If we have recovered enough from past mass killings and felt safe once more, here we are again. An even more heinous massacre, families and a community destroyed for years, even generations to come. Sweet innocent children shot down in a bloody horror, and the adults who tried to protect them. Families who may never recover fully from the devastation of trauma and loss. Generations in Newtown to come that will resonate with it. A community that will perhaps never experience the magic of Christmas again. The children left who now have gone from a safe secure existence to a reality in which terrifying things are not in a distant fairy tale, they are real in whose forming brains are now wired with the moment in which their lives were about to end, and witnessed others’ lives that did end, and the guilt of survival. A nation feeling increasingly that we are never really safe. All of this created in a few short minutes by one disturbed young man.
Notice how the media are looking for “reasons” why Adam Lanza would commit such a horrific act. Was it that there were guns in the house? Did he play too many violent video games? Is he mentally ill? Was he abused or neglected? Some are pointing to gun laws and the mental illness system as faulty, or to the “violence of our culture,” meaning movies and video games desensitizing children to violence. But let’s be honest: you or I or anyone with a conscience can watch violent movies or play violent video games every day for years on end and still never have it in us to harm another person. Indeed, we witness much worse violence on a daily basis in the news much worse because it is real and this does not make us want to go out and kill someone. In the military, in preparing young people to go to war, they deliberately desensitize them to violence. Does this prevent them from experiencing the horror of killing someone in actual experience? Not for anyone with a conscience! They still come back with PTSD and are haunted their whole lives from it.
Perhaps, yes, there should be a heightening of background checks for those who purchase guns, including checking registries for psychiatric wards, and the types of guns available. And, yes, I agree that we have to stop with the worries about family privacy and start screening early on in schools for signs of potential future violence in children, in the hopes of intervening in those children’s lives to prevent future violence.
Make no mistake about it, the mental health system is severely lacking in this country. I worked for years as a supervisor in homes for the chronic mentally ill, then in an outpatient program for those with dual diagnosis, i.e., an addiction and a mental illness. We do not have enough resources and housing for the mentally ill, nor help for families dealing with it. But statistics show that many more mentally ill people kill themselves than in the normal population, while violence is less prevalent among the mentally ill, contrary to myths claiming the opposite. A violent psychotic person is actually a rare thing. Someone who commits violence while in a psychotic break from reality, such as Son of Sam, is quite rare. Also, those with autism or Aspberger’s syndrome, which it is rumored the perpetrator may have had, are not known for violence. While those disorders do have the characteristic, to different degrees, of decreased social skills and connection because of the way their brains are formed, and they do tend to have “meltdowns’ from their nervous system sensitivity, they rarely harm anyone.
Let’s look at the statistics for people who are abused. Probability would suggest that the majority of you reading this have had some form of abuse in your past. The majority of clients I interview have. The statistics for sexual abuse alone are about 1 in 3 or 4 for girls, and about half of that for boys. Then there are the other forms of abuse: ongoing verbal or physical abuse by parents, siblings or others, parental neglect, bullying, the abuse of one parent by another, neighborhood violence — all forms of abuse or trauma. Then there are other factors that can cause vulnerabilities in coping, such as the divorce or death of parents, a mental illness, an autism spectrum disorder, a learning disability causing school failure, the lack of support. But, if I asked a roomful of people if they have experienced one or more of these things, most would raise their hands. How many of those people would go out and harm, never mind kill, someone?
All of the questions the media are asking appear to be confusion and the unfathomability of trying to wrap their minds around such an unspeakable act. My intention here is not to judge Adam Lanza, or the circumstances that may have contributed to his trigger to plan a massacre. But those who have experienced harm of varying degrees by a socio/psychopath (i.e. someone without a conscience) know this for sure: In spite of any “reasons” or precipitating factors that may contribute, the socio/psychopaths’ method to feel good with themselves (i.e. to avoid their pain) at the expense of another person is a choice in destruction.
It comes down to this: Adam Lanza made an evil choice. Once the sick seed was planted and grew in his mind of how he could glorify himself by feeling all-powerful over human life, releasing his rage, and going down in history as committing one of the most notoriously heinous crimes in our nation, apparently nothing was going to stop him. And the rest of us have to live with the fallout of his vile choice forever.
Mary Ann, I totally agree with your take on this….and I sit here shaking my head in disbelief still….
I think it is human nature to want to “blame” something so we can feel more safe. Blame guns that will wipe out crime if we get rid of guns. What about the man in China where guns are rare and he STABBED 22 kids to death? WhYoat about Switzerland where every family is armed militia and has a state issued gun and ammunition in the home and has almost no gun crime?
Sorry about the typos above, it wouldn’t let me edit them out for some reason.
Our mental health system in this country (and I think in most countries) is taking poor care of our mentally ill, and our system totally ignores the personality disordered except in the criminal system by arresting, releasing and rearresting them over and over.
It will only be by keeping these chronically violent inmates (personality disordered) in prison where they cannot father or birth more children or harm others that we can reduce the violence in our society, in my humble opinion.
This morning on the news, I saw a principal of a school in Texas telling parents through the media “If a gunman comes into our school, your child will be coming home and the gunman will be dead. My staff carries concealed weapons”. It was kind of strange but I believe part of the problem is I see schools as reasonable. People in this profession are supposed to problem solve and resolve conflict so the thought of them shooting to kill and not second guessing if this can be worked out, it just seems odd.
With that said, I bet his student #’s go up at his school. As a parent I want my child to have the best chance of survival.
I’m just not sure about “glory” as a motive. I still await for more information to be released. Everything I have seen about this so far does not make sense. I don’t mean that “violence” has to make sense. but the portrait I have seen so far of this boy, this family, nothing is adding up as far as a motive goes.
I agree with you, Oxy, that it is a great temptation to be able to find something or someone to blame (like America having too many guns). Then the solution seems simple: get rid of the guns.
How about that rampage in Norway, where nearly 100 unarmed people got killed by a lone gunman? And yeah, Switzerland.
I am hoping that some facts come to light in this case, so that everything adds up and we can get a better view into the mind of the perpetrator who killed the children and adults. I hope the explanation makes sense.
In China where there is NO ACCESS TO FIRE ARMS, a “crazy” man stabbed 22 little kids to death in a school.
Guns are not the problem–people are the problem and ever since Cain killed Able there have been murders.
Cain didn’t have a problem with guns, he used a rock or a stick or his fists, and he didn’t have peer pressure or A Twinkie defense….he was jealous of his brother and killed him. A PEOPLE PROBLEM.
Cain, I think, if you read the story sounds like a psychopath who was only worried that the banning would be too harsh for his crime and that someone would kill him for what he had done. NO remorse there that I can see.
Look back through History and you will see people have murdered people throughout time. There was a serial killer in Chicago who killed 200+ people he lured to his hotel of death during the Chicago world’s fair in the late 1800s, can’t remember his name right now….CRS. He gassed them in specially built rooms then dismembered their bodies, and sold the skeletons to medical schools.
The MEDIA today flashes news stories across the globe in SECONDS where years ago people got very little “news” about such things, so today we are BOMBARDED with “new” about all kinds of horrible things.
Information over load is a problem just as much as knowing too little.
Parallels to psychopathy….
looking to ban guns is like the traps we get ourselves into when dealing with a psychopath. “If only I do this (walking on eggshell thing)… things will get better.”
it is magical thinking.
And it is a distraction from the real problem, which is that psychopaths exist in the first place, and that they are in our midst, and wish to (and will) do us harm.
They succeed because we don’t believe they exist, or don’t want to believe they exist, and come up with magical solutions, like “teach everyone empathy” and that will fix all bullies. yeah, right.
Taking the guns away is not going to solve the psychopath problem. In fact, I think it could make it worse.
And I’m not actually a pro-gun person. I’m not anti-gun, either (obviously).
But this outcry for gun bans (IMO) is not going to prevent occurrences of this type.
Anyway, it’s tough. In this troubling case, the more that comes to light, the less a motive or any evidence of any red flags in this young man’s life is appearing. Any evidence of a personality disorder? I will be interested as it continues to unfold. (if he was interested in glory, why did he apparently smash his computer’s hard drive? if he was interested in some kind of thrill from killing, why did he stop “prematurely” and turn the gun on himself before police arrived? why not just keep going?).
I believe Adam was psychopathic or at least had ODD. This is based on his choice of victims, his mother (they all hate their mothers) and infants.
A spaths motivation is usually control. They need to feel powerful and in control. They rebel against authority and being controlled.
Recently, Kim Frederick’s posted about her professor’s book, a book about infanticide, the murder of babies. I read some of it online, mostly the intro and the beginning.
In the book, the author differentiates between infanticide and infanticidal. It’s pretty complicated, but interesting. Kim asked me if the movie, The Hunger Games had anything related to infanticide in it. Yes, children died, but in one scene, the heroine says, “I’ll never have children.” That is an infanticidal choice. She chose to prevent the existence of future children.
Kim’s professor wrote that every choice we make precludes other choices and so we are infanticidal even when we choose to have a child because that precludes a different child being born. We choose to feed our own children and not the children of someone else. According to him that is infanticidal.
I don’t think Adam was thinking about it in this way, but at some level, I think he knew that infanticide was about taking other people’s choices away from them. They had made an investment of love and resources into their children. This is what they valued most. Adam was taking the parents’ power to choose their future, away from them.
I think he felt powerless and felt that he didn’t have a future and so he decided to take that power and that future away from others too.
My ex-spath once said something which perplexed me at the time: “Imagine if I went back in time with automatic weapons. Imagine the power I would have.” Well he has automatic weapons (though I took all his bullets, lol) so why would he have to go back in time to “have power”? Because that would insure that the people he was up against would be as powerless as babies. But then again, why go back in time? So he could have power over the future?
I just read an article (not sure if true or not) that said he had a dx of Asperger’s and that his mom had posted on FB that she intended to move and put him in a college instead of “home school” him.
“HOME SCHOOL” A 20 YR OLD? What is wrong with that picture?
Said mom had a half sister she only learned about recently, dad had the child, then deserted it and moved off and remarried and had Adam’s mom. She wanted to meet this sister and had had some interaction with her (phone?) and was talking on FB about the “lies” that people told and lived.
So there are some “secrets” about the family that no one knows all the details about. What genetics?
People with Aspergers or other autistic type problems are not usually violent. But….just cause you have one diagnosis doesn’t mean you can’t have another one at the same time. Or just because you have one diagnosis doesn’t mean that diagnosis is RIGHT.
He obviously had some problems though and his mom was dealing with them as well as she could…rightly or wrongly. The same way I did with my son….wrongly….for me, for him and for society. Only difference in my son and hers is mine only killed ONE person and hers killed more. Only difference in me and her is that mine didn’t kill me (though he tried) God rest her soul.
I’m with 20years.
We don’t know enough. All we have is what has been reported. Adam found with a gun by him and they say the gun matches. So it looks like he did it. Looking like he did it is not same as knowing that he did it. Cops get it wrong all the time. Media get’s it wrong all the time too. They both get it wrong for a verity of reasons. All one can do is decide if they trust what they are being told. Cause we’ll never know.
Screening in schools. How many here would have passed? How well will the judges do? They are the same one’s that believe the spath over their victims. Then parents will have a new worry. Will the kid be having a bad day when the Screener comes?
spoon
Oxy:
I read an article in my newspaper and online that said the mother did not talk about her home life. She would go out to bars and socialize and from everything I have read, people seemed to like her. But it said she kept her homelife close to her chest. She didn’t reveal much. It seems that she controlled Adam a lot. The people who cut his hair said he would never say a word and wouldn’t even look at them and he would only move or do what his mother told him. Sounds like with his disorder (whatever it was) he had to be told what to do or he probably wouldn’t function, but maybe he got tired of the absolute control and just snapped? I kind of go along with what skylar said only I take a bit different approach. I think in his mentally ill mind that perhaps he killed the children because he thought he would keep them from suffering the way he has suffered. I think it came out that his mom had no ties with the school. Initially it said she was a teacher, then a substitute, then a volunteer and eventually she wasn’t tied there at all. So he had no reason to go to the school other than there was a specific reason he targeted “children” and in my thinking, I came up with his twisted thinking that he was saving them. It’s funny because my best friend said the exact same thing to me before I had a chance to share with her what I was thinking.
I am not sure how having more security at schools will help really. If it’s true what I heard, he broke a window to break into the school. So all windows in school would have to be bulletproof and break proof??
I am really not in favor of gun control. I believe we all should have the right to own one to protect ourselves, but I do believe automatic assault weapons should be banned. There is NO need for that type of weapon unless you are at war. A handgun is suffice. If someone breaks into my home and I need to protect myself, if I shoot them with a handgun, it will either kill them or at least hurt them enough so that they don’t hurt me. After saying all that, I don’t even own a gun! I have been saying for years I want to get one as I have lived alone a long, long time. But I just never got around to getting one. Here’s a question…if strict gun control was ever implemented, how would they get guns out of the hands who already have them? Plus, they would have to change the constitution. So overwhelming…I just want to curl up in a ball and go to bed. 🙁