A few months ago Lovefraud wrote about a man in the UK—I called him “Tom”—who said his life was stolen by sociopaths. He said he lost his children, home, career and wealth to his ex-wife and her new partner. Tom was arrested nine times on false allegations and has not seen his children since August of 2004.
Tom recently won in the criminal proceedings against him—all charges were dropped. But he still faces a battle in family court. Tom asks for advice from Lovefraud readers as he fights to regain contact with his children.
Update to Tom’s story
Here is the update that Tom sent about his story:
The outcome of the criminal proceeding that was brought against me by my ex-wife and her boyfriend for trying to see my children was that it was DISMISSED and thrown out!! The barrister/lawyer wiped the floor with both of them, calling her an adulteress and him a home-wrecker.
What was quite interesting to see was that my ex-wife made three attempts to manipulate the court with crocodile tears. Even though I had informed my lawyer that this would predictably take place, he could not believe his eyes when he saw her put on her tears. Another interesting fact of the day was the guy—her boyfriend/partner—attempted to once again provoke me in court, attempting to get me to react to him. He also admitted under oath that he had been having sex with an eight-month-pregnant woman—my wife—and he could not see the problem with that. His words were, “Everybody’s doing it.” You could see the eyes of the jury/magistrates just look at him in disgust at the thought of conducting adultery with another man’s wife, and on top of it whilst she was eight months pregnant!!!
Another important note—although both she and he where witnesses and the opposition attempting to convict me, they had given their witness statements and been questioned and really had no further need to stay in the court. He—the guy—came back and sat at the back of the court for my hanging, “so to speak.” He was bitterly disappointed when the result was “CASE DISSMISSED.” His reaction to this was to run, and on leaving the exit, making signal with his finger to try and intimidate me to attack him. I stayed calm and looked in disgust at his tactics.
The civil proceeding in family courts is still heated—I’m fighting—and although the judge has egg on his face, he is progressing down the route of asking for a medical report on me—for physical/mental health—as I did not attend a couple of hearings due to the stress and consequences of the last three years of hell that I have been living. I am strong—still holding my course—but there are days when I feel worn out. But I can’t stop fighting to see my kids.
I have my next hearing in May—she wants “No contact,” alienation of my children from my life, and me from theirs. She wants her boyfriend or partner to act as the replacement for me. She is aiming to airbrush me out of their lives!!
I need to know the following:
1. How do I win the next battles? How do I move forward? How do I outsmart them?
2. Shall I just walk away—or shall I do what is right for my children!! I don’t mind spending my life fighting for justice and defending their human rights—that is something I took responsibility for at their birth.
3. How should I avoid falling into the traps of the sociopaths? What types of traps will they lay? I have managed to outsmart them and get
myself out of the traps lain thus far. Nine arrests—discharged!! One criminal proceeding—dismissed!!! Four attempts at penal order in family courts—dismissed!!
4. Do we still believe that he is the sociopath or is it her leading him? As a child she used to get her little friends into trouble.
5. How best should I show her that I will not waiver—that her battle is already lost (Woman’s Perception Please)!!
6. If I had other children or another relationship? What impact would this have on her or my children? Please bear in mind that I will fight 25 years if necessary for justice—I will never forget them or walk away (Woman’s perception Please)!!
7. What effect will it have on her if she sees that I have turned my life into a success—risen again—like the phoenix!!!
Please post your advice
My experience with a sociopath left me devastated financially and emotionally. However, I did not have children with him, which I consider to be fortunate.
Since launching Lovefraud, I’ve come to believe that the greatest pain of relationships with sociopaths revolve around children. Sociopaths use children as pawns to torment the non-disordered ex. And the children themselves are often abused and damaged.
So although I feel the desperation and pain of parents trying to protect their children, I have no experience in a custody battle. Therefore, if you can answer some of Tom’s questions, please post a comment.