The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
Besides defining bitterness, normal negative life event has to be defined:
“following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event.”
What is an abnormal negative life event? What is a normal negative life event?
Would this “disorder” apply to people bitter about a disease that has crippled, them, for example? And is that different from someone who is bitter that a neighbor’s monkey maimed them for life? If nobody did anything about the owner who still has the monkey? And is that different than someone who is bitter because they lost all their funds to Madoff? (sp?) Does it matter if it is two weeks later? Two years later? Two decades later?
Does it matter if you are bitter but it doesn’t interfere with your sleep? Your day-to-day functioning? Where is the line?
Is is strictly a “disorder” of faulty cognition?
And how do you prevent this disorder from being used by P’s as one more tool to beat up victims with?
Can’t you just hear Chris Brown saying, “Yeah, I said I was sorry, I apologized on national television, I wrote her a song…but she has PTED and needs treatment. That’s why we aren’t together. I tell you, it is so hard to carry on, knowing she needs help but is refusing to get that help.”
Persephone 7,
Thanks concerning my posts.. I am really trying to work through these feelings by reading others posts and writing about all this.
The energy and pace is slow here now, where it was once busy..I was preparing for his weekends visits and this constant attention and enerby. And this has been over for awhile but just now, I am feeling the depths of it.. I guess with the holidays approaching and my not feeling up to par psysically becasue of allergies.. I am quiet and to myself. Time I wished for while dating him. Now, I have it, an over abundance of it.
Occasionally, I have thoughts, his business deal happens, he comes to me and states that he realizes what he put me through and we try again. That is I guess the hope that he reall did love me on some level.. But, of course this will not occur. THere were too many other issues not related to money, his wierd spiritual obsession, his children, his controlling ways and his horrible voice when he is angered.. He is not what I want.. but some of him is.. his manners, his thoughtful and helpfulness and some of that attention.
I am wondering if I can feel a ‘normal’ man’s attention will be enough? This man torked my perceptions in a bizarre way.
When he would leave..I would dance around the house singing I am free! I am free! And now, like you wrote I feel like am abandoned on some strange planet.. My world seems less bright and a bit off.. Is it just the time frame. In that, it’s needed that I pull in..? I have done what the books say.. I go to movies alone, I work out.. I rearranged the house to be mine.. THat is another thing I shouted when he was gone.. this is my house,, mine! not yours! You have nothing to do with it. Yet he claimed it as his.. It like he just claimed mylife as his. And now that he is gone and I wanted him gone. It is strange now.. so what is going on? Just this timing of my processing.. clearing out or what? I know that I am attractive, intelligent and have things to offer.. I have a lot of love go give. I am ready to fall in love.. I never loved him. I never felt in love.. I felt manipulated and had the facade of it.. the facade of the marriage like interaction with no real basis except what he created, contrived, it was so false.. yet such a good imitation..
And never date a man that doesn’ pay.. men are supposed to care for women.. why do it all yourself .. I resented mine because, he lived in my house, yet he paid for things or I would’ve never been in it. If a man doesn’t have his own resources, I am not interested. THisman was the most down and out that I ever was involved with.
I think our lives post-P have to be more than just that “P-episode” or be will stay in the bitterness.
I do believe healing is a life-long process of improving ourselves, but it is more about US than just “getting over” the damage that THEY did. If the P-experience prompts us to improve ourselves then in the end it has been a painful experience from which we gained insight into ourselves that allowed us to become stronger and better.
If we, post-P experience, just focus on THAT ONE part of our lives we will be bitter. STAY bitter, and stay stuck in that spot forever.
I was a person when I was born. That person grew as I did, but there were some weaknesses and even flaws in the person I became anew each day. Some of those flaws, misinformation, weaknesses, made me more vulnerable to Ps than other people might have been….plus, I was born into a family full of Ps and unknowingly passed on those genes to my own P-offspring, the coping skills I learned and adopted in dealing with my family of origin when I was a child were not ones that “played well” in adulthood (when I had a choice about which coping skills to use.) I wasn’t aware of that dysfunction in myself in my earlier adult life. NOW I AM aware, and I have CHOSEN to adapt to circumstances, to evolve my coping skills into ones that “play better” in my life.
This “evolution” of Oxy is no longer about THEM, but about me. I am MORE than my experiences with the psychopaths. They are not the defining moments of my life. NOW I have choices and I make choices about how to live my life, and how to set boundaries for others with whom I interact,
If I had stayed focused on the P-experience as a “loser” and “bitter” and “vengeful” I would have become as bad or worse than them actually, because they can’t/won’t change, but I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE CHANGE. If I choose not to when I CAN, then I have fallen lower than they are.
The Bible talks about a sow who was washed returning to the mud and a dog eating its own vomit….I think if we stay bitter after any experience, we are choosing to return to the mire, or to eat our own vomit. (sorry to be so graphic, but I figure if the Bible can I can too. LOL)
I FELT the need for vengeance early on, I WANTEd vengeance, and I THOUGHT ABOUT IT almost continually, but that was a stage I was in, I think, and I deliberately didn’t like the way it made me feel and chose to STOP it. I can imagine how these chronically bitter people fell because I have been bitter (for quite some time) but I feel much better since I decided I do NOT want to feel that way, to think that way.
justabouthealed,
Yep.. I got what you are writing.. they turn it on you..
Mine used to say, “You don’t trust me becasue of your past.”
and that was not true.. I didn’t trust him because of the wisdom that I had gleaned from my past and he wasn’t trustworthy..
In relationship, we all have our issues and places that we are.. manipulators use this to further their control and con..
Wow, several of us posting on this at once! JAH, I love the “chris brown” quote! LOL I saw part of the 20/20 interview with her the other night and of couse I don’t think she “gets it” what he is. Also she said that her father used to beat up on her mother. which would of course predispose her to accept this treatment herself. I hope she continues to realize more about WHAT Chris appears to be –a P without remorse etc.
Very interesting conversations guys!
Oxdrover, agree..
to heal fully, we need to release the need for vengance…
and let it go.. so that we can go forward…
Mine would say ‘ why do you always have to bring up the past ‘ even if
it was from something that happened the day before…it was always me
who was being unreasonable, especially when I was looking out for my
own time and heaven forbid, my own ‘agenda.’ He would always say,
‘I’ll keep you posted’ or ‘this is my plan ‘ and then he’d never stick to it –
talk about a slippery slope!
So I’m so tired of bobbing and weaving…Style1, I feel ready to love again –
in a way – but I think we both need to give ourselves time to grieve our
relationships, however unhealthy they’ve been – and not be too quick to
get through the process of just being alone with all that entails with our
emotions coming up – as they are right now.
justabouthealed,
I saw that interview to, on 20/20. It was very interesting. Especially her mention of “the eyes”.
Much of the problem of being involved with the disorder/toxic individual is that they will use WHATEVER we have against us.
Both our strengths and our weeknesses.
And then to further confuse us their “projection” of their own behavior or irrational thinking is thrown back onto us as if it was our own.
I still have a big problem understanding the projection thing. I guess it is just another way for them to distort reality.
ox:
just saw a photo of chris brown and he looks SO much like my ex … the eyes really were almost identical. black as can be, devoid of humanity, but somehow beckoning. they are so dangerous … seductive, amphibious, charismatic, demonic.
while she may not get ‘it’ all, she’s off to a good start. she broke away.
throwing our girl, rhianna, a … Towanda!