As we think about sociopaths, let’s remember that they can make diverse presentations, which can make it hard to know if (and when) you’re dealing with one.
Although sociopathy is a personality disorder, it’s complicated by the fact that sociopaths have widely diverse personalities.
There are smart sociopaths and dumb sociopaths; gregarious sociopaths and more withdrawn sociopaths; engaging sociopaths and paranoid sociopaths; calculating sociopaths and more impulsive sociopaths; socially skilled, and socially unskilled sociopaths.
There are charismatic sociopaths and sociopaths with dull personalities. There are sociopaths who may leave you feeling remarkably comfortable, and sociopaths who may leave you feeling extremely creeped-out.
Some sociopaths are physically violent personalities, while others are no more prone to violence than you or I.
Given this diversity among them, what, then, do sociopaths have in common?
I take a stab, below, at answering this question, which itself isn’t so cut and dried. But what follow are some qualities that I believe all sociopaths have in common.
All sociopaths are emotionally shallow.
While sociopaths don’t have a patent on emotional shallowness (nonsociopaths can be emotionally shallow), they do have this terrain thoroughly covered. All sociopaths, without exception, are emotionally shallow.
It’s not that sociopaths don’t have and feel emotions. They are human beings, inclined as they are to transgress others. They want things. They feel their discomforts, pleasures, cravings.
But what sociopaths lack, fundamentally, is emotional interest in others. They may be interested in what others have [for them]; that is, what others have [for them] may evoke, and even stimulate, their emotions. However, they are not interested, genuinely, in who others are.
The sociopath, for instance, may recognize, and even pay very close attention, to your mood. But his interest in your mood will hinge on how your mood affects his agenda.
He is like the amoral child who, watching his mother and shrewdly detecting her vigilant energy, decides it’s not a good time to lift the five-dollar bill off the kitchen counter. He has read her carefully, and perhaps accurately. But his interest in her state of mind, and emotions, is limited to the advancement of his agenda.
All sociopaths are disloyal individuals.
I see this as a truism about sociopaths. Sociopaths may seem and even act loyal, but only so long as they calculate that the cost of their loyalty hasn’t yet exceeded its benefit [to them].
As soon as the sociopath discerns that the cost of his loyalty exceeds the advantage, he betrays those to whom he’d apparently been “loyal.”
His self-interest, in other words, is paramount, and supercedes his capacity for self-sacrifice.
All sociopaths are habitual transgressors (without meaningful remorse) of others’ boundaries.
Whether calculating or more impulse-driven, sociopaths are habitual boundary violators, without genuine remorse for their hurtful effect on others. Some (not all) sociopaths “get off” on their exploitation—meaning that, for them, the process of exploiting is the motive force that drives their exploitation.
Sociopaths may be childishly fascinated by the exercising of their power to “push the envelope,” to “pull off” capers and dodge accountability.
Their lack of remorse—lack, indeed, of any form of genuine accountability—is one of the perplexing aspects of this personality disorder. And there’s probaby not a single explanation for this.
All sociopaths grossly lack compassion.
A lack of empathy is commonly ascribed to sociopaths, but I sometimes wonder if the sociopath’s lack of compassion isn’t a more germane descriptor.
Part of the problem with empathy is that people view it differently—arguably, there are different “types” of empathy that elude a single, unifying definition.
You will sometimes hear people say about sociopaths that, rather than lacking empathy, they actually use their empathy exploitively. I don’t see it that way. I view a mindset of empathy as the antithesis of the exploitive mindset—thus, someone feeling empathic (by my definition of empathy) could not use his empathy to exploit. That would be logically impossible.
But I think we escape this definitional confusion altogether when we consider sociopaths and the issue of compassion. In this regard, I assert that all sociopaths lack genuine compassion for others.
I’m suggesting that, even more than his empathic deficiency, the sociopath’s gross lack of compassion enables his infamous abuse of others’ dignity and space.
(See an upcoming post, Sociopathy: A Disorder of Compassion, for an elaboration of this idea.)
All sociopaths lack appropriate shame.
Sociopaths’ deficient levels of shame support their exploitive tendencies. Shame gives us pause, and sociopaths do very little “pausing.” Most of us contemplate the factor of shame, or prospective shame, in the decisions we make.
Our automatic, often unconscious review of how shameful we’re likely to feel following a chosen action allows us to think twice before executing it. It gives us room to cancel a plan whose execution we deem, on reflection and in anticipation, risks reigning shame down upon us.
Sociopaths lack shame to fear. Lacking shame to fear disinhibits them from pursuing destructive ideas that the rest of us, more often than not, will “pass” at.
Sociopaths are audacious personalties.
As I’ve indicated in several LoveFraud pieces, there is something audacious about the sociopath. He is prone to behaviors that leave the rest of us, whether as victims or witnesses, shaking one’s head. His levels of gall, hubrus are astonishing.
Where the nonsociopath, as just discussed, will find opportunities to scrap a bad plan, the sociopath is more likely to eschew prudent consideration (and reconsideration) and pursue the flawed plan, anyway.
His audacity—see my LoveFraud piece, The Audacity Of The Sociopath—is a curious and troubling aspect of his personality.
Sociopaths are liars and deceivers.
Lying and deceiving are close cousins, and sociopaths routinely do both. But this doesn’t make them necessary good at either (although they may be). A sociopath may assert, as if he really believes it, that he broke the world record in the mile, but this doesn’t make it a good lie.
The premise is preposterous; and so what’s most striking about the lie is its audacity, not its believability.
Sociopaths often, for instance, defend untenable positions from, it seems, sheer contempt for their audience. Consider this interaction:
Wife: I saw you with your secretary at Chile’s, today, at 12:15. You were kissing.
Sociopath: What are you talking about? I didn’t leave the office all day.
Wife: I saw you. Don’t bullshit me.
Sociopath: Yeah right. Ask Allen”¦we were in a meeting at 12:15. Go ahead. Why don’t you fucking call him and ask him?
Wife: I knew you’d say that. I already called the office. Allen’s in San Diego, and you know that.
Sociopath: You’re fucking crazy. You know what, stop fucking stalking me! That’s your problem. Maybe if you’d stop fucking stalking me you’d actually find something valid to accuse me of!
Wife: Don’t change the subject. You’re lying.
Sociopath: No”¦this is the subject. You’ve got a fucking stalking problem. So let’s not change that subject. You know what, honey? One of these days your fucking stalking’s gonna really drive me into someone else’s arms.
Wife: You were kissing her, John.
Sociopath: You know what? Fuck you. How ’bout that? Fuck you.
Rife with sociopathic machinations, this interaction starts with the assertion and insistence of a preposterous lie, then maneuvers quickly into deflection, gaslighting and other abusive strategies.
In upcoming posts, I’ll extend the list of traits that all sociopaths, I believe, share in common.
(My use of “he” in this article was for purposes of convenience, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of expressing the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
(This article is copyrighted © 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW)
The commonality is that they have a self-serving agenda and they use whatever that they have in their skill set and charms to achieve this.. And when their agenda is not believed, followed or adhered to then that is when their real person emerges.
This article perfectly describes my husband! It also makes me feel better about how I now handle things.
Questing him leaves me frustrated 99% of the time. He immediately changes the subject with retorts regarding things that virtually “everyone in the world” finds wrong about me!
When I remind him that he is changing the subject, he raises his voice in contempt while continuing to be demeaning to me. I ultimately walk away in disgust. Then he seems compelled to yell out one more nasty comment…to have the final word. That will usually be followed with days of him refusing to talk to me.
I have learned these things:
CHECK OUT THE VALIDITY OF EVERYTHING HE SAYS…ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! (There might be up to a 5% possibility that he’s actually telling the truth).
DON’T ARGUE WITH A BULLY. INSTEAD, KNOW THE DRILL…CONFRONTING WILL NOT CHANGE ANYTHING>>>EXCEPT PROBABLY GIVE HIM VALIDATION (now he can hold you responsible for his actions…you made him do things that he never would have done if you hadn’t driven him to do it) FOR DOING WHATEVER HE WOULD HAVE DONE ANYWAY.
HOW DO I DEAL WITH HIS BULLY BEHAVIOR?
Since confronting him ultimately leads to his silent treatment, I choose to ask those questions only when I need a well deserved “time out” from him! Lol!
In all fairness, I’ve only gotten to this point after 20 years of suffering with the madness resulting from trying to communicate logically with someone who lacks the ability to be logical.
IMconfused, I hope you will stick around and read more articles. I think even his silent treatment is another way he is finding to abuse you emotionally. Of course he changes the subject when you ask him a question! They are experts at that!
HI LF Buddies. I haven’t written in a while … but wanted to share this e-mail that I received from the Berean. As you are aware, there are many sides to an issue, the medical and the spiritual. I found these passages interesting since we discuss the EVIL ones that came into our lives.
Peace to everyone’s heart and souls as they heal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(12) Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; (13) but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
Hebrews 3:12-13
Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
The will is the power or faculty by which the mind makes choices and acts to carry them out. At first, against his will, a person engages in some forbidden pleasure because he wants to, but if he keeps it up, he soon finds that he has no strength to resist it. This process does not happen anymore quickly than an addiction to alcohol, but in the end, he keeps sinning because he cannot help but do so! Once a thought or act becomes a habit, it is a short step to being a necessity. The old saying is true: “Sow an act and reap a habit; sow a habit and reap a character; sow a character and reap a destiny.”
Hebrews 3:12-13 reveals a worrisome characteristic of sin: “Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called ‘Today,’ lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” Sin is seductive, enticing, deceitful, and hardening.
Sin’s deceitfulness is that it cannot deliver what it promises. It deludes a person into thinking he can “have it all” or “take it or leave it.” It promises pleasure, contentment, fulfillment, and life, but what it delivers in those areas is fleeting, which leads to its addictive quality. The pleasure is never quite enough to produce the desired contentment and fulfillment. Sinners are forced into greater perversions until it kills them.
Sin offers rationalizations and justifications. It puts on a plausible appearance and can even seem to be virtuous, as in situation ethics. However, sin’s drug-like quality always demands more because what formerly satisfied no longer will. The person in its grip gradually becomes its slave, and all along the way, his heart becomes hardened as well.
In Hebrews 3:13, hardened is translated from the Greek word for a callus. A callus forms around the break in a bone, on the palms of hands and on fingers from constant hard use, or in a person’s joints, paralyzing its actions. In a moral context, it suggests “impenetrable,” “insensitive,” “blind,” or “unteachable.” A hardened attitude is not a sudden aberration but a habitual state of mind that shows itself in inflexibility of thinking and insensitivity of conscience. It can eventually make repentance impossible.
Jeremiah 9:1-5 describes people in this state, so inured, so enslaved to sin that they weary themselves pursuing and doing it:
Oh, that my head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! Oh, that I had in the wilderness a lodging place for wayfaring men; that I might leave my people, and go from them! For they are all adulterers, an assembly of treacherous men. “And like their bow they have bent their tongues for lies. They are not valiant for the truth on the earth. For they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know Me,” says the LORD. “Everyone take heed to his neighbor, and do not trust any brother; for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbor will walk with slanderers. Everyone will deceive his neighbor, and will not speak the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies, and weary themselves to commit iniquity.”
John W. Ritenbaugh
From The Elements of Motivation (Part Seven): Fear of Judgment
Related Topics:
Addiction to Sin
Addictions
Addictive Quality of Sin
Habits
Habitual Sin
Hardening Hearts
Hardening of Conscience
Sin , Addictive Quality
Sin Destroys the Will
Sin, Deceitfulness of
Sin, Hardening Effects of
Slave of Sin
Spiritual Callus
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Hi Wini !! Good to hear from you, thanks for the post, interesting how we can delude ourselves and then try to rationalize away everything, that’s what I did for a long time. Hope all is well with you!
Kathleen….
I’m sorry….I didn’t see your ’gogetemgirl’ to me up above about 18 inches…..
THANKS FOR WRITING THAT, and I am glad I inspired these thoughts in you…..
Now to address your well written questions of me…..I hope I can respond with justice”.
I have always attributed, as I told you before, my willingness to fight due to the fact that I was so downtrodden and after my cancer and et al….I got to the point when I gave up the fear.
As a youngster, into my mid 20’s I worried about EVERYTHING……back then….I came to the conclusion I was tired of worrying…..and realized that 99.9% of what we worry about never comes to fruition…..so each time I found myself in a state of worry….which was daily….does she like me, did I say something wrong, do something wrong, do a good job, make a good enough meal, park the car right, wear the right outfit, hurt someone’s feelings, blah, blah…..I started asking myself…….AM I, OR IS ANYONE I LOVE GOING TO DIE OVER THIS…..like DIE….as in death…the end….The answer was ALWAYS NO……so I trained myself to give up the worry and eventually I didn’t worry about everything…..It takes work and reminding myself to stand back and evaluate….
So….fast forward when I faced death…..ALONE…….I spent all these years fruitlessly worrying about others, and when I needed some worry at home plate, I was abandoned! Not only abandoned, but tortured….kids kidnapped, family alienated me and husband filed for divorce during treatments as a sabotage tactic.
I didn’t have much to live for, and I knew it would all be uphill…….but I wasn’t ready to die…..
So…….I gathered up my ‘fuck you’ attitude and decided to fight…..If I had of died…..I didn’t want the world talking about me as they had perceived (through his stories and lies) me……for eternity and brainwashing the kids with this as their memory of a mother who had always fought for them……
So this is where my ‘fuck you’ you are not going to kill me because…..I”M NOT AFRAID TO DIE attitude hit me….
I removed the fear of dying….my perception of the last, end, and greatest fear….
Whether it was the S or the Dissected Carotid artery or cancer killing me…..take me if it’s MY time…..BUT I AIN”T GONNA GO WILLINGLY.
So……the world changed for me……at that moment in time.
It kicked me in gear and I went high speed into healing, walking again, getting out there and doing what I needed to do….
Fear is very powerful, it can be paralyzing. I couldn’t be paralyzed……I wanted my kids safe and at home….so I had to give up fear.
YES”..I believe there IS a difference in being afraid VS having a healthy respect for the damage they are capable of.
One is fear and one is awareness.
I believe we should always be aware of everything around us—but NOT fear it!
I removed the being afraid equation and I decided I could do more damage to them, so they should be the one respecting ME with HEALTHY respect.
Since sociopaths see everything as win/lose”..I was going to do anything I could to expose and learn what it was I had to do”..tactic wise to repel BOTH of the sociopaths in my world”..the ex and the new business idiot. Legally! Show them legally, I was bigger, badder and not a force to be reckoned with. Like a tsunami”..we all think we can swim through one, until you have the wave hit!
I have taken precautions”.alarm systems in my homes, security cameras, alerting the neighbors, having the police do house checks on both properties”.
I won’t lie, cheat or steal”..and I have what we call dignity”..but I grew balls bigger than theirs and decided I was going to humble them in court”..and follow up hard in court, through the system to let them know”..I’ve got more smarts than you and I’ll use em! It’s empowering, and it enables me to teach my kids to stand up for what is right.
Since they are not capable of notching up their game, stop the lies and manipulations—I have a leg up there”..My story is always the same, because I have nothing to keep track of”..they do”.but, they can’t!
I go in over prepared with the documentation”.organized and presentable for the judge”..but I also go in organized and prepared with my body language for the S’s”..and this is a great tool”..invaluable.
Now”.thus far, (and I hope it’s no more)”.but whatever”bring it on”..I have only had 2 Sociopaths that I have gone into the courts with—but I have seen over 9 judges and 15 court appearances—and in the end is when I fine tuned the tactics directed AT the S’s. I paid attention to how everyone around responded to them, their behaviors and I learned how to approach the situation. I has worked for me.
Know the game!!!! Them, you and your judge.
Being concerned about the potential damage”..well”.my safety”of course”..but I’m not going to run because of the fear, the threat. It goes back to I’m not afraid of dying concept.
Your question about the damage”.as in things”..I separated myself out from my ’things’ when I faced death”ya know”.ya can’t take it with you”..BUT—it sure would be nice to live with them while I’m around”..so I am ambiguous about the items”.I’ll fight for them, if they are bundled in the point and repelling the S’s”..yes”.why not. It’s the cherry on the soda.
I think my main point in fighting is 2 fold”..exposure and repelling.
With the above, it adds to our element of safety, letting them know”.sorry”I got your gig and I ain’t keeping my mouth shut about it and the law/courts/neighbors/ friends/family knows who you are! YOU CAN”T CONTROL ME, So stop trying, cuz your damn near jail with all your hiding!!!!
And if anything happens to me—.you’ll be the first person they look for!
If we look at how many of our sociopaths killed”.(and I in no way mean any disrespect for those that have lived life threatening or lost their lives in situations of violence) it’s pretty low. Yes, Most Cluster B’s are talk, empty talk”.destructive, but not gun toting, knife wielding kill you dudes. They are all capable of killing, but I am too”.if we look at it that way.
So I place myself, in dealing with them”.above them”.I become smarter, savvier, more aware and more able to present a case that shows the truth”.after that”it’s up to the judge”. I know my enemy and I don’t go in blind.
I do think, it’s KEY to be overly prepared, under emotional, emotional in the right presentations and hit all angles possible.
I didn’t know the inside out of the S #2”..the ex I knew inside and out, and can still predict his moves. Not the business S. I know him from what I reconned of him”.and it was substantial recon”.I have access to all his personal files”..he left them in the property and I evicted and took possession of everything. So I studied it all, every scrap. And made notes”.Things that didn’t make any sense, made sense when I opened up another file folder”.I put the puzzle of S #2 together. I contacted people undercover”..and I gathered other victims input on him”.. I didn’t need much of it to present to the judge, because he had the burden to prove HIS case”..NOT ME.
So I didn’t reveal much”..just enough to let him know—I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! And I ain’t gonna keep my mouth shut and I could really cause you some damage with what I have!!!!
Another angle I took which also helped”..was going to community forums and asking this judge about how he deals with Cluster B’s from the bench”..He didn’t know about ’cluster b’s’—Not surprisingly”.so I went on my diatribe at the forum and they all were educated”.surprising what a perceived ’mentally ill’ person looks like when she’s educating the community—and rationally and answering questions and sparking interest”..(attacked two issues”..there). Hmmmmm not so psycho am I—Yes, I REALLY DID HAVE CANCER—thanks for the support!!!
I NOW use the description cluster B, when speaking with ’outsiders’—because, if you ask someone if they know what a S is”..they all say yes,(and most have the perception of a killer, not their pastor, neighbor etc”.) because we’ve all heard the word, but no one has the balls to say”.NO, YA KNOW, I DON”T REALLY KNOW WHAT A SOCIOPATH IS—we’ve all been there”.
But THEY ARE ALL stumped with CLUSTER B”..and ask WHAT a Cluster B personality disorder?”..and it’s my lead in”..I don’t have to force it on anyone—they ask”.they are interested. Cluster B personality disorder—what’s that”.
So”.by going to this forum, and I only went because I knew we would meet this judge one day (the ex)and I had a personal agenda to network on MY level..”..it helped me personally and I’m sure it helped others—
Is that manipulation or networking? Hmmmm?
I think where they have a ’leg up’ is in the lead up to court, the years or months it takes to get there”.this is where we can’t take anything personal”..whatever they shoot, we need to listen and decode with the sociopaths dictionary”. NEVER TAKE IT PERSONAL”..They beat us up so badly leading up, that we end up saying enough, give it all to them. They financially destroy us, mentally, physically”..and this is where we break. This is where they win. But they don’t ever go away, they are NEVER HAPPY!
Again, in my case”.it was the cancer/strokes/dissected carotid/alienation from my support etc”.If THAT ALL DIDN”T BREAK ME—I was in for the long haul for sure.
It wasn’t easy”..there were a lot of times I doubted the process, I would back away for a few days”.but I was always lead back. I knew I couldn’t walk away.
I changed attorneys—I couldn’t afford to”That was a vital move, I would not have done near as well—I would have been destroyed. My former attorney didn’t get it.
He told me straight up”..you can only choose one property”.I said, no way”.I have full title on my invest. Property”.it’s always been mine”I’m not going to choose”..tell me the legal basis of your statement”.he couldn’t provide a legal basis except my state was community property”It didn’t make sense! It was my legal property, I funded it, I managed it, and all rental checks came in MY name and I had ALL documentation”..WHY”he couldn’t give me an answer. I QUESTIONED AUTHORITY”..I’m good at that.
He eventually yelled at me”..at that point we no longer had a good working relationship and I felt like I was back with the S”.kind of like”.just shut up and do what I say”..I began to focus on finding the right attorney for my case”..this was a whole other bag of worms”..and costly”.and very time consuming”.I interviewed many”.it was election time”.I interviewed judges—I read books again”..and made the THANK GOD”.right decision!
I paid attention to others advice that have been there”.and weeded it out”..to fit my needs.
I read e-books about what others experience was like in court with a Narcissist. Essentially they are the same”..in court at least”..all a pain in the ass, all lying, all projecting and muddying the waters. I NEVER got involved with the muddying without documentation—.
Muddying works on the streets—because people love juice”and they squeeze it”.but in a courtroom—mud is not productive to the S”..and Certainly NOT if it’s not provable.
Courts are based on facts! It’s a business transaction”.cut and dry. S’s are emotional”.this is why we can’t be! We need to be the CEO of our court dealings.
You wouldn’t go into a business meeting with shareholders in tears”..so control them in here! Period! AGAIN IT”S NOT PERSONAL, it’s all business!
S’s try and place us on the defensive—the whole time leading up to the hearings”and again in court”..There is NO LAW that we must respond to anything—we produce documents that are requested, but we don’t have to go on a letter writing campaign defending ourselves—NEVER! Stick with the facts. Bank statements, contracts, Deeds, former orders—and whatever you have documented Police reports, school reports, social workers reports, therapists reports, photos, videos, phone records etc”.
Whatever it is you’re trying to show.
I knew what I was up against and dedicated myself to MY cause!
I think, in the end”.yes”.they are more threatening and we are certainly threatened from the intimate relationship we have had”..and this tends create more fear in us.
This is why our neighbors don’t believe us and are not scared of them, our family, our mutual friends”etc”.if he was so scary, then why did you stay with them so long. They have a certain control over us that fears us out of fighting them in the legal arena.
In reality—I say fuckem”..let them know WHO you have become ”..and if you find it a requirement—HAVE NO FEAR”.THE EX OF A SOCIOPATH IS NOW HERE!!!!
After all that”.I think I answered your question”..and yes, to sum it up”.I agree with you Kathleen!!!
🙂
XXOO
EB
Whewwwwwwwwweeeeee EB!!!!!!!
Another one I’m going to have to print so I can read it again, and again. Powerful stuff!! Empowering!! EXACTLY what I needed!!!
THANK YOU!!!!!
Hi Shabbychic. I didn’t rationalize that he was a good guy. I really thought I lucked out by finding this great guy. I chalk it up to two things:
1) focusing on my bosses and their cronies beating me down for 6 years … I was mortified and was so focused on keeping my head above water with their trumped up antics.
2) he’s a great actor … should go into show business, he’d win several academy awards. I really thought he was standing by my side through all of this. Never thinking he was playing me too. Boy, jealousy, greed and selfishness surely blind folks today!
I have a funny story to share. Well, not so funny for me … but funny if it didn’t happen to do with destroying my finances …
A letter came in a week ago addressed to my EX. By accident, it was torn open. I have no clue how that happened! I went to pick up the paperwork off the floor and happened to notice it was a collection agency notifying my EX of a outstanding bill he owed a jewelry store of some $1,200 plus dollars (engagement ring? Wedding ring? Didn’t come on my finger?)
I sat on that knowledge for a week and happened to answer the phone pertaining to the collection agent. I explained the situation … and she informed me that she googled my EX and he’s a real bad character … that I should look on the net regarding what others are saying about him and that this women even put his photo on the site and I should check it out. I thanked her for the information and told her I already knew what the site said … for I was the lady that wrote the post. That’s one smart women checking these sites for what these guys are all about.
Gave me a chuckle how other decent women can be … as they tip off women. That’s my kind of lady friend!
Peace.
Hi Wini…..good to see you around…..and it sounds as if you are moving on down the road!
Nice that others feel the need to ‘inform’ huh…..I think it’s all too necessary….unfortunately, some women think they can be the ones to change em……
NEVER!
Take good care and stick around huh!
Hi Erin, I never thought about changing anyone at any time in my life. I would just break up or divorce them.
I knew about these folks due to the first guy I dated after my marriage ended. He turned into being my 1st roller coaster ride. It was at that time (28 y.o.) that I read up on the subject of narcissism. As I read the books on anti-social personalities … is when I realized that many of my co-workers and bosses had the same condition. I could now comprehend the craziness I was seeing/dealing with daily while going into work.
My Ex played the nice guy, decent family man and victim. His Ex-wife refused to talk with me … so I was left with his analogy of how his marriage was. I bought it hook, line and sinker due to working with so many women like he described his EX wife to be. I almost collapsed when I found out that he too was one. My legs were actually buckling under my weight after my sister and friends made me grab all the paperwork he left behind. While putting the paperwork in chronological order … was when I realized that everything he told me was a lie. I was viewing paperwork proving TRUTH versus his fiction. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to walk off a cliff. I got played by my bosses and my EX at the same time and didn’t even know he had anything to do with what was happening to me. I was so busy focusing on what my bosses did every day, never once did I have the luxury to have free time to even think derogatory thoughts about my EX. I believed everything he said, that it was he and I … that he was standing by my side. Talk about a double whammy!!!! (ouch).
I know one thing, my situation would never have been so extreme if I wasn’t sidetracked for 6 years by my bosses. NO WAY. I already knew what these types of creatures were all about. If I had the luxury to not be burdened with my bosses antics, no way would my EX have gotten away with the foreclosure, or my just lending him money without my checking facts. I didn’t have the time nor the energy to do regular checking of my life and details. I was exhausted every day for 6 years and had to let mundane things go … because my bosses overloaded me with new duties every week. I was overloaded … so to not collapse, I let go everything but the basics sit on a shelf. In hindsight, they knew exactly what they were doing. I still think my EX was a ringer for them. That’s why no one picks him up.
Bottom line, I couldn’t believe my luck that a guy understood this subject matter about anti-socials. We talked about my bosses and all their cronies and what they did to me daily. I’m shaking my head now. He must have thought (actually he did) hit the lottery with me. How convenient that psychos are destroying my career and my total focus was on them. Never thinking or having the time to look cross eyed at my EX. How convenient. I was such easy pickings for all of them. That’s why I’m appalled that the court doesn’t open up my case again and bring all the players that took me down. That includes the 2 attorneys I hired. They all protect each other. I’m sure my situation would bring down some pretty big fishes!
Good night … or should I say good morning. I’m logging off now.
Peace.