…..and you should be focusing on the personal journey of change, growth and education. Not a label.
In re: to treating women with respect…….as a woman, I don’t view it as a ‘gender’ thing. It’s a people thing…..I treat all people with respect….man or woman.
I personally am of the generation that I enjoy a man to open doors, but I don’t expect it or judge if they do not…..i’d be highly disappointed if I expected it…I couldn’t tell you the last time a man held a door…..most just let it slam in our faces…especially the younger generation. So kudos for you for making that effort!
I don’t expect anything based on being a woman from anyone.
This may be because I became extremely self sufficient living with the man I chose to marry…..he was worthless. If I asked anything of him, as my partner…..he would always reply DO IT YOURSELF>…….this was a given…so I learned how to use power tools and shovel the roof , bait my own hook, change my own tire,…..maintain the cars, mow the lawn…..additionally, put on makeup and cute outfits to suffice HIM>
So, as far as that is concerned……TREAT ALL PEOPLE WELL!
Your gut will scream if you do not….and you should know it!
Remember…..if you believe in Karma……what goes around comes around. AND IT DOES….no one comes out unscathed….
I know how I want to be treated, what is acceptable to me, when i hurt others, when I say mean things and WHY I DO IT…..or choose not to, if given the opportunity. I care about people and I know what it feels like to hurt.
Back to your son…..you can only control yourself…..if you continue to ‘take the high road’ with your child…..it will all come out in the end….he will see his mother as for who she is…
You can’t control what/how/where she says anything. How she portrays you……
YOU CAN CONTROL how and what and where YOU choose to father your child…..If you want to be in your sons life…..WHATS STOPPING YOU? YOU!
I know it’s hard, I know it sucks….I went through the splitting and brainwashing of my kids…..but I PREVAILED……it’s damaging to the kids……it is everlasting……
If your gone, in another country…..YES….rest assured….he will be angry…..you have abandoned him…..STOP…..
Take the bull by the horns and be a parent, before it’s too late. RISE ABOVE YOUR EX…..and be the bigger ‘parent’.
Back to the counseling recommendation……still there…..DO IT! Find the support and educate yourself on YOU. The answers will evolve with you….you will not get them immediately and this seems to be causing some frustration for you……
I think you have bigger fish to fry at the moment…..and focus on the here and now…..make a list and a plan…..and follow it.
but work with a counselor…..they are free too. County referrals available in ALL counties in the US.
Hey, if you are a N or S……and you are wanting help…..YOU CAN TEACH US ALL A THING OR TWO!
If you are not…….then no harm no foul…..you are seeking answers to your life problems and what you are not happy with…..
Thats what it’s all about….GROWTH!!!!! AND LEARNING!!!!!
GOOD LUCK!
And find strength and peace from within!
XXOO
eb
Good Morning. Didn’t sleep much again but the few minutes I did I had a dream about this latest — showing up unannounced at my home in the middle of the night, getting in and I was trying to keep him out and the doors wouldn’t hold, him being very accusatory toward me (but not really “mean” about it) and at the same time trying to manipulate me into having some sort of sex with him, physical contact, anything to get me to let him “touch” me and me resisting. Him finding out that I came on this site and me trying to get signed out really fast but he was “HERE”.
It was really weird, frightening and bothered me alot the rest of the night. Obviously it still is.
All of it was scary but I’d like to address the “touching”. My ex used to do that; want me to “just shake my hand”. What is it with them and that? Because they get a desired response? They can still control? I read in one of the books never to shake a PSN’s hand, something about that but I don’t remember, its a vague recollection. This one did that a few weeks ago and that’s one of the red flags that I saw. “Just hold my hand, Just touch me.” Of course I did it.
It’s been 4 maybe 5 months months since I’ve been sure that there is a definite parallel going on between these 2 men.
I used to have dreams/nightmares for a couple of years after I broke up with the last one but this is the first with this one. Then I came on here and was reading again and saw that this is pretty common. Doesn’t really alleviate the feeling of fear right now though.
Also, I did not ever live with either of these men. I lived with others, was married, but for some reason not with these. That kind of makes it creepier to me; when he knows all of my business, my personal numbers, bank info, (thanks for that by the way, Brilhancy!) very specific [private] information, showing up at my house–he doesn’t live here.
The last one stalked me for 2 years.
I also am seeing that there seems to be a specific script that the PSN uses. Really weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am amazed still as I read the EXACT SAME PHRASES that I have heard. Sometimes he uses those and other times seems to just regurgitate my words of caring back to me.
Like I said before, my ex was the first I’d ever heard of and I should’ve used a lot more caution. I just did not realize that this could ever happen again.
I absolutely loved that about the “car not running”!!! I started to notice things like that just before I picked up O’hare’s book again and then I found this site. It helps me to see that my perception of reality is not as flawed as he/they would like me/us to believe. “I would never lie to you. We always tell each other the truth.” LOL Yeah, the car’s not running right now.
Oh, Twice Betrayed and Others:
Sometimes I read your posts and think to myself how much worse it must be for you, how much harder this all is and to have no contact. I did not marry nor have children with these men.
I know I’m self-absorbed right now with my own PoiSoNous thoughts and trying to make sense of myself and my life.
Just want you all to know how much I feel for you when I read. And just look at how positive, how strong, how self-confident and supportive you women (and men, sorry) are. It really gives me hope.
Maybe I should be on a different blog; but I’m here.
I’m really disturbed by some of the things that he says: “You have no idea how I study you, every nuance, every movement.” “I watched you for a long time before we met, gathered information on you, asked around about you”. “I know all of your thoughts, they are my thoughts”, “We share the same heart”, etc.
He was “lonely and depressed” before he met me (how many times have I read that on LF???), now I feel lonely and depressed and fearful.
thanks EB Muchly, I’m currently in Sri Lanka and Hong Kong is home so not sure how any of the dentist, counsellor thing shapes up but that’s all noise really isn’t it, if I go back to the UK I’ll have essentially lost him forever. ok, sod the rest of it for now I think you’re right, I need to be in the back yard to be in with a shot, interestingly her record of drugs is almost identical to mine so fitness remains very relative but the legal thing is a massive hurdle, there are yet more complications, we were never married and he carries her name as I didn’t think anything of it at the time, again complicated story, but again I digress, I think the point you are making pure and simple is get back there and get involved or rather be present for the little guy.