From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators.
That’s why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource.
I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Divorce blog’s rancor erupts in free-speech dispute
Here’s the gist of the story: A suburban Philadelphia man and his wife split up six years ago, after a nine-year marriage. However, the child custody battle raged on, featuring antics by the ex-wife that will look very familiar to those of you who are attempting to co-parent with sociopaths.
So the ex-husband and his new partner launched ThePsychoExWife.com as a place to vent. No names are used. The ex-husband is identified only as “LM.” His new partner is “DW.” His two sons are “S1” and “S2.” And his ex-wife is “PEW.” This stands for, as you can guess, “Psycho Ex Wife.”
Apparently the website was up for several years, and recently PEW found it. LM contends that, because no one is identified, PEW had to be actively looking for it in order to discover it. He also contends that PEW showed the website to their two boys.
PEW complained about the website to the court. Here’s what happened next, according to the article:
At a June 6 custody hearing, Bucks County Court Judge Diane Gibbons ordered him to “take down that website” and never again refer to his ex-wife “on any public media” or mention his children online “other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant school events.”
Judge Gibbons essentially threatened LM—if he did not take ThePsychoExWife.com down, he would lose his 50% custody of the children.
LM contends that the court order is a violation of his First Amendment right of free speech. He’s hired another lawyer to appeal it.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Based on the theatrics and manipulation exhibited by the ex-wife, LM has come to the conclusion that she has borderline personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder is a sister condition to sociopathy. Like sociopaths and narcissists, someone who has this disorder has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety.
Researchers estimate that 1% to 3% of the United States has borderline personality disorder—the same prevalence as antisocial personality disorder. However, according to the DSM-IV, about 75% of those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women. “You should know that there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled ”˜borderline,’” wrote Dr. Liane Leedom in her Lovefraud Blog article, Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy. “These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.”
PEW admits that she has an alcohol problem, she has lost her job and her house is in foreclosure. Reading her emails that have been reproduced on the website, she appears manipulative and blaming. I’d say LM’s assessment of her is correct.
So ThePsychoExWife.com has become a resource for people dealing with a woman with borderline personality disorder. According to testimonials, even therapists find the website to be helpful.
Save the site
LM has complied with the court order and the home page of ThePsychoExWife.com has been shut down. But a new website has been launched, SaveThePsychoExWife.com. This website chronicles the court battle and posts several court documents. The transcript of the hearing in which Judge Diane E. Gibbons ordered the website shut down is enlightening.
Apparently, pages of original site, ThePsychoExWife.com, are buried in Google’s servers, because you can still find them. Here’s the About page, which will enable you to read other pages.
LM and DW face an expensive court battle, and are asking for donations to help defray their legal expenses. This website is providing information about a serious personality disorder. Hundreds of people have benefitted from ThePsychoExWife.com, and we know how helpful an online support group can be.
This is an important case for Lovefraud. We’ve run into First Amendment issues before. Phil Haberman was able to convince a family court judge in Florida that his ex-wife was stalking him when she wrote a blog exposing his military fraud. The Stolen Valor Act has been struck down, with federal judges ruling that the lies of men who claim to have won medals is protected speech.
Information about personality disorders needs to be made public, and frauds need to be exposed. But the law about blogs and the First Amendment is very unclear. So I’ve donated, and I encourage you to donate as well.
UPDATE:
ThePsychoExWife.com will be featured on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Tune in!
sarahsmile
re: videos
I was threatened with this the other day. If I call the police on him, he’ll show them a video we made. Fine. Show the police, or anyone else, what is obviously a really really really drunk middle-aged overweight woman stumbling and tottering around on heels, doing what you tell her to do. That’ll work out well for you.
Anger, forgiveness, processing emotions… ugh. I’m having a hard time just breathing right now. Much info to sift through in these comments alone.
Ox Drover
Dear Sarahsmile,
Just keep on breathing! One breath at a time, in and out! Lots of information to sift through is right, but you can do it!
bobert
Not just on Google in their cache but there is a site that arcives every page on the web
Here was the home page as it was last year…
http://web.archive.org/web/20100105130852/http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/
Ox Drover
Thanks bobert! That was an interesting link.
MoonDancer
Nancy – I have problem’s forgiving someone that knowingly set out to do me harm, so many say forgiveness is the key to moving on…I had to forgive myself, that was the hardest thing to do…but I love this quote from Mia Angelo -” Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could of been any different…..”
So as I sift and resift the past relationship I know nothing could of been any different so I am left with What did I learn from this? I guess it will always hurt some, but things have improved and I remember when I never thought they would…
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hens,
it’s a quote of high quality. in essence, it’s acceptance. then it’s left to us to figure out what was, and what we can learn from it.
i talked to someone last night whose mom recently died. he was the primary caregiver and he was exhausted. there is mostly relief for him, and as of yet, no grief. his remark was, ‘after going through a divorce and custody settlement (he has his kids full time), that he wasn’t ever going to let anything touch him that deeply again. i get that. and i understand how it arises naturally when one has been through the wringer – but i want depth, so risk is inherent. But, i know i have to find it with myself. as much as i want people, community and a relationship, i need to keep refocusing on finding that depth of relationship with myself.
MoonDancer
1steprs – hmm – depth of relationship with myself – as in gettin square with the universe? From when you first came here to where you are now I would say your about there…
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hens – not even the universe, although if i am square with myself i am square with the universe. i don’t feel like i am anywhere near being square with myself – there are things i need to be doing, and i can’t/ am not yet (damn #$@^$% patience thing! 😉 ) I am fretting about them – i need to be living a different life than i am.
my first work is staying employed, housed and fed. and the next one is regaining as much of my health as possible. so, i am working on those.
but there are other things my friend – i have passions and talents that lay in waste….art, writing, being in the country, creating beauty around me,…and much more. and you know what, it all rather scares me right now. change scares me, failure scares me, starting things i may not be able to do yet scares me. but my mind is getting clearer and clearer. that last sauna i had (one where the temp was WAY high) really cleared my mind – it was two days of heaven before the clouds rumbled past again.
i heard a woman writer answer the question, ‘who do you writer for’, and she replied, ‘for myself’. can’t tell you how profound that was for me. It’s not an n statement, but a statement about who she had to be square with, and who she had to ‘be in relationship with’ for the words to ring true. i am still, scared to discover myself.
MoonDancer
1step – I get what your saying now…..I have many talents, I am very creative but lack the confidence to use them on a bigger scale. There is so much in my head that just doesnt come out for fear of failure I guess. So I stay low and hidden and just do enuff to get by,,for instance I am a Nate Burkus ( designer from the oprah show ) wanna be – in my head I think I could do what he does but dont even know how to start…….I lack confidence, I keep a low profile..i dont like that about me…..
MoonDancer
its like a life wasted – from a child I was told dont do that – dont act like that – dont be who you are because that is evil and bad – so I just tried to live my life for everybody else’a approval but my own and look at me now – and where are they now? and come to find out I had more morals and value’s in my little finger than they all had combined..