From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators.
That’s why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource.
I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Divorce blog’s rancor erupts in free-speech dispute
Here’s the gist of the story: A suburban Philadelphia man and his wife split up six years ago, after a nine-year marriage. However, the child custody battle raged on, featuring antics by the ex-wife that will look very familiar to those of you who are attempting to co-parent with sociopaths.
So the ex-husband and his new partner launched ThePsychoExWife.com as a place to vent. No names are used. The ex-husband is identified only as “LM.” His new partner is “DW.” His two sons are “S1” and “S2.” And his ex-wife is “PEW.” This stands for, as you can guess, “Psycho Ex Wife.”
Apparently the website was up for several years, and recently PEW found it. LM contends that, because no one is identified, PEW had to be actively looking for it in order to discover it. He also contends that PEW showed the website to their two boys.
PEW complained about the website to the court. Here’s what happened next, according to the article:
At a June 6 custody hearing, Bucks County Court Judge Diane Gibbons ordered him to “take down that website” and never again refer to his ex-wife “on any public media” or mention his children online “other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant school events.”
Judge Gibbons essentially threatened LM—if he did not take ThePsychoExWife.com down, he would lose his 50% custody of the children.
LM contends that the court order is a violation of his First Amendment right of free speech. He’s hired another lawyer to appeal it.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Based on the theatrics and manipulation exhibited by the ex-wife, LM has come to the conclusion that she has borderline personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder is a sister condition to sociopathy. Like sociopaths and narcissists, someone who has this disorder has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety.
Researchers estimate that 1% to 3% of the United States has borderline personality disorder—the same prevalence as antisocial personality disorder. However, according to the DSM-IV, about 75% of those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women. “You should know that there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled ”˜borderline,’” wrote Dr. Liane Leedom in her Lovefraud Blog article, Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy. “These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.”
PEW admits that she has an alcohol problem, she has lost her job and her house is in foreclosure. Reading her emails that have been reproduced on the website, she appears manipulative and blaming. I’d say LM’s assessment of her is correct.
So ThePsychoExWife.com has become a resource for people dealing with a woman with borderline personality disorder. According to testimonials, even therapists find the website to be helpful.
Save the site
LM has complied with the court order and the home page of ThePsychoExWife.com has been shut down. But a new website has been launched, SaveThePsychoExWife.com. This website chronicles the court battle and posts several court documents. The transcript of the hearing in which Judge Diane E. Gibbons ordered the website shut down is enlightening.
Apparently, pages of original site, ThePsychoExWife.com, are buried in Google’s servers, because you can still find them. Here’s the About page, which will enable you to read other pages.
LM and DW face an expensive court battle, and are asking for donations to help defray their legal expenses. This website is providing information about a serious personality disorder. Hundreds of people have benefitted from ThePsychoExWife.com, and we know how helpful an online support group can be.
This is an important case for Lovefraud. We’ve run into First Amendment issues before. Phil Haberman was able to convince a family court judge in Florida that his ex-wife was stalking him when she wrote a blog exposing his military fraud. The Stolen Valor Act has been struck down, with federal judges ruling that the lies of men who claim to have won medals is protected speech.
Information about personality disorders needs to be made public, and frauds need to be exposed. But the law about blogs and the First Amendment is very unclear. So I’ve donated, and I encourage you to donate as well.
UPDATE:
ThePsychoExWife.com will be featured on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Tune in!
Katy,
Yeah this is like my mantra:
“Mommy and daddy sometimes disagree but that’s grown ups biz.”
By, “nice” I just mean like, when she tells me about their time, and I say, “well that was nice of dad to do that”, (or whatever), And this is said in front of him, then she says, “yeah and he wants to come in and watch a movie with me”
So I just say something like,” Maybe he can take you to see a movie next time you see him”. She has asked me pointedly why he is not allowed in our house. I just tell her, we don’t get along because we are too different.
He’s not my father but he is hers. I do have a hard time insisting she should love and respect him, because I don’t. He’s spathy and I feel like screaming a warning to her. I do whatever I see soothes her, and would best serve her, but it’s a tough call sometimes.
I know that probably makes me sound like PEW, but I don’t hate my ex, just hate that I didn’t make better choices about who I let into my life, and I have to constantly watch my back now. Very stressful.
I didn’t see much of the website, but just the fact that it is entitled Psycho ex-wife, is a huge red flag. Those words appeal to all the misogynists out there who want to seed hatred between men and women. How many of us are called crazy and psycho by out spaths?
Love fraud is very different in that the discussion is about a very real personality disorder, how it presents itself and how to defend ourselves BY BECOMING BETTER PEOPLE WITH STRONGER BOUNDARIES.
The only thing I still have doubts about, is whether it is wise to keep the truth from children.
did not read all the posts, however, it sounds like what my ex did to justify running off with a married, 20 yr younger women, after he bled me dry financially, emotionally, and socially.
I think that HE is the nut or else he would have just clicked his heels together and walked with his “new partner” directing some good energy towards rebuilding his life and that of the children, instead of further antagonizing this woman.
Isn’t wallowing, blaming, denial, victimization, setting victims up, etc a trademark of the sociopath?
Crap! it’s back. just sent me another email.
NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC!
If filing a false CPS allegation is a FELONY then why did the father have to have “resources” to file charges, the DA should have done that without the father having to do anything. If someone breaks into your house and they get caught doing it, YOU don’t have to have resources to file charges the PUBLIC DISTRICT ATTORNEY DOES IT….
In both of these articles the father sounds sane and the mother sounds vindictive and very high in P-traits, but again it is Psycho-ex-WIFE not “Psycho ex spouse” and I do find it anti-women….the horror stories could relate to EITHER sex and should because psychopathy or any personality disorder is not about gender, it is about lack of conscience and lack of empathy and bad behavior toward others, hurtful behavior.
Sky ~ Umm, can you mark his e-mail addy as spam? It would be really cool if you could do that AND have it auto-delete.
And always remember: DON’T FEED THE SPATHS, they have VERY large fangs that will BITE YOU!!
hugs, h2h
Dear Safeguard,
I think you are taking the high road and it will pay off in the long run for you. I also suggest that you look at Dr. Liane Leedom’s blog “parenting the at-risk child” (there’s a link here on the left side of the page under blog roll) Co-parenting with a psychopath is a difficult task, and I applaud you for taking the high road with your young daughter. She will get the drift for herself soon enough I hope, but she won’t be “forced” to “defend” him from you. You’re a smart woman and have your stuff together! TOWANDA!!!!
Welcome to LF Somebodysdream, good points.
Safeguard,
I think your grown ups biz is great. My only tweeking would be that you not comment on neg NOR POSITIVE that he did for her but just focus on HER, her feelings. If he did something positive, you can say, “what a great kid you are”. It takes the focus off him being the nice guy (let him do that!) and focuses on to building HER worth.
I follow some wise words about my husbands manipulations and how he made me feel: Being right is not as important as being happy.
I WAS RIGHT but what good did being RIGHT do me? What was MORE important was not giving him ANY ammo to sabotage me. I stopped letting him see or hear of my distress. I was unemotional whenever speaking to him. BUT…I claimed wee victories when HE had to find his own darn ammo!! and proud of myself for ME not providing the ammo he used against me. — which had the added bonus of revealing some more of his carp.
Getting FREE of him was my goal and THAT goal lead to my happiness – which is as right feeling as I can be.
Ox,
Thanks. Just watched Fried Green Tomatoes again last week lol!
Just love the line where Kathy Bates character said, “I held a mirror up to my face, didn’t like what I saw, so what did I do? I CHANGED!”
TOWANDA indeed!!!
As for the P-exwife… All I know is that site made me feel worse. Tense, angry and defensive. Lovefraud makes me feel better, hopeful and empowered.
That’s all I really need to know.