The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
Oh man…this is sooooooo LAME!!!! I know I really don’t have another choice…it’s just a crappy situation…I get home from school, and am faced with reporting my car stolen and potentially putting my dad’s friend’s kid in jail!!! Man I thought the hardest decision I would have to make tonight was chicken or fish for dinner….Nope not quite!!! This was not my fault, and learning from experience, being the nice person and giving someone the benefit of the doubt..or giving them a CHANCE to do something right….Well, that’s ALWAYS come back to bite ME in the ass! I called my dad back and posed the same questions..”What if he’s sold it? What if it’s in Mexico? What if he strips it for parts to buy drugs?” It’s a crappy old Nissan Altima for christ sake!! And let’s face it..if the kid was crazy enough to steal it, then why wouldn’t it be stipped or in Mexico by now?!?! So I can’t worry about putting this kid’s ass in jail. YOU STEAL A CAR….YOU BREAK THE LAW…. YOU BREAK THE LAW…. YOU GO TO JAIL PUNK ASS!!! AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! I’m sooo annoyed that I even have to deal with this!!! I’m having S flashbacks…man I am a S magnet…they’re even stealing my damn car now!!! LOL!!! Thanks Sky for the respose.
Sometimes…I am the wax. Sometimes…I’ve been a brick. Most of the time…I have been a reed; plyable, flexible, willing to bounce back after the storm has bent me over. Never bitter enough to be brittle, and therefore break. Roll with the punches, ebb with the flow. Anger empowers me, though I seem not quite enough anger, as it has been tempered over the years. Bitterness inslaves me… I gave that up for lint one year, and just kept walking. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. It does me no earthly good. So, I bend in the storms of life. The sun will shine again; I’m old enough to believe this, now. And, even though the sun is shining, I’m also old enough to realize another storm is on the horizon. So, live the moment at hand. Enjoy it. Embrace it. For it, too, shall pass.
Peace to all who travel here.
Amber,
That is bad news about your car.
I think it is to bad that you have to wait until Thursday though to report it. Sounds like his father has had bad experience before with this kid. Because he is automaticaly enabeling him by asking for the “grace period” to find the car before you report it missing.
This grace period is covering his kids butt, if he can find the car but leaving yours WIDE OPEN.
I would consider reporting it today. Because of the “what ifs”??? You need it covered by your insurance. and the only way to do that is to report it.
The other thing is that if this is the kids worst offense to date, you might be also saving this kids ass by him having to face up to the consequence of his actions rather than his family covering them up. Especially if that is what has been happening in the past when he is in trouble.
If he is young enough being in trouble with the law might knock some sense into him. If he has been down this road already than it won’t make much of a difference. BUT either way that isn’t your problem and his dad is kind of putting you in a position by not being able to report your car stolen.
Isabell:
Such a beautiful passage (post doesn’t get it!) you wrote – thank you!
Amber – hope car thing gets resolved quickly for you, I just asked to see
if I could get my timing belt replaced (am overdue and know I better do
it now) and pay in two installments and my longtime mechanic agreed – helps so much. Whatever you can do to enlist help from good friends, do it! And God does work in strange ways sometimes…throws us a curve ball when we least expect it. Good luck!
Thank you, Persphone.
Amber, REPORT IT!!! Doing so IS the responsible thing to do for yourself…AND, the kid. Though I know exactly the pickle you are in. How is it when someone violates you, that you feel guilty for protecting yourself? I call this stinkin thinkin. I suffer with it as well. I do believe it is a symptom of having been violated and gaslighted, and lied to, and projected upon (slimed) for so long, we get confused about what is right, and wrong.
Your dad, should be 100% supportive of you; not his friend. If he isn’t….then beware; he’s not looking out for your best interest, but his own in relationship to pleasing (making appearences) for his friend at YOUR EXPENSE. Can you really afford to maintain your dad’s appearence with his friend?
Do the right thing!
Blessings to you…
Well…I’m off to WORK… New job today. YIKES!!!! All prayers and well wishes, and mojo will be joyfully recieved!!! ::grins::
Isabell – Thanks for that nice ‘passage’ to start the day with – with age comes wisdom. AMBER – This kid violated you, he is a BAD person, do the right thing and report it stolen, friend of a friend or not, if you let it slide I will boink you with thy slillet.
Amber:
I had just enough time to really read through about the car just now – I think Witsend and others make good point – in long run, you may do this
kid a service by reporting it – and sooner then later! He did the deed and
you shouldn’t have to bear the consequences.
The (enabling?) dad may get pithed at you, but I would call the cops THIS INSTANT. There is NO benefit in you “walking on egg shells” the kid is the one that did the bad deed, and YOU are the one paying the consequences, wondering whether to call the cops or not.
Why are YOU obligated to NOT report your car stolen just because it is “HIS KID?”
Think about it—-he is asking you to RISK YOUR TOTAL FINANCIAL STABILITY FOR HIS KID’S BAD BEHAVIOR.
What is FAIR or GOOD about this situation. CALL THE COPS!
You know, the more I think about the car situation the more it pithes me off.
This FOG–fear, obligation and guilt trip that this “friend” is laying on YOU to protect his kid from stealing is what so many Ps families do for them to cover up their bad deeds at someone else’s fault.
They put the onus on the VICTIM (and in this case, that is YOU) to cover up and take the consequences for someone else. All the RISK is YOURS all the benefit is THEIRS and you are made out to be the BAD GUY for calling the cops. UGH!!!!!!!! (that is the sound of me grinding my teeth! and it isn’t even my car!)
Thanks everyone! And you’ll all be gald to know that I reported it first thing this morning. Yeah, I need to cover my own ass. This kid doesn’t give a shit about me or my car, so sorry buddy, I’m doing what I need to do. Maybe a little time in jail will serve him right. HA! I feel bad for my dad’s friend, but it’s not my responsibility to cover his ass. Like I said, I’m learning to be more assertive and stand up for MYSELF! I tend to let people run all over me because I’m too nice.
I talked to my dad’s friend this morning to let him know that I reported it and I wans’t going to wait. He said he understood. Here’s the kicker, the kid’s got a car there! A nice little Honda. So I told his dad, well I’ll give you the pink slip to mine and you can give me the pink slip for his!! LOL!! Just a joke, but you know that my car is in pieces somewhere right now. The kid’s got a car and he stole mine….RIIIIIGGGHHHTTTT. I’ll never see mine again. Siighhh!! I’m just glad it was an old junker car and not a nice new BMW or something. I’d be besided myself right now.
Well, thanks again everyone for the support and advice. I really do appreciate it. I’ll keep you updated. 🙂