Is every violent person a sociopath? Are all sociopaths violent? What is the relationship between violence and sociopathy/psychopathy? These are the questions we will think about here. I welcome your comments and stories.
In his book “On Aggression” Nobel Prize winning ethologist Konrad Lorenz expressed deep concern for the human race. He pointed out that other social animals have “releasers;” these are inborn signals that turn off aggression. For example, when wolves fight, if one animal turns over on its back, the fighting generally stops. The purpose of aggression in social species is simply to enforce dominance, so when the victor gets the signal it is dominant, the fighting stops.
Lorenz said screaming and crying act as releasers for humans as these tend to inhibit aggression. The problem for humans is that we have created weapons that enable aggression to occur at a distance so the natural releasers don’t have a chance to turn it off.
Yet we also know there are those who enjoy seeing other people suffer. In these individuals there is not only no mechanism to stop aggression, there is also a positive incentive toward violence. An extreme example of this is serial killers who seek out victims to enjoy the act of killing them. Some people are fascinated and mystified by the behavior of these serial killers, but actually the behavior is pretty simple to understand. I’ll explain it using two other pleasures with which you are familiar- eating and sex. These are two examples that illustrate the way the pleasure system works.
First, let’s consider eating. The purpose of eating is to nourish the body, but eating is also much more than that. Eating gives us pleasure and can even reduce anxiety. Why it is that eating feels good is likely connected to our need to overeat during times of plenty. Eating during times of plenty allows us to become fat and thus protected from famine. If eating stopped once the body was nourished, we couldn’t get fat. So to keep us eating more and more, Mother Nature made it an enjoyable act.
There are different was to get pleasure from eating. Foods that are sweet, sour, fatty, or meaty all stimulate different nerve cells. People also differ with respect to the pleasure associated with different tastes. Some people don’t like sweets very much and some people are repulsed by meat.
Now consider that sex is the same as eating in many ways. The “purpose” of sex is procreation, but it also strengthens social bonds, is pleasurable and reduces anxiety. We are prone to becoming “oversexed” just as we are prone to becoming obese. There are also different flavors of sexual pleasure.
The dominance system is another instinctive behavioral system just like the feeding and sex systems. The pleasures associated with the dominance system come in different “flavors.” One “flavor“ or pleasure associated with this system is winning at a competition. Whether the competition is a chess or baseball game, winning is a pleasure.
In social groups the dominant members are the “enforcers” as they get to administer rewards and punishments to others. Helping people can actually be a function/pleasure of the dominance system. Similarly, enjoyment of hurting others is also part of dominance. The alphas get to punish those who don’t do what they want and they take pleasure in inflicting this punishment.
What we see in some sociopaths is a type of “fetish” of the dominance system. Just like some people are excessively turned on sexually by underwear, some sociopaths are excessively turned on in the dominance sense by violence.
If you think about what I am saying you will see that there are two pathways to violence in sociopaths. The first is an immediate impulsive response to threats to their dominance. The second is a premeditated seeking out of the pleasure associated with hurting. Both of these occur and the presence of one correlates with the presence of the other because an over active dominance drive underlies both.
Lack of empathy is important to the development of the enjoyment of violence because a person who lacks emotional empathy, lacks the releaser Lorenz talked about so there is nothing to turn off the violence. But it is also possible that some sociopaths have a modicum of empathy that is drowned out by the pleasures of dominance.
The take home message for you is that if you are involved with a person who is preoccupied with dominance, control and manipulation you have to wonder what violence they are capable of. It is like the sexual pervert, you may only be seeing the tip of the iceberg. We just do not know how to pick out those sociopaths who lead secret lives in which they kill. If you know a sociopath who has a track record of violence, please assume the person is potentially very dangerous.
Liane
I do not think all psychopaths are violent, just the same way not all people with empathy are loving.
Empathy gets blocked off with a bad up bringing, just like violence gets surpressed in psychopaths who’s mission is to get by undetected
I am mesmerised by former posts dated 2008 (I just happened to see them now) under the heading ‘what does the psychopath ‘do’ with this diagnosis- post by ‘SecretMonster’
Does anyone remember this poster? has he gone now or does he ever visit the odd time? everything he said in his posts, all the answers to the brilliant questions put to him by LF…completed the missing pieces for me on what goes on in a psychopath’s head (his mission was to get by undetected) some of the answers are chilling….yet he was trying to help,It was like having an honest conversation with the P.
He outlines what he thinks, how he lives so as to blend in and not cause too much devastation, he does that for himself not out of any feeling for a human being
Dear Liane,
Thank you for this very thought provoking article.
The point you made about wolves (or most breeds of dogs) who will stop aggressing if the “whipped” animal gives up is very valid. However, I have seen a documentary in the last year or so that suprised me quite a bit about a couple of wolf packs. It was about the various packs of wolves near Yellowstone and how one pack systematically wiped out the other, deliberately killing the weaker pack. They took over territory that they neither needed nor could defend, apparently just for the “fun” of it.
Though the behavior of wolves has been one of my “favorite” subjects for many years, I was very suprised at this behavior in wolves over a long term observation, as generally in the wild they have a very cooperative “society.”
You mention people who are preoccupied with dominance and control in your article as being potentially violent, and I agree completely with this. I have seen this in all of the physically violent psychopaths I have encountered and both my P-son and my male DNA donor were/are extremely physically dangerous when thwarted or frustrated in their desire for control/dominance. The violence can be triggered INSTANTLY “out of the blue” when least expected.
Again, thank you very much for this article, I don’t think I have seen it explained any more clearly anywhere.
Liane, this is an article that gives food for thought, and thank you for posting it.
Personally, I believe that all (yes, all) spaths are violent. Whether it’s physical violence, or verbal/emotional violence, they are perpetrators.
If only the emotional damage is considered, it is “vioent” to cause another person to feel belittled, discarded, fearful, disoriented, and all of the rest that goes along with it. Every post by a Survivor that I’ve read on this website has been frought with emotional violence (at the very least) – I have yet to read a single Survivor’s post that could translate into, “He/she was just a jerk. I was able to walk away without any damage, at all.”
Yes……they are capable of so much violence that we Survivors couldn’t comprehend the depravity of their inner fantasies.
Its unbelievable to me that this guy has felony and fraud in three states, he is a bigamist and from what I can see has threatened to kill people in his own family.
According to what I have been told, he has served time for manslaughter and been investigated by the SEC for fraud.
He is now serving a repeat term in a FEDERAL Prison where he is being evaluated for pathology and the GOD DAMN attorney here says there really isn’t much point in pursuing for bigamy or a protection order because nobody will give me one and I can’t find the records which would justify it and the PI I am supposed to be working with won’t call back.
I just could EXPLODE after reading the last paragraph of this article.
The total cluster F*.* of dealing with the law enforcement and legal people who won’t say boo to me and the stuff I can find in plain sight which points to UBER scary which I can’t find validation of because for whatever reasons its hidden from the places I can afford to go is stunning.
The SYSTEM is protecting him, NOT me. And it is inert in that position until I come up with a reason for it to move. I am paying all the right resources to do all the right things and I am sitting out here in left field waiting for him to get out of prison and come see what he can get out of the “relationship he left behind”. If I succeed in business, I have no doubt, he will be back because that is what he was after in the first place. The reward- it sure as hell wasn’t love.
But I pay the people who are supposed to be doing all this work and I pay taxes which in turn pay salaries and frankly, I just don’t get it.
If something ugly does come to pass, who sits there and says well shucks, I didn’t know and Oops? At what point does the system which is in place to protect get held to account for doing it?
This drills right into the discussion we have threaded around this site which calls for activism in the legal, political and law enforcement arenas.
Case by case it drills to that. And the finger always points to the same thing. Either the cases get added up into something big enough to start throwing powerballs into the system or my case and yours and the next one are going into this stupid abyss where a lot of people get paid their money under the pretense of doing something about these disordered, but NOTHING that makes a difference gets done and NO ONE is held to account.
It makes me very, very distressed.
Dear Silvermoon,
I SHARE YOUR FRUSTRATION, and my “little P darling son” is in prison as well. I had to hire an attorney to fight his parole!@....... Still won’t know for 6 months or so if he gets one or not, and if not, how long before he can apply again! In which case I will have to hire an attorney again and fight it AGAIN.
If your X has a HISTORY OF THREATS (much less actual physical violence) you can BET HE IS DANGEROUS. Watch Dateline or 20/20 or 48 hours mystery about men and women who have MURDERED their x or someone either out of revenge or just malice. Latest 48 hours was about a COP in Dallas (female) who apparently killed her X-BF’s wife execution style and only now 25+ years later was arrested and charged with it, for all those years apparently the Dallas cops covered it up but DNA from a bite to the victim puts her at the scene.
I am sitting on “GO” prepared to disappear if my P-son gets parole and/or gets any significant money from my egg donor. There is a book called “How to be invisible” by J.J. Luna (the 2004 version) that will HELP as well as some inforrmation I got from the PI–you don’t have to run or disappear from the Feds, just another PI, and there are some good suggestions in the book.
It is unfortunate that the BURDEN of safety is on our shoulders, not the psychopaths’ but that is the REALITY of it all. I’m not rich by any means, and taking off and hiding is going to use the rest of my resources, it won’t be easy for sure, but I am prepared if necessary to live in a tent and eat out of a dumpster if that is what it takes to be safe from him. In the meantime, I am not living in terror, but with A good amount of CAUTION…and heavily armed. There’s no way as long as he is alive that I will be totally safe from him, but I can keep the risk down at least by knowing how much if any money he has to track me with.
One of the things that Mr. “Luna” points out in his book is that information can be BOUGHT or conned by a good PI so it is imperitive that ADVANCE ARRANGEMENTS are made for “disappearing” (meaning having NO paper trail leading to your actual location.) If you are trying to WORK, pay rent, taxes, utilities, register a car, etc. it is difficult, but DOABLE legally.
I was fortunate that the local sheriff DID BELIEVE ME and help as much as he could, but the law actually tied his hands since the psychopath had not at that time committed a crime he could be arrested for. When he did, he was arrested. Not much time, as all charges (attempted murder included) were dropped EXCEPT “felon in possession of a hand gun” which is a felony, but he only got 5 yrs, with 2 suspended, and out on parole in a yr and a half and only then because I raised HELL with the parole board. His parole officer did not know he was a convicted SEX OFFENDER X 3 with CHILDREN.
One other thing, I just thought of, call the local VICTIMs advocate office the woman there was VERY HELPFUL to me. She went above and beyond to help me and give me information about what I could do. There is a service called VINE (nationwide) that notifies victims on any status change of the convict, like he gets parole or is coming up for parole, and though the “crime” he was convicted of did not make me a DIRECT victim, she helped me anyway! Try that, it might work!
In the meantime, I know where you are coming from and empathize with you completely! Glad you at least found out a bit of information on him. ((((Hugs))) and God bless.
Silvermoon, I am so sorry for your angst – you have EVERY right to be angry! It is righteous anger – righteous indignation!
Knowing what a biotch I can be when it comes to this type of stuff, I would probably be on the phone every day to my Congressman. Every Day. Sometimes, it’s fruitful, and other times it isn’t. But, the old addage: “grease and squeaky wheels (etc.)” may be a cliche, but it’s also true. At some point, somewhere, someone will actually hear the words that you’re saying, and listen. I firmly believe this. Consider the most annoying sound in the world to you – if someone made that sound every day for 3 weeks, you’d either find the source of that noise and silence it, or do something to fix the source of that noise to prevent it.
Brightest blessings, Silvermoon.
OxD – you have raised some really good points about the spath son. If there is a way that they can “get even,” I reckon that they’ll do it at whatever cost is required. I will look for that book.
And, the victims’ advocacy groups have a much louder, stronger, and united voice than one person alone. EXCELLENT suggestion!!!! Silvermoon, a victim’s advocacy group will hear you. They will support you. They will assist you in any way that they can – they are responding to “a calling” to help victims. They even have networks of “safe houses” across the entire US – they advocate for YOU.
More bright blessings to you, Silvermoon!
Emotional violence.. is using the words I love you as manipulation.. it’s saying everything that they know a woman wants to hear to get the upper hand and to control her…
then many use after they have the person in thier grip critiism to throw them off … I know you all know this.. but I have not been with a phycial abused only emotional.. well, I have been pushed by a man in an argument but that’s it..
If a man EVER hit me I would be gone in a flash.. but the emotional abuse I hang around for… then some use their voices.. as in raising them.. the last one I wwas with, when he raised it voice.. it sounded like the devil himself was speaking.
they know when to use what and who to use it on… as they observe and watch and learn how to manipulate and size people up..
Silver, Buttons is right about her suggestion for the congressmen and senators, get on the phone to them, and write letters as well, you can e mail to them so they get it immediately. GREAT IDEA.
The VINE advocacy group (you can find it on the internet) is an official agency as well, not “just” a volunteer group, and they are very helpful. Even your STATE agency may be helpful with INFORMATION for you. Since my psychopath was a STATE conviction, I got help from them as well as signing up for the VINE program on line.
I do know how frustrating it is to try to get Justice! DUH! Safety is a MUST though!
Style, you are so right. Your “boundary” that you would allow no one to HIT you was a GOOD START for sure. Unfortunately I would never have allowed a husband/lover/friend to hit me, but I DID let my P-son do it! DUH! Sheesh, how stooooopid can a person get!? LOL
Style1-“Emotional violence…is using the words I love you as manipulation..it’s saying everything that they know a woman wants to hear to get the upper hand and to control her”….is so exactly what happened with my ex and myself. That’s how he got me. I am still asking myself everyday and trying to figure out why I LET him do so. I am on the quest for the answer to that question so I don’t ever repeat the same mistake again. That’s my big thing-what did I take from this to help make sure that it never happens again.