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By December 17, 2008 48 Comments Read More →

Unreasonable Requests from my Father, the Sociopath

I believed my father was a successful “investor” when I was growing up. At least that’s what I told myself. He made a great deal of money, we lived in expensive homes and he always had plenty of cash. He spent money like water.

But in my early twenties, suddenly things didn’t look so good. We had started to have money problems. I came home from college because of money “to wait until his next deal came through”. That is when FBI agents began showing up at the house looking for Dad.

My father was in trouble, but he kept telling us kids it would be alright. “The Feds were after him”, he said, but he would beat them, “they had the wrong guy.” That was his standard response when something went wrong, only this time, something was terribly wrong.

These guys were after my dad and they didn’t think he was so charming. One night we were coming home from Mt Dora and I was driving. My father had a house in the exclusive neighborhood of Sweetwater Club in Sweetwater, Fl. Once we pulled in the gated community a car started to follow us and my Dad asked me to turn left (instead of right) to see if they were indeed after us. I don’t know what I knew at the time”¦only that my Dad had some trouble, but I was not expecting this.

My Dad changed his behavior and he was angry. They tried to pull us over and my Dad told me to keep driving and he wasn’t kidding around. This scared the crap out of me. Here was an undercover agent pulling me over and my father telling me to keep going. The agent pulled in front of the car and my Dad said to keep going forward and around his car. The cop was directly in front of me yelling to stop, hand on his gun. It’s hard to describe how intense this was for me. I was panicked and I chose to stop. I was scared and knew it was the right thing to do. My father was disappointed and he let me know it. I felt like it was my fault he was going to jail that night. Once again I proved to him (and myself) that I wasn’t man enough to be like him, or at least that’s what I thought. He was pissed and gave me a look. The look he gave me was very chilling, one that was usually reserved for the “bad guys” as he liked to call them.

The cops had a warrant for my father’s arrest from Alabama or South Carolina (I don’t remember) and they handcuffed him and put him in the car. This was another one of those moments that I didn’t know how to react. I felt like they were doing the right thing, but he was my Dad, my provider and I didn’t understand what this all meant to me. I felt safer with him in custody, but I wanted my Dad back. These emotions didn’t make sense together. I was scared and confused.

Later, my father attempted to have me shoot him in the buttocks with a shotgun to avoid a court appearance on these same fraud charges in 1984. According to a friend, he took me out in the woods and told me to shoot him with bird shot. He was going to say it was a hunting accident. I was unable to pull the trigger and was treated as a failure by my dad. At that time I still believed my father to be the greatest person that I knew and was crushed by not being able to meet his expectations. My friend said I called crying to tell him of this story. He remembered me as being “devastated”. He and I never spoke of this again and I did not remember the event at all until he told me of it (20 years later in 2004) after hearing the story of my recovered memories about the double murders my father committed. I still do not remember it in detail, but seem to remember my father leaning on a fence post telling me to shoot him over and over again. He was disgusted that I wasn’t “strong” enough to do this. I felt like a complete failure.

These are stories that I never shared with anyone else. It was just too surreal and didn’t make sense so I kept them to myself. Some memories are still vague and others are now crystal clear.

I think this is where the loneliness comes in when entangled with a sociopath. It’s just too exhausting to try to tell someone the story, especially after the experience. Will they believe me was always the first question followed by intense fear of the sociopath’s reaction if he of she ever found out I told someone. I was also afraid what it would lead to. In the case of my father I never really considered this an option for me, but these were my feelings and thoughts.

It’s the feeling of being trapped in something that you know is bad, real bad. The fear of being caught in this is terrifying enough, but somehow the fear of the sociopath’s reaction to you trying to get out is even worse”¦if that’s possible.

In the case of my father I continued to love him and hope that these things would stop happening, like it was a bad dream that would eventually go away. No such luck.

Now I understand the truth, thank God. If you are involved with a sociopath there is only one change possible in the relationship and that is from bad to worse.

Posted in: Cases, Travis Vining

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48 Comments on "Unreasonable Requests from my Father, the Sociopath"

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Dear Beverly, I just read what you wrote about all your medical appointments in January. Give those concerns of your health up to God … pray and ask that he guide you for the reasons of your illness and I know he will work with you to a full recovery.

God Bless.

Peace.

henry says:

“ok who is drew peterson?”

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2007/11/02/stacy-ann-peterson-missing-sgt-drew-peterson-one-wife-missing-one-wife-dead/

“Bolingbrook police Sgt. Drew Peterson says his wife is missing….”

Henry just another sociopath from Illinois. I telling you there must be something in the water here in Illinois or something? This state must be a lighting rod for them! 🙁

James

I found him!!!!

http://www.psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=27758&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

this is him, hands down, no question!!!! My first attempt at dating after the sociopath is with a schizoid!

Bird, just a warning to you and others about posting links here to other internet forums where your P may hang out. Sometimes there is a “linkback” on the other forum, and they post the link to this one. I accidentally posted a link to one of my internet forums here (the one where I met the sociopath and where all his friends hang out). I was MORTIFIED to open the blog over there and see the linkback to THIS SITE at the bottom! In addition, the link to this site was sent to everyone who posted on that thread. I had to have the thread removed and ask Donna (here) to remove the link I posted on here, which I think she did. It was pretty scary. It happened on New Years Day when everyone was on vacation and couldn’t get to the phone. I freaked out for quite a while, imagining the sociopath on here reading all my blogs. It still may be happening, as the link still made it into a few people’s email.

About they guy, O.M.G. What a winner he is!!!!!! I hope you have a sense of humor, because there are a lot of strange people out there, and a lot of them like to hang out on dating sites.

hey travis! just signed up to this website to answer your post after googling ‘sociopath father’. i can relate to your story, been through the same more or less. especially the part about the whole ordeal being too surreal to tell anyone about… and the ‘successful investor’ part etc. ha. what a joke, right? 😉 life goes on for us though… 🙂 email me if you want to talk about it. and just know that you’re not the only one who has experienced ‘life with a sociopath father’.

Welcome, Vagabond,

I also have a P-sperm donor—-this is a healing place, though, and I suggest that you hang around a while and read the articles in the archives….learning about the Ps (or Ss if you prefer) or as one of our bloggers says “spath-holes” helps you arm yourself against the next one to drift your way.

Again welcome.

Muldoon says, after describing her evil, disordered father, “still some sides of him I love though”. If she keeps thinking like that, she is doomed to a life-time of allowing other people to use, abuse, and disrespect her. Learn to respect yourself, and to disrespect and disconnect from those who showed you NO RESPECT in the past. Learn this: Love does not hurt! You owe NOTHING to anyone who disrespected you. Certainly not LOVE. What is there to love about someone who willfully caused you hurt, pain, and influenced your future well-being in a negative way?

Dear hesajjjjjrk,

You are so right, and I agree totally. I am trying for the first time in my 62 years to disengage from EVERY toxic person (not just the Ns and Ps and BPDs) in my sphere. It is making life sooooooooo much better!

I do understand why some people do go back to these monsters though, and the last we heard, Muldoon had done just that, had gone back to her abusive husband after she discovered she had some health problems….thinking that he might be of some comfort to her or the children during her time of bad health. He had already started abusing her again. We will be here for her if and when she decides to disengage again.

It tookk me a long time to realize that my egg donor had disrespected and controlled me for my entire life, and disengagement was very difficult for me as well. Now, it is PEACE, and I hope and pray that everyoone here finds that PEACE away from their abusers and disrespecters. It has not been an easy journey for me, and I don’t think I am “healed” but I am MUCH BETTER, much happier, and have more joy in my life and MUCH LESS PAIN.

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