The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
amber
Good news everybody!!!! Apparently the little shit that stole my car had seconds thoughts after I reported it stolen. His dad sent him a text message telling him that I had reported it stolen and I guess that scared him. He agreed to drop my car off at his dad’s on the condition that he didn’t have to talk to anyone. So he dropped it off and split. Whatever…it’s already been reported that he stole it, so now he’s on the run, just making the trouble he’s already in worse, and his luck will catch up with him eventually. It’s not my problem anymore!!! But I have my car back!!! And luckily he didn’t strip it…in fact his dad felt so bad, that he bought me a set of new hubcaps cuz I was missing 2..and he completely detailed it and did WAY more work on it that I was going to have done because I couldn’t afford to!!! I’m just glad to have it back in one piece. Seriously though…what was this kid thinking???? That he was going to get away with this?? Did he not think that I would report it?? I was just going to be ok with him stealing my car??? What a moron.
What a day…LOL…ok well thanks everyone again for all the support and advice. Just thought I’d update you with the good news! YAY!! 🙂
Hecates path
Erin… what a WONDERFUL post! enjoy your proud mama moment – you’ve earned it and so much more through the school of hard knocks! ITA with your son -you’d be a wonderful “shrinky dink” as my friend calls our psychiatrists. Even if med/psychol school doesn’t sound good to you, you’d also be one hell of a therapist, too! At the same time, you don’t need a degree or certificate to continue doing/giving therapy sessions with those who need it! It is absolutely wonderful that your son values you as a source of help and support for his friends in need… and that he is reflecting the genuine goodness, kindness, and truthfulness, that you have instilled in him! Keep up the good work, Erin…you do us proud!
HP 🙂
Isabell
ERIN!!!!!!!!!
I’m covered from head to two with goosbumps… Wheeeewwww what a moment for you. Rejoice, for your dedicated efforts are paying off. I feel like doing a victory dance. What a monumental breakthrough… YOU ARE AN AWESOME MOM!!!! Bravo, my dear!… BRAVO!!!!
hens
god is great. beer is good. people are crazy.
super chic
EB, your son sounds fabulous! He is right, you do help a lot of people!!
ErinBrock
Thanks guys! It has given me much to think about!
Shrinky dink…..I love it!!!
This is the same kids that….not so far away…..would say….OH MOM…..Don’t go all therapist on me!
I appreciate all of your kind words….Thank you!
XXOO
EB
Isabell
Amber,
Great News! (though I was kinda hoping you’d end up with the kid’s cute little Honda for your trouble. ::grins::)
God works in mysterious ways. This kid needed a wake-up call, and you needed repairs done to your car. Go figure.
And, we all needed to be reminded when people do bad things to us, it is our obligation to do what is right, for ourselves, and not protect the preditor at our expense.
I didn’t report the physical abuse, the choking me until I nearly passed out, the bruises all over my back, and legs, the threats of being forced to live on the street, and worse against my life. It didn’t happen all the time, just more toward the end. He promised he would change. By the time I had enough, while he was in hand-cuffs, he lied through his teeth, and I was arrested (I was clearly, without a doubt, the one injured). What did I do? I went dead silent. A reflects from my earliest years. “If you tell anyone, much worse is going to happen to you.”
When we went to court and I pled not guilty… the threats came again, only this time, from him. “You are going to force your kids to testify against their own father?” The kids were the witnesses. They were so young. How could I do this to them? He cried, begged, made promises of sweeping change and enlightenment, and claimed if I didn’t plead gulty to one count of corporal punishment, it would be my fault our children’s lives would fall apart.
I didn’t do the right thing, for me. As noble as I believed my self sacrifice was, it was the worst mistake — EVER! Not only didn’t it protect my kids, I am still being haunted by it.
My daughter just read me pages from her journal that she had written on this fateful night. She was enraged at her father. She spelled out the abuse she witness her father inflict upon me. She spelled out her horror, watching me being put into a police car after what he had done to me, after she had to help me get up off the ground, where he had knocked me down. She wrote how she had never seen me do anything to striking back, or even try to defend myself.
Because I didn’t defend myself, legally. Because I didn’t report the abuse. Because I paid the price for his crime against me… I may lose this brand new job. In the new hire paperwork I filled out today, there was a concent form to be signed. They do extensive background checks: Criminal, credit, and DMV. Even though my charge was a mistermeanor, and has since been dismissed. It still shows up when doing a criminal background check, as dismissed. I am sick to my stomach.
After reading what my daughter was able to write in her journal back then, about what happened, my excuses for not reporting him, and then going silent when I had the chance, was not only at my expense, but at my kids expense, too.
Even if it feels unkind, scarry, or makes other’s uncomfortable, we have to tell the truth to the authorities, police, whomever, when we’ve been violated. PERIOD!!!!!!
Amber… I’m proud of you. You DID the RIGHT thing, for yourself.
Isabell
henry…
LMAOROLF.. YOU said it!…
hens
shrinky dink it’s good when someone listen’s too us – especially when we are speaking from the school of hard knocks – way to go MOM~!
amber
Thanks Isabell..I aprreciate it! And I was kinda hoping for the cute honda too!! LOL. But I can’t even complain compared to your story. You’re so strong for what you had to go through. I can’t even imagine..all I got was my crappy car stolen..and in the end it came back better than when i sent it to him. You’re right God does work in mysterious ways. I truly believe that. I’m glad that we have both been able to grow from our experiences and have learned to stick up for OURSELVES. I talked to a counselour today and that’s all I keep saying..is that it’s time to look out for ME. So I’m doing it little by little. Maybe this was God’s way of testing me to see if I would stick up for myself?!?!? And look..as soon as I did, I got my car back with new hubcaps!! LOL! I guess I’ll just pretend that’s what it was!! hehe.