The narcissist discarded me every year for 11 years

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, “Angie19.”

I was involved with my narcissist for a little more than 11 years, for which 4-6 months out of each year he would discard me.

The process would start out with him giving me enough rope to hang myself by pushing the buttons he knew would get me to say something he could later use to “play victim” and claim “it always comes back to this” or “why, every time, do we have to go thru this.” It would be followed up with the standard guilt trip, topped off by demeaning me, which he was very good at doing. He had a talent to be very hurtful with very few words.

He would continue this beat-down until he felt confident that I was only about 1/2 inch off the ground. He would tell me I’m insecure and that’s why I always “do this” or “say that” and it’s all my fault, I f*cked up!

Unfortunately, his success in making me feel as small as possible was never satisfying enough for him, so he would feel the need to swing a few more kicks my way until he knew I was totally broken down and in tears. All the while, during the throw down of his punishment, he continued to acknowledge my text messages of pleading with him to forgive me, but once he felt satisfied with the number of apologies I sent or maybe he was no longer amused by my ass kissing, the inevitable would happen: dead silence, cut-off, cut-out, done, no reply; all communication stopped just … like… that!

A few months would go by and out of nowhere, “beep” incoming text from him with some random-off-the-wall comment, just as if nothing happened and we just saw each other the day before.

I didn’t mind, though, because my perception of him connecting with me again was “phew … I had f*cked up but HE’S FORGIVEN ME AND HE’S GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE!” We would literally pick up where we left off right before the beat-down a few months prior, and other than him giving his lame excuse of summer being his busiest time of year booking shows and traveling the beat-down was never spoken of or brought up again. We would be involved again without issues for 6-8 months, rinse and repeat!