From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators.
That’s why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource.
I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Divorce blog’s rancor erupts in free-speech dispute
Here’s the gist of the story: A suburban Philadelphia man and his wife split up six years ago, after a nine-year marriage. However, the child custody battle raged on, featuring antics by the ex-wife that will look very familiar to those of you who are attempting to co-parent with sociopaths.
So the ex-husband and his new partner launched ThePsychoExWife.com as a place to vent. No names are used. The ex-husband is identified only as “LM.” His new partner is “DW.” His two sons are “S1” and “S2.” And his ex-wife is “PEW.” This stands for, as you can guess, “Psycho Ex Wife.”
Apparently the website was up for several years, and recently PEW found it. LM contends that, because no one is identified, PEW had to be actively looking for it in order to discover it. He also contends that PEW showed the website to their two boys.
PEW complained about the website to the court. Here’s what happened next, according to the article:
At a June 6 custody hearing, Bucks County Court Judge Diane Gibbons ordered him to “take down that website” and never again refer to his ex-wife “on any public media” or mention his children online “other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant school events.”
Judge Gibbons essentially threatened LM—if he did not take ThePsychoExWife.com down, he would lose his 50% custody of the children.
LM contends that the court order is a violation of his First Amendment right of free speech. He’s hired another lawyer to appeal it.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Based on the theatrics and manipulation exhibited by the ex-wife, LM has come to the conclusion that she has borderline personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder is a sister condition to sociopathy. Like sociopaths and narcissists, someone who has this disorder has difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others. They also tend to have unstable emotions, on-and-off mood changes, and emotional reactions that are out of proportion to whatever events have triggered them. So what is different? Unlike sociopathy, a central feature of borderline disorder is anxiety.
Researchers estimate that 1% to 3% of the United States has borderline personality disorder—the same prevalence as antisocial personality disorder. However, according to the DSM-IV, about 75% of those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are women. “You should know that there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled ”˜borderline,’” wrote Dr. Liane Leedom in her Lovefraud Blog article, Sociopaths, cluster B personality disorders and psychopathy. “These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.”
PEW admits that she has an alcohol problem, she has lost her job and her house is in foreclosure. Reading her emails that have been reproduced on the website, she appears manipulative and blaming. I’d say LM’s assessment of her is correct.
So ThePsychoExWife.com has become a resource for people dealing with a woman with borderline personality disorder. According to testimonials, even therapists find the website to be helpful.
Save the site
LM has complied with the court order and the home page of ThePsychoExWife.com has been shut down. But a new website has been launched, SaveThePsychoExWife.com. This website chronicles the court battle and posts several court documents. The transcript of the hearing in which Judge Diane E. Gibbons ordered the website shut down is enlightening.
Apparently, pages of original site, ThePsychoExWife.com, are buried in Google’s servers, because you can still find them. Here’s the About page, which will enable you to read other pages.
LM and DW face an expensive court battle, and are asking for donations to help defray their legal expenses. This website is providing information about a serious personality disorder. Hundreds of people have benefitted from ThePsychoExWife.com, and we know how helpful an online support group can be.
This is an important case for Lovefraud. We’ve run into First Amendment issues before. Phil Haberman was able to convince a family court judge in Florida that his ex-wife was stalking him when she wrote a blog exposing his military fraud. The Stolen Valor Act has been struck down, with federal judges ruling that the lies of men who claim to have won medals is protected speech.
Information about personality disorders needs to be made public, and frauds need to be exposed. But the law about blogs and the First Amendment is very unclear. So I’ve donated, and I encourage you to donate as well.
UPDATE:
ThePsychoExWife.com will be featured on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Tune in!
Skylar – would you like me to go get rid of him???? (I still want a antispath squad.)
katydid – ‘I admit that I too have taken a couple of pages from my spaths handbook. I implied that I wanted a certain outcome in our divorce and would be devastated if I don’t get it. But it’s not true. I only want a divorce. The settlement I did get was just frosting on the cake.
I let him think he has really messed me up. (At one time this was true but I reconnected with my integrity and my humanity.) As long as he thinks losing him is so damaging to me, he is happy to cut me off more by letting the divorce happen. He posts pics of himself, and shows off his new woman. It’s to hurt me and I play along. But really” he disgusts me, just as his parents disgusted me. ‘
YOU ROCK MY GIRL!!!!
Ana,
right now he has money, lots of it.
also, the truth is, that I’m the best narcissistic supply any spath could want. I bet he thought he’d find another this good. But there’s no way anyone could be as stupid and nieve as I was. He’s old, fat and ugly now. Even with his helicopter, he will have a hard time impressing anyone except little blond boys. I think he just needs a fix.
One Joy,
yeah! Could you? Just save the helicopter for me. It’s worth money.
Welcome Kristy. keep reading and learning.
katydid:
‘I just realized tonight. Part of the reason I finally wanted to rejoin life and society was b/c of Lovefraud….Perhaps as you get some of your emotional needs met here, like me you won’t need anything from others other than the joy of their company. Just simple enjoyment.
That’s what I realized tonight. ‘
🙂 🙂 🙂
sky – one of the things a good squad has is a number of different modes of transport. a helicopter would be very useful. 🙂
One!
true that. We need to move quickly and nimbly. We should avoid large cumbersome helicopters like the chinooks. I’d rather have an Agusta. That’s what the medivacs use.
So, I read the judges court proceedings from the “Psycho ex-wife” page and I felt anger. One person with authoritative powers can tell two parents how it should be done? Just shows the ignorance of someone who is assuming both parties are stable and able to discern good parenting techniques. They do not realize that “once bitten” by a sociopath/psychopath it is your mission to expose this person for who they are and remove all smoke and mirrors to get to your underlying emotions and expose why exactly you feel this way! But it ends up making you look crazy! It all gets mixed up with the drugs, alcohol, or whatever a judge has to deal with when making decisions daily, but I guarantee ya a judge will not make a decision because he/she thinks someone is a sociopath/psychopath. They HAVE NO CLUE! I dealt with a spath for almost 5 years and finally broke free of all ties. Then I threw myself into(at the states asking) custody of my nephew who was 22 months the first time I got him. I just could not believe the judge was giving the biological mother all these chances month after month of court proceedings. I heard the same things, kids need to be raised by their parents….Even though one parent refused drug tests and the other tested positive the day of court in one proceeding. Ultimately, the “all knowing Judge” gave the child back! He suffered for almost another year before they called me again……and this time they had egg on their face(the same judge) and after yet another 9 months of court proceedings they finally gave me the child permanately! It has taken a psychologist, a behavioral therapist, medicines, etc to get this child back on track. But no one in the court system will ever admit that I was right the first time and they didn’t access EXACTLY what was going on. Kudos to this father and his new partner for trying to save the childrens lives. Someone has to be the martyr to get things changed. I wish him the best and glad the lovefraud site brought this to attention.
Hey anetsu,
“once bitten” by a sociopath/psychopath it is your mission to expose this person for who they are and remove all smoke and mirrors to get to your underlying emotions and expose why exactly you feel this way! ”
Ummm…NOPE. That was not MY mission. Staying alive, raising a healthy child, and restoring my life to the point where I have something good to contribute to this world again. That’s my “mission”.
Good luck with yours. Can’t say I’m sorry your,(preferred), sites down. 😉
Oh yeah blindsided, one more thing I thought I should add- don’t even bother thinking or worrying about forgiving the P. I have posted this article numerous times before here on LF- but I honestly think you should at least take a look at it- just in case you may be at odds with yourself as to how a lot of mental health professionals continue to preach that victims should forgive abusers. Nuh-uh.
( Just as an aside, although Krajco uses the word “malignant narcissist” here, but it goes for Ps and Sociopaths too. Considering that in the DSM-V they’re planning to take out NPD altogether- I think it’s valid to conflate them. It’s all semantics anyway- same underlying pathology. Krajco shares this view herself.)
By Kathy Krajco :
Healing & Forgiveness
A small excerpt from the article :
Honestly, I think that this guy with the website is either a narcissist and/or sociopath. I think his website is a form of civil harassment primarily because there are children involved. He might have an ex with some mental health issues (and even addictions) but that doesn’t make her a sociopath or BPD (she might, in reality be a victim of abuse).
I totally agree with the judge on this one. How on earth is this website in the best interests of their children? Obviously everyone involved in their litigation knows about the website and probably everyone in the community too. I came across it awhile ago and thought something was very fishy about the whole thing. I think that the 1st amendment argument is a smoke screen. Imagine if he is the abuser and his girlfriend is part of his cover. After enough abuse and harassment, sometimes the victim starts having mental health issues, like depression or anxiety. Then the abuser can fight for custody saying, “see judge, see how crazy she is???”
The “psycho-ex-wife” might be the victim here. We dont know her side of the story.
My ex has convinced loads of people that I’m a vindictive psycho. He, apparently is concerned about my stability (all because I have gone totally NoContact)…. If he made a website for everyone to read our court documents etc…that would be devastating and I would deserve protection from the courts (as would my child)….Sociopaths can spin any story (especially their own website where they twist all the court documents and emails) to make themselves look good. I believe the rights of children are more important than the rights of free speech.
Again, I think my main beef is that there are custody issues in front of a judge right now. Calling the mother of your children a “psycho ex-wife” is not in your child’s best interests.
IMO