From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators.
That’s why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource.
I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Divorce blog’s rancor erupts in free-speech dispute
Here’s the gist of the story: A suburban Philadelphia man and his wife split up six years ago, after a nine-year marriage. However, the child custody battle raged on, featuring antics by the ex-wife that will look very familiar to those of you who are attempting to co-parent with sociopaths.
So the ex-husband and his new partner launched ThePsychoExWife.com as a place to vent. No names are used. The ex-husband is identified only as “LM.” His new partner is “DW.” His two sons are “S1” and “S2.” And his ex-wife is “PEW.” This stands for, as you can guess, “Psycho Ex Wife.”
Apparently the website was up for several years, and recently PEW found it. LM contends that, because no one is identified, PEW had to be actively looking for it in order to discover it. He also contends that PEW showed the website to their two boys.
PEW complained about the website to the court. Here’s what happened next, according to the article:
At a June 6 custody hearing, Bucks County Court Judge Diane Gibbons ordered him to “take down that website” and never again refer to his ex-wife “on any public media” or mention his children online “other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant school events.”
Judge Gibbons essentially threatened LM—if he did not take ThePsychoExWife.com down, he would lose his 50% custody of the children.
LM contends that the court order is a violation of his First Amendment right of free speech. He’s hired another lawyer to appeal it.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Based on the theatrics and manipulation exhibited by the ex-wife, LM has come to the conclusion that she has borderline personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder is a sister condition to sociopathy. Like sociopaths and narcissists, someone who has this disorder has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety.
Researchers estimate that 1% to 3% of the United States has borderline personality disorder—the same prevalence as antisocial personality disorder. However, according to the DSM-IV, about 75% of those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women. “You should know that there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled ”˜borderline,’” wrote Dr. Liane Leedom in her Lovefraud Blog article, Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy. “These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.”
PEW admits that she has an alcohol problem, she has lost her job and her house is in foreclosure. Reading her emails that have been reproduced on the website, she appears manipulative and blaming. I’d say LM’s assessment of her is correct.
So ThePsychoExWife.com has become a resource for people dealing with a woman with borderline personality disorder. According to testimonials, even therapists find the website to be helpful.
Save the site
LM has complied with the court order and the home page of ThePsychoExWife.com has been shut down. But a new website has been launched, SaveThePsychoExWife.com. This website chronicles the court battle and posts several court documents. The transcript of the hearing in which Judge Diane E. Gibbons ordered the website shut down is enlightening.
Apparently, pages of original site, ThePsychoExWife.com, are buried in Google’s servers, because you can still find them. Here’s the About page, which will enable you to read other pages.
LM and DW face an expensive court battle, and are asking for donations to help defray their legal expenses. This website is providing information about a serious personality disorder. Hundreds of people have benefitted from ThePsychoExWife.com, and we know how helpful an online support group can be.
This is an important case for Lovefraud. We’ve run into First Amendment issues before. Phil Haberman was able to convince a family court judge in Florida that his ex-wife was stalking him when she wrote a blog exposing his military fraud. The Stolen Valor Act has been struck down, with federal judges ruling that the lies of men who claim to have won medals is protected speech.
Information about personality disorders needs to be made public, and frauds need to be exposed. But the law about blogs and the First Amendment is very unclear. So I’ve donated, and I encourage you to donate as well.
UPDATE:
ThePsychoExWife.com will be featured on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Tune in!
Skylar,
UGH! Please don’t respond to it! What does your BF say about him contacting you twice? Keep yourself safe, I know you know that! He must be STARVING….
Blindsided
OMG. *S* didn’t just happen to you, it blew in on a Cat 5 hurricane. What is your cancer status? How are your kids? What are you doing to cope now? What did your doctor say when you reported what you found?
Sad to say, no closure is the norm. I find that closure is a myth on all kinds of things. But it’s worse when dealing with spouses that are mentally ill b/c not only it there NO closure, you can’t seem to SEVER the ties, as your insurance/medical fiasco exemplifies.
With compassion,
Katy
Dear Blindsided,
I am so sorry that you had such a horrible thing and then more frosting on top of the cake….your story is MORE UNBELIEVABLE THAN MINE and Yes, I think “shakesperian” is pretty correct!
I am not sure how you have managed to survive so much, one thing after another and maintain any kind of sanity.
Your wife’s “break” with the bi-polar at a higher age is unusual, but not unheard of, I had a friend who went off the deep end at age 36 with a first known manic outburst and broke up her very happy marriage….she did get treatment though and has recovered and is controlled with medication and back to work even at a very high level job.
Thank you for retelling your story, and for sharing with those of us here who have also had major trauma…it gives hope to others when they realize that someone can survive (even if Injured) after what seems like UNREAL levels of abuse and trauma. My hat’s off to you, Blindsided. God bless.
If it is any consolation to you with having had cancer there is not much likelyhood you would get life insurance anyway….but what you might do…is get a photograph of her BF if he is still living there in the neighborhood, and go to the doctors yourself and show them the picture…then go to the insurance companies that PAID FOR HIS MEDICAL CARE UNDER YOUR NAME, because THEY most likely will be willing to prosecute him and hopefully get back some of their money. IT IS FELONY FRAUD and if only one person in the office can verify that HE was the one getting the care, YOU ARE IN LIKE FLINT and the DA and the Insurance company will do the prosecuting and your name will be cleared in the process. TA DA! No charge for the information. LOL
Blindsided, that sounds like a nightmare ( worse, actually. ) And I’m sure it was. In your story to LF in 2008 you say that what you had with her was “true love”. Nope. It wasn’t. She was mirroring your good traits and having you believe in that way- that it was ( I’m going to understand that you have already acknowledged this, I just wanted to make it clear )
I am horrified at how you’ve been treated at the hands of this “judge”- only goes to show not even educated people working in the name of so called “justice” know a thing or two about psychopaths- it is tragic and an absolute and terrifying injustice that you have faced, I am so sorry. I can’t even put into words how awful that must have been.
Also- I am behind Oxy’s advice 100%… it is a FELONY FRAUD for her to have used your personal information like that ( to get narcotics for herself and her boyfriend… SICK! ) – actually hearing that makes me want to throw up, that’s just unequivocable evil in its purest form, right there ( in addition to the false accounts of abuse- thankfully you had that straightened out for the most part. Though still it wasn’t handled very professionally, IMHO ) I pray that you’ll have the strength fight through this ( is it even a question? You have braved so much already. Of course you will. )… how you have been handled by the courts is unacceptable- just unacceptable on all counts. We’re here for you at LF- there’s even an LF poster here who is an attorney you might be interested in speaking to ( a regular, his name is Matt. And having been a victim of a psycho himself- I think he might really possess a lot of insight into your situation and what you can do about it.) Hopefully he’s still around.
((((bighugs))))
It is unreal, as Oxy said- I can’t even begin to imagine what horrors you’ve suffered at the hands of this monster. God bless you, I wish you only the BEST of luck. Hats off to you for made it through to the other side of that hell. I seriously mean that.
Thanks Katy,
I get it, that his kindness is a manipulative ploy. He is only interested in what she does FOR HIM. I have seen that time and time again. Once, when she would not give him a hug, in public, when he asked for one, he told her he was “having me arrested and she would have to live with strangers”. She told me about that when she got home, she was upset. I told her that it’s alright for her to say to him, “I don’t want to hear things like that. It upsets me”. And that she doesn’t have to listen when he says bad things about me.
Yes indeed, I know how dangerous he is. I am not forgetting. He would gut her too, if he thought it was time to cut his losses. but I want to help her safely navigate this relationship as much as possible. (I am hoping with as little damage, and as MUCH education , Field Experience, so to speak. That she can come to be spath-proof in adult hood, or at least MUCH more AWARE than I was).
She has many good, positive adults in her life, and I hope as she matures, the difference in how we communicate, vs how spath does will be glaring and she will see how valuable and precious she is, regardless of spaths attempts to discredit her, and those who love her. (He can not stand it when she shows affection for anyone but him).
Thank you kindly for your support. I hate that you did not get the support you needed, when you needed it.
((((Blindsided)))) OMG!
That is just STAGGERING, what happened to you! I feel on the verge of collapse just READING about it!! How do these soulless bloodsuckers get away with this crap? Do they never just choke on their own poison? They seem to possess an un-earthly stamina don’t they? I suppose having actual EMOTIONS is our Achilles Heel…My spath said to me recently:
“Just because I have a heart-beat, doesn’t mean I have a heart.”
Uhgggg!
Perhaps that’s why he can’t be “Mortally Wounded”.
Take care, and God Bless,
SG
Safeguard
You are so far ahead of me, the best mom for your daughter. I worry for your safety though. It’s knowing what he’s capable of that’s scary.
My husband is capable of murder too. I got proactive and got my CHP, but if I had a child in my home, I don’t think that’s a solution. I live alone so anyone in my house will NOT get a warning.
If you have a solution/plan to protect your safety, please share.
K.
Oxy, Katy & Dancing Nancy…Thank you for your comments. I appreciate the empathy and understanding that I receive from folks like you. I will try to answer all questions here:
First, my old physician does not even remember me – and there is no proof that (the boyfriend) ever went to my physician for treatment. He went to other doctors, hospitals & pharmacies. So, a photo does not do anyone any good. The insurers do not care ”“ and will not assist me. The pharmacies do not care ”“ and will not assist me. And, as I said in the body of my post, no law enforcement officials care one whit. Local, county, state & federal police agencies were all contacted and all of them said the same thing, “we cannot help you.” It is too old & too small of a crime for anyone to give a shit. Just as I had experienced indifference in the courts during my divorce ”“ the same indifference exists elsewhere. That is why I had to sue her and her (homeowners) insurance company in court to stop her lies in 2007. A $65,000 check and a signed allocution stating that she had, indeed, said all of those lies about me was about the best I could get.
BTW Oxy, I am a Life Insurance Broker / Agent — there are many, many, life insurance carriers that will insure me now that I have been 5 years (post chemo) cancer free. I submitted my pre-underwriting application to the insurers and they all were willing to accept me as “preferred” or “Standard” non smoker, pending review of my doctor’s records. That is where the hiccup occurred.
And yes, she and the boyfriend still live 8 doors down the street from me. I still drive past her home every day and am forced to see her & him 2 to 6 times per day. If there is any good news, it is this: She recently filed for bankruptcy. It is my hope that she will be forced out of her home ”“ or forced to sell her home. Finally, she would be gone from our community. Seeing her every day has slowed down the recovery process considerably. However, I will say that with time, the wounds are not as painful. They are still there — they just don’t hurt as much. Time does heal some wounds, somewhat. However, time does not allow one to forget & purge their minds of the tremendous pain and hurt that was inflicted on me.
Dear Blindsided,
Well, I guess my “information” was worth what it cost you, NOTHING. LOL Sorry about that.
I can relate to the living close by those that have betrayed you, my egg donor’s home is on the SAME farm I live on. I can’t see it from my house because of the trees, but if I go out beyond the trees on to the runway, airport or the pasture I can see it. In fact, today i had to drive up close to her house to examine a new calf that was born to make sure it didn’t have flies on it in this weather (summertime) and that it was okay. I had to drive up within 100 ft of her back porch. The back side of her house is almost all glass, so I am sure that she saw me out the windows.
It used to bother me a LOT to drive there to that part of the farm, and I avoided it if I could, and I still avoid it if I can, but I thought it was important enough to check on the calf today and that is where the mama laid him down that I really didn’t have a choice in the matter.
It was like a BLACK cloud of evil literally hung over that beautiful house for so long, turning it into something horrible. NC has helped me quite a bit so that it doesn’t feel quite as evil as it did just a few years ago when I finally was feeling safe enough to move back to my house on the farm. It has been a long journey for me as I am sure it has been for you.
I wish you peace and tranquility in spite of the things you have suffered, I’m working on getting there myself. Only a couple of years ago I would have knowingly let the calf die before I would have driven up that close to her house to check on it, I just couldn’t even get close to her house, now At least I can do what I have to do in spite of still having some feelings of dread approaching her house. It ain’t perfect, but i t is sure BETTER. God bless.
@....... OX -Thanks.