Clearly the LoveFraud community, better than anyone, can testify to the reality of sociopaths and the damage they can inflict on others.
Sociopaths exist. That is inarguable. The sociopath is someone, as we know, with a grossly deficient respect for the integrity and boundaries of others; someone who sizes others up principally as assets to be exploited for his or her own whims and needs. The sociopath is a remorseless user and taker.
At the same time, I think it’s worth noting that sociopathy, in general, makes for sensational copy, as a result of which estimations of its incidence in the general population are at risk, I would argue, of being dubiously, irresponsibly inflated.
Martha Stout, for instance, in her formerly bestselling The Sociopath Next Door, an otherwise rather unoriginal (in my view) layman’s introduction to sociopaths, capitalizes and, I suggest, exploits a spicy subject by suggesting that as much as 4% of the general population may meet criteria for sociopathy.
It’s unclear exactly how Stout derives her figure, but it strikes me (at best) as questionable, and more likely, as reckless. Certainly it’s in Stout’s interest, as an author, to sensationalize sociopathy, the better for her book sales. And a good way to do this, indisputably, is to suggest bloated numbers of sociopaths’ existence.
Four percent of the general population? Stout is suggesting that as many as one in 25 people with whom we cross paths may be sociopaths?
Even Robert Hare, Ph.D, the noted psychopathy researcher, estimates that upwards of 1% of the general population meets his very stingent criteria for psychopathy (psychopathy, in Hare’s terms, being synonymous with sociopathy). Compared to Stout’s figure, Hare’s seems much more reasonable. But even 1% strikes me as somewhat high.
These estimates suggest, for instance, that basically at any random gathering—in church, synagogue, a high-school basketball game, or town council meeting, you name it—we are likely to be sitting in proximity to a true sociopath, if not several?
It also suggests that, in the course of a day, or week, we’ll have crossed paths, if not rubbed elbows with, multiple sociopaths? Day after day, week after week, we are consistently crossing paths, if unknowingly, with sociopaths?
I struggle with this view, as someone who has clinically worked (and not irregularly, works) with sociopathic individuals.
My own gut, clinical and life experience leaves me suspicious that, as real and mumerically prevalent as sociopaths are, there is one sitting in every classroom on back to school night, and several in attendance at every school play?
As a matter of fact, I think possible exaggerations of the incidence of sociopathy do an injustice to the victims of real sociopaths. Nowadays, it’s common for anyone who deals with an insensitive, manipulative jerk to call that person a sociopath. You hear the label sociopath being permissively applied, in my view, to a wide range of people to whom it doesn’t accurately apply.
There has been a confusing, in my view, of sociopathy with other disorders, like narcissistic and borderline. Within personal relationships acts of aggressiveness, passive-aggressiveness, selfishness and abusiveness are now routinely (and liberally) ascribed to the offending partner’s sociopathy, as if a host of other explanatory sources of these problem-behaviors barely merits consideration.
Some individuals with borderline personality disorder, for instance, are capable of vengeful, cold-blooded behavior when they feel emotionally abandoned. A good example of a film portrayal of a borderline personality is Glenn Close’s performance in Fatal Attraction. Close could easily be misdiagnosed as a sociopath given her demonstated—and sociopathic-like—capacity for chilling, ruthless vengeance. But her desperation, and her rage stemming from her desperation, is a borderline personality tendency that better explains her calculated viciousness.
I’ve worked often with spouses of narcissistic personalities, who feel inordinately entitled to having their sensitivities and demands met. Narcissists will tend to react with an unsavory combination of contempt, rage, passive-aggressive and/or aggressive relatiation when disappointed (which is constantly). Often I’ll hear the spouses of such personalities refer to them as sociopaths, when their partners’ disturbance is more often related to narcissism than sociopathy.
My point, please don’t misunderstand me, isn’t to question the prevalence of true sociopathy—merely its estimated incidence as proposed by some experts. As a matter of fact, it’s highly unlikely that your next door neighbor is a sociopath, yet the title of Stout’s book would have you virtually anticipate this possibility.
Make no mistake, there are many ways that neighbors can makes themselves our nightmares without being sociopaths. When I lived in Mill Valley, CA in 2000, we had a neighbor who threw (I’m not kidding) a large, dead rat over the fence separating our properties into our backyard as I played catch with my lab. The rat landed with a sickening thud in front of my left foot, just as I about to make another heave of the frisbee. My courageous response, naturally, was to shriek like a terrified three year old.
This was just the latest in a series of hostile actions this neighbor took to express his displeasure with our existence. Was he a sociopath? I’m sure I called him one, and was convinced he was, but he probably wasn’t. He might have been a sociopath, that’s certainly possible; but as creepy as his action (and he) was, I’d hedge my bets that another problem better explained his belligerence. Maybe paranoia? Maybe some malignant form of acted-out narcissism? I’ll never know.
I do know that if this ever happens to me again—a rat’s being thrown into my yard while I’m standing there minding my own business—it will probably be more than my heart can take.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2008 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
The personality traits that cluster to make a person sociopathic occur in a spectrum not black and white categories. So the question, “How many sociopaths are there?” is kind of like asking how many tall people there are. It depends on how you define tall. Tall could mean taller than I am or it could mean over a certain height.
Dr. Hare’s reference to 1% means that 99% of the normal adult population score under 30 on the PCLR. If you use a different cut off score you get a different number. The 4% figure likely represents a cut-off around 20. The vast majority of the prison population has a score over 20.
Some studies indicate that scores as low as 12 may be significant. The prevalence of sociopathy is about 12 percent if you take 12 as the cut-off PCL-R score.
The borderlines and narcissists who are harmful to others all score higher than “normal” on the PCL-R. Are they tall? that depends on how short you are!
It is funny, my reaction to Without Conscience was the opposite of your reaction to Stout. I envisioned many victims discovering the person who victimized them had a score under 25 and being disraught that a non-sociopath had victimized them. This shows how ridiculous cut-off scores are. Once someone has a string of victims, a cut-off score doesn’t do much. We know that people who victimize others are significantly psychopathic, it is psychopathic personality traits that enable them to throw the rats whether the score is 12 or 30.
Dr. Steve, I would like to refer again the the film “The Corporation” which illuminates the fact that business is structured to behave like a psycopath. The film takes us through Dr. Hare’s check list, and bingo, that is just how large corporations act.
My point is that while 4% may sound like a very high number, of acutal real clinical SP’s in our midst, our modern capitalism on steroids, winner take all, he with the most toys wins culture, encourages SP BEHAVIOR, even in those who are not striclty speaking full blown P’s.
Those of us healing from a relationship with a P are now armed with that terrible but useful knowledge of just how hollow and vicous these people can be.
From my perspective, even if that means I might have my radar tuned TOO HIGH, and mistake garden variety narcissists for P’s, then so be it.
The chances of me missing out on a great friendship or relationship with someone, because they are only marginally disordered, as opposed to a full blown P, are I think too slim to risk exposing myself to whatever it is in these types of people that makes me find them exiting, or interesting, or worth investing in emotionally.
Understanding that the P’s are out there, even at the top of the power pyramid, massively rewarded for their behavior by their peers and so on is useful. It will be an interesting time when our “collective” conciousness awakens from the fog, as so many of us have done as individuals here on this blog.
Whether they number 1% or 4%, the “successful” P’s seem to enjoy a disproportionate amount of power in our society, often put up as role models even, until they go too far and the scandals and crimes come to light. There are always more in the wings it seems to take the place of their disgraced colleagues.
Calling them out and exposing them, even if we occasionally err by including just your average obnoxious misfit, is a better choice than to assume they very are rare.
I would also venture that if the 1% number is correct, every 1 P can hurt, betray, and even destroy many many people in their lifetime. Their damage is as the kids say “viral”.
So if we cry “WOLF” and it turns out it was only a coyote, that is likely just prudent. If we look at a sheep and say “HMMMMM… why the pointy teeth and the bushy tail…., we haven’t hurt anyone, just tried to protect ourselves and our loved ones.
This is really an interesting subject to me…..how do you really determine whether or not someone is a sociopath? This has been part of my struggle with letting go…..I would read info about sociopathic behavior and think to myself, omg….that is him. Then I would read something else that had characteristics that don’t fit him and think, well maybe he isn’t and there is hope.
I think there certainly are degrees of the illness, some are criminals, some are very intelligent business people.
Bottom line is if there are behavior patterns that fit the sociopathic category to ANY degree, it isn’t healthy and needs to be recognized and avoided.
The late and the great Kathy Krajco theorized there’s not much difference between a MALIGNANT narcissist and a psychopath.
I agree. And I believe Aga’s list onmy my blog here:
http://holywatersalt.blogspot.com/2008/10/handy-list.html
is a better checklist for those sociopaths who are not convicted felons.
As we know, they often fly under the radar. I sit with two in Mass each week- TWO no doubt about it.
I agree that a person who scores even a 20 on the PCL-R can be quite damaging in their victimization of others. However, I also agree with Dr. Steve that alot of other disorders can resemble a sociopath or psychopath and result in some of the traits on the PCL-R. But if you’re talking about an actual diagnosis of true psychopathy, scoring a 30 or above, I also agree alot of people are thought to be psychopaths by lay people who aren’t, but are just people who have some of the traits, who still cause damage (and should still be avoided).
Interesting to me was Dr. Steve’s mention of The Sociopath Next Door. That was the first book I ever read on the subject, and I recall thinking, hhmn, some of those people Stout portrays in the book are so mild in their behavior like that old cranky woman who covered up the goffer (?) hole in her backyard, for ex.. (I mean mild relatively speaking to my ex and his behavior) that I thought, well, he must not be a sociopath, but something else because he is sooooo much worse than some of these people described in The Sociopath Next Door.
I, personally, believe that alot of people display some of the traits on the checklist at some point in their lives, but it is specific to a situation, and they don’t routinely/consistently engage in the behaviors across the board long term in almost every area of their life like a psychopath does. For example, statistics show that about 50% of men and women engage in infidelity at some point in their marital life–well, to conduct an affair one would have to engage in some of the traits on the psychopathy checklist during the affair. But can every person who finds out their spouse has been lying their butts off and cheating on them say their spouse is a sociopath–NO, not unless the percentage of sociopaths is around 50% of the population. But that doesn’t make it any less painful for their partner, whether they are a socio or psychopath or just a jerk.
Jen-
I think the checklists (Aga’s and Hare’s) plus experience ferret out the immoral sometimes from the patholigical.
A man who ruins his marriage, doesn’t invite his misstress to the home to rub the crime in his wife’s face. That’s cruel, I think that’s the difference…it’snot about getting love or sex even…it’s power and control that “gets them off.”
See that, you know there’s a sociopath operating.
I’m probably stating exactly the same thing Eyeswideshut has expressed, but I agree with her.
The prevalence of Sociopathy/Psychopathy is irrelevant to me regarding percentages as Dr. Hare and Dr. Stout have estimated, whether too high or too low. I am genuinely concerned with the extensive damage caused by ALL personality disordered individuals to their innocent, underserving victims.
I myself was a child of a psychopath, a sister of a borderline personality (she has been diagnosed as such) and a niece of many personality disordered aunts and uncles.
I’m not one who is quick to label anyone without strenuous research, contrast and compare, the use of analytical thought and the close study and observation of behavioral patterns in people who are cause for doubt and concern.
The personality and behavior aspects of disordered people is there, in black & white, for those who are fervent in protecting themselves and those they care for and love.
If my own family is more than overwhelmed by disordered people than it’s only logical to assume they are much more common than calculated.
I’m not taking ANY chances with my personal safety, welfare, and sanity. NEVER AGAIN is my vehement motto and I stick rigidly to that saying.
The overused expression…”survival of the fittest”..is applicable to me and mine as I am honored to consider myself a survivor, one of the fittest, after being victimized by sociopaths, psychopaths, borderlines, histrionic, paranoid, the whole frikkin spectrum of screwed up, selfish, egocentric people.
Never again…..
I also think that many people who need to have the title of sociopath above their name are often mis-diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disordered. Mostly because Psychologists are loathe to damn someone with that diagnoses, and most sociopaths won’t go to psycho-therapy long enough to get that diagnosis.
My step-children’s mother has been diagnosed BPD, but every symptom of her personality matches S so much, that I have to believe that’s what she is.
However, I understand what you’re saying. Many wife-beaters can be horrible people, and not be S. Many jerky boyfriend/girlfriends can mess somebody up without being a S.
The psychologist in my case has only had the displeasure of meeting the S twice. She’s been given the story in a nut-shell–the worst facts. But, the S acts out whenever she feels like it, not just when she fears abandonment. She uses and abuses and twists. It’s like she’s on a roller coaster and taking everybody for a ride. So there’s no doubt in my mind…
But I gotta say the percentage seems a bit inflated to me too. While I’ve met a good deal of hate-filled people, I’ve only had to endure the wrath of one sociopath. Well, one that I’ve crossed anyway. Good post. Thank you!
I am pretty sure they get labeled borderline if the therapist doesn’t like them. Therapists tend to like sociopaths, as they are charming.
I see narcissists as low, malignant narcissists as medium and anti socials as high. I think my ex is more of a malignant narcissist because he has never been to prison. He really isn’t a narcissist because he is way too impulsive. The three labels are all the same thing with different levels.
Although my ex husband and ex sociopath shared similar behaviors of raging and bragging of treating women badly, there is something that is distinctly different between them. Empathy. My ex husband had it, my ex sociopath did not.
How could I tell which one had empathy? Unfortunatly it was in the breakup, and not a moment before. The sociopath discarded me coldly and quickly. Like the lights had been turned off. That fast, he went from loving to nothing. I was pregnant and sick from it, and it didn’t stop him, in fact it propelled him. I was vulnerable, sick, and bloated. At 6 months pregnant I wasn’t his type, he told me. He couldn’t see into the future. It was all about now, and the immediate impulsive gratification to meet his grandeose sense of self.
The breakup with the ex husband with empathy, took forever. I think we started breaking up about 2 years before the divorce. Nothing was impulsive. Every feeling was discussed, even if we were yelling. Every detail was hammered out. When the end finally came we were both in a place to land safely and securely.
The breakup with an empathatic person vs not one, is like the difference of getting out of a boat and stepping onto a dock versus stepping out expecting a dock, and finding that the dock had been swept out from under your feet, and landing very hard into freezing cold water.
I just recently made a comment on here that I think many lay people call people an P/S/N when in reality they are just a jerk.
I personally think that some lay people call people a P/S/N when in fact they are not, instead they just have traits. I also think that some people who have become victims of a P/S/N do so as well because they are now much more alert to these things. Much like buying a new car and all of a sudden it seems you see this same type of car everywhere.
There is recent research showing possible biological differences between BPD and other personality disorders, yet there are folk who want to lump them together.
This whole thing is a very subjective thing for some folks. What is seen as very cruel by one may be seen as others as simply mean or not so bad.
And I am one of those the believe there is a difference between a sociopath and a psychopath and these are very different than BPD. I agree with what Jen said in her post.