The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
Amber:
EMPOWERMENT!
We can’t control what others say or do……BUT WE SURE CAN BE IN CONTROL OF WHAT WE COME UP WITH!
Kudos to YOU!!!!
You told him, Amber. Good for you!
I’ve experienced the same shock factor more than a few times in the last couple of years while chillin in a local bar, just minding my own business, sipping a glass of wine and observing the people parade.
I’m serious when I say that on more than one occasion, some…dude( that I wasn’t even talking to) would flat out ask me to go home with him. No…”how do you do?” or “what’s your name?” or “Do you like donuts?” Just…”Wanna come home with me?’
NO! I do not want to go home with you! Not now or ever, get it buster?! I’ve said that. Honest.
The last time a dude asked me that rude, disgusting question, I calmly responded…”you’re too old and even if you were younger, the answer would still be HELL NO!”
Seriously, so many oblivious, incredibly stupid males abound that where once I was totally speechless with their presumptive nonsense now, I let fire away my annoyance. Why not? Good practice, I say.
btw–not referring to real men above. Not the good, decent, honorable fellas who are hiding from me…haha. Just the rotton to core ones. The bad apples.
JaneSmith:
You hot sexy young thang!
I am appalled at the gaul….I’m glad you and Amber have the balls and self esteem to shut them down…..
In these situations it would be fun to play along for a bit….huh…..and clip a closepin on their wandering penis for a souvenier!
Not suggested….just a ‘fantasy’!
Thanks Eb, Justabout, and JaneSmith…seriously I can’t believe what some men will say and do sometimes! Like really?? Tthat’s supposed to get me to take you home and rip my clothes off??? Not so much. Hey, if they can be that rude and blunt…then so can I! I’m over being the polite lady that would normally giggle and be nice. SCREW THAT!!! LOL!!
Yeah, Amber! We super strong, intelligent, classy dames are fed up with the nonsense and we’re not taking it any more!
Ya here that, duders? Out there in cyber space…somewhere?
I tore up my Always-Nice-Gal club membership card a couple of years ago and haven’t regretted it ever since!
Of course, I will always be my sunny, considerate self to those who deserve it. Just not to the fools, clowns and jokers who bother me. Pfft! Away with you, peasant dude!…haha.
(You got all us women riled up here with righteous indignation, Amber…*high five*)
LOL!!! Ya!!! You hear that duders?!?!?!?! We’re not taking NO SHIT FROM NOBODY!!! HAHAHA! Love it! high five right back!!
Janie~! I always lite up when I see you here. You seem to be doing well and I am happy to see that. I think of you often and will always remember your strong encouraging post. I remember when you and I both were not at this place we are now. Continue with your inspiration and wit,,,,henry p.s. so he said ‘Wana come home with me?” well he had a “home”~~!! most guys in bars ask me “Do you have a place?”
Erin,
Oh, my darling, how sweet yet incorrect you are with your description of me. I’ll keep the hot and sexy though, if that’s ok?
I promise you folks, PROMISE that I am no way a vain, shallow, vacuous female. Uh-uh. I’ve been striving to pulverize my blasted ego to bits for awhile now because it causes nothing but trouble! Meaning that I have become immune to glib flattery, attention from the opposite sex.
Their opinions of me mean diddly squat. I not only like myself but I love myself as well, though I will never be IN love with me. So creepy.
The thing is, I inherited a youth gene from both sides of the family. I show people my id in stores, bars, clubs and the first thing out of their mouth is…”NO WAY! This is a fake.”
Why would I lie and make my age so…ahem…up there? In the higher digits?
Anyway, I’ve looked at this face and body for so many years that I just see that same old face and body. Ya know?
I’m so much more interested in character, depth, goodness that a person’s physical appearance is irrelevant.
Some of the most beautiful people I have known would have been shunned by the superficial for not meeting so-called “classical standards.”
Let em! Who cares?! I get the pleasure of their awesome company all to myself…haha.
JaneSmith:
Actually, I do have a friend who lies about his age. He is a very handsome 50 year old. When people ask him how old he is he says 62. He then gets the inevitable “OMG you don’t look a day over 42.” I told him he is pathetic (he knows where I am coming from), but it really does crack me up.
Henry sweetheart!
I haven’t missed you ’cause I read your posts all the time! I do, I really do!
And I even read them more than once, ain’t that cool? It’s like the Adorable Henry in triple time! Woot!
I laughed at your pathetic dude pick up line. With glee but a little sadness also because you are such an incredible man and deserve so much more than that shallow, stupid crap.
Here, here! We all do!
**HUGGLES**