LoveFraud reader buzzibee raises some important issues in a recent comment.
How does a tested and proven psychopath usually respond to being told “You have a mental disorder. You are characteristically a psychopath”?
Are [they] so arrogant to dispute a medical diagnosis that they have a mental disorder? Do they display any desire to learn more about the disorder and at any point admit to it?
In order to be diagnosed as a psychopath, a person needs a score of 30 out of a possible 40 on the Psychotherapy Checklist-Revised test (PCL-R). This is a very time-consuming test which only trained personnel can administer, so by and large only prisoners and research subjects are likely to have it.
Psychopaths don’t see themselves as having a problem and so wouldn’t present themselves for testing anyway. Unless they thought they might benefit from the diagnosis in some way. So that’s point number one: psychopaths are unlikely to receive the diagnosis unless they are incarcerated, and probably not even then.
Point number two is that those who do get the diagnosis respond like psychopaths; in other words they use it as yet another tool to manipulate others. Here’s a quote from a December, 13 ‘Nature’ article on research scanning the brains of psychopaths in order to better understand empathy:
All the subjects seem to find the experiment to be nonsense. “It was stupid, boring,” says inmate Willem Boerema (not his real name), who claims to have taken part only because he likes Meffert [the young female researcher]. Then, contradicting himself, he adds that “if they say the study can help people then it’s good”.
Boerema, smart, articulate and multilingual, has a PCL-R rating of 35 and a big problem with the term ‘psychopath’. He views it as a fashionable label abused by the judicial system to keep people like himself from being released. “The courts look at your PCL-R rating and add two years to your sentence, then another two years, and then another.”
When he entered the prison five years ago, Boerema says, ‘borderline personality’ was the fashionable term, and his designated pigeon-hole. “The psychopathy label is more damaging though it prompts everyone to see you as a potential serial killer, which I could never be.” (Note, in reporting this article it was agreed that inmates’ crimes would be neither asked about nor reported on.) But Boerema also wears the score as a badge of honour: “I think my high psychopath score is a talent, not a sickness I can make good strong decisions, and it’s good to have some distance with people.”
I’m reminded of Freud’s comments on the following “piece of sophistry”:
A. borrowed a copper kettle from B. and after he had returned it was sued by B. because the kettle now had a big hole in it which made it unusable. His defence was: “First, I never borrowed a kettle from B. at all; secondly, the kettle had a hole in it already when I got it from him; and thirdly, I gave him back the kettle undamaged”….We might…say: “A. has put an ‘and’ where only “either-or” is possible.”
‘Boerema’s litany is classic. It’s ‘nonsense’, ‘stupid’, ‘boring’. I’m going along because I like the doctor, I want to help people. It’s ‘fashionable’, ‘damaging’, labeling, used as an excuse to keep him in prison. It’s a badge of honour, a talent. It’s not a sickness… In short, there is no such thing as psychopathy, but to the extent that it’s true, it’s a good thing.
Just two other uses to which the diagnosis might be put are: as a threat, and to elicit pity.
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There’s never anything wrong with the psychopath. This is perhaps the main reason why therapy doesn’t work with them – they have no motivation to change. But that’s a topic for another day!
jules: on my emotional side, I agree with you. Its kind of hard to hear Secret Monster say it like he thinks it. It brings up some pain that you are trying to avoid. But on the otherhand, it actually seems to be somewhat good, in the fact that in this Grand search for understand what your Sociopath could have been thinking… Secret Monster gives a little insight. It certainly isnt more acceptable, but it at least makes you see exactly what you are working with when you consider talking to your Sociopath again or at worst, going back to him again. I read this site every night for awhile just to remind myself of what I’m supposed to be doing – and that is moving forward – away from HIM. And Secret Monster reinforces that journey.
Dodged_A_Bullet – from what my counselor told me, most Sociopaths do not realize anything they are doing is wrong or unacceptable. Their thinking about how they act is as “normal” to them as how we think we act. She said dont even try to explain their ways to them as it will only make more frustration for you.
It seems like a constant effort to self-talk yourself away from missing the good parts or giving in to the persuasive manipulation. I feel lucky at the moment – as mine is ignoring me since our recent breakup. This is the stage where he tries to make me miss him… so I’ll be more vulnerable to his little ways to try and get me back later. I’m gaining more strength each day to just say no!
Secret Monster – do you have children? Just curious if you have a healthy relationship with them. Maybe you might not know…. but if they dont like to see you or spend time around you – I’d wonder if you wondered why? Do you dabble in criminal or unlawful things? Money problems, gambling, excess drinking, etc? Only asking as I’ve seen alot of that in my own experience with my Guy and it just seems like so many self created “issues” to deal with because of it
findingmyself- One, wanted to thank you for commenting back to me. You really hit home….with the drive bys and crazy calls, obsessed thinking. And saying not to do it because that is what he wants. Second, as far as the Monsterguy, dont think he has kids and readin other stuff dont think he wants them. Think he is lookin for a way out of his marriage for new long distant victim he is hooked on.
I am still struggling but this site is helping, Im gonna stay. Thanx
Jules & Dodge- I agree with Findmyself, really Monster gives insight with his honesty LOL. No pun intended The sociopath is master at manipulation of others and the truth itself. They twist it in their own minds to believe what they think is truth or the right way. All is justified in their minds. We all do at times BUT not at the unempathetic, “sick” way they do.
TO ALL: One final comment before I go, think about it—what I feel:
I BEGAN TO SMELL LIKE GARBAGE BECAUSE I WAS TREATED LIKE TRASH!!! LETS ALL STAY AWAY FROM THE DUMP!!! Goodnight
Jules: Do not feel sorry for me, I’m not “trying to fit in and be normal”, you’ve got it backwards.
How would I like to be cheated on? Personally, I like it. It adds an interesting twist to things. I get to play the kicked puppy and have all sorts of fun with it. Does it bother me? No. It may be a hit to the ego and make me wonder why she strayed in the first place, but it certainly doesn’t make me sad or upset. I get to be the big actor, feigning anger and hurt, it’s fun. Drama-queen!
And honestly, I think maybe my insensitivity probably helps more than it hurts, because that’s what I really think. And it’s these sorts of things that your “perfect man” probably thinks too. As I said before, at worst I’m just some blow hard yammering senselessly and can be ignored, at best, I give a little window into the mind of someone who doesn’t think or feel like you. Some of the others have said this helps them move on. Again, like I’ve said before – go ahead, be mad at me. Have a go at me. You’re not going to hurt my feelings and maybe it’ll do you some good. If I take offense to something, it’s because I want to, not because I really am offended. It’s an act. I’d use it to gain sympathy and rally people on my side.
The other thing, as Dr. Leedom assured me, if I become a disruptive or harmful force, I won’t be allowed here.
findingmyselfagain: As change06 said, no kids and no intention to have kids. Kids = complications. My last mistress had two kids. They were a lot of fun, to be honest! Which weirded me out. They got really attached to me and accepted me very quickly, which is one of the reasons I ended things with her the way that I did. Interesting… I just had a very strange thought. I need to think about this more.
Dabble in unlawful things? Yes, I suppose. Not nearly as much as when I was younger, mind you. Nothing big time or anything. Being locked in a box once was enough. I don’t have money problems, and find gambling to be one of the biggest cons of them all. I can be good at poker when I have the patience but that’s rare… I do like my wine, but I live in a dry country so to make stores last, we take it easy.
I try not to create complications, but intrigues. Maybe it’s my little bit of self awareness that allows me to do this, and not blow up spectacularly like the rest of the dipshits. I’m not really sure where the difference is. I’m not RICH but I live comfortably and my wife doesn’t work. I’m your average business man. Nothing notable or special. I could be your neighbor, who you like.
What’s that old saying? “Friends help friends move, but I’d help my friends move bodies.” Or something like that. I had a friend tell me once (paraphrasing of course) “It’s handy to have a guy around who has apparently traded his moral compass in for a toaster.” I thought that was pretty funny.
I never did get a toaster :(.
SecretMonster
ok monster i see your points. i just think it was you talking or writing i should say about your intrigues whatever they are i think your intrigues probably hurt the people involved ie your wife and the other ladies i am guessing here cause im not sure what you mean by intrigues. that just doesnt sit well with me an maybe others on here who have been part of some other s opaths intrigues. also if your not trying to fit into society why do you keep talking about your acting what are you acting for if you dont want people to accept you. maybe you should stop the acting and part playing and just let them all know you, if you really dont care what any one else thinks. and you didnt say what you want to get out of this site if you dont mind telling me. id love to know. your actualy a bit funny at least you make me laugh. but i a m glad im not part of one of your intrigues, i will never be part of any ones cruel games again, not if i can help it. cheers drama queen.
I find SecretMonster’s posts very informative. I have been ghosting this place for a while, as I am sure SecretMonster has been aware. I’ve been enjoying all his “advice” and commentary for various posters questions and comments. I can entirely relate too what he is saying because I too am like him. I of course have my own specific style about myself because we are all different but I see we are basically the same. All my ex-girlfriends think of me as the one who got away, their ideal mate. I have developed an ability to disguise myself because I have a need to not be discovered, I use the internet as my only place of honesty (as honest as I can be). I don’t now why I am posting this, probably one of my weak moments where I have been drinking and wish to gloat. I do not mean to step on SecretMonsters territory, I know how irritating that can be so this is likely one of my rare posts to this forum. I can respect a fellow master of our arts.
Cheers
My guess is that part of Secret Monsters gain by being on here is learning how WE think. Granted we are learning how he thinks, but he studies situations and people for survival. Its the only way to keep playing the game, is to get better and better at what he does and that is to wear masks. If he knows what we women are thinking – the deepest thoughts that we are comfortable to spill here, then he knows better how to act and react to his women in order to counteract their fears and intuitions about him.
Mr. Green – heck the more Sociopaths the merrier. I’m sure you have useful insight into this world of women trying to figure out what stepped on them so hard. How do you think you can say you are “the one that got away”. As a sociopath supposedly you dont even know when you’ve wronged someone anyway. Of course you would walk away from each, thinking you are still omnipotent.
The more sociopaths the merrier-maybe…As long as they are just bloggin online and not in our hearts and minds. I would prefer to keep them to a minimum, dont want them to fill the pages were we as victims need the support. Yes, the insight is good but as I am learning insight of myself will bring me to the next level of healing. It is a hard long road but at least I am on it. Half the time I think Secret Monster is just laughing at us anyway. Im sure it gives him some gradification hearing the stories of like people mowing through our lives. He has his own website brokeninme and I wonder if his wife knows about it. But it is Probably just one of his many secrets from her.