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ThePsychoExWife.com and the First Amendment

From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators.

That’s why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource.

I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer:

Divorce blog’s rancor erupts in free-speech dispute

Here’s the gist of the story: A suburban Philadelphia man and his wife split up six years ago, after a nine-year marriage. However, the child custody battle raged on, featuring antics by the ex-wife that will look very familiar to those of you who are attempting to co-parent with sociopaths.

So the ex-husband and his new partner launched ThePsychoExWife.com as a place to vent. No names are used. The ex-husband is identified only as “LM.” His new partner is “DW.” His two sons are “S1” and “S2.” And his ex-wife is “PEW.” This stands for, as you can guess, “Psycho Ex Wife.”

Apparently the website was up for several years, and recently PEW found it. LM contends that, because no one is identified, PEW had to be actively looking for it in order to discover it. He also contends that PEW showed the website to their two boys.

PEW complained about the website to the court. Here’s what happened next, according to the article:

At a June 6 custody hearing, Bucks County Court Judge Diane Gibbons ordered him to “take down that website” and never again refer to his ex-wife “on any public media” or mention his children online “other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant school events.”

Judge Gibbons essentially threatened LM—if he did not take ThePsychoExWife.com down, he would lose his 50% custody of the children.

LM contends that the court order is a violation of his First Amendment right of free speech. He’s hired another lawyer to appeal it.

Borderline Personality Disorder

Based on the theatrics and manipulation exhibited by the ex-wife, LM has come to the conclusion that she has borderline personality disorder.

Borderline personality disorder is a sister condition to sociopathy. Like sociopaths and narcissists, someone who has this disorder has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety.

Researchers estimate that 1% to 3% of the United States has borderline personality disorder—the same prevalence as antisocial personality disorder. However, according to the DSM-IV, about 75% of those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women. “You should know that there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled ”˜borderline,’” wrote Dr. Liane Leedom in her Lovefraud Blog article, Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy. “These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.”

PEW admits that she has an alcohol problem, she has lost her job and her house is in foreclosure. Reading her emails that have been reproduced on the website, she appears manipulative and blaming. I’d say LM’s assessment of her is correct.

So ThePsychoExWife.com has become a resource for people dealing with a woman with borderline personality disorder. According to testimonials, even therapists find the website to be helpful.

Save the site

LM has complied with the court order and the home page of ThePsychoExWife.com has been shut down. But a new website has been launched, SaveThePsychoExWife.com. This website chronicles the court battle and posts several court documents. The transcript of the hearing in which Judge Diane E. Gibbons ordered the website shut down is enlightening.

Apparently, pages of original site, ThePsychoExWife.com, are buried in Google’s servers, because you can still find them. Here’s the About page, which will enable you to read other pages.

LM and DW face an expensive court battle, and are asking for donations to help defray their legal expenses. This website is providing information about a serious personality disorder. Hundreds of people have benefitted from ThePsychoExWife.com, and we know how helpful an online support group can be.

This is an important case for Lovefraud. We’ve run into First Amendment issues before. Phil Haberman was able to convince a family court judge in Florida that his ex-wife was stalking him when she wrote a blog exposing his military fraud. The Stolen Valor Act has been struck down, with federal judges ruling that the lies of men who claim to have won medals is protected speech.

Information about personality disorders needs to be made public, and frauds need to be exposed. But the law about blogs and the First Amendment is very unclear. So I’ve donated, and I encourage you to donate as well.

SaveThePsychoExWife.com

UPDATE:

ThePsychoExWife.com will be featured on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Tune in!


Comment on this article

164 Comments on "ThePsychoExWife.com and the First Amendment"

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Donna, I’m with you…I don’t understand why the judge could make him take down the web site since it does NOT NAME her, or the kids. I do think it is “protected” speech.

Wise speech? I’m not sure about that.

While the PEW is obviously disordered in some sense and a drama queen, and I see that he has reason to be angry with her and frustrated, I wonder if, considering he has children with this woman, if his continual stirring of the pot isn’t UNHEALTHY for him, and UNHEALTHY for the kids as well. The old saying about “you cant stir sheet without getting the stink on yourself” comes to mind.

Any time we get into a “leg hiking contest” with a disordered person, like two dogs marking territory, I think we end up ;harming ourselves and our own healing as much as anything.

Staying continually mad, enraged, pithed, upset, stressed isn’t good for us or for the kids involved in such a situation I don’t think.

I think we have to pick our battles, and believe me while resent the lies that have been told about me in the community by my egg donor, putting up a web site with all the legitimate dirt I can find on her and keeping myself stirred up isn’t going to do me any good.

While I applaud and SUPPORT lovefraud and you have sure been upfront with the information about James Montgomery and RIGHTLY so, at the same time, you are NOT TRYING TO CO-PARENT WITH HIM….Liane Leedom has put up her own story about her x husband Barry (like it wasn’t already on the net) who went to prison, and has a child with him, but is not 50/50 co-parenting with Barry (thank God!) and I have recently come “out of the closet” about my own son Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murdering Jessica Witt in January 1992, there aren’t any kids to consider in the situation.

So I’m not sure the blogger’s rancor is helpful to him or to his kids, but at the same time I can definitely understand his DESIRE for vindication and for ranting. I do understand however, definitely understand, how people with personality disorders can “drive us crazy” though. Been there, and got my “crazee” card.

Thanks for this interesting article and information.

As a newly registered Lovefraud member, I am so relieved to have this resource. What I find most valuable about Lovefraud, is the ability of the members to continuously challenge me to look at the “Big Picture” of my life.

Yes, members here help me to understand how the spath operate, but also compassionately lead me to examine how some of my own choices contributed to my life circumstances. And, perhaps most importantly, provide excellent advice on how to shift my focus from spath, to myself. I am learning to discover and develop, those areas of myself that were atrophied, the ones that left me open and vulnerable to P/N’s.

Here I find both celebration for the strengths that made me an attractive target for a spath, (that I could’ve been putting to better use!), and humble acceptance of the need to change those aspects of myself, that allowed a dependency on an unhealthy person to develop. I am truly thankful to all Lovefraud members. I see some peace in my future now, where before I could not envision that for myself.

That is why I was SHOCKED, when I opened my email this morning, and saw ThePsychoExWife.com in the subject line of a email from LF! I registered as a member of PschoEX a couple of years ago, thinking I might find some useful info for my court dates, filings and so forth. What I found was a Vipers Den of ugly, angry, vengeful warmongers. While I am a vehement believer in first amendment rights I was thrilled to see that site down! I, for one will not support it’s return, and thereby contribute to nastiness and negativity on the web.

Lovefraud readership will not find the same balance of perspectives on PsychoEX. That site is a haven for bitter, angry, vengeful people, who believe that winning in court, at ALL costs, (even the sanity and health of their own children!), and are positively ALLERGIC to introspection. There you will find the majority of the membership, are not men, but second wives, and girlfriends determined to shred the ex-wife, (they post FOR their man, because he’s just too nice a fella, to deal with his ex and kid’s, the way they SHOULD be dealt with! Don’tcha know ). That site should be re-named: “How to Bully Your Man’s Exwife Through The Kids”. (Yeah the site owner is actually the guys new wife, too… but I have NO PROBLEM calling out LM as a major N.

Oh yeah…If you happen to have a male spath, (what are the odds? lol!), you will not be supported. In that, your posts will rarely receive any replies, and the occasional response you may get are going to be dripping with suspicion and sarcasm.

I would caution against supporting ThePsychoExWife. But if you love the Jerry Springer show, you might of enjoyed “spirit that site.

Dear Safeguard,

Welcome to Lovefraud, and that’s for that glowing testimonial to Lovefraud’s purpose and bloggers…us “old time’ers” here at LF think Donna’s LF site is the BEST site on the web for survivors both in information and in support from others.

I read the news article on this site posted in the article and I also spent about an hour reading on the site itself, the one that is up now, but was not able to access the older posts before it was shut down.

Your comments above: EVEN IF the mother is as evil as the site allegedly showed her as (and I didn’t see those articles posted as I said) I’m still not sure I am up for it being in the best interest of the kids.

One “testimonial” letter written to the judge mentioned the evil influences of TV on children not being the fault of the TV, but of the programs they were allowed to see. That is a good argument for sure, and IF the mother was the one who found the blog and showed it to her children, especially at their tender ages, then SHE was indeed guilty of what I think is child emotional ABUSE.

While this site owner may indeed be the new wife/partner of the divorced parent of the children, I think that is simply a way to get around the judge’s order. DUH, that’ doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out.

While I definitely have BIG TIME EMPATHY with parents who are dealing with UNREASONABLE co-parents, we have several of those here, and the stories that they relate make ME want to slam the guy/gal with my “cyber iron skillet”!!!! But I also realize that CONTINUAL, CONSTANT and UNENDING VENTING in rage against these people and the things we cannot control comes back again to OUR SELVES and how we handle it. There are things in this world that we cannot change no matter what we do or how hard we try, and at some point we must stop allowing these things over which we have no control to keep pushing us into a RAGE.

In the case of a parent that really has no influence or control over the disordered co-parent, unless it is a matter of IMMEDIATE LIFE AND DEATH, I think the continual climate of ANGER and RAGE is going to adversely effect the children, there’s no way it CAN be entirely hidden from them.

I agree that he (or his new wife) have every right in the world to spew any kind of venom they want on the net about his x-wife, even name names, as long as it is TRUE…I think that is the American way…but just like Mel Gibson and that woman he had the child with publishing those horrible tapes that he spewed, that child will hear those tapes long before she is ready to deal with that kind of emotional backlash. Personally it made me think that BOTH of them were/are disordered. When you stir sheet, you come up smelling like sheet!

I agree the exwife sounds like a mess. She is not taking full responsibility. She sounds like she is in a fog and can’t figure out what to do. Sound so alone. So did I at one time.

I think this article takes a woman at a period in time where she needs help, not scorn. I did not read anything where she was so terrible or so different than a thousand other exwives suffering from the loss of her husband and not coping well b/c they’ve been dumped and discarded and isolated and alone.

And since we only know is what the ex husband and his wife portray of her, it’s unfair to jump on top the dogpile.

And I agree with the court that his trashing of his wife only undermines and poisons the children against their mother. The same was done to be by my jealous MIL until I found out and put a stop to it. (the kids are calling dad’s new wife MOM? Where’s the empathy on what that does to their real mom?) Worse, my husband was doing character assassination on ME when I had no idea, and I am suffering the consequences now, when I ask why my daughter is so angry with me now, my daughter starts telling me “but dad said…” The hate HURTS the kids.

Much more would need to be revealed for me to think this man’s actions were anything but vindictive and mean. And as a wife who IS divorcing her spath husband, I can tell you the court doesn’t let me say anything but facts, no opinion, no anger, ONLY Facts. Saying terrible things about the mom online is a form of bullying and ABUSE, esp when the kids know about it.

BTW I do agree free speech gives him the right to say what he wants on the website but it doesn’t make it right. His KIDS KNOW so why doesn’t that change his spewing vitriol? Answer, b/c it’s not about his kids, it’s about him. THE MAN WON. His wife is a basketcase. That’s not enough for him? As they said, free speech does give him the right to be an ass.

I stumbled upon ThePsychoExWife a few years ago. The site has been ordered to be taken down, and I unequivocally hope it remains down. Morally obscene and an example of a morally depraved, angry ex-husband and his female partner, obsessed with defaming the mother of his sons and emotionally/psychologically beating his ex down-all, of course, under the guise of assisting and teaching others in similar situations.

It was one of the most vile and filthy online examples of what a vindictive, morally bankrupt ex-husband and girlfriend, who purport to love their children can do to bring an ex-wife and the mother of his children to her knees while screaming freedom of speech.

Truly one of the most depraved internet attacks I have read by an ex-husband and his partner which used the classic pathologizing of the female victim to justify his anger and feelings for revenge and winning.

I would not give a penny to his cause were my pockets lined with gold.

Thanks for the welcome Ox. I love your “cyber iron skillet”! (I fear I may need to change my use-name to,”Lumpy” at some point though! 😉 )

Yes. I did get the feeling that LM and PEW were BOTH highly disordered people. I have read many, many of PEW’s personal communications with LM, and I STRONGLY suspect he is the worst of the two. He degenerates her to their children constantly. His dripping contempt for their mother is as bad for them, as their viewing it on his web site. He himself EXPOSES them to the attitude of his blog, because he LIVES it. He makes NO attempt to bring peace to the table, however, I have seen many of her emails to him, and it cannot be denied that she has made reasonable attempts to appease him. Others there pointed those out also, but he always had an superior and dismissive attitude. He does not want to peacefully co-parent. He wants acknowledgement that he is the superiority parent, full custody, and the ability to continue to BLAME PEW for his entire miserable life.. She on the other hand, comes off as just wanting them to leave her alone. And I suppose I empathize with her there…

Katydid, Gemma,

You guys nailed it. I am SO Glad other people are on to LM and his hideous web site. It was truly sicking.

Hi Safeguard,

Initially, I read and followed the blog with an open mind.

It quickly became evident to me that dad and his partner had discovered a new avenue-the internet and a blog (Eventually, Twitter and Facebook, as well) to inflict abuse upon the mother of his children. They reveled in it and relished denigrating the mother behind her back. It appeared that they were simply waiting for her to discover their blog. Many must have discerned who he was (and therefore, his ex), and likely that was pleasurable to both.

Soon, I was reading it only to have a window into the inner workings of a most manipulative, vindictive ex-husband and his equally disturbed partner.

Katy,
My daughters (spath), father used her as an object to cause me distress also. He even left me a vm saying (our six yr old), will be the “loser” if I don’t move back in with him.

“I won’t have her, and you won’t have her”. (?!!) He told her in his most recent phone convo, that I “better “commit suicide” before he gets a hold of me.”

She is often angry at and punishing towards him. I spoke to him last night, on the phone. I mentioned that our child has a high emotional IQ. She KNOWS when he is using her, to hurt me, and she’s angry about it. She doesn’t know what it’s called, or how to talk about it, but it’s clearly painful for her to be used to hurt her own mother.

I mentioned to him, that she doesn’t want to hear a thing about me, when they are together. She just wants him to focus on her. She just wants to be together with him, enjoying each others company. I asked if he would try and do that for her.

I saw this on a website, and I am thinking about asking him to look at it, and maybe get some parenting counseling and signing an agreement like this. Although I would prefer she not be “regularly exposed” to a spath, I have to work within the custody agreement, as best I can, and she does enjoy his attention, sometimes he is very good with her, just not when he’s not getting what he wants. Don’t know that it would do any good…but I need to try and reduce my baby girls pain some how…

The Children’s Bill Of Rights:

BE IT REMEMBERED that on this ______ day of «MonthSign», «YearSign», personally appeared before me, a Notary Public for the State and County aforesaid, who, being by me duly sworn according to law, has read and has been advised of the following children’s rights:

1. The right to a continuing relationship with both parents.

2. The right to be treated as an important human being, with unique feelings, ideas and desires.

3. The right to continuing care and guidance from both parents.

4. The right to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent degrading the other.

5. The right to express love, affection and respect for each parent without having to stifle that love because of fear of disapproval by the other parent.

6. The right to know that the parents’ decision to divorce was not the responsibility of the child.

7. The right not to be a source of argument between the parents.

8. The right to honest answers to questions about the changing family relationships.

9. The right to be able to experience regular and consistent contact with both parents and the right to know the reason for any cancellation of time or change of plans.

10. The right to have a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.

______________________________
«PETITIONERNAME»

Gemma,

I too had an “open mind” when I first registered at P-Ex. They did have legal references that were useful, (they LOVE screwing PEW on court!). Did you by any chance catch his Mothers Day post? One Mothers Day, he posted a list of every mother who had ever murdered her children. Many of his own followers (and they are a cult-like tribe over there), called foul on that post.My God that man hates Mothers Day!

Didn’t know about Twitter and FaceBook! OMG! 🙁

Safeguard
There is a lot of horror in this world. While I was defined as the bossy *B*, in fact I had NO say so at all about my own life’s decisions until I LEFT my husband. And even though I lived a foggy and couldn’t figure out what the heck was real for a long while, I did NOT talk about my husband to my daughter. It was NOT her emotional burden to bear, it was MINE. (Gaslighting puts the vulnerable into a real fog.)

Again, I have proof of my husband’s behaviors but the court is NOT interested in anything but facts, NUMBERS. That was hard for me b/c he gets away with a lot, but it also LIMITS HIM. And I am glad for that.

I agree your list is what life SHOULD be but it only works with cooperating parents, and if parents are cooperating, there is no need for the list. When the parent is disordered or dysfunctional it’s more of a wish list.

I wonder just how quickly a blog purporting to help others in a similar situation, but written by an ex-wife or ex-partner and mother, who armchair diagnoses the father of her children as a borderline or a sociopath, and then proceeds to pathologize him on the WWW would be ordered taken down by a judge. I’ll bet such a blog would have been brought to the attention of any such male/husband/father years ago, and mom would have been swiftly and severely dealt with.

Most of us here have been victims of the SMEAR CAMPAIGN from our psychopathic X relationship—whether it is x marital partner, S. O., Friend, boss, or relative. If every one of our X’s put up a blog I can only IMAGINE what those blogs would say about us!

Can you even imagine what my Psychopathic son Patrick would say about me, how I was responsible for him being in prison for murder because I wore his butt out once when he was 11 for running away from home the first time he was spanked for lying –the first episode of lying in the face of evidence he had ever done, actually though I didn’t know it at the time, it was the first indication he was to grow up to be a psychopath and pathological liar—I spanked him for lying and refusing to admit in the face of evidence, so he ran away, and when we found him, I spanked him again. Yep, that is why he is in prison today, those two spankings made him the psychopathic killer he is, it was my fault for abusing the poor kid. I have not given him the unconditional love he deserves as my son, and I cut off contact with him in prison when he tried to have me killed. Showing how uncaring and unfeeling I am toward my own flesh and blood. What a beast I am!

The thing is no matter how badly we were treated, as a parent, we must let go of the bitterness or we become bitter to the point that our own lives are destroyed. It isn’t just about “tit for tat” or proving that the other parent is a jerk, but in BEING a good parent, a loving parent, and a calm and peaceful presence in the lives of the children.

It does make me wonder why the Today show canceled his public appearance, did they find out something they didn’t know when they invited him on the show? Maybe this situation isn’t as one-sided as “daddy” presents itself. BTW if all the “crazy” e mails I sent to my egg donor were lined up side by side or the “crazy” letters I sent to my son where there with them, you’d have me committed because in the throes of the chaos of summer, I wrote some pretty crazy things—and unfortunately sent or mailed them. Doesn’t mean the mother isn’t disordered, but it doesn’t mean the dad is NOT disordered either.

I think we need to know both sides of the story before we take one side or the other. Many sane people are driven to appear “insane” by dealing with a disordered person who looks, by comparison, sane and in control, when in fact it is the opposite. In addition, many situations where one or both people are abused is a case of CO-abusers, and the one who “loses” paints themselves as the “innocent” victim and the other one as the Beast of Bagdad, when in fact, it is a case of TWO disordered people still seeking to vent their rage on each other at the expense of the kids.

It isn’t about gender, and I agree with Dr. Leedom that if you take into consideratiion the BPDs (mostly females labeled that) and the PPDs (mostly males labeled that) you have close to an equal number of disordered people, and probably 4-10% of the population of the US….with serious levels of personality disorder.

@ katy,
Wish list. meh…

I know. I was thinking it could give me leverage with the court if we had an agreement like this signed in mediation. spath is always trying to paint me as “Uncooperative” to the judge. Right now I can’t do a thing when he violates basically every item on the list, which is just calling for common decency, really.

I could have written your EXACT post btw.

I have made mistakes, in that I try to treat him respectfully, and he uses that to push for more. I end up mad that he trampled my boundaries cause I was kind to him for my child’s sake, and my daughter ends up confused and stressed. IE: If I think so highly of daddy, why am I so “mean” when he asks to “sleep over”?

It’s so hard sometimes…

I also want to note, that, as mentioned in the original post, these characteristics:

“has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety. ”

Also descibe PTSD to a T. not just “Borderline”. just sayin…

Safeguard
Document document document. Facts. Names, dates, times. Court will expect him to show proof that you’re uncooperative – your documents can refute his label and can also be used to show proof where you ARE cooperative.

I do see how being KIND to your husband sends a mixed signal to your kid. Nothing requires you to be kind, you only need to be NOT HOSTILE, unemotional (yes HARD to do but your kid is the one that matters right? I had no problem sacrificing my feelings for my child.).

For your child, you tell her sometimes there is grownups business and sometimes there is kids. When I told my child it was grownups biz, she knew there was something else going on that she didn’t have to be concerned.

btw… mommy and daddy sleep apart now, that’s grown ups biz. Mommy and daddy sometimes disagree but that’s grown ups biz.

What stands out for me in the extra links is the name calling and ridicule. The writer is not protesting or helpless, the writer is vitriolic. As I told my husband, HIM saying so does not make it so. Saying something is a fact when it is actually HIS spin does NOT make it a fact. In fact, he is so LOUD in his jerkiness, that he makes it hard to hear his POV.

I see a woman who is LOST, defensive and paranoid, just as I was after years of gaslighting, cheating, manipulation, etc. As my therapist told me, I was NOT crazy, I was in a crazy making situation.

While HE has support, she is LOST. Show me her again in two or three years away from his crap and I’ll bet she’s a whole new woman.

Katy,
Yeah this is like my mantra:

“Mommy and daddy sometimes disagree but that’s grown ups biz.”

By, “nice” I just mean like, when she tells me about their time, and I say, “well that was nice of dad to do that”, (or whatever), And this is said in front of him, then she says, “yeah and he wants to come in and watch a movie with me”

So I just say something like,” Maybe he can take you to see a movie next time you see him”. She has asked me pointedly why he is not allowed in our house. I just tell her, we don’t get along because we are too different.

He’s not my father but he is hers. I do have a hard time insisting she should love and respect him, because I don’t. He’s spathy and I feel like screaming a warning to her. I do whatever I see soothes her, and would best serve her, but it’s a tough call sometimes.

I know that probably makes me sound like PEW, but I don’t hate my ex, just hate that I didn’t make better choices about who I let into my life, and I have to constantly watch my back now. Very stressful.

I didn’t see much of the website, but just the fact that it is entitled Psycho ex-wife, is a huge red flag. Those words appeal to all the misogynists out there who want to seed hatred between men and women. How many of us are called crazy and psycho by out spaths?

Love fraud is very different in that the discussion is about a very real personality disorder, how it presents itself and how to defend ourselves BY BECOMING BETTER PEOPLE WITH STRONGER BOUNDARIES.

The only thing I still have doubts about, is whether it is wise to keep the truth from children.

did not read all the posts, however, it sounds like what my ex did to justify running off with a married, 20 yr younger women, after he bled me dry financially, emotionally, and socially.

I think that HE is the nut or else he would have just clicked his heels together and walked with his “new partner” directing some good energy towards rebuilding his life and that of the children, instead of further antagonizing this woman.

Isn’t wallowing, blaming, denial, victimization, setting victims up, etc a trademark of the sociopath?

Crap! it’s back. just sent me another email.
NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC!

If filing a false CPS allegation is a FELONY then why did the father have to have “resources” to file charges, the DA should have done that without the father having to do anything. If someone breaks into your house and they get caught doing it, YOU don’t have to have resources to file charges the PUBLIC DISTRICT ATTORNEY DOES IT….

In both of these articles the father sounds sane and the mother sounds vindictive and very high in P-traits, but again it is Psycho-ex-WIFE not “Psycho ex spouse” and I do find it anti-women….the horror stories could relate to EITHER sex and should because psychopathy or any personality disorder is not about gender, it is about lack of conscience and lack of empathy and bad behavior toward others, hurtful behavior.

Sky ~ Umm, can you mark his e-mail addy as spam? It would be really cool if you could do that AND have it auto-delete.

And always remember: DON’T FEED THE SPATHS, they have VERY large fangs that will BITE YOU!!

hugs, h2h

Dear Safeguard,

I think you are taking the high road and it will pay off in the long run for you. I also suggest that you look at Dr. Liane Leedom’s blog “parenting the at-risk child” (there’s a link here on the left side of the page under blog roll) Co-parenting with a psychopath is a difficult task, and I applaud you for taking the high road with your young daughter. She will get the drift for herself soon enough I hope, but she won’t be “forced” to “defend” him from you. You’re a smart woman and have your stuff together! TOWANDA!!!!

Welcome to LF Somebodysdream, good points.

Safeguard,
I think your grown ups biz is great. My only tweeking would be that you not comment on neg NOR POSITIVE that he did for her but just focus on HER, her feelings. If he did something positive, you can say, “what a great kid you are”. It takes the focus off him being the nice guy (let him do that!) and focuses on to building HER worth.

I follow some wise words about my husbands manipulations and how he made me feel: Being right is not as important as being happy.

I WAS RIGHT but what good did being RIGHT do me? What was MORE important was not giving him ANY ammo to sabotage me. I stopped letting him see or hear of my distress. I was unemotional whenever speaking to him. BUT…I claimed wee victories when HE had to find his own darn ammo!! and proud of myself for ME not providing the ammo he used against me. — which had the added bonus of revealing some more of his carp.

Getting FREE of him was my goal and THAT goal lead to my happiness – which is as right feeling as I can be.

Ox,
Thanks. Just watched Fried Green Tomatoes again last week lol!

Just love the line where Kathy Bates character said, “I held a mirror up to my face, didn’t like what I saw, so what did I do? I CHANGED!”

TOWANDA indeed!!!

As for the P-exwife… All I know is that site made me feel worse. Tense, angry and defensive. Lovefraud makes me feel better, hopeful and empowered.

That’s all I really need to know.

somebodysdream
yes, i too thought he sounded spathy. he won. he’s got the perfect life. the website name is stereotypical isn’t it, that SHE’s psycho. and to further name call her… PEW… is degrading and discredits HIM. If she’s that bad, why continue to trigger and instigate?

How did she find that website? Maybe looking for her own help? Or maybe her kids told her b/c this guy does not hold back from his kids. Again… no empathy for his kids.

Katy,

I do honestly feel good, and relieved, when he’s nice to our child. I am unused to having to guard myself against paying a complement when it’s deserved.

So when my child says, “wasn’t that nice of daddy?” I reflexively reply, Yes. that was very nice him.” I’m happy you enjoyed that book”, (or whatever).

It’s more of a habit of speaking to others… I find as I become less hyper-focused on spathy, I tend to behave like myself more. I find it hard to shift gears, to being un-naturally “neutral”, sometimes, as I am genuinely appreciative when anyone makes my kid smile. 🙂

I don’t want to spend so much energy on strategical means of speaking or behaving, (with spath or anyone.), and she does copy my style of behaving toward him also… This is what causes the confusion, I think. She knows I would be nice to anyone else, and I am guarded, ONLY around him, yet I must ask her to treat him better than I do.

I am still a work in progress…

Safeguard
I think I need to take a step back. I assumed your husband is an spath. If he’s just a jerk, then you are right to be your natural caring self.

IF HE’s SPATH, I have a further explanation for you, unnecessary if he’s not.

Safeguard,

I would guess that your young daughter is wondering if maybe she can get you two back together….and doesn’t yet understand about “grown up” stuff in relationships. I think her wanting daddy to “sleep over” is one of those indications that she wants you two back together.

I also understand about not wanting to be so “guarded” around what you say or to talk like something you are not or to say things you don’t really Feel. Being GUARDED around him is natural, and I think that you can get it across to her NICELY by just keeping on doing what you are doing. Sounds to me like you are doing very well!

i believe that getting the children of one of these firestorm situations involved in a church community would be a good idea.
although it may not be obvious, many churches bring very caring normal people into the lives of children who would otherwise have to choose between believing what mom believes or believing what dad believes, and let’s face it folks, whether we are the spath or the victim, just coming out of that relationship leaves us lost on the path of right and wrong emotional responses….at least for a while. and this is the arena spaths specialize in seducing the young….a community of loving people- and they are out there, you just have to find them- will provide quite a bit of support for little lost kiddos….and teach them a floor of beliefs that will not hurt them and probably will give them some sort of path through the mess.

I just took a look at this website, and I must admit, it seems to me that it is the husband with the problem and not the PEW. Check out this link http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/category/emails-never-sent/
She seems perfectly reasonable to me, and the unnecessary venom seems to be coming from him, whether he sends the emails or not.

Ox,
The push for the sleepovers come from spath. He works on her relentlessly for us to reunite. He tells her he will take me to court if I do not agree to, “live in the same house”, as him, as he needs to be with her every single day.

My ex is an N with spathy tendencies. He gets huge supply off having a “family”. He’s 42 and has no kid’s other than our daughter. She makes him look more normal.

If it served some purpose to him, this man would slit my throat without a hint remorse. I don’t want to make a list of the ugly, nasty things he has done, but he qualifies. I know what he is…

My daughter does NOT want to live with him, she has made that clear. She knows he is not safe. She senses that he cannot be trusted, and she has seen his explosive rage. She does want us all to get along though, in that she makes drawing of the three of us holding hands and the like.

Being a gay male, my x-spath exhibited qualities more like the female type sociopath. In fact Lisa E. Scott’s description of the “female type” sociopath that really hit me:

“…using her false mask, this charming “Southern Belle” schemer appears helpless or needy, pitiful, inept or emotionally unable to cope…”

One of my x-spath’s online names is “clueless lad.”

Lovefraud, I think this is a good time to revisit this site and update everyone about what has occurred to me recently (nearly 5 years after leaving my ex-wife). I have included my original post below (from early 2008) which will allow anyone read about the nightmare that I endured ”“ at the hands of my wife. Recently, her lies and insanity have reached out to sting me again! It reminds me of Al Pacino (in “The Godafther III”) when he exclaims: “Every time I try to get out, they drag me back in!”

Recently, I applied for life insurance. I was summarily turned down due to “private information found in your doctor’s records.” What private information I wondered? I asked for copies and learned that, 5 to 7 years ago, my ex stole my “medical identity” ”“ and my insurance card. She let her loser boyfriend use my insurance card to get medical services for 3 years. All, naturally, without my knowledge and consent. Her boyfriend used my insurance card and coverage to go through drug counseling & alchohol counseling. Also, she (apparently) stole the doctor’s prescription pad and wrote prescriptions for narcotics for her boyfriend and his friends. Several times (according to my medical records), the pharmacy was suspicious and they called the doctors office to verify the prescriptions. Of course, the Doctor’s office would deny writing me these prescriptions — and insert a note in my medical records stating that I had tried to obtain narcotics illegally. There are 25 of these “memos” in my medical records. Amazingly, the doctor never mentioned a thing during my treatments for cancer. He acted as if nothing was amiss?!? Had I known that she had also done this to me, I would not have settled my libel, slander & defamation lawsuit 3 years ago. This has turned into a nightmare. It is extremely difficult to correct your medical records. Any attorney that I have spoken to wants a minimum of $5000 to even begin to help me with this, complex, nightmare. Also, no law enforcement official will take a complaint or let me file a charge. They do not want to deal with this. 5 years after she destroyed our marriage and family, and just as I have been getting on with my life, this pops up! Also, I am going without life insurance until I correct these records — and find an insurer that will accept me. If I die now, my family will be financially destitute because I (currently) have no life insurance. Oh well, I have posted my original missive below:

ORIGINAL LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD ”“ EARLY 2008
I apologize, in advance, for the length of this missive and any redundancies you may find. Before I begin, like so many others, I must say that finding this web site has been very helpful. I am not sure that this is the right “place” in the blog to post (for the first time) my feelings and experience. I have found that every area has a little piece of me and my story. I feel a sence of empathy and angst from most of the stuff I have read. It is a wonderful outlet.

“People do not get it— “Rumination is not easy to get over—”Hard learned truths—”I cannot talk to most people about this—”How do I forgive (& forget)” etc. ”“they all ring true with me.

However, I have not found one to be like mine. In fact, both of the marriage counselors that attempted the “emergency, triage, rescue” of our marriage said: “Yours is, undoubtedly, one of the very meanest and cruelest (and sad) cases we have ever dealt with.” These 2 doctors had a, combined, 60 years of marriage counseling experience between them. They were not prone to hyperbole. I realize this is not a contest ”“ I just seek opinion and empathy and fellowship ”“ just like everyone else. I have inferred that a majority of the contributors are women. I am a man. Also, what my spouse did to me and our 3 children was sudden — no, previous,years of psychotic behaviour. But wait”

What happened to me has made the papers in our city because of my ex-wife’s bizzare behaviour. I apologize for the length that I think is about to spew out of me. I will try to give the, “Cliff Notes” version to keep it as short as possible. I also ask that you accept what I say here at face value. It is so bizzare and freaky that I, literally, would have bet my right hand if someone would have predicted what my ex-wife did begininning in July, 2006. Even writing this is difficult. It is something out of a Franz Kafka novel.

I married “Sherri” in 1998. She had 2 children, a 4 year old boy & an 8 year old girl. I also had an 8 year old daughter and instant step siblings were created. It was a fantastic family and a fantastic marriage; I loved her and she loved me deeply. By every estimate and every opinion of,virtually, everyone — Ours was considered to be a strong, loving, giving marriage and we were best friends and lovers. She would have walked on glass for me and vice versa. I raised her boy and girl as mine and she was step-mother to my daughter as well. The two step-sisters were inseperable and shared the same bed and went to school together for 10 years ”“ graduating in 2007. I had brought “Sherri” into our small, affluent community. I had lived in another home here with my first spouse. I introduced her to the community and she was welcomed and became part of the community. We travelled around the world and she only had to work if she chose to. That was 25% of the time. I always earned enough to support us in a comfortable life style.

Then it all happened:
November of 2005 I had to (suddenly) begin chemo ”“ for 52 weeks. Fortunately I had a very lucrative disability policy which allowed us to live in our beautiful home and not go bankrupt.
Sherri was also working at that time and travelling (in the company car) over a 4 state sales region. She was gone 3 to 5 days a week and never had to be my caretaker while I was on my back during chemo. She was earnng $85,000 annually at this time.

June of 2006 she came home at 10:00a.m., in her company car, and found me in the bathroom ”“ vomiting from that day’s chemo treatment and announced: “I just quit my job and have met a (28 year old tatoo artist- she’s 46) at a bar 2 days ago that I love and I tried to steal $28,000 from our bank account — but they stopped me.” Something was obviously wrong.

As part of my chemo treatment, I was seeing a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist — they routinely prescribed the, anti depressants that chemo neccessitate. They also provided counseling on a weekly basis as part of my insurer’s, “Chemo Management Plan.” They had known me very well by this point and asked that I bring Sherri in to see them — immediately. After 14 visits (several with both Doctors in the same room) over a 10 day time span, Sherri was diagnosed as having the following:

“Sudden onset bi-polar ”“ with a personality disorder, with metalogical to pathological tendencies as well as being a narcissipath” They suggested that, with proper medication and therapy she could, quite possibly, come back into the real world. It was not to be. She went into total denial, declared that there was nothing wrong and would not need any treatment of any kind. When told that they were advising me to divorce her as I could not fight cancer and her simultaneously, she replied, “I don’t give a F***!” A den mother and social committee volunteer! At this point I had lost 42 pounds from the chemo. At times my health was so fragile that it was really touch and go. I sure could have used her support then ”“ but it was not be. It was the exact opposite. The battle plans of a crazed woman were launched. That what she did (in comparison to her, life long, behaviour) is so beyond normal experince I can barely describe it.

She began drinking, doing drugs and staying out all night. I would get the (3) children off to school ”“ and she would be gone for 2 days! Remember, I was on chemo at this time! When I asked her, “Did you think you were going to quit your job, live off of my disability check and have an affair with this 28 year odl?” She answered, “Yes, yes I do.” A week later I filed for divorce.

After filing for divorce, I rented her a home 1 block away from ours so she could move there with her kids and they could finish the school year. The 28 year old boyfriend moved into her rental home that very same day! Imagine, my step-children had a complete stranger “replace” me on day one! I did not realize she would (in October, 2007) marry the 28 year old and buy the home. That is correct, she lives 1 block away with the (unemployed) tatoo artist in our tiny, gated, community. I am forced to see them daily.

2 weeks after moving out of my home, she snuck over and stole my 2 dogs. I let her take 99% of the furnishings; I was in a big, empty, house by myself. We had agreed upon separating that I would kep the dogs; she reneged and announced, “I have changed my mind.”

She stopped all communication between her 2 kids and myself. I have not seen nor spoken to them in 2 years. She stopped all communication with my daughter (“Sherri” was her step-mother for 10 years)! When I told her that “Rachel” missed her and was hurt and puzzled that Sherri went incommunicado, Sherri replied, “F*** Rachel!” When the psychologist suggested that the children not be used as “Pawns” — Sherri replied, “They are my pawns to use as I like.”

But it got worse — much worse.

Shortly after separating and moving one block away, it became known that Sherri had asked her boyfriend to put a “hit” on me. Yes, she was caught (via e-mails) of hiring someone to kill me. When we went to court, the judge yawned, acted annoyed and refused to do anything other than issue a restraining order which read (in part): “Sherri shall not engage in threatening conversations nor share private information with others (regarding her husband)” That is it! Nothing more. Sherri dramatically ripped the restraining order to pieces in the, courthouse, parking lot and said to me and my attorney, “F*** you.”

Then the lies, defamation, slander and character assasination began in ernest. Over the course of the next 15 months, Sherri worked earnestly at telling every neighbor, friend or aquaintance the following:
1) Ken was diagnosed with: “Sudden onset bi-polar ”“ with a personality disorder, with metalogical to pathological tendencies” (BTW, the psychologist predicted she might do this ”“ claim that I had the very same mental disorder she was diagnosed as having).
2) Ken is a, Mafia, hitman (I am in the financial sevices industry).
3) She and her children had to seek shelter at the center for battered women.
4) Ken is a (CIA like) computer hacker that traced and tracked anybody’s phone calls or e-mail messages at will.
5) Ken is not on chemo, he is away at (heroin) re-hab in Phoenix Arizona.
6) She told neighbors that if they did (financial planning) business with me, that I would steal their personal identity information and purchase homes around the U.S with their credit.

Incredibly, there were a few neighbors and friends that actually believed her story. As absurd as it sounds and contrary to everything they knew about me for 15+ years — I learned that there are “friends” in this world that prefer “dirt” to the truth. To say she cleaved our small community would be an understatement.

After 6 months of this, and many letters from my attorneys asking that she cease and desisit spreading lies — we had to haul her back into court. Once again, the judge took no real action. He issued another restraining order which said (in part): “Sherri shall stop spreading lies about Ken.” That is all. He never did seem to care and had an attitude of disdain. She also tore that restraining order to shreds in the parking lot of the courthouse and said to me and my attorney, “F*** you.”

Remember, I was still on Chemo at this point, spending what ultimately turned out to be $22,000 in attorney’s bills (just for myself). I was extremely weak and had neither the will nor the strength to go out and “counter” her lies.

In January 2007, I took an 18 day trip to Costa Rica. The chemo had ended 60 days earlier (it worked ”“ I am alive and healthy). Upon returning, I had a sherriff knock on my door and hand me a document stating I had to be in court the next morning (January 19, 2007) at 8:00a.m. for an, “Emergency ex-parte stalking / abuse / restraining hearing” Sherri, in her own handwriting, went to the courthouse and swore out a complaint stating that I had come to her home on 6, different, occasions. Specifically, January 1st, 2nd, 5th, 7th, 12th and the 15th. When we went to court, my passport and airline tickets showed that I was near the equator (in Costa Rica) from December 30th (2006) to January 17th (2007). Obviously, everything that Sherri claimed was a total lie. The judge did not grant her the (stalking) order. When my attorney asked that she be held in contempt of court for blatantly lying ”“ the judge said “No.” When my attorney’s asked that my legal fees be paid by Sherri due to her, obvious, lies and the time wasted in court — the judge said, “No.” BTW, men getting shafted in court vis a vis divorce — is par for the course in my state. In the parking lot of the courthouse she, once agan, screamed “F*** you.”

Oh, have I stated that she went completely, 100%, incommunicado since the day she moved out. She has only spoken to me once. And, as I said earlier, Sherri cut off all communication between me and the children. She also forbade her kids from speaking with my daughter — their step-sibling of a decade. That is just, plain, cruel.

The divorce was finalized in, August, 2007. But the pathological lying continued, unabated. Finally, I had no choice but to file a libel / defamation & slander lawsuit against my ex-wife — and her homeowners insurance company (under the, liability, portion) Farmers Insurance. In March of this year they paid me a large amount of money($65,000) to drop the case. She also had to sign a letter allocuting to all of her lies and had to give me the two dogs back (which she had stolen 18 months earlier).

It would be so much easier if I had 10+ years of an awful marriage; this simply would have been the end of a bad thing. But, that was not the case; we had nothing but great times and true love. THAT IS WHAT MAKES THIS SO HARD. It was sudden, unexpected and so very violent in her utter silence and going incommunicado.

10 days prior to her, personality, disorder surfacing, Sheri gave me a card in which she had written the following words: “If God were sitting next to me now I would thank him for sending you to me. You have been a wonderful husband and the most perfect (step) father I could have ever wished for my kids.” This type of letter from her was quite common and I felt the same way. When we were talking to the psychologist, he asked: “Sherri, 10 days ago you wrote these words to Ken. What happened in the intervening 10 days?” She could not answer; she would just stare out of the window and say, “are we done yet?”

And all of you are correct, nobody wants to hear about this. Most people say, “”just get over it.” Or, “after 2 years, are you still talking about this shit?” Or, “I can’t believe that; there are always 3 sides to a divorce, his side, her side and the truth.”

I never got to tell ’em my side. I never got closure.

The Doctor’s called the multiple traumas I experienced, “Shakespaerean trauma.” I guess because it was so sudden and dramatic:
1) I was extremely ill and on chemo.
2) My spouse became (mentally) ill.
3) We were forced to divorce and our family destroyed.
4) When the chemo ended ”“ I was unemployed; my job had been eliminated.
5) My $400,000 home cracked in two pieces ”“ literally. The dirt shifted and my home split in two. Insurance does not cover this damage and I had to come up with $25,000 for emergency repairs.
6) During this 24 month nightmare, I had 16 (yes 16) close friends, neighbors and relatives die; I was a pallbearer at 9 of the funerals.

Six, major, traumas hit over a short period of time and I survived. Both psychologists said that there was one piece of good news. I, they said, am an “extremely strong” individual. They have had patient’s suffer nervous breakdowns and become hospitalized — who had less trauma than me.
That is my story.
January 2008

Safeguard
Just a headsup for you regarding typical manipulation of an spath, esp during separation.

They use the kids, as you describe being done to yours. His kindness isn’t kindness at all. Sorry, but it’s just one more thing to have to be on guard about. Stressful yes, and sucks energy but it’s for your daughter. There’s great info for parents with young children. Forewarned is forearmed. Oxy is a great source and there are some books that will help you.

I found this website too late to help my daughter but as a parent with a kid on the other end, I wished someone would have told me what I tell you.

Best
Katy

Skylar,
UGH! Please don’t respond to it! What does your BF say about him contacting you twice? Keep yourself safe, I know you know that! He must be STARVING….

Blindsided
OMG. *S* didn’t just happen to you, it blew in on a Cat 5 hurricane. What is your cancer status? How are your kids? What are you doing to cope now? What did your doctor say when you reported what you found?

Sad to say, no closure is the norm. I find that closure is a myth on all kinds of things. But it’s worse when dealing with spouses that are mentally ill b/c not only it there NO closure, you can’t seem to SEVER the ties, as your insurance/medical fiasco exemplifies.

With compassion,
Katy

Dear Blindsided,

I am so sorry that you had such a horrible thing and then more frosting on top of the cake….your story is MORE UNBELIEVABLE THAN MINE and Yes, I think “shakesperian” is pretty correct!

I am not sure how you have managed to survive so much, one thing after another and maintain any kind of sanity.

Your wife’s “break” with the bi-polar at a higher age is unusual, but not unheard of, I had a friend who went off the deep end at age 36 with a first known manic outburst and broke up her very happy marriage….she did get treatment though and has recovered and is controlled with medication and back to work even at a very high level job.

Thank you for retelling your story, and for sharing with those of us here who have also had major trauma…it gives hope to others when they realize that someone can survive (even if Injured) after what seems like UNREAL levels of abuse and trauma. My hat’s off to you, Blindsided. God bless.

If it is any consolation to you with having had cancer there is not much likelyhood you would get life insurance anyway….but what you might do…is get a photograph of her BF if he is still living there in the neighborhood, and go to the doctors yourself and show them the picture…then go to the insurance companies that PAID FOR HIS MEDICAL CARE UNDER YOUR NAME, because THEY most likely will be willing to prosecute him and hopefully get back some of their money. IT IS FELONY FRAUD and if only one person in the office can verify that HE was the one getting the care, YOU ARE IN LIKE FLINT and the DA and the Insurance company will do the prosecuting and your name will be cleared in the process. TA DA! No charge for the information. LOL

Blindsided, that sounds like a nightmare ( worse, actually. ) And I’m sure it was. In your story to LF in 2008 you say that what you had with her was “true love”. Nope. It wasn’t. She was mirroring your good traits and having you believe in that way- that it was ( I’m going to understand that you have already acknowledged this, I just wanted to make it clear )

I am horrified at how you’ve been treated at the hands of this “judge”- only goes to show not even educated people working in the name of so called “justice” know a thing or two about psychopaths- it is tragic and an absolute and terrifying injustice that you have faced, I am so sorry. I can’t even put into words how awful that must have been.

Also- I am behind Oxy’s advice 100%… it is a FELONY FRAUD for her to have used your personal information like that ( to get narcotics for herself and her boyfriend… SICK! ) – actually hearing that makes me want to throw up, that’s just unequivocable evil in its purest form, right there ( in addition to the false accounts of abuse- thankfully you had that straightened out for the most part. Though still it wasn’t handled very professionally, IMHO ) I pray that you’ll have the strength fight through this ( is it even a question? You have braved so much already. Of course you will. )… how you have been handled by the courts is unacceptable- just unacceptable on all counts. We’re here for you at LF- there’s even an LF poster here who is an attorney you might be interested in speaking to ( a regular, his name is Matt. And having been a victim of a psycho himself- I think he might really possess a lot of insight into your situation and what you can do about it.) Hopefully he’s still around.

((((bighugs))))

It is unreal, as Oxy said- I can’t even begin to imagine what horrors you’ve suffered at the hands of this monster. God bless you, I wish you only the BEST of luck. Hats off to you for made it through to the other side of that hell. I seriously mean that.

Thanks Katy,

I get it, that his kindness is a manipulative ploy. He is only interested in what she does FOR HIM. I have seen that time and time again. Once, when she would not give him a hug, in public, when he asked for one, he told her he was “having me arrested and she would have to live with strangers”. She told me about that when she got home, she was upset. I told her that it’s alright for her to say to him, “I don’t want to hear things like that. It upsets me”. And that she doesn’t have to listen when he says bad things about me.

Yes indeed, I know how dangerous he is. I am not forgetting. He would gut her too, if he thought it was time to cut his losses. but I want to help her safely navigate this relationship as much as possible. (I am hoping with as little damage, and as MUCH education , Field Experience, so to speak. That she can come to be spath-proof in adult hood, or at least MUCH more AWARE than I was).

She has many good, positive adults in her life, and I hope as she matures, the difference in how we communicate, vs how spath does will be glaring and she will see how valuable and precious she is, regardless of spaths attempts to discredit her, and those who love her. (He can not stand it when she shows affection for anyone but him).

Thank you kindly for your support. I hate that you did not get the support you needed, when you needed it.

((((Blindsided)))) OMG!

That is just STAGGERING, what happened to you! I feel on the verge of collapse just READING about it!! How do these soulless bloodsuckers get away with this crap? Do they never just choke on their own poison? They seem to possess an un-earthly stamina don’t they? I suppose having actual EMOTIONS is our Achilles Heel…My spath said to me recently:

“Just because I have a heart-beat, doesn’t mean I have a heart.”
Uhgggg!

Perhaps that’s why he can’t be “Mortally Wounded”.

Take care, and God Bless,
SG

Safeguard
You are so far ahead of me, the best mom for your daughter. I worry for your safety though. It’s knowing what he’s capable of that’s scary.

My husband is capable of murder too. I got proactive and got my CHP, but if I had a child in my home, I don’t think that’s a solution. I live alone so anyone in my house will NOT get a warning.

If you have a solution/plan to protect your safety, please share.

K.

Oxy, Katy & Dancing Nancy…Thank you for your comments. I appreciate the empathy and understanding that I receive from folks like you. I will try to answer all questions here:
First, my old physician does not even remember me – and there is no proof that (the boyfriend) ever went to my physician for treatment. He went to other doctors, hospitals & pharmacies. So, a photo does not do anyone any good. The insurers do not care ”“ and will not assist me. The pharmacies do not care ”“ and will not assist me. And, as I said in the body of my post, no law enforcement officials care one whit. Local, county, state & federal police agencies were all contacted and all of them said the same thing, “we cannot help you.” It is too old & too small of a crime for anyone to give a shit. Just as I had experienced indifference in the courts during my divorce ”“ the same indifference exists elsewhere. That is why I had to sue her and her (homeowners) insurance company in court to stop her lies in 2007. A $65,000 check and a signed allocution stating that she had, indeed, said all of those lies about me was about the best I could get.

BTW Oxy, I am a Life Insurance Broker / Agent — there are many, many, life insurance carriers that will insure me now that I have been 5 years (post chemo) cancer free. I submitted my pre-underwriting application to the insurers and they all were willing to accept me as “preferred” or “Standard” non smoker, pending review of my doctor’s records. That is where the hiccup occurred.

And yes, she and the boyfriend still live 8 doors down the street from me. I still drive past her home every day and am forced to see her & him 2 to 6 times per day. If there is any good news, it is this: She recently filed for bankruptcy. It is my hope that she will be forced out of her home ”“ or forced to sell her home. Finally, she would be gone from our community. Seeing her every day has slowed down the recovery process considerably. However, I will say that with time, the wounds are not as painful. They are still there — they just don’t hurt as much. Time does heal some wounds, somewhat. However, time does not allow one to forget & purge their minds of the tremendous pain and hurt that was inflicted on me.

Dear Blindsided,

Well, I guess my “information” was worth what it cost you, NOTHING. LOL Sorry about that.

I can relate to the living close by those that have betrayed you, my egg donor’s home is on the SAME farm I live on. I can’t see it from my house because of the trees, but if I go out beyond the trees on to the runway, airport or the pasture I can see it. In fact, today i had to drive up close to her house to examine a new calf that was born to make sure it didn’t have flies on it in this weather (summertime) and that it was okay. I had to drive up within 100 ft of her back porch. The back side of her house is almost all glass, so I am sure that she saw me out the windows.

It used to bother me a LOT to drive there to that part of the farm, and I avoided it if I could, and I still avoid it if I can, but I thought it was important enough to check on the calf today and that is where the mama laid him down that I really didn’t have a choice in the matter.

It was like a BLACK cloud of evil literally hung over that beautiful house for so long, turning it into something horrible. NC has helped me quite a bit so that it doesn’t feel quite as evil as it did just a few years ago when I finally was feeling safe enough to move back to my house on the farm. It has been a long journey for me as I am sure it has been for you.

I wish you peace and tranquility in spite of the things you have suffered, I’m working on getting there myself. Only a couple of years ago I would have knowingly let the calf die before I would have driven up that close to her house to check on it, I just couldn’t even get close to her house, now At least I can do what I have to do in spite of still having some feelings of dread approaching her house. It ain’t perfect, but i t is sure BETTER. God bless.

@ OX -Thanks.

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