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By December 17, 2008 48 Comments Read More →

Unreasonable Requests from my Father, the Sociopath

I believed my father was a successful “investor” when I was growing up. At least that’s what I told myself. He made a great deal of money, we lived in expensive homes and he always had plenty of cash. He spent money like water.

But in my early twenties, suddenly things didn’t look so good. We had started to have money problems. I came home from college because of money “to wait until his next deal came through”. That is when FBI agents began showing up at the house looking for Dad.

My father was in trouble, but he kept telling us kids it would be alright. “The Feds were after him”, he said, but he would beat them, “they had the wrong guy.” That was his standard response when something went wrong, only this time, something was terribly wrong.

These guys were after my dad and they didn’t think he was so charming. One night we were coming home from Mt Dora and I was driving. My father had a house in the exclusive neighborhood of Sweetwater Club in Sweetwater, Fl. Once we pulled in the gated community a car started to follow us and my Dad asked me to turn left (instead of right) to see if they were indeed after us. I don’t know what I knew at the time”¦only that my Dad had some trouble, but I was not expecting this.

My Dad changed his behavior and he was angry. They tried to pull us over and my Dad told me to keep driving and he wasn’t kidding around. This scared the crap out of me. Here was an undercover agent pulling me over and my father telling me to keep going. The agent pulled in front of the car and my Dad said to keep going forward and around his car. The cop was directly in front of me yelling to stop, hand on his gun. It’s hard to describe how intense this was for me. I was panicked and I chose to stop. I was scared and knew it was the right thing to do. My father was disappointed and he let me know it. I felt like it was my fault he was going to jail that night. Once again I proved to him (and myself) that I wasn’t man enough to be like him, or at least that’s what I thought. He was pissed and gave me a look. The look he gave me was very chilling, one that was usually reserved for the “bad guys” as he liked to call them.

The cops had a warrant for my father’s arrest from Alabama or South Carolina (I don’t remember) and they handcuffed him and put him in the car. This was another one of those moments that I didn’t know how to react. I felt like they were doing the right thing, but he was my Dad, my provider and I didn’t understand what this all meant to me. I felt safer with him in custody, but I wanted my Dad back. These emotions didn’t make sense together. I was scared and confused.

Later, my father attempted to have me shoot him in the buttocks with a shotgun to avoid a court appearance on these same fraud charges in 1984. According to a friend, he took me out in the woods and told me to shoot him with bird shot. He was going to say it was a hunting accident. I was unable to pull the trigger and was treated as a failure by my dad. At that time I still believed my father to be the greatest person that I knew and was crushed by not being able to meet his expectations. My friend said I called crying to tell him of this story. He remembered me as being “devastated”. He and I never spoke of this again and I did not remember the event at all until he told me of it (20 years later in 2004) after hearing the story of my recovered memories about the double murders my father committed. I still do not remember it in detail, but seem to remember my father leaning on a fence post telling me to shoot him over and over again. He was disgusted that I wasn’t “strong” enough to do this. I felt like a complete failure.

These are stories that I never shared with anyone else. It was just too surreal and didn’t make sense so I kept them to myself. Some memories are still vague and others are now crystal clear.

I think this is where the loneliness comes in when entangled with a sociopath. It’s just too exhausting to try to tell someone the story, especially after the experience. Will they believe me was always the first question followed by intense fear of the sociopath’s reaction if he of she ever found out I told someone. I was also afraid what it would lead to. In the case of my father I never really considered this an option for me, but these were my feelings and thoughts.

It’s the feeling of being trapped in something that you know is bad, real bad. The fear of being caught in this is terrifying enough, but somehow the fear of the sociopath’s reaction to you trying to get out is even worse”¦if that’s possible.

In the case of my father I continued to love him and hope that these things would stop happening, like it was a bad dream that would eventually go away. No such luck.

Now I understand the truth, thank God. If you are involved with a sociopath there is only one change possible in the relationship and that is from bad to worse.

Posted in: Cases, Travis Vining

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48 Comments on "Unreasonable Requests from my Father, the Sociopath"

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Wow! That is powerful. And good for you for being strong, though you perceived it as weakness at the time. I too have memories from childhood of things I know happened but I can’t recall anything but snatches here and there. Maybe that is best for us, I don’t know. Thank you for sharing this. I think you are a STRONG person

Travis
Did you go to Lake Brantley H S ?

Travis
Did you get to enjoy the Park ? Wekiwa Springs?

Travis,

My heart goes out to you!!! To read the things that happened to you is almost too much…There is a book out called, “The Shack” which is about a terrible thing that happened to a little girl and how God explained His presence in all of it. I think you’d maybe get a lot out of this book.

You are a courageous, strong person, and I think so highly of you for sharing your life experiences in order to help other people.

I had a N husband who never thought I did anything right, and I know the hurt that goes with that.

Take Care and hang in there!

its been 8 months without my sociopath, so i figured it was time to start dating again. given that i have a baby, i am not able to go out to meet people, so i tried match.com this past weekend. there was a nice looking professional man who is in grad school and we chatted, he was the first one i chatted with. i sent him a photo of me from my photobucket. on our first chat, he sent me a porn site he liked. the next days chat was all sex talk. he also mentioned that he hacked into my photobucket and got all my photos because of the photo i sent him. by the third chat he told me he wanted to watch me having sex with a black man (im white), but he stressed there was no pressure. i blocked him (3 chats too late). this was my first attempt at reentering the dating scene. i give up

what does this have to do with the post? not much other then I understand not being able to share your stories with people. i am a wacko magnet and i dont share my experiences with people. its embarrasing!!!!

i did get his story after the “watching” comment. his mother was an immigrant in the usa from russia. she was abandoned when she was pregnant. she was a manic depressive schizophrenic. she took lithium while he was in womb. at three months of age, his mother realized that she could not be a mother due to being a single mother schizophrenic immigrant. she put him up for adoption when he was 3 months old.

i stumbled out of marriage into the arms of a sociopath. i then stumble out of the sociopath to meet this guy. i dont think im ready to date yet

Dear Bird – I am so sorry – but your post made me chuckle – OMG I hope nobody looked in my photo bucket“`~~~!!! If it were not for you guy’s and me selling thing’s on the net my puter would of been in the pond long ago…Bird being single sound’s better all the time don’t it? I thot I was on the wild side until i checked out some website’s and clicked on Topic’s OMG they is some sick puppies out there – be careful……guess I am considered vanilla or boring~~~!!! Beam me up scotty…..

Good grief Bird: I’m telling you … there’s something in the water.

Just goes to prove what happens to society when they took God out of the school system.

I’d report this guy to the FBI when you get a chance.

Peace.

I’m with Henry Bird … your sad tale mad me laugh too. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you. There are a bunch of kooks out there … definitely, positively.

Just goes to prove … heal yourself, focus on what you want in your life, how you are going about doing what is good for you and baby bird … don’t focus on dating … just do your own thing being momma bird for baby bird … then when you least expect it … God will put the perfect person in your path.

Peace to you and baby birds hearts. And … stay away from the Kuku birds.

Travis,
As painful as your story is, I’m glad you are able to talk about all of the horrible things you went through. I am amazed at how strong you are and that you are no longer internalizing all the craziness. The truth shall set you free.

Bird, have you read the book “How to Spot a Dangerous Man” yet? I am reading it right now, and it’s pretty eye-opening. There really are a lot of nut jobs out there on the dating sites.

Here is one thing you should do, though. Go into your photobucket account and put your account setting on “private”. This will prevent anyone from hacking into your account. Someone told me about this a while ago.

OMG Bird,
Did you tell this retard he must be joking?? I wonder how many dates he gets LOL!!!

Don’t give up. I went out on 2 match.com dates and they were normal but I wasn’t ready yet but it was just good to get out again.

3rd time maybe a charm. I’m dating a match guy who so far is ok. We’ll see.

I still say order some very expensive Christmas gifts for B Bird on the ex’s tab.

DEar Bird,

I know you have come a LONG way in the 8 months you have been on here, and you are young and you need to get “out” and meet people and socialize, but I do suggest that you do NOT try to meet people over the internet for this purpose.

Join a club of some kind, or go to Church, or some place where you have a better chance of meeting people who are not Ps on patrol for victms.

Since I live in the boonies, I don’t get a chance to meet a lot of new folks either, and I tried the internet thing too (my sons would kill me if they knew!) LOL and the people I met were whaco and I believe many predators. I can go back to the site where I was registered and the SAME guys are still there years later. They are not looking for a relationship, they are looking for a “hook up” and/or sex or a sugar mama.

In fact, I talked to one guy on the phone who is a psychopath that ripped off a friend of mine in a business dieal for about $30K.

Eight months after my husband’s death I started dating the P XBF and believe me I thought I was ready for dating and I was NOT.

I know that meeting people to date is difficult for a single mother, or for an old lady that lives out in the country, but do some “thinking out of the box” and maybe you can arrange to meet others at a more family oriented club. Parents Without Partners is a great group, you might try them. After my divorce I joined a church related group (interdeomoniational) of people who were grieving over a divorce or death (loss) of a spouse. It was a great support and a good group. They had parties and retreats, and baby sitting was provided on a rotating basis by group members.

See what is available out there and maybe you can find a group like the one I was in.

I just read Drew Peterson is engaged to be married. What is she thinking?

Bird: You’d be better off doing the ole Fonzie trick … pushing your shopping cart into someone at the supermarket.

Daaaaaaaaa. Do you know how many guys have done that too me … I smile and told them that I watched the show.

Peace. One old man (probably 80) even took my cart, then called me up to the front of the store to exchange it. True story … they never change, no matter how old they get!! (LOL). Then he walked me down every isle until I finished shopping … he had two old woman with them and they both ratted on him and said, he’s always like this.

Iwonder: He must want conjugal visitations when he goes away for the rest of his life.

What do you mean, what is she thinking? She’s thinking exactly how he wants her to think … that’s he’s innocent and his wife took off with some other lover.

i just checked my photobucket status and it was set on private. he was an IT guy so he said all he had to do was change the numbering on the picture and he could get in. the story is kinda funny, because its so darn embarrassing.

the other way it relates to this post is unreasonable requests! lol i am learning lifes lessons the hard way i am afraid.

Dear Bird,

Not judging you at all but Sweetie!!!! He sent you a Porn site on your first CHAT?! ACK! That would have been enough for me to pull the plug. I am a grown woman and I do realize that some people like porn but… that is not an appropriate subject to approach over Internet Chat with a stranger if you are sincerely seeking quality dating partners. Anyone who does something like that upfront is testing your boundaries, which we all know is a very typical move for disordered psychos.

The 2nd chat was all about sex? RED FLAG NUMBER TWO!

The 3rd chat (which I can’t believe EVER happened… COME ON NOW, Birdie!!!) was all about his devient “watching” desires. DOUBLE BARF!!!

And what about his tragic story.. it’s called a what? That’s right! It’s the undying classic “PITY PLAY!”

Remember Bird, if you are feeling like I am picking on you it is only in the most loving way… okay? You are scaring me over here!

About a year ago, I had a dude pop up on my screen wanting to chat on that Match…chat thing. How long did it take him to ask about my BRA SIZE? Any guesses? Less that 5 minutes. NOT OKAY! (A decent guy would NEVER ask us that unless he was our devoted love bug and he wanted to buy us something special for Valentine’s Day.) I blocked him immediately and reported him as a questionable person that they should moniter.

All men have their preferences but decent men are willing to meet a woman that just might not be the DD of their fantasies. If they are not mature enough to risk meeting a nice lady who is merely a D or heaven forbid, a C or B, then they are NOT DATING MATERIAL… and THAT is why they were on Match.

Didn’t we ban internet dating as a group anyway? HAHA!

Happy Holidays!

AlohaTraveler

Bird:

I won’t completely pan match.com. One of my cousins met her husband on match.com. They went out a couple of years and got married 6 months ago. I also had a secretary who met her husband on match.com.

That said, if I had a dollar for every “I’m a professional (fill in the blank) who is handsome, rich and looking for a committed relationship” I would be rich.

I first tried match.com 6 years ago. Recently I went onto the site and saw the same people with the same photos (all recently taken, of course), with their age dropping. Maybe they are all Dorian Gray (aging in reverse). I suspect if I cut off one of their legs and counted the rings their real ages would be 15-20 over the stated site.

You also have to learn to read between the lines on the photos they post. If they’re giving the camera their best “come hither” look, or shirtless or in some provocative pose, they are looking for a booty call, not a LTR.

My advice? Establish your own screenng criteria, and proceed cautiously. I’ve met some really nice folks who after we went on a date or two realized there was no magic, but we went on to become very good friends.

One other suggestion — if there’s a “Parents Without Partners” in your area, give it a go. Two friends of mine met their spouses at that organization. Also, put out the word among your friends and colleagues that you’re interested in being fixed up. Sometimes you’ll be rolling your eyes at what your friends come up with for you, but other times you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Happy huntng. 🙂

ok who is drew peterson?

Dear Bird,

I totally agree with Matt and Aloha. I tried the internet dating thing and I got SCARED OFF for sure—nothing bad happened, but I can tell you some tales really from friends who have had BAAAAD experiences, including my son C who married his and my friend F who married one (he got lucky and it only lasted 3 days before he saw she was a crook) after he booted her back out of state and divorced her she still opened dozens of credit cards in his name so he is still in a terrible credit mess.

My old “rule of thumb” though is 1 yr to 18 months after a “serious” break up, death or divorce before you start dating again. I violated that and started dating at 8 months and boy did I ever pick a loser.

If I ever do date again, believe me I will be CAREFUL and it will be someone I can know and see regularly (no long distance relationships, you can’t get to know them well enough) and no “instant” romance, even at my age, at least a year of “going steady” before anything serious…if he’s not willing to wait, oh, well….his loss, not mine.

I totally agree with Aloha if the person comes on too “sexy” all he is looking for is a booty call and no “relationship”—just the old “lay down baby, I think I love you,…oh, well, get up, I’m not sure.”

Like my son C says “sex is a benefit, not the reason” and I think that sums it up. If they don’t treat you like a LADY, boot them to the curb. I’m not against a good night kiss on a first date, but talking at ALL about sex on a first or second date is in my humble old fashioned opinion, someone showing you ALL THAT THE ARE AFTER.

Now Girls What is Wrong with a Quick HOOKUP ????:)~

Hush Indigoblue….they think we are saint’s…..

I thought this was NuNs Blog

careful

Well I met the French guy on Match and so far so good. We’ll see.

Henry: Drew Peterson is the former police sargeant from Illinois … accused of killing 2 of his 4 wives … His current wife Stacy Peterson is missing. He’s been telling everyone that she’s alive and just took off with a boy toy and she must be laughing about all the fuss. Anyway, now he’s engaged to his 5th wife who’s in her mid 20s or something and he’s in his early 50s.

ok thanks I remember now – was thinking of that other one Scott

The Flying Nun :)~LOL

yeah…well he found me on my first day on match. u know how they swoop on new blood. im afraid im still the same girl who hooked up with the sociopath. naive and in need of excitement. im not ready to date until i figure out how to change my stripes. not sure how to do that yet….

Dear Bird,

CONGRATULATIONS! That is the FIRST STEP in the right direction. Believe me, babe, I was sooooooooooo NEEDY I think I was at the point of going down to the local homeless shelter for winos and picking me out a fairly clean looking one and taking him home. LOL I literally would look at guys in the grocery store and think, “I wonder if he’s married?” I felt so old, fat, wrinkled, ugly, unloveable, ya da, you get the idea.

And quite frankly, at my age there are not guys lining up telling me how beautiful I am and how desirable, etc. unless they are looking for a place to life or a sugar mama, and those can’t get passed the locked gate. But at least I am laughing about it now, and I am NOT FEELING NEEDY any more, so I am NOT AS LIKELY to be taken for a ride by another P. Talk about PICKY NOW! YEP, that’s me, Because you know, I am doing okay now by myself, so why would I want anyone in my life that wasn’t a BENEFIT to me?

When you are younger than I am (and gosh I hope you didn’t have the Birdie at age 61 ha ha) there is a good chance you will eventually find a great guy for you and to be a father to the Birdie, but you need to complete your healing first.

Become confident and happy as a single person. Get to a point that you are not looking to ANYONE OR ANYTHING to provide you with happiness. Get out of the mind set that “If I just had a great guy (or __________ fill in the blank) I would be happy” Happiness and security are ALWAYS (or should be) based on YOU and you alone, then you can SHARE happiness with another COMPLETE and good person. When you base your happiness on yourself, no one can crush it, because no matter what happens, you are still YOU.

Things happen, things come and go, life happens, but the happiness and joy we have should be based on ourselves. You have come so far in such a really short time, Bird, and I am so proud of how you have managed, and I do believe it has been a difficult road for you to walk under the circumstances, but you know what, if you could do what you have ALREADY done, YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW.

If I had a daughter I could not be more proud of her than I am of how you have taken the bit in your teeth and had that baby, gotten back to work, taken care of the baby and grown so much in such a short time. I know it probably seems like EONS, but it really is in the long run of things a SHORT time.

“99% of the time” (I made up that statistic) the people I see who get and stay in trouble time after time after tiem are those that jump right back into a “relationship” before they get done healing. It was sure MY UNDOING after my husband’s death.

Hang on, sweetie, you’re already on the way…get your excitement in some other way for a while though than a “relationship”—give my baby Birdie a big squeeze for his aunty oxy! ((((hugs))))

Dear Oxy, Henry and all my pals at LF – I would like to wish you all a really happy and contented Christmas and my best wishes to you all for a good 2009 as well. Love from Beverly

Dear Wini, A very happy Christmas to you too. I have been off the LF scene for a while. Still nursing my health, not quite in the clear yet, January is filled with medical appointments. I have spent alot of time trying to make some sense of all that has happened to me in the last 1-2 years – but believe me, my take on alot of things has changed hugely in that time for the better. The end of the year is always, for me a good time to reflect and get my house in order on all fronts, and that is what I have been doing and now all those tasks are complete, I can focus on what improvements I would like to make for next year – I have a big list. With love and best wishes to you Wini.

My father is a nutter, we all endure him to maintain a relationship with our mother who is now in her 70’s..she still has the odd clout from him..She a sad old dear, toatlly dependant and still under his spell even now…if we stick up for her…he abuses her when he has her alone, so we jolly him along…all through childhood he was sexually abusive, in groping us or talking dirty….he still tries now and then!! You gotta keep him at arms length and never be alone with him…
When as a child i would refuse to give him what he called a feel he would try and make me feel bad saying you cant love me…and even I am your father, I spawned you and get nothing yet you will f*ck some boy one day who wont give you anything…No kids know not to be alone with him, they are safe, they find him creepy anyway so steer clear…still some sides of him I love though..

Dear Muldoon,

I am so sorry for your mother and for you for growing up with such a monster for a father. It seems that the more we have been abused (and that IS abuse) as children, the more likely we are to marry or pair up with an abuser later in life.

I think that is why it is so important to get our own “house in order” after we get free of them and to realize how we ALLOWED this to happen to ourselves. Not that we are to blame, not at all, it is just that we somehow don’t develop the boundaries we should. As children we are compelled to live in this kind of situation by our births, nothing we could do but learn to “cope” but the way we cope as children doesn’t work as adults.

I have a father like yours (only probably worse) and my mother is an enabler (like yours, again, only worse) and you know, I realize now that I was starting to be just like her. Needing the love I didn’t get as a kid, the nurturing and protecting I should have gotten, and didn’t learn how to take care of and value myself. I LET others walk on me. Now I am LEARNING that in order to live, I have to take care of ME, and not let anyone abuse me. It is a long process of self reflection and changing my own ways.

I know you are in the middle of a night mare now but you have made the crucial first steps of saying NO MORE. No more for me,, and no more for my children.

I am not going to lie to you, it will be difficult, but you see the light now and you will do it. Hang in there, and come here often, as often as you need to. We can’t do it for you, it is something that you must do for yourself, but everyone here on this blog has been through a night mare of their own.

LEARN, read every article here. KNowledge is power, and you have to take back your power from him. It is probably too late for your mother at this point in life, because taking back your power, facing the demons can be painful and some people never develop that strength because it is less painful (THEY THINK) to just “go with the flow” and take the occasioal clout, but IT IS NOT LESS PAINFUL, it only delays the pain a while. ((((hugs)))))

You are right about abuse in childhood staying with us and affecting the boundaries we set if we indeed set any at all..My mother had a terrible ife and in his way my old man is a victim too…his mother took her sons to bed and had sex with them!!! I try to bare this in mind when I think of my old mans traits…my husband had a awfull childhood too, partly that is what kept me forgiving him…but I now see, someone got to break the mould, i dont want my girls being abused later in life because they see abuse as love or ok because I put up with it.
When my mother was young it was ok for men to beat women, the police seldom acted…she had a tribe of kids, not sure if there were refuges then…
Its funny my life was sh*t nut its made me needy and too daft with lovers…yet some men abuse us and have gone the other way because of abuse, perhaps we are stronger than them in our own way.
I think now how dare he give me hell when I have always been good, kind and loyal, my life been crap but I dont go around causing misery to others, the opposite in fact.
What percentage here of people had a crap childhood? is that the link?

Muldoon, my stepfather who raised me was very abusive as well, and my mother neglectful and enabling. The worst part of it, though, was not being allowed to say “no” and to stand up for myself. This trait has haunted me throughout my life and I still struggle with it sometimes. I don’t think I went through anything as bad as what you went through. But I grew up pretty depressed and hopeless and tried to commit suicide at 14. When I didn’t die, I lived in mortal fear that my stepfather would find out what I did and try to kill me. It’s hard to say how much of that is involved with my attracting the sociopath last spring. He claimed he’d had a hard childhood too, and clearly the fact that we both knew pain in our lives was the initial connection. However, this guy was extremely clever and pretended to be the very opposite of an abusive person.

I have never seen or heard of the bizarre gaslighting of a sociopath till I met the S in April. It was a real education for me. He is like no one in my past, and I hope to God I never meet anyone like him again.

Donna, do you know why is it that there is more known about personality disorders in America, that people are more aware and, why it should be that people are more ignorant of it in London? People everywhere should be educated, I feel like screaming of the lack of education!

Can anyone enlighten me???

post a comment
where to even begain lie steel anything for drama
cost me so deeply can not even come close to matching wits with a con artist of this calbaber
fred

Not everyone here (or all victims either) have been abused as children, and not all of the psychopaths have been abused as children either.

It is frequently the case though that since there is a genetic link that a psychopath gives birth to or sires a chld who will grow up to be geneticly inclinded to be apsychopoath and then because the parent is a psychopath (therefore unable to be a good loving parent) the child gets the DOUBLE WHAMMY, of genetics and environment.

Of course there are children of psychopaths who are NOT psychopaths. I am a child of a psychopoath, but I am NOT a psychopath, yet, my P-son is a psychopoath and has 2 grandfathers that are Ps. My son’s bio father was dysfunctional and mentally ill, but not mean at all.

Bi-polar is genetic, and bi-polars are frequently (about 1/3) psychopaths I think the statistics are, and some ADHD kids become Ps as well, so if you add in the OTHER mental health (and inheritable) issues, you can get someone who is bi-polar, ADHD AND Psychopathic—wow, what a night mare! Any ONE of those disorders is a problem in itself, but with all of them factored in, plus, maybe an abusive childhood as well and you have the prescription for a monster.

Some people respond to being abused by becoming abusers, and some respond by becoming victims. I kind of wonder if the person who doesn’t get the gene(s) that tend to push toward P-hood, and are abused by the family psychopath learn to survive by being a victim, then takes that victimhood and survival skills into adulthood where they are NOT really functional. My mother was a victim of her P-brother, and her mother was an enabler/victim, my mother is an enabler as well, but more punishing of people who don’t go along with the “family script” to protect the family psychopath from consequences.

Only by realizing what I WAS DOING that kept me involved in the drama was I able to make the changes in ME that will protect ME. I’ve continued to work on ME, I’ve learned to FORGIVE MYSELF, because Iwasn’t as good a parent, daughter, wife, mother as I might have been if I hadn’t been raised the way I was….and my son C also became a victim of a personality disordered woman, who tried to kill him…so she was pretty hard core abusive. I hope that both of us can come out from this chaos and drama and trauma better and stronger people. That we can STOP the progression of this victim/abuser script and live healthy and happy lives.

Yes, people should be taught what a healthy relationship is in middle school if not before. There is a big push here in the US on NO BULLY policies. When my dog and I went to a middle school recently to do an educational program, I noticed the “No Bully” signs all over the place.

When I was in 2nd grade, I went to a school in which my step dad taught in the higher grades. I had a girl that came to school every day and beat the snot out of me. I for some reason was ASHAMED that she beat up on me. I didn’t tell anyone. Finally when she bonked me on the jaw (and broke it) with a big heavy coke bottle and the injury was visible to the teacher, I was “forced” into confession that she had been beating me every day.

The problem was handled and it was explained to me that she was the 21st and youngest child of a large (to say the least) family and that she was bullied at home and came to school and took it out on me. WHY ME? I’m not sure why she picked me, but obviously even at that age, I had LEARNED how you handled bullies, you were ashamed, and you kept the secret. Of course that diddn’t play well in adult hood and hadn’t played well as a child either. LOL

I did resolve that I would never stay with a man who hit me, and I never had that problem, I did have that boundary, but yet, I allowed my son to beat me and then “forgave” him…DUH? I allowed “friends” to walk on me, steal from me, use me and abuse me, and my P-son.

I won’t allow it again. I will no longer try to “rescue” people fro themselves. I will help people, but walk that line between “rescue and help” carefully.

I took in a couple of horses last spring when their barns, stables and home was hit by a tornado. That was “helping.” But when the owner decided that she had found a cushy spot to keep her horses FOREVER, I had to set a BOUNDARY and enforce it. (One of the horses was a dangerous one, in fact it bit its owners breast and nearly amputated it) OUCH!

Even then, I felt somewhat “guilty” that I was enforcing a reasonable boundary. The boundary being: I will not tolerate dangerous animals on my farm. I am NOT responsible for the fact she had a dangerous animal that she will not control and which could pose a danger to me, visitors to the place, or even her, and if it got out of the fence it would be a danger on a road and there was no way to control the animlal.

So finally I made myself do what I KNEW WAS RIGHT, and I did it. Now that I have had a few practice runs (this was one) of setting reasonable boundaries, I no longer feel guilty when I set a boundary.

What the heck did I even feel guilty for in the first place? Because she loved her horse (which she knew nothing about how to care for or train) or because she couldn’t afford to feed the animal and its ribs were showing? None of that was my “fault” and none of that my “responsibility”—but somehow I had developed this sense of I had to “fix” things that were not my responsibility. I even thought about trying to train this horse myself, until I got to thinking about it and thought “Wait a minute, I am 61 years old, this is a 3 year old 1000 pound animal that doesn’t even know how to lead and is viscious as well, and I am risking my life and limb, WHY?

This horse was the equivalent of a 1000 pound psychopath who was willing to hurt you to maintain dominence over you She (the horse) had already demonstrated that several times. She had no discipline and didn’t want any, you were simply there to serve up her feed OR ELSE. A horse that strikes out at you because they are afraid is o ne thing, but this horse was NOT afraid of you, she intended to dominate you. And, she wasn’t even MY horse. With the price of horses in the pits, even though she was “registered” she was of such poor quality physically, if she had been dead calm she would have been worth $200 total.

What I am trying to illustrate here with this long diatribe is that I was considering risking my health, wellbeing and the risk of bones being broken for a $25 horse that didn’t belong to me. DUH? And feeling guilty because I wasn’t willing to do so? DUH?

But it was a learing experience. I did my “good deed” by taking in the horse left homeless by a tornado=helping. But when it became a situation where the owner wanted to overstep her boundaries and stay here, I enforced the boundaries and then I got over my “guilty” feelings and learned a lesson.

I don’t mind “helping,” but I won’t “enable.”

Dear Beverly, I just read what you wrote about all your medical appointments in January. Give those concerns of your health up to God … pray and ask that he guide you for the reasons of your illness and I know he will work with you to a full recovery.

God Bless.

Peace.

henry says:

“ok who is drew peterson?”

http://scaredmonkeys.com/2007/11/02/stacy-ann-peterson-missing-sgt-drew-peterson-one-wife-missing-one-wife-dead/

“Bolingbrook police Sgt. Drew Peterson says his wife is missing….”

Henry just another sociopath from Illinois. I telling you there must be something in the water here in Illinois or something? This state must be a lighting rod for them! 🙁

James

I found him!!!!

http://www.psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=27758&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

this is him, hands down, no question!!!! My first attempt at dating after the sociopath is with a schizoid!

Bird, just a warning to you and others about posting links here to other internet forums where your P may hang out. Sometimes there is a “linkback” on the other forum, and they post the link to this one. I accidentally posted a link to one of my internet forums here (the one where I met the sociopath and where all his friends hang out). I was MORTIFIED to open the blog over there and see the linkback to THIS SITE at the bottom! In addition, the link to this site was sent to everyone who posted on that thread. I had to have the thread removed and ask Donna (here) to remove the link I posted on here, which I think she did. It was pretty scary. It happened on New Years Day when everyone was on vacation and couldn’t get to the phone. I freaked out for quite a while, imagining the sociopath on here reading all my blogs. It still may be happening, as the link still made it into a few people’s email.

About they guy, O.M.G. What a winner he is!!!!!! I hope you have a sense of humor, because there are a lot of strange people out there, and a lot of them like to hang out on dating sites.

hey travis! just signed up to this website to answer your post after googling ‘sociopath father’. i can relate to your story, been through the same more or less. especially the part about the whole ordeal being too surreal to tell anyone about… and the ‘successful investor’ part etc. ha. what a joke, right? 😉 life goes on for us though… 🙂 email me if you want to talk about it. and just know that you’re not the only one who has experienced ‘life with a sociopath father’.

Welcome, Vagabond,

I also have a P-sperm donor—-this is a healing place, though, and I suggest that you hang around a while and read the articles in the archives….learning about the Ps (or Ss if you prefer) or as one of our bloggers says “spath-holes” helps you arm yourself against the next one to drift your way.

Again welcome.

Muldoon says, after describing her evil, disordered father, “still some sides of him I love though”. If she keeps thinking like that, she is doomed to a life-time of allowing other people to use, abuse, and disrespect her. Learn to respect yourself, and to disrespect and disconnect from those who showed you NO RESPECT in the past. Learn this: Love does not hurt! You owe NOTHING to anyone who disrespected you. Certainly not LOVE. What is there to love about someone who willfully caused you hurt, pain, and influenced your future well-being in a negative way?

Dear hesajjjjjrk,

You are so right, and I agree totally. I am trying for the first time in my 62 years to disengage from EVERY toxic person (not just the Ns and Ps and BPDs) in my sphere. It is making life sooooooooo much better!

I do understand why some people do go back to these monsters though, and the last we heard, Muldoon had done just that, had gone back to her abusive husband after she discovered she had some health problems….thinking that he might be of some comfort to her or the children during her time of bad health. He had already started abusing her again. We will be here for her if and when she decides to disengage again.

It tookk me a long time to realize that my egg donor had disrespected and controlled me for my entire life, and disengagement was very difficult for me as well. Now, it is PEACE, and I hope and pray that everyoone here finds that PEACE away from their abusers and disrespecters. It has not been an easy journey for me, and I don’t think I am “healed” but I am MUCH BETTER, much happier, and have more joy in my life and MUCH LESS PAIN.

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