ThePsychoExWife.com and the First Amendment

Lovefraud, I think this is a good time to revisit this site and update everyone about what has occurred to me recently (nearly 5 years after leaving my ex-wife). I have included my original post below (from early 2008) which will allow anyone read about the nightmare that I endured ”“ at the hands of my wife. Recently, her lies and insanity have reached out to sting me again! It reminds me of Al Pacino (in “The Godafther III”) when he exclaims: “Every time I try to get out, they drag me back in!”

Recently, I applied for life insurance. I was summarily turned down due to “private information found in your doctor’s records.” What private information I wondered? I asked for copies and learned that, 5 to 7 years ago, my ex stole my “medical identity” ”“ and my insurance card. She let her loser boyfriend use my insurance card to get medical services for 3 years. All, naturally, without my knowledge and consent. Her boyfriend used my insurance card and coverage to go through drug counseling & alchohol counseling. Also, she (apparently) stole the doctor’s prescription pad and wrote prescriptions for narcotics for her boyfriend and his friends. Several times (according to my medical records), the pharmacy was suspicious and they called the doctors office to verify the prescriptions. Of course, the Doctor’s office would deny writing me these prescriptions — and insert a note in my medical records stating that I had tried to obtain narcotics illegally. There are 25 of these “memos” in my medical records. Amazingly, the doctor never mentioned a thing during my treatments for cancer. He acted as if nothing was amiss?!? Had I known that she had also done this to me, I would not have settled my libel, slander & defamation lawsuit 3 years ago. This has turned into a nightmare. It is extremely difficult to correct your medical records. Any attorney that I have spoken to wants a minimum of $5000 to even begin to help me with this, complex, nightmare. Also, no law enforcement official will take a complaint or let me file a charge. They do not want to deal with this. 5 years after she destroyed our marriage and family, and just as I have been getting on with my life, this pops up! Also, I am going without life insurance until I correct these records — and find an insurer that will accept me. If I die now, my family will be financially destitute because I (currently) have no life insurance. Oh well, I have posted my original missive below:

ORIGINAL LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD ”“ EARLY 2008
I apologize, in advance, for the length of this missive and any redundancies you may find. Before I begin, like so many others, I must say that finding this web site has been very helpful. I am not sure that this is the right “place” in the blog to post (for the first time) my feelings and experience. I have found that every area has a little piece of me and my story. I feel a sence of empathy and angst from most of the stuff I have read. It is a wonderful outlet.

“People do not get it— “Rumination is not easy to get over—”Hard learned truths—”I cannot talk to most people about this—”How do I forgive (& forget)” etc. ”“they all ring true with me.

However, I have not found one to be like mine. In fact, both of the marriage counselors that attempted the “emergency, triage, rescue” of our marriage said: “Yours is, undoubtedly, one of the very meanest and cruelest (and sad) cases we have ever dealt with.” These 2 doctors had a, combined, 60 years of marriage counseling experience between them. They were not prone to hyperbole. I realize this is not a contest ”“ I just seek opinion and empathy and fellowship ”“ just like everyone else. I have inferred that a majority of the contributors are women. I am a man. Also, what my spouse did to me and our 3 children was sudden — no, previous,years of psychotic behaviour. But wait”

What happened to me has made the papers in our city because of my ex-wife’s bizzare behaviour. I apologize for the length that I think is about to spew out of me. I will try to give the, “Cliff Notes” version to keep it as short as possible. I also ask that you accept what I say here at face value. It is so bizzare and freaky that I, literally, would have bet my right hand if someone would have predicted what my ex-wife did begininning in July, 2006. Even writing this is difficult. It is something out of a Franz Kafka novel.

I married “Sherri” in 1998. She had 2 children, a 4 year old boy & an 8 year old girl. I also had an 8 year old daughter and instant step siblings were created. It was a fantastic family and a fantastic marriage; I loved her and she loved me deeply. By every estimate and every opinion of,virtually, everyone — Ours was considered to be a strong, loving, giving marriage and we were best friends and lovers. She would have walked on glass for me and vice versa. I raised her boy and girl as mine and she was step-mother to my daughter as well. The two step-sisters were inseperable and shared the same bed and went to school together for 10 years ”“ graduating in 2007. I had brought “Sherri” into our small, affluent community. I had lived in another home here with my first spouse. I introduced her to the community and she was welcomed and became part of the community. We travelled around the world and she only had to work if she chose to. That was 25% of the time. I always earned enough to support us in a comfortable life style.

Then it all happened:
November of 2005 I had to (suddenly) begin chemo ”“ for 52 weeks. Fortunately I had a very lucrative disability policy which allowed us to live in our beautiful home and not go bankrupt.
Sherri was also working at that time and travelling (in the company car) over a 4 state sales region. She was gone 3 to 5 days a week and never had to be my caretaker while I was on my back during chemo. She was earnng $85,000 annually at this time.

June of 2006 she came home at 10:00a.m., in her company car, and found me in the bathroom ”“ vomiting from that day’s chemo treatment and announced: “I just quit my job and have met a (28 year old tatoo artist- she’s 46) at a bar 2 days ago that I love and I tried to steal $28,000 from our bank account — but they stopped me.” Something was obviously wrong.

As part of my chemo treatment, I was seeing a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist — they routinely prescribed the, anti depressants that chemo neccessitate. They also provided counseling on a weekly basis as part of my insurer’s, “Chemo Management Plan.” They had known me very well by this point and asked that I bring Sherri in to see them — immediately. After 14 visits (several with both Doctors in the same room) over a 10 day time span, Sherri was diagnosed as having the following:

“Sudden onset bi-polar ”“ with a personality disorder, with metalogical to pathological tendencies as well as being a narcissipath” They suggested that, with proper medication and therapy she could, quite possibly, come back into the real world. It was not to be. She went into total denial, declared that there was nothing wrong and would not need any treatment of any kind. When told that they were advising me to divorce her as I could not fight cancer and her simultaneously, she replied, “I don’t give a F***!” A den mother and social committee volunteer! At this point I had lost 42 pounds from the chemo. At times my health was so fragile that it was really touch and go. I sure could have used her support then ”“ but it was not be. It was the exact opposite. The battle plans of a crazed woman were launched. That what she did (in comparison to her, life long, behaviour) is so beyond normal experince I can barely describe it.

She began drinking, doing drugs and staying out all night. I would get the (3) children off to school ”“ and she would be gone for 2 days! Remember, I was on chemo at this time! When I asked her, “Did you think you were going to quit your job, live off of my disability check and have an affair with this 28 year odl?” She answered, “Yes, yes I do.” A week later I filed for divorce.

After filing for divorce, I rented her a home 1 block away from ours so she could move there with her kids and they could finish the school year. The 28 year old boyfriend moved into her rental home that very same day! Imagine, my step-children had a complete stranger “replace” me on day one! I did not realize she would (in October, 2007) marry the 28 year old and buy the home. That is correct, she lives 1 block away with the (unemployed) tatoo artist in our tiny, gated, community. I am forced to see them daily.

2 weeks after moving out of my home, she snuck over and stole my 2 dogs. I let her take 99% of the furnishings; I was in a big, empty, house by myself. We had agreed upon separating that I would kep the dogs; she reneged and announced, “I have changed my mind.”

She stopped all communication between her 2 kids and myself. I have not seen nor spoken to them in 2 years. She stopped all communication with my daughter (“Sherri” was her step-mother for 10 years)! When I told her that “Rachel” missed her and was hurt and puzzled that Sherri went incommunicado, Sherri replied, “F*** Rachel!” When the psychologist suggested that the children not be used as “Pawns” — Sherri replied, “They are my pawns to use as I like.”

But it got worse — much worse.

Shortly after separating and moving one block away, it became known that Sherri had asked her boyfriend to put a “hit” on me. Yes, she was caught (via e-mails) of hiring someone to kill me. When we went to court, the judge yawned, acted annoyed and refused to do anything other than issue a restraining order which read (in part): “Sherri shall not engage in threatening conversations nor share private information with others (regarding her husband)” That is it! Nothing more. Sherri dramatically ripped the restraining order to pieces in the, courthouse, parking lot and said to me and my attorney, “F*** you.”

Then the lies, defamation, slander and character assasination began in ernest. Over the course of the next 15 months, Sherri worked earnestly at telling every neighbor, friend or aquaintance the following:
1) Ken was diagnosed with: “Sudden onset bi-polar ”“ with a personality disorder, with metalogical to pathological tendencies” (BTW, the psychologist predicted she might do this ”“ claim that I had the very same mental disorder she was diagnosed as having).
2) Ken is a, Mafia, hitman (I am in the financial sevices industry).
3) She and her children had to seek shelter at the center for battered women.
4) Ken is a (CIA like) computer hacker that traced and tracked anybody’s phone calls or e-mail messages at will.
5) Ken is not on chemo, he is away at (heroin) re-hab in Phoenix Arizona.
6) She told neighbors that if they did (financial planning) business with me, that I would steal their personal identity information and purchase homes around the U.S with their credit.

Incredibly, there were a few neighbors and friends that actually believed her story. As absurd as it sounds and contrary to everything they knew about me for 15+ years — I learned that there are “friends” in this world that prefer “dirt” to the truth. To say she cleaved our small community would be an understatement.

After 6 months of this, and many letters from my attorneys asking that she cease and desisit spreading lies — we had to haul her back into court. Once again, the judge took no real action. He issued another restraining order which said (in part): “Sherri shall stop spreading lies about Ken.” That is all. He never did seem to care and had an attitude of disdain. She also tore that restraining order to shreds in the parking lot of the courthouse and said to me and my attorney, “F*** you.”

Remember, I was still on Chemo at this point, spending what ultimately turned out to be $22,000 in attorney’s bills (just for myself). I was extremely weak and had neither the will nor the strength to go out and “counter” her lies.

In January 2007, I took an 18 day trip to Costa Rica. The chemo had ended 60 days earlier (it worked ”“ I am alive and healthy). Upon returning, I had a sherriff knock on my door and hand me a document stating I had to be in court the next morning (January 19, 2007) at 8:00a.m. for an, “Emergency ex-parte stalking / abuse / restraining hearing” Sherri, in her own handwriting, went to the courthouse and swore out a complaint stating that I had come to her home on 6, different, occasions. Specifically, January 1st, 2nd, 5th, 7th, 12th and the 15th. When we went to court, my passport and airline tickets showed that I was near the equator (in Costa Rica) from December 30th (2006) to January 17th (2007). Obviously, everything that Sherri claimed was a total lie. The judge did not grant her the (stalking) order. When my attorney asked that she be held in contempt of court for blatantly lying ”“ the judge said “No.” When my attorney’s asked that my legal fees be paid by Sherri due to her, obvious, lies and the time wasted in court — the judge said, “No.” BTW, men getting shafted in court vis a vis divorce — is par for the course in my state. In the parking lot of the courthouse she, once agan, screamed “F*** you.”

Oh, have I stated that she went completely, 100%, incommunicado since the day she moved out. She has only spoken to me once. And, as I said earlier, Sherri cut off all communication between me and the children. She also forbade her kids from speaking with my daughter — their step-sibling of a decade. That is just, plain, cruel.

The divorce was finalized in, August, 2007. But the pathological lying continued, unabated. Finally, I had no choice but to file a libel / defamation & slander lawsuit against my ex-wife — and her homeowners insurance company (under the, liability, portion) Farmers Insurance. In March of this year they paid me a large amount of money($65,000) to drop the case. She also had to sign a letter allocuting to all of her lies and had to give me the two dogs back (which she had stolen 18 months earlier).

It would be so much easier if I had 10+ years of an awful marriage; this simply would have been the end of a bad thing. But, that was not the case; we had nothing but great times and true love. THAT IS WHAT MAKES THIS SO HARD. It was sudden, unexpected and so very violent in her utter silence and going incommunicado.

10 days prior to her, personality, disorder surfacing, Sheri gave me a card in which she had written the following words: “If God were sitting next to me now I would thank him for sending you to me. You have been a wonderful husband and the most perfect (step) father I could have ever wished for my kids.” This type of letter from her was quite common and I felt the same way. When we were talking to the psychologist, he asked: “Sherri, 10 days ago you wrote these words to Ken. What happened in the intervening 10 days?” She could not answer; she would just stare out of the window and say, “are we done yet?”

And all of you are correct, nobody wants to hear about this. Most people say, “”just get over it.” Or, “after 2 years, are you still talking about this shit?” Or, “I can’t believe that; there are always 3 sides to a divorce, his side, her side and the truth.”

I never got to tell ’em my side. I never got closure.

The Doctor’s called the multiple traumas I experienced, “Shakespaerean trauma.” I guess because it was so sudden and dramatic:
1) I was extremely ill and on chemo.
2) My spouse became (mentally) ill.
3) We were forced to divorce and our family destroyed.
4) When the chemo ended ”“ I was unemployed; my job had been eliminated.
5) My $400,000 home cracked in two pieces ”“ literally. The dirt shifted and my home split in two. Insurance does not cover this damage and I had to come up with $25,000 for emergency repairs.
6) During this 24 month nightmare, I had 16 (yes 16) close friends, neighbors and relatives die; I was a pallbearer at 9 of the funerals.

Six, major, traumas hit over a short period of time and I survived. Both psychologists said that there was one piece of good news. I, they said, am an “extremely strong” individual. They have had patient’s suffer nervous breakdowns and become hospitalized — who had less trauma than me.
That is my story.
January 2008