From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators.
That’s why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource.
I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Divorce blog’s rancor erupts in free-speech dispute
Here’s the gist of the story: A suburban Philadelphia man and his wife split up six years ago, after a nine-year marriage. However, the child custody battle raged on, featuring antics by the ex-wife that will look very familiar to those of you who are attempting to co-parent with sociopaths.
So the ex-husband and his new partner launched ThePsychoExWife.com as a place to vent. No names are used. The ex-husband is identified only as “LM.” His new partner is “DW.” His two sons are “S1” and “S2.” And his ex-wife is “PEW.” This stands for, as you can guess, “Psycho Ex Wife.”
Apparently the website was up for several years, and recently PEW found it. LM contends that, because no one is identified, PEW had to be actively looking for it in order to discover it. He also contends that PEW showed the website to their two boys.
PEW complained about the website to the court. Here’s what happened next, according to the article:
At a June 6 custody hearing, Bucks County Court Judge Diane Gibbons ordered him to “take down that website” and never again refer to his ex-wife “on any public media” or mention his children online “other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant school events.”
Judge Gibbons essentially threatened LM—if he did not take ThePsychoExWife.com down, he would lose his 50% custody of the children.
LM contends that the court order is a violation of his First Amendment right of free speech. He’s hired another lawyer to appeal it.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Based on the theatrics and manipulation exhibited by the ex-wife, LM has come to the conclusion that she has borderline personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder is a sister condition to sociopathy. Like sociopaths and narcissists, someone who has this disorder has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety.
Researchers estimate that 1% to 3% of the United States has borderline personality disorder—the same prevalence as antisocial personality disorder. However, according to the DSM-IV, about 75% of those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women. “You should know that there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled ”˜borderline,’” wrote Dr. Liane Leedom in her Lovefraud Blog article, Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy. “These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.”
PEW admits that she has an alcohol problem, she has lost her job and her house is in foreclosure. Reading her emails that have been reproduced on the website, she appears manipulative and blaming. I’d say LM’s assessment of her is correct.
So ThePsychoExWife.com has become a resource for people dealing with a woman with borderline personality disorder. According to testimonials, even therapists find the website to be helpful.
Save the site
LM has complied with the court order and the home page of ThePsychoExWife.com has been shut down. But a new website has been launched, SaveThePsychoExWife.com. This website chronicles the court battle and posts several court documents. The transcript of the hearing in which Judge Diane E. Gibbons ordered the website shut down is enlightening.
Apparently, pages of original site, ThePsychoExWife.com, are buried in Google’s servers, because you can still find them. Here’s the About page, which will enable you to read other pages.
LM and DW face an expensive court battle, and are asking for donations to help defray their legal expenses. This website is providing information about a serious personality disorder. Hundreds of people have benefitted from ThePsychoExWife.com, and we know how helpful an online support group can be.
This is an important case for Lovefraud. We’ve run into First Amendment issues before. Phil Haberman was able to convince a family court judge in Florida that his ex-wife was stalking him when she wrote a blog exposing his military fraud. The Stolen Valor Act has been struck down, with federal judges ruling that the lies of men who claim to have won medals is protected speech.
Information about personality disorders needs to be made public, and frauds need to be exposed. But the law about blogs and the First Amendment is very unclear. So I’ve donated, and I encourage you to donate as well.
UPDATE:
ThePsychoExWife.com will be featured on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Tune in!
Donna, I’m with you…I don’t understand why the judge could make him take down the web site since it does NOT NAME her, or the kids. I do think it is “protected” speech.
Wise speech? I’m not sure about that.
While the PEW is obviously disordered in some sense and a drama queen, and I see that he has reason to be angry with her and frustrated, I wonder if, considering he has children with this woman, if his continual stirring of the pot isn’t UNHEALTHY for him, and UNHEALTHY for the kids as well. The old saying about “you cant stir sheet without getting the stink on yourself” comes to mind.
Any time we get into a “leg hiking contest” with a disordered person, like two dogs marking territory, I think we end up ;harming ourselves and our own healing as much as anything.
Staying continually mad, enraged, pithed, upset, stressed isn’t good for us or for the kids involved in such a situation I don’t think.
I think we have to pick our battles, and believe me while resent the lies that have been told about me in the community by my egg donor, putting up a web site with all the legitimate dirt I can find on her and keeping myself stirred up isn’t going to do me any good.
While I applaud and SUPPORT lovefraud and you have sure been upfront with the information about James Montgomery and RIGHTLY so, at the same time, you are NOT TRYING TO CO-PARENT WITH HIM….Liane Leedom has put up her own story about her x husband Barry (like it wasn’t already on the net) who went to prison, and has a child with him, but is not 50/50 co-parenting with Barry (thank God!) and I have recently come “out of the closet” about my own son Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murdering Jessica Witt in January 1992, there aren’t any kids to consider in the situation.
So I’m not sure the blogger’s rancor is helpful to him or to his kids, but at the same time I can definitely understand his DESIRE for vindication and for ranting. I do understand however, definitely understand, how people with personality disorders can “drive us crazy” though. Been there, and got my “crazee” card.
Thanks for this interesting article and information.
This story was profiled on the Today Show this morning. Here’s the link:
http://digitallife.today.com/_news/2011/08/08/7310576-dad-behind-psycho-ex-wife-blog-protests-its-shutdown
I was in communication with Anthony Morelli, who is the husband in this case. Originally he was supposed to appear live on the Today Show. I received an email from him late last night that his live appearance was cancelled.
He wrote:
“I’m sure that they’ll skip over the bigger picture issues related to the real and present dangers facing our children… to focus on the “big bad, meanie asshole dad who is talking bad about poor, poor mom” – despite the fact that the stories are ALL true and start with horrifying communications from her.”
The Today Show did indeed cast Morelli as a villian. I think Morelli was providing a public service, just like Lovefraud does.
Our society, and the media, still labor under the impression that everyone is normal, everyone is capable of love and reason, and everyone will do what is best for their children.
If you read some of what was actually posted on the blog, you can clearly see the disordered behavior in PEW. The blog doesn’t just trash the woman. It offers suggestions on how to cope with the situation. One of the recommendations: Minimal contact. It is the equivalent of No Contact when you have to deal with someone because of the kids.
As far as the argument that he isn’t doing what is best for the children – no one is identified. Morelli believes that PEW went looking for the information and showed it to the kids herself.
The media coverage played right into PEW’s hands. Now she gets to play the victim on national television.
As a newly registered Lovefraud member, I am so relieved to have this resource. What I find most valuable about Lovefraud, is the ability of the members to continuously challenge me to look at the “Big Picture” of my life.
Yes, members here help me to understand how the spath operate, but also compassionately lead me to examine how some of my own choices contributed to my life circumstances. And, perhaps most importantly, provide excellent advice on how to shift my focus from spath, to myself. I am learning to discover and develop, those areas of myself that were atrophied, the ones that left me open and vulnerable to P/N’s.
Here I find both celebration for the strengths that made me an attractive target for a spath, (that I could’ve been putting to better use!), and humble acceptance of the need to change those aspects of myself, that allowed a dependency on an unhealthy person to develop. I am truly thankful to all Lovefraud members. I see some peace in my future now, where before I could not envision that for myself.
That is why I was SHOCKED, when I opened my email this morning, and saw ThePsychoExWife.com in the subject line of a email from LF! I registered as a member of PschoEX a couple of years ago, thinking I might find some useful info for my court dates, filings and so forth. What I found was a Vipers Den of ugly, angry, vengeful warmongers. While I am a vehement believer in first amendment rights I was thrilled to see that site down! I, for one will not support it’s return, and thereby contribute to nastiness and negativity on the web.
Lovefraud readership will not find the same balance of perspectives on PsychoEX. That site is a haven for bitter, angry, vengeful people, who believe that winning in court, at ALL costs, (even the sanity and health of their own children!), and are positively ALLERGIC to introspection. There you will find the majority of the membership, are not men, but second wives, and girlfriends determined to shred the ex-wife, (they post FOR their man, because he’s just too nice a fella, to deal with his ex and kid’s, the way they SHOULD be dealt with! Don’tcha know ). That site should be re-named: “How to Bully Your Man’s Exwife Through The Kids”. (Yeah the site owner is actually the guys new wife, too… but I have NO PROBLEM calling out LM as a major N.
Oh yeah…If you happen to have a male spath, (what are the odds? lol!), you will not be supported. In that, your posts will rarely receive any replies, and the occasional response you may get are going to be dripping with suspicion and sarcasm.
I would caution against supporting ThePsychoExWife. But if you love the Jerry Springer show, you might of enjoyed “spirit that site.
Dear Safeguard,
Welcome to Lovefraud, and that’s for that glowing testimonial to Lovefraud’s purpose and bloggers…us “old time’ers” here at LF think Donna’s LF site is the BEST site on the web for survivors both in information and in support from others.
I read the news article on this site posted in the article and I also spent about an hour reading on the site itself, the one that is up now, but was not able to access the older posts before it was shut down.
Your comments above: EVEN IF the mother is as evil as the site allegedly showed her as (and I didn’t see those articles posted as I said) I’m still not sure I am up for it being in the best interest of the kids.
One “testimonial” letter written to the judge mentioned the evil influences of TV on children not being the fault of the TV, but of the programs they were allowed to see. That is a good argument for sure, and IF the mother was the one who found the blog and showed it to her children, especially at their tender ages, then SHE was indeed guilty of what I think is child emotional ABUSE.
While this site owner may indeed be the new wife/partner of the divorced parent of the children, I think that is simply a way to get around the judge’s order. DUH, that’ doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out.
While I definitely have BIG TIME EMPATHY with parents who are dealing with UNREASONABLE co-parents, we have several of those here, and the stories that they relate make ME want to slam the guy/gal with my “cyber iron skillet”!!!! But I also realize that CONTINUAL, CONSTANT and UNENDING VENTING in rage against these people and the things we cannot control comes back again to OUR SELVES and how we handle it. There are things in this world that we cannot change no matter what we do or how hard we try, and at some point we must stop allowing these things over which we have no control to keep pushing us into a RAGE.
In the case of a parent that really has no influence or control over the disordered co-parent, unless it is a matter of IMMEDIATE LIFE AND DEATH, I think the continual climate of ANGER and RAGE is going to adversely effect the children, there’s no way it CAN be entirely hidden from them.
I agree that he (or his new wife) have every right in the world to spew any kind of venom they want on the net about his x-wife, even name names, as long as it is TRUE…I think that is the American way…but just like Mel Gibson and that woman he had the child with publishing those horrible tapes that he spewed, that child will hear those tapes long before she is ready to deal with that kind of emotional backlash. Personally it made me think that BOTH of them were/are disordered. When you stir sheet, you come up smelling like sheet!
Safeguard,
That’s really interesting. I must confess that I read articles on ThePsychoExWife, and the testimonials, but not the comments. I know first hand that it’s difficult to control comments. Do you remove posts when people vent in a really derogatory way? Or do you let people speak their minds?
It’s also interesting that you found little support for people who were involved with male sociopaths. As we know, there are legions of them. I stated in my original post that I frequently receive emails for men accusing Lovefraud of male bashing and ignoring disordered women.
This makes an important point: People tend to think this disordered behavior is a gender issue when it is not. In fact, Dr. Leedom has said that if you count the women who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when they are actually sociopaths, there are probably equal numbers of males and females with basically the same personalty disorder.
This is the real value of both Lovefraud and ThePsychoExWife – pointing out that there is a reason for the bizarre behavior, and it’s a personality disorder. It helps people realize that they are not crazy.
I agree the exwife sounds like a mess. She is not taking full responsibility. She sounds like she is in a fog and can’t figure out what to do. Sound so alone. So did I at one time.
I think this article takes a woman at a period in time where she needs help, not scorn. I did not read anything where she was so terrible or so different than a thousand other exwives suffering from the loss of her husband and not coping well b/c they’ve been dumped and discarded and isolated and alone.
And since we only know is what the ex husband and his wife portray of her, it’s unfair to jump on top the dogpile.
And I agree with the court that his trashing of his wife only undermines and poisons the children against their mother. The same was done to be by my jealous MIL until I found out and put a stop to it. (the kids are calling dad’s new wife MOM? Where’s the empathy on what that does to their real mom?) Worse, my husband was doing character assassination on ME when I had no idea, and I am suffering the consequences now, when I ask why my daughter is so angry with me now, my daughter starts telling me “but dad said…” The hate HURTS the kids.
Much more would need to be revealed for me to think this man’s actions were anything but vindictive and mean. And as a wife who IS divorcing her spath husband, I can tell you the court doesn’t let me say anything but facts, no opinion, no anger, ONLY Facts. Saying terrible things about the mom online is a form of bullying and ABUSE, esp when the kids know about it.
BTW I do agree free speech gives him the right to say what he wants on the website but it doesn’t make it right. His KIDS KNOW so why doesn’t that change his spewing vitriol? Answer, b/c it’s not about his kids, it’s about him. THE MAN WON. His wife is a basketcase. That’s not enough for him? As they said, free speech does give him the right to be an ass.
I stumbled upon ThePsychoExWife a few years ago. The site has been ordered to be taken down, and I unequivocally hope it remains down. Morally obscene and an example of a morally depraved, angry ex-husband and his female partner, obsessed with defaming the mother of his sons and emotionally/psychologically beating his ex down-all, of course, under the guise of assisting and teaching others in similar situations.
It was one of the most vile and filthy online examples of what a vindictive, morally bankrupt ex-husband and girlfriend, who purport to love their children can do to bring an ex-wife and the mother of his children to her knees while screaming freedom of speech.
Truly one of the most depraved internet attacks I have read by an ex-husband and his partner which used the classic pathologizing of the female victim to justify his anger and feelings for revenge and winning.
I would not give a penny to his cause were my pockets lined with gold.
Thanks for the welcome Ox. I love your “cyber iron skillet”! (I fear I may need to change my use-name to,”Lumpy” at some point though! 😉 )
Yes. I did get the feeling that LM and PEW were BOTH highly disordered people. I have read many, many of PEW’s personal communications with LM, and I STRONGLY suspect he is the worst of the two. He degenerates her to their children constantly. His dripping contempt for their mother is as bad for them, as their viewing it on his web site. He himself EXPOSES them to the attitude of his blog, because he LIVES it. He makes NO attempt to bring peace to the table, however, I have seen many of her emails to him, and it cannot be denied that she has made reasonable attempts to appease him. Others there pointed those out also, but he always had an superior and dismissive attitude. He does not want to peacefully co-parent. He wants acknowledgement that he is the superiority parent, full custody, and the ability to continue to BLAME PEW for his entire miserable life.. She on the other hand, comes off as just wanting them to leave her alone. And I suppose I empathize with her there…
Katydid, Gemma,
You guys nailed it. I am SO Glad other people are on to LM and his hideous web site. It was truly sicking.
Hi Safeguard,
Initially, I read and followed the blog with an open mind.
It quickly became evident to me that dad and his partner had discovered a new avenue-the internet and a blog (Eventually, Twitter and Facebook, as well) to inflict abuse upon the mother of his children. They reveled in it and relished denigrating the mother behind her back. It appeared that they were simply waiting for her to discover their blog. Many must have discerned who he was (and therefore, his ex), and likely that was pleasurable to both.
Soon, I was reading it only to have a window into the inner workings of a most manipulative, vindictive ex-husband and his equally disturbed partner.