Recently, I watched an old 48-Hours segment on the conman David Michael Pecard, which proved to be a most fascinating, educational case study of a textbook sociopath.
Pecard is the kind of sociopath (or psychopath) psychiatrist Hervey Cleckley, MD, so brilliantly grappled with in his classic, “The Mask of Sanity—”that is, he was glib, persuasive (could sell you the Brooklyn Bridge today and tender a convincing deed of sale); charmingly disarming, imperturbable, thrill-seeking, audacious, deceptive, emotionally superficial and indifferent to the suffering he caused others.
Peter Van Zandt investigates, and offers compelling interview footage with Pecard, who was free as the segment aired, and involved in litigation against Joe Arpaio, then Maricopa County’s (AZ) infamous sheriff.
Pecard alleged in his lawsuit that Arpaio who, at the time, ran Arizona’s notorious Tent City prison, had mistreated him when Pecard was an inmate in that facility. Pecard alleged that Arpaio had had an axe to grind: Earlier, Pecard had conned Arpaio into giving him a cushy, powerful security position at the prison for which Pecard, of course, was fully unqualified. Properly ensconced in his new sinecure, Pecard, exploiting his utterly unsupervised status, released certain female prisoners and reportedly sexually abused them off the prison’s property.
This is how, ironically, Pecard ended up incarcerated in the facility to which Arpaio had, earlier, effectively handed him the keys. Pecard alleges that Arpaio, outraged to have been embarrassed and exploited, seized the opportunity of his imprisonment to make Pecard’s life in his facility extremely and, ultimately, illegally unpleasant.
I choose to dispense with the long history of Pecard’s deviousness which, trust me, is as spectacular and improbable as case histories of particularly gifted conmen so often are. Suffice to say that he managed to coopt more than 20 separate identities in his adult life, using each of them to advance his agenda at a particular time.
That “agenda” was rarely complicated: most often Pecard would shed his identity and “disappear” when exposure loomed, then reappear, sooner than later, in a new identity—that is, with new name, new act and, of course, a set of new, impressive and false credentials.
Pecard married six times and, with several wives, had seven children, abandoning every one of them usually sooner than later; that is, he was here one day, and gone, abruptly, the next, without explanation, and permanently—as though he’d never existed, leaving a trail of bewildered, stunned, frightened ex-wives and shattered families.
What made the story especially compelling for me was Pecard’s willingness—indeed his eagerness—to talk; in so doing, he provides us with, as I said, an education in the machinations of the psychopathic conman.
There is also something sad in his story, and not just for his victims, who deserve the bulk of our compassion, but even, I think, for Pecard himself. I was left, somehow, by the story’s end, disquieted by the revealing—by Pecard’s revealing—of the profundity of his “self” disturbance; by the profoundity, that is, of his self-vacancy, and disconnection from others, and himself.
And this chilling thought crossed my mind: Had Pecard been more murderously motivated, one cringes to imagine the numbers his victims might have reached, given his prodigious capacity to deceive.
But for me, as the story unfolded, the most captivating aspect of it was the access it afforded to Pecard’s emotional poverty. The more Pecard spoke, the more it was revealed. He does not see it, and Pecard doesn’t expect you to see it; but as great a con as he was (and one can see how), the more he spoke, the more the mask slipped off.
Immediately, I was struck by the seductive, familiar tone he struck with reporter Van Zandt, referring to him, for instance, from the outset, as “Peter—”that is, familiarly and comfortably. This is one way sociopathic personalities ingratiate themselves with and disarm others, affecting an easy familiarity that hasn’t been earned, yet which can feel hard to resist.
As Pecard tells his story, you see a micrososm of the man as he surely navigated the world—seemingly incredibly comfortable in his own skin, and apparently assisted by the absence of a hindering self-consciousness. One senses that the interview, for him, is just another interesting challenge to demonstrate how he can turn anyone’s dubiousness into credulity; and also trust of, and sympathy for, him.
But Pecard, as I say, can’t help himself from letting his mask slip. All Van Zandt has to do, and he does it well, is get enough out of Pecard’s way to let Pecard reveal himself.
You shake your head for instance in amazement at how Pecard handles a dramatic homecoming scene, in which he’s reunited (thanks to 48-Hours) with the family he abandoned for decades—abandoned as son, sibling, husband, father.
And so, with his family gathered curiously and skeptically around him, Pecard holds court like a slick politician at a town hall meeting of restive constituents, confidently inviting them to ask him the questions they’ve had for so long, promising earnestly to answer them fully, to their fullest satisfaction.
Regrettably, there’s too little footage of this important scene. But there’s enough to observe the the sociopathic self-confidence, as I’ve written about elsewhere, which is steeped in the sociopath’s confidence in his glibness—specifically, his confidence that his glibness will carry him through yet another tricky situation or challenge.
One senses in other words that, for Pecard, these aren’t so much family standing before him in hopes of getting, finally, a true explanation for their victimization, as much as an assembled group of “objects” who happen to be his family, who merely pose for him a chance to perpetrate a new con—this con consisting of persuading them not to resent him, to believe him and even to sympathize with him?
One of his sons sees right through him, telling Van Zandt in a separate interview that Pecard failed grossly to answer the questions as promised; that instead, he talked in circles and emptily; exhibiting (my words) the sociopath’s classic linguistic feints, decoys and diversions, and all with the sociopath’s expectation of being convincing and believable.
When Van Zandt confronts Pecard on the legacy of pain he’s inflicted on his family, Pecard replies pleasantly, “Peter, every day people leave relationships.”
Van Zandt then cooly, levelly says, “But they pay child support, and they stay in touch with their children,” to which Pecard, seemingly momentarily stumped (and as if searching his database for a response that mimicks appropriateness), answers weakly, “Then I guess I’m guilty.”
I note, again, the liberty Pecard takes at continually calling Van Zandt by “Peter,” in the seductive, insinuating style of the charming sociopath. And as I’ve stressed, there is the emotional poverty of Pecard’s responses, among them—“Peter, every day people leave relationships”—yet which, as I suggest, Pecard asserts with the confidence (and grandiosity) that they’ll be found persuasive, convincing, and acceptable.
And not least, there is the database scan for mimicked responses aiming to appear authentic and effective, but which, in Pecard’s case, prove merely to highlight his sociopathic orientation.
Note how, to Van Zandt’s challenge, Pecard says, “Then I guess I’m guilty.” He doesn’t say, I am guilty, but I “guess” I’m guilty. He “guesses” because he doesn’t feel guilty, so the best he can do is “guess” what a normal person is, or would feel, in this circumstance. He doesn’t feel anything; it’s evident that not for a second does he grasp what he’s subjected his victims to, and least of all does he feel “sorry” about it.
After all, he could have said “I guess I’m sorry,” but of course he doesn’t feel “sorry” and “sorry” is also a more emotional word than “guilty,” so that “guilty” comes up before “sorry” in his word-search for the closest, most convincing response that a human being with a conscience would give in this situation.
And so he comes up with “I guess I’m guilty.”
Pecard’s shamelessness is so deep that he can refer to himself as a “chameleon” with apparent pride. Effectively, he is calling himself a sociopath with pride. And this is a highly sociopathic quality—the sociopath’s absolute lack of shame over his lack of shame.
That is, the sociopath just isn’t embarrassed, worried, or frightened by his lack of shame; while he may have awareness of his shamelessness, it simply doesn’t disturb him. Pecard experiences his “chameleon”-like orientation as a badge of honor, not, like a normal person would, as a troubling sign of his emotional disturbance.
I’ve written elsewhere that for many sociopaths, every day is like Halloween, a chance to decide what mask to wear. Pecard illustrates this point well. He is all mask; there simply is no “real self” for him to be. And so he’s plucked “selves” as out of thin air, over the years, as someone plucks their shirts off the coat hangers in the morning.
Having no core, “real” identity, Pecard manufactured fake identities and, with the talent of a gifted actor, distinguished himself as a fraud.
At the end of the show, Pecard suggests to Van Zandt that perhaps he’ll take up acting in a future career, recognizing the acting skills he’s honed in his life. Van Zandt struggles with a wan smile that reflects, I suspect, a mixture of pity and disbelief. For this was another moment in which Pecard, master con he was, couldn’t disguise the depth of his personality disorder.
I imagine that Van Zandt must have felt, in that moment, precisely the shame, pity and embarrassment of which Pecard was incapable. And so the aching, awkward aspect of this, Pecard’s last disclosure to Van Zandt, wasn’t that he, Pecard, was being ironically humorous; it was that, with his sociopathically deficient appreciation of the irony, he expected to be taken seriously.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW)
Dear HightofConfusion, welcome to LF, and sorry to qualify for our “club”, and thanks for your very detailed description of your relationship. I can so relate to what you experience as I also have been there.
I think you are in the honeymoon phase turning slowly sour with time, and his mask is about to crack. You already can see the real ugliness behind:
“He is still prone to violent out bursts on other people, never me ”“ he only shouts and says nasty and degrading things to me calling me stupid or fat or ugly ”“ which he rarely apologises for. He can still be loving and affectionate and every time I think I can’t take any more he will stop and say that he doesn’t deserve me, that he doesn’t know why I put up with him and that he finds me so confusing because he has never known anyone to be so good to him and give him so much without wanting anything in return.”
That quote is the hot-cold-play, gaslighting in perfection and the beginning of a very ugly future in a nutshell, and I am really concerned about reading that he takes your credit card “for fun”!
The “he ONLY shouts degrading things” is full blown psycho powerplay, and you have to answer for yourself how much you will tolerate in the future, when to stop the craziness. When he gets physical (he well might lose his control as he has to leave the room to quiet down, and he has to be nice because you are still his supply for money, phone calls, you are his respectable facade towards his friends; he did not “change” inside, he just put a respectable mask on, and that is YOU!) As Oxy puts it, best predictor of future behaviour is PAST behaviour, so be careful!!!!
After the experience with my X I must say I have zero tolerance for behaviour like that, and you are willing to pay for this treatment?
To get out of a relationship like this is difficult, even so if there has been violence in the past (and he has been in PRISON for that!!). Best is just to fade away, become boring, not saying much, have no money at hand, become bland, grey, have no time. Best is for you to read and get knowledge, as knowledge is power. But first of all take care of yourself and of your possessions!!! And come here to blog and vent and rant. You will find out sooner or later that it is all about YOU, and why on earth you let him degrade you and want to help him even if that means your downfall.
(((((HUGS))))))
Dearest HeightofConfusion,
I think you are answering your own question just by coming to this site. Only you can decide what to do regarding the spot you are in. I want to suggest that you read, “Choose to break your addiction to a Sociopath in 2010” on here.
libelle, I agree with you. This is that honeymoon phase and when it ends, it ends with a BANG. We’ve all been through it and it hurts, but it’s require to grow and move on.
You are describing a relationship I feel like I lived through, though some of the details may be a bit different. I think most of us go through that period of “settling for” a relationship that gives us nothing in return. When the rose colored glasses come off, and they will, then you will see him fully. In the end, I was and still am, totally repulsed by the man who was supposed to have be my SO. It DOES change; it gets worse. My worry is that those violent outbursts are going to become more brutal. If he’s done it with others, he’ll do the same to you. It’s only a matter of time.
Don’t settle, please. You’re worth far more than that and I hope you see it soon.
Hugs and best wishes,
Cat
Renewed,
Yes, he is! I edit my phone calls, emails, everything. Delete, delete, delete! I think you are prepped to handle whatever she tries to pull on you. You’re also making it clear you want no contact. She’ll try to push your buttons for sure. We have to be one step ahead of them all the time. I learned that one the hard way.
Hugs,
Cat
Yes Cat you are correct! If we aren’t strong within ourselves we will fall again. After 27 years of not knowing what she was I now know and she isn’t getting another chance to hurt me again. But if she chooses to be fool enough to call me I will be ready! And it won’t be pretty with what I will say. Crocodile tears won’t work this time becasue I know her game.
Dear Height Of Confusion;
Like your guy-my S woman was 15 years OLDER than me. I see that frequently here. It just dawned on me that maybe they seek younger love interests out because they have that much of a head start on us and makes us a little more niave? Live and learn holds true here. By the way her age difference was never an issue with me either.. until now and I see what a con artist she is.
Height of confusion – I have to wonder why you are happy with a man like this? Why is it ok for you to settle for his crumbs? How can you be happy knowing you bend over backwards for someone who will never ever love you? Like the other posters, I suggest you do as much reading and thinking as you can … it sounds like you have been brainwashed to accept these lowered standards – would this have been acceptable to you five years ago or ten?? When and why did this kind of treatment become acceptable to you?
I can so relate to the running around after them – nothing we do is ever enough and they always find something to moan about – that is NOT NORMAL!!! A normal person will at least be very grateful for the care and consideration shown by you doing these things and will find some way to reciprocate towards you.
By the way – when he walks out to ‘avoid an argument’ – he is being abusive. That is called invalidation. He invalidates your point of view and what you are trying to discuss with him if it is anything he doesn’t want to hear. This is very damaging – over time you stop bringing things up and start walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation and nasty scenes. By walking out like that he is also blaming YOU for trying to start an argument when I bet all you were trying to do was discuss something important to you and he didn’t want to hear it. There is no hope for relationship when one person is unwilling to enter into discussion. He is showing you contempt by walking away – he doesn’t even think you are worth listening to – contempt is a form of hatred and is the death knell for relationships. Research on early marital arguing predicted with 95% accuracy who would divorce and who would stay together. Contempt was a major indicator of those who would break up.
You say you are firing back at him in argument and not being meek and mild. I was like that too with mine , but over time the crazy making antics make you give that up and you end up in very deep depression. No doubt about it that some partners actually end their lives as they see no way out at all.
I sense from your post that rather than being happy with him, you are afraid of breaking up and the loneliness that you will feel. THIS IS NORMAL. We have all been through that feeling. Many of us thought that desperate lonely feeling after we left them was LOVE and so we went back, only to find the situation even worse than the first time. That was definitely my case. He abused me even worse when he came back. I read an analogy to prison once in relation to domestic violence (which is what you are suffering whether you recognise it or not). Someone had written
“If a prisoner escapes and gets away what do you do when they come back? Do you rip down the fences and walls? NO! You make their captivity even stronger so they cannot escape next time.”
Please please do some reading and reconsider this relationship – you have been brainwashed by this man and are ignoring your own gut that is giving you signals that this is all wrong. Yes you will feel loneliness away from him … and you will think ‘That must mean I love him’ – it means you are suffering grief – not love. Grief for all the broken dreams and promises. If you are thinking about leaving it’s important to start building a support network of people around you who can help you to stay away – no contact is promoted on this site as these people are very manipulative and can easily hoover you back into the abusive relationship. As your partner has a history of violence, you would need to prepare very carefully for leaving to protect yourself. It might be a good idea to contact a Women’s Refuge to get some advice and access some resources to help you plan this out.
Read the archives here – you can search for keywords like trauma bonding, leaving, brainwashing, love. There are also several really good books you can read – just be careful about leaving them lying around. Might be better to store them at work or a friend’s place
Women who love psychopaths
Stalking the soul
The betrayal bond
The sociopath next door
There are quite a few others too all available at the Lovefraud store = check your local library for them. I found a few titles on domestic violence and abuse and sociopathy there. These people often leave us in dire financial predicaments. Please protect whatever money you still have left – he will spend all of it. DOn’t give him control of your cards – chop them up if necessary. Transfer the money to a locked account and put a relative you trust as cosignatory so you can’t withdraw from it.
I hate to say this to you but he is using you for money, power and sex. Mine used me that way too – it is heartbreaking to realise they have no feelings for us at all. Protect what you have – you will need it for a new life without him. If he has access to it he will take everything and leave you with nothing – that is what my ex did. They are shocking spenders – they spend on anything and everything with no thought of tomorrow. You could pretend the money is all gone – put into a bad investment or something. Don’t let him have any more of it!!!!
I agree with other posters who have recommended becoming very dull and boring and bored. It takes the passionate element out of the relationship and soon the sociopath realises they will need to find a new person to bleed.
Here are some sites for some immediate reading :
This one defines various types of emotional abuse – hopefully you can recognise what is happening to you
http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm
This one outlines invalidation and why it is so damaging
http://eqi.org/invalid.htm
And this is an excellent, perceptive and long article in parts about abusive and predatory relationships called When Mr Right turns out to be Mr Wrong. It
http://www.obgyn.net/displayarticle.asp?page=/yw/articles/RomeosBleeding_TOC
PLease keep posting more of your story and use this site for support – we have all been through what you are going through and understand all the processes involved. I wanted to deny there was anything wrong in the early years – to point out little areas of progress. But it was all just a show from him – he would do that to make me think he was improving then he would create another disaster to hurt me. It got worse and worse till I couldn’t see how I could leave – I was severely depressed and considering suicide – that is what they aim for. They want us broken and compliant and that’s usually when they cheat or move onto someone else. You are still in a good state – he hasn’t broken you yet and you have the strength to get out of there. If you are there another year though you might be too weakened to move because of the constant abuse. Please save yourself all the heartache and lost years I suffered – THEY DON”T CHANGE. You can’t save him. Pathology is the inability to learn, change and grow and is very hard for us normal people to understand. It’s a sickness with no cure.
I am sorry you are going through all this but glad you found the site – please keep posting! We care and we understand the craziness 🙂 ((((((((Hugs)))))))))
Polly You are right on once again!
You wrote:By the way ”“ when he walks out to ’avoid an argument’ ”“ he is being abusive. That is called invalidation. He invalidates your point of view and what you are trying to discuss with him if it is anything he doesn’t want to hear.
Dead on Polly!
Only my S woman would take that opportunity to tell me”You are smothering me!”
Well heaven forbid I should make HER feel like SHE is being manipulated!
This woman’s life is so drab and unproductive because she has to have everything her way.. I feel for the woman she has been with for the past 14 years who’s only purpose is to do everything S Woman wants. I was there twice and believe me after a while you feel like a slave. And definately NOT happy!
I am so thankful to be away from her clutches. I pray for her “friend/Lover/victim”.
You all make a guy feel (and I suspect girls too) very loved and understood. I want to thank you all for that! Love and Hugs and Godspeed to every single one of you! X0 🙂
Thanks Renewed hope – I know that feeling of entrapment and slavery too – it’s so awful when you can;t see it, but almost worse when you can see it and realise this person doesn;t see you as a human with rights and needs just like them. I suffered the walking out almost constantly – he would either walk to another room or leave the house completely if I wanted to discuss something and he didn;t.
Implicit in walking out is another message – a threat. It implies
“If I stay here and engage in this discussion with you, I might get so angry with you that I lose control”
So many messages with one simple action. It devalues, debases and shows us contempt. It is so rude and inconsiderate.
The above poster is fortunate in that she has a defined diagnosis – how many of us would have wished for that?? It’s only fortunate though if she accepts that the pathology is stable over time and won’t change. Even where there is diagnosis people don’t want to accept that there is no hope. I have read on other boards people asking if therapy or medication will cure their partner. Unfortunately the response is always the same …
there is no cure and no hope.
Science has not yet figured out how to put in empathy and a conscience where one doesn’t exist. Therapy in fact often makes them worse as they learn more tactics for abuse.
Hi Everyone.
Thanks so much for the support. I really wasn’t exspecting so much so quick.
I think to start with I have to accept that I have a lot of issues contributing to why I am happy to be in such a crappy relationship (low self esteem etc) as this is not the first time, Infact with the lack of violence in the relationship this one has is better than my previous. I am reciving help for these issues – although I doubt it is doing much to be honest but at this point I am willing to try anything.
The other thing I feel I should say is that wether it’s because I am mad or just not ready I am not looking to end the relationship. I feel that he is all I have got and life pretty much wouldn’t be worth living without him. I suffer badly from depression and am just not prepared to do that to myself. I am determined to stick it out no matter what.
I also don’t think I would have to worry if I left him – I honestly don’t think he cares about me enough to bother hurting me.
Things are still the same with us anyway – he has been “away” for a while but is getting out in a few days and instead of looking forward to it I am now dreading it. He has pretty much made it clear that although I have done everything for him and all he has asked during the past 2 months he dosen’t want me around so much when he gets back. It always amazes me how he can jump from one extreme to another so damn quckily in the afternoon eveythings fantastic and its me and him against the world and by tea time he is screaming at me because I’m to clingy.
I guues I have just had a few realisations in the past few days of how NOT normal our relationship is, my friends all say I should be estatic at seeing him again but I’m dreading it cause I know what he will be like. They all laugh and joke at how i should “jump” him as soon as he walks in the door – I laugh along but think to myslef no I will be checking everything is clean enough for him so he won’t kick off and start an arguement (surely I shouldn’t be like this at 20?)
He stresses me out so much and the sick thing he knows he does it, its like a game to him. Again just another reminder of how much he means to me and how little I mean to him.
HeightofConfusion,
I am going to say good for you that you are at least honest with yourself in saying you aren’t ready to get rid of this man. He has been described on this post for EXACTLY what he is by others and you’ve admitted you see this yourself.
The issue then becomes YOU. Why are you settling for this? You were put here by God to have the best life ever and you’re actively allowing this man(?) to walk on you. You’re better than that! Honey, this is NOT love on his part. He’s got the perfect gig, someone to wait on him hand and foot, give him money and has the audacity to tell you he doesn’t want you around that much when he gets back?
I would love to see you take your life back. We only have one and I know I wasted a good part of mine on someone just like this person you’re with.
Life is not about walking on eggshells.
I am going to suggest a good anti-depressent to get you going again. I can only suggest and this is a very personal choice. I think if you were TRULY accepting of this “relationship”, you wouldn’t be here at all.
Sending hugs and prayers,
Cat