The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
Haha…Matt! So funny and clever your friend is. (Yoda speak–I’m a nerd)
But I think If I told people I was 10 years or older than my actual age, they would roll their eyes in humor and disbelief.
It’s a burden sometimes being so honest and truthful…;P
On the subject of age. It really turns my stomach when I read some of the profiles on dating sites, when some guy says ‘ I am 40 but I look and act younger’ or my BIG turn off is for a gay man to say he is “straight acting” I am so through with actor’s. I am 55 and look every bit of it and it’s no ACT~!
Henry and Jane
I read those profiles and wonder why it is that men think it’s a medal of honor to look and ACT younger……
That would be NOTHING I would think was great!
I want someone who is mature and enjoys who they are and at whatever age they are!
I would never post ‘my friends say I look and act younger’….damn….I might be impressed if the man was 90!
Straight acting…..HAHA….what’s up with that?
Dr Leedom, As someone who is married too, and been with a great man fo 5 yrs that WAS married to a sociopath, you only speak the truth. She has reaked permanent havek on their children and continues to attempt to destroy every life she touches. Being the one person who can anticipate 95% of the time what her next desperate, evil move will be, I have become enemy numero uno! She hates my husband, but she loathes me. I have had to learn to stop her anyway I could so that we can merely survive. What she is continuously doing to these two poor children by using them as pawns 100% of the time is not only unthinkable to a mother like myself but horrifying. There are so many victims here…but yet she has everyone form her church group to the courts convinced she is the true victim here. It has cost me and us everything financially and emotionally, and we have at least 8 more years of it. My advice to anyone who gets involved or falls in love with a person that was married to a sociopath is you had better be strong, quick, educated, determined, understanding, and the perserverance to survive with this loved one has to be a unit effort. It takes one hell of a person to get out of a sociopathic relationship, but it takes just as strong of a person to be married too or in love with the person who escaped! God Bless all of us who suffer this wrath one way or another. BethV
hey Erin – straight acting gay men are dysfunctional – I prefer men that are manly or masculine in nature – but that is only my preference – just don’t act at being something or someone your not – especially don’t act like you love me or like me – Don’t kill me with your act at loving me PLEASE~! I guess I will never get over that. Makes me have to look at myself – like damn henry – are you that desperate for love? that vulnerable, yes I was – yep oh well life goes on…dang I dont like all this friction going on here on this site.. I have to find some place to blog, I really like blogging – LF was my first blogging experience – I had heard about blogging but didnt get it, When I came here I wasnt just wanting to blog I was wanting to survive..guess there are other blog sites – it sure is hard to leave here tho – this is my family here – were else will anyone understand what a sociopath did too me? I just want to hug everybody here..sorry for the rambling…
Well, whatever you do, henry, don’t blog on the reptile site (not that you would. lol). There’s worse drama going on over there right now. I wonder if there’s a full moon. In my limited experience with forums, this happens from time to time on all of them. I sometimes need to take a break from the forums. Truthfully, I tend not to take stuff too personally here (at least I haven’t so far), but I get really upset by some of the stuff that goes on at the reptile forum. I think it’s because it was my first forum and my first internet “home”. There are so many wierd people over there (I supposed I should include myself in that depiction), but there is something about reptile people. I don’t know what it is, but it’s like this bond we all share. Just like on here we all share a bond through the more humanoid type of reptile.
Just in case I ever start thinking I can just walk away from the forums with no repercussions, I realize how much I’d miss certain people, like you, henry. I’d miss you if I never saw you posting again.
I don’t know if it’s good or bad for me to be on the forums so much. I do have a life and wish I had more of one. Most of the things I want and need to blog about are not sociopath-related. I just like to chat about things happening in my day-to-day life.
hey star – nope you won’t find me on your reptile website – I think I told you about the two huge 35′ long black chicken snakes in my chicken house – that was a nite I will never forget. I wish this website had a thread called “rant and raves’ or “just chat” that way we wouldnt step all over someones article or interupt supporting someone in dire need of help.. Like you I have grown fond of some of the people here and would like to chat about other things, or ramble on about nothing in particular, like we sometimes do on saturday nites when the moon if full.
BTW, I want a man who looks and acts younger because he IS younger. LOL I’m just kidding really. I think my cougar phase (aka midlife crisis) is coming to an end.
The thing about this forum is that even when people are arguing, they are still polite. On my other forum, people insult each other, call each other ignorant, and spew a lot of words that get bleeped out. People get banned, and infractions are handed out. This is like the garden of eden compared to over there.
– I think with a young mind.. to be honest SURE I would like a 30 something guy to fall in love with – but I am too insecure – he would leave me when I couldnt get it up anymore, or couldnt keep up with his energy.. If I could be sure they would never leave me..so in other words if someone truly truly loved us for ever and ever amen – I would consider it…but so far that has not happened