(The following article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Let’s be honest. The term “sociopath” has become so commonplace, a very good thing (reflecting the increasingly spacious public awareness of exploiters), that it sometimes seems that pretty much every jerk we confront we’re tempted to call a “sociopath.”
Now, there’s way more “upside” to this than “downside.” And I’d say this applies to terms like “abusive” as well. And thank goodness the concept of “abuse” is now much more widely understood—it’s wider public reach, along with the lay public’s greater access to issues like “narcissism” and the various diagnoses associated with it (like sociopathy), are wonderful and important developments.
At the same time, a small consequence of this is that these “labels” can be thrown around with some recklessness and, frankly, often are. Not every act of deception, manipulation, not every outburst of anger, not every act of insensitivity, is perpetrated by a sociopath, malignant narcissist or abuser.
All of us, at least most of us, are capable of highly insensitive and destructive behaviors, or behaviors perceived as such by others. This doesn’t diminish their seriousness or their destructiveness; after all, non-sociopaths can murder while a great many sociopaths won’t, and maybe even can’t.
Many non-sociopaths are guilty of acts of harm that don’t make them sociopaths—acts that many sociopaths themselves, at the end of the day, will be able to say, “Well, hell, I didn’t do that!”
And so we want to be perhaps somewhat disciplined around the liberality with which we’re tempted, whenever outraged by another’s selfishness or insensivity, to hurl the epithet, “You sociopath!”
Sure, we’re all happily addicted to the Investigation Discovery channel, which leaves us, naturally, with the conviction that 47% of the population must be hard-core sociopathic. (No, Mitt Romney didn’t allege that percentage.). Watch the ID channel every night and you can jack that number up to 68%.
I mean I heard a customer leave a Rite Aid the other day, annoyed about failing, apparently, to get a refund on a product, and scream at the manager, “You sociopath!” Now her anger may have been very justified, but the diagnosis seemed a bit rash and, based on the evidence, a bit thin.
Nor would it have surprised me to hear the manager scream back defensively, “Who’s the sociopath, lady!?” He didn’t, in a demonstration of great diagnostic self-discipline.
As the lady walked past me, she muttered, “What the hell are you looking at?”
Well, I was looking at her. Was there some law against that? I half expected her to stop in her tracks and lay me out right there.
But I think we need to remember this about sociopaths—they demonstrate a very longstanding pattern of deeply disturbing behaviors, characterized by gross, shocking, outrageous transgressions against others, with pathological indifference to the suffering and trauma their behaviors cause others.
When you are dealing with an individual with this history, with this track record, you are dealing with a seriously disturbed individual who absolutely deserves to be diagnosed with a “warning label” such as “warning: sociopath,” or “warning: abuser,” or “warning: malignant narcissist,” or something of the sort.
For the rest of us, inexcusable, selfish and hurtful behaviors should never be condoned, whether we are their perpetrators or victims. We can’t excuse destructive behaviors. We must confront them, and if we are on the receiving end, we need to put ourselves in positions of safety as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, the next time someone cuts you off on the road, even recklessly, although Robert Hare, Ph.D., might call him a “psychopath,” we need to remember it’s possible, too, that he’s just a lousy driver, in a rush from his own foolish making, or maybe just a good-old fashioned jerk. But he may not be a sociopath, and probably isn’t.
Even though it’s so sorely tempting to flip him the finger as you shout, “You ”¦.ing sociopath!”
Annie
Hi Eralyn,
Here is an article by Hare on this subject: “Psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder: A Case of Diagnostic Confusion”
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/dsm-iv/content/article/10168/54831
You might also be interested in this one, where he discusses what he believes to be the difference between psychopathy and sociopathy, in the section “Where do they come from” (Note: just remove the spaces in the link address – not sure how many links we can post before comments get caught up in the spam filter):
“Criminal Psychopathy: An Introduction for Police”:
h t t p : / / www . mattloganhalo . com / uploads / pdf / St_Yves_Book_Chapter_English_Version_Edited_Sept_30_08 . pdf
kmillercats
ASPD does not get the attention that the term “sociopath” does. When I started researching the person I was with I was confused about ASPD for a long time and would kind of skim over it until I realized what it was after reading the definition. I still have a hard time explaining ASPD. Sociopathy is quite a bit easier to describe. You can go down a list of behavior characteristics and then add to it. I too thought ASPD was someone that didn’t like socializing. I even tried to/had to explain ASPD to my sociopath. HAHA! In the beginning he commented he could be an a__hole. Come to find out that was a GROSS understatement.
Ox Drover
Annie, I read the article by Hare that you posted the link for and it was as usual (anything by Hare–my hero!) is very good.
There are unfortunately way too many “professionals” who have a poor grasp of what a psychopath (by any name) is and what damage they can do. Hare is one of those that “gets it.” Thanks for the link.
I just ordered twoo new books:
Puzzling People, the Labryninth of the psychopath
and
The Wisdom of the Psychopath: what Saints, Spies,, Serial Killers teach us about success by Kevin Dutton.
I am anxiously awaiting reading both of these books…may turn out to be worthless or may have lots of good information. Will see.
Eralyn
Annie,
I will read that article. I wanted to say my (and I hope I am not repeating myself too much here) daughters bio-hazard was diagnosed on his discharge papers by a team of psychiatrists, Bi-polar (line drawn through it) and Borderline Personality Disorder with anti-social traits and chronic auditory hallucinations of the devil since childhood!!
So this subject is especially interesting to me. There are 12 pages of notes from different people during his stay there and narcisistic traits, schizoforum (?spelling) and a few other things like something I believe meant he was pathological.
Truthspeak
Steve, thank you for the article! LMAO!!!! You’re absolutely right – overuse of the term “sociopath” has definitely robbed the definition of its impact.
And, I have to acknowledge the fact that some people are just assholes. Not everyone who is fits the profile of a socoipath. LOLOLOL
“What are you looking at?” I would have been tempted to respond with, “A very ill-behaved individual.” LOL
MoonDancer
in reality, the personality disordered may show strikingly positive qualites that seem in conflict with the seriouness of their illness. that is why I say only someone who has been involved with one of these charming asshole’s know’s what we are talkin about…
alohatraveler
Thanks Steve for this article.
We need to remember that we are looking for a predominant way of being that permeates all or nearly most aspects of a person’s interactions with others before we label someone
“SOCIOPATH!”
Maybe the person is just having a bad day. LOL!
When I see bx that makes me prickle, I make a note of it, “there’s that icky/bad behavior.”
So, I am keeping notes on all of you. JUST KIDDING!!! (I wonder if anyone saw that?)
Anyway, I love your articles! Thanks for another great one.
Aloha
Ox Drover
Yea, Hens, a lot of them get voted into office! LOL
MoonDancer
BOINK
callmeathena
Hey hens
Glad to see you still come around here from time to time.
Athena