From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators.
That’s why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource.
I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Divorce blog’s rancor erupts in free-speech dispute
Here’s the gist of the story: A suburban Philadelphia man and his wife split up six years ago, after a nine-year marriage. However, the child custody battle raged on, featuring antics by the ex-wife that will look very familiar to those of you who are attempting to co-parent with sociopaths.
So the ex-husband and his new partner launched ThePsychoExWife.com as a place to vent. No names are used. The ex-husband is identified only as “LM.” His new partner is “DW.” His two sons are “S1” and “S2.” And his ex-wife is “PEW.” This stands for, as you can guess, “Psycho Ex Wife.”
Apparently the website was up for several years, and recently PEW found it. LM contends that, because no one is identified, PEW had to be actively looking for it in order to discover it. He also contends that PEW showed the website to their two boys.
PEW complained about the website to the court. Here’s what happened next, according to the article:
At a June 6 custody hearing, Bucks County Court Judge Diane Gibbons ordered him to “take down that website” and never again refer to his ex-wife “on any public media” or mention his children online “other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant school events.”
Judge Gibbons essentially threatened LM—if he did not take ThePsychoExWife.com down, he would lose his 50% custody of the children.
LM contends that the court order is a violation of his First Amendment right of free speech. He’s hired another lawyer to appeal it.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Based on the theatrics and manipulation exhibited by the ex-wife, LM has come to the conclusion that she has borderline personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder is a sister condition to sociopathy. Like sociopaths and narcissists, someone who has this disorder has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety.
Researchers estimate that 1% to 3% of the United States has borderline personality disorder—the same prevalence as antisocial personality disorder. However, according to the DSM-IV, about 75% of those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women. “You should know that there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled ”˜borderline,’” wrote Dr. Liane Leedom in her Lovefraud Blog article, Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy. “These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.”
PEW admits that she has an alcohol problem, she has lost her job and her house is in foreclosure. Reading her emails that have been reproduced on the website, she appears manipulative and blaming. I’d say LM’s assessment of her is correct.
So ThePsychoExWife.com has become a resource for people dealing with a woman with borderline personality disorder. According to testimonials, even therapists find the website to be helpful.
Save the site
LM has complied with the court order and the home page of ThePsychoExWife.com has been shut down. But a new website has been launched, SaveThePsychoExWife.com. This website chronicles the court battle and posts several court documents. The transcript of the hearing in which Judge Diane E. Gibbons ordered the website shut down is enlightening.
Apparently, pages of original site, ThePsychoExWife.com, are buried in Google’s servers, because you can still find them. Here’s the About page, which will enable you to read other pages.
LM and DW face an expensive court battle, and are asking for donations to help defray their legal expenses. This website is providing information about a serious personality disorder. Hundreds of people have benefitted from ThePsychoExWife.com, and we know how helpful an online support group can be.
This is an important case for Lovefraud. We’ve run into First Amendment issues before. Phil Haberman was able to convince a family court judge in Florida that his ex-wife was stalking him when she wrote a blog exposing his military fraud. The Stolen Valor Act has been struck down, with federal judges ruling that the lies of men who claim to have won medals is protected speech.
Information about personality disorders needs to be made public, and frauds need to be exposed. But the law about blogs and the First Amendment is very unclear. So I’ve donated, and I encourage you to donate as well.
UPDATE:
ThePsychoExWife.com will be featured on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Tune in!
its like a life wasted – from a child I was told dont do that – dont act like that – dont be who you are because that is evil and bad – so I just tried to live my life for everybody else’a approval but my own and look at me now – and where are they now? and come to find out I had more morals and value’s in my little finger than they all had combined..
Quote One/Joy
“…i want depth, so risk is inherent. But, i know i have to find it with myself. as much as i want people, community and a relationship, i need to keep refocusing on finding that depth of relationship with myself. ”
One/Joy, that is the most SANE and sensible statement you have made to date on LF! TOWANDA!!!! TOWANDA!!!! And TOWANDA again!!!!!
Risk is inherent within any loving relationship because what we value can give us pain when it is taken away/is lost. I melted when my husband died….my logical mind knew he didn’t suffer, and I did get to say our goodbyes, he was conscious and alert and knew what was going on,, what was happening….yet, I felt my life had crumbled because I had loved him so much that I had let ALL my happiness depend on him….so being in a state of devastation, I felt worthless, and unlovable and the first “log” that floated by I grasped at it like a drowning person….and it turned out to be an alligator floating by pretending to be a saving log.
Now, I have come to acceptance of the loss of my husband, and at peace with the loss, remembering and savoring the good times we had as a salve to my soul. I would of course love to share another love with another man, a GOOD man, not just any man, but one capable and willing to SHARE HIS HAPPINESS with me. Will that happen? Maybe, maybe not, but if it does, great, if it doesn’t that’s okay too. My happiness will NOT DEPEND on someone else being in my life and loving me, it CAN’T depend on someone else, but if I were to love again and lost that love, I would grieve again, I would be sad again, but I would NOT BE UNHAPPY because of it. If that makes any sense.
My wonderful stepfather is gone….but I savor the wonderful memories I had with him. He didn’t protect me from the egg donor as much as I wish he had, but the one time she physically assaulted me when I was 15 and the blood ran, he pulled her off me. He protected me, even from the one he loved. She had him snookered too, and I don’t fault him for that. He was a good man and he did the best he could. He loved me, and was proud of me, he encouraged me, encouraged and applauded my successes, and gently guided me. I will always have that memory.
There have been friends “there for” me in the past, even friends who have, like my “best friend” in Texas, gone on different roads in their lives and are no longer in my life…but I can savor those friendships and the memories they made.
I think you are right to focus on the primary goals of keeping a roof over your head, and regaining your health. Maslov’s list of the important things in our life and our existence…..Air, water, food, shelter….etc. must come first and when those are secure, we can focus more on the “self actualization” that we all crave.
Personally, I think you have come a LONGGGGGG WAY toward focusing on the things that are needful and enjoyable, and taking care of One/Joy. I think you are also on your way to self actualization and meeting the higher desires and needs that we all have. Congratulations to you! I have learned a lot from watching your journey and sharing it through your posts. God bless.
I am not enuff enjun to get those kind of benifit’s, just enuff to get some medical…
Yes I wanted to be a designer when I was a teenager but was shamed by my parents for acting like a faggot, so I went to work in the oilfields and have been chasing the dollar ever since…I know it’s never to late, but at almost 60 I dont have the gumption to even consider school.. I can always make a living, but it would of been nice to earn a living with something I was passionate about.. I do get to express myself in my gardening and landscaping but on a much smaller scale…..Frank loyd Wright is my hero when it comes to architecture – I have been in some of his building here in Ok…..
hens – http://www.asid.org/ (for schooling – maybe some online courses?
for inspiration:
http://graphicdesigndegrees.org/top-100-interior-design-blogs/
http://www.blogs.com/topten/top-10-blogs-for-interior-design-inspiration/
http://property.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/property/interiors/article6953167.ece
Hens-there are WAY too many people in your state that ride their motorcycles without helmets-it’s very scary. I guess they never seen brains leaking out on the pavement-NOT ATTRACTIVE.
lmao Lizzy – Yep and they think pit bulls make em look smarter ~!
Hens, AMEN to that! We can’t live our lives to suit other people’s desires—especially when those desires are hurtful to us. I am also learning to live for and take care of MY NEEDS.
Visited with my cousin today…he is also a neighbor…and our neighbor “grandpa” has also imposed on this cousin and his wife, getting them to take him places, give him money and gas, even buy cigarettes for the skank….and my cousin just “can’t say NO!” He is angry at our neighbor for imposing on him, yet he feels the need to “enable” Grandpa and not to say “NO” to him.
Tomorrow I am taking Grandpa to the doctor in town….but I won’t put gas in his truck. I realize that Grandpa is in medical need, he has lost a tremendous amount of weight, and is probably not taking care of his health at all…probably not taking his medication either. Sure it isn’t my “responsibility” but I realize that Grandpa is a “bubble off of plumb” is why he is allowing the skank to take his money…one of the first things to go in senility is JUDGMENT. The ability to tell when someone is scamming you. I can’t stop her from abusing Grandpa and taking his money, but I can go down there when she is gone (after the money is all gone) and make sure the old man at least has food, water, and medical care….since his daughter doesn’t approve of Skank, he won’t let her help him and she won’t give money to the Skank either. So he will let me take him to the doctor and I’ll make sure he gets his medicine.
This cousin had heard the “stories” about how I had mistreated my egg donor, but he has the truth now, and I think he believes me….but if he doesn’t that is okay too. Like Erin Brock said, the psychopaths and abusers will out themselves eventually. It may take some time but the truth will out. Just like her X told everyone what a fake she was, a liar and how she didn’t really have cancer….yet now they know that he is a lying drug dealer.
Headline in the local paper: Former Little League Coach Arrested for Drugs—sort of makes his accusing EB of being the crazy liar suspect, don’t ya think? But even if it had never been outed, we have to VALIDATE ourselves. It is NICE when others validate our situation, but not TOTALLY NECESSARY. We must learn to validate ourselves, our worth, and our talents. To be proud of what we have accomplished and respectful of our talents….even those that we may not have time to express as much as we would like.
Personally, I think we all deserve a BIG TOWANDA just for surviving and getting our heads back on straight!
Hens, I’m not sure how it is in OK but in AR at 60 you can go to college for FREE at the state schools. Check it out you might be able to get some courses that you would ENJOY and meet some new people and get some new ideas. Learning is not “wasted” even if you don’t use it to make a living.
I wanted to go into nursing when I was in highschool, but was told it wasn’t a “nice profession” because I woudl be exposed to naked men. DUH? My paternal grandmother was a doctor, and I’m sure she saw lots of naked men. LOL But I eventually did it, with a kid on each hip, but there were other classes I took just for fun, and enjoyed them, and they broadened my outlook on life and make learning fun. Check it out. Who knows, you might end up with a whole nuther career!
Thanks Oxy. I am making lots of progress and i am still terribly inpatient.
when i was reading your post i thought about how under all the terrible spath pain was the pain of losing your husband – something that needed your love, attention and acceptance.
even as a young person i would always give up some of the things lower on the triangle to get some of what was higher on the triangle – but with my health and $ challenges, I really do have to focus on things like air and water and work. getting my mind right again will make it more likely to get to the peak of the triangle (do triangles have ‘peaks’?) the spath showed me a part of myself that was long hidden. a part that needs to come into the light. because it was messed with, i am even more shy of it. it will take some time.
i am hatching a plan for a job that i will let you know about later – something more in line with my heart than what i am presently doing. i see an interesting opp that i might be able to turn into a well paying job next year.
LOL Hens-pit bulls are scary. My friend at home has a dog that is half lab/half pit and she also has huskies. That pitbull dog grabbed one of the huskies by the neck when I was over there and it scared the s*** out of me. Those dogs are nothin nice!