The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
Amber, you don’t have to pretend. that was God speaking to you. You did the right thing, you called the cops. Do you ever wonder why he wanted you to wait til THURSDAY?
The sociopath doesn’t fall far from the tree. I know your dad is friends with this guy but if his kid is a P and he was going to ask you to risk you asset,… that doesn’t speak highly of him.
God has saved my sorry ass so many times. I can’t take credit for anything good that has happened to me, only the bad.
Sky..you’re totally right…I asked my dad the same thing…the kid was missing with my car since last week and his friend didn’t bother to call my dad and tell him anything!! My dad found out yesterday and called me after he found out!!! So he knew my car was stolen a week ago and didn’t bother to say a thing!!! You can guess that’s the last time he works on my car. And that’s my new phrase..lol..”the sociopath doesn’t fall far from the tree.” So true.
Amber I had a car stolen years ago. Was at a shopping mall and when I went out to find my car it was gone. I looked and looked thinking maybe I forgot where I parked. I remember feeling so violated. It was somewhat the same feeling the x P gave me when I realized what he was. Just total violation. They found my car two weeks later and it was ok, trashed but ok. I sold it. I didn’t like the karma in the car. I am glad you have your wheels back and you did the right thing,,,hugz
Dear Amber,
I hadn’t gotten that he knew th ecar was gone for days before he told your dad! AH!!!!!! I SEEeeeee SAID THE BLINID MAN AS HE PICKED UP HIS HAMMER AND SAW. Hummmmm???
Yep, the dad was protecting the kid fo rdays????—and maybe he even approved of the kid taking your car who knows and then the kid stayed out later than he was supposed to and the dad got lworried. Or maybe the kid took your car to go pull a robbery or drug deal. There could have been a lot worse things happen. There was some “reason” he was driving your car instead of the cute little Honda.
Well, at least you got the car back and fixed.
Makes me wonder though, if dad sent sonny a TEXT message and sonny came right back home, why didn’t DADDY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Interesting…..
Thanks Henry and Oxy…And Oxy I know I had a ton of questions too. Yes the dad woke up and my car was gone..his son was gone…my key was gone…so he put two and two together…and I understand him wanting to protect his kid, but he should of told me or my dad immediately. And he said he DID call and call and text and text his son..(well at least that’s what he told us)…but when he finally told the kid that I KNEW it was gone and I reported it stolen, and that if he got pulled over he would have been taken to jail, I guess that made him think twice. But yes, I agree, something shady was going on…he was using my car for SOMETHING. And he put some horrible cherry air freshener in my car…and now it reaks like a public restroom and I can’t get the smell out…oh oh…and there is a framed picture in my trunk?!?!?!?! Not mine!! Looks like it is from a hotel?!?!?! I’m thinking the kid went on some drug binge for a week and needed my car to hide out.. I don’t know and I guess I won’t ever know the whole truth. And yes Henry, I feel violated too. Like EWWWWW…what was going on in MY car. I don’t like it either. Luckily, I have another car that I keep here for when my sister is home from England…and I’ve been driving that one. I think I’ll keep driving that one. LOL.
And I’m so paranoid..I keep thinking well what if the kid had a key duplicated and he got my address off paperwork in my car….and he decides to come steal it again?!?!??! I hope not. I hope he’s not that smart. But I am glad it’s home, because I have to pick my sister up today in fact!!! And she’ll be here for the next month or so, so she’ll have something to drive while she’s here….yay!!! So just glad it’s home and in better shape than when I sent it to him! HA! Hugs guys!!
The air freshener is obviously to COVER UP some kind of smell they didn’t want to have someone smell. Check your car over for any signs of anything that was left in it. You might even get the cops to have a drug dog check it out. I would not want you to be pulled over and the cops get the drug dog in and find drugs stashed somewhere they forget to get it out of. I AM PARANOID but I think in some cases it pays to be!
As for the picture, I would take that to the cops too, and maybe they will match it to some kind of THEFT that has been reported. THAT KID WAS UP TO NO GOOD and my guess is he was using YOUR car for some CRIME.
You can get the door/ignition locks changed and that might be a GOOD IDEA. Shouldn’t cost too much and might be a LIFE SAVER down the road.
I’m sorry that folks think it is “natural” for a father/mother to cover up for their kids’ illegal activities (felony) I TURNED MY KID IN TO THE COPS when I caught him with stolen things, rather than cover it up. I think any parent who covers for their kid (or anyone else) is PART AND PARCEL to the CRIME itself. It is AGAINST the law to cover for a crime. The ONLY time you don’t HAVE TO TESTIFY is if it is your husband/wife, and even then I think it is IMMORAL to NOT turn in a criminal act, even if it is NOT illegal. Plus, if you do cover up you can be considered AN ACCOMPLICE, isn’t that right Matt?
Amber, under what circumstances did you dad find out about the stolen vehicle?
Was he contacted by the mechanic or did he call the mechanic first?
My dad just showed up at his house…and low and behold the car wasnt there!! So the mechanic (Dave) was obviously trying to cover his son’s ass. So like you said the Sociopath doesn’t fall far from the tree…My dad is pretty pissed at his buddy because he knew his son stole it and didn’t tell either one of us…My dad told him, I know you’re trying to protect you’re son…but I have to protect my daughter..So needless to say…I think they’re friendship is pretty damaged..and now we need to find a new mechanic!! HA!
Dear Amber,
I am glad that your dad put your welfare and his friend’s behavior in the right slots.
I think having people for “friends” who will do DIS-honest things, even to “protect” their kid, is not a good idea.
At the very least, this man is ENABLING his son and in this case since car theft is a felony, as far as I am concerned, the DAD is as guilty as the kid for not calling you immediately with the news that the car had been stolen, and by whom.
So since your dad went there, the man was obviously going to completely cover it up if he could get his son to bring it back before you (or your father) knew.
DIS-hon4est behavior. NOPE! Not my friend, and I think your dad’s relationship with him ending is a good thing. At least maybe you can find an HONEST mechanic who won’t let your car be stolen and not report it. LOL
Amber, my concern is that he told you to give him til Thursday. What did he know about THURSDAY that he wasn’t telling you? I have a feeling the dad was in on it. He used your car for a burglary or drug deal and no one would have known if your dad hadn’t shown up.
If the car had been seen and reported at a crime, the dad would have reported it stolen but not by his son. When the car was recovered, he would’ve said he knew nothing about it. P’s always have lots of layers in their little schemes. The car was one of the layers but you interrupted it.
Jesus said you will know the tree by the fruit it bears. This guy and his kid are both p-fruits, I hope your dad stays far away from them. Tell your dad about their masks. They all wear the mask of sanity.