The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
Witsend, did you see the UTUBE videos of fans’ reactions to the situation? the man who aid it was her fault? If she hadn’t “provoked” Chris then he wouldn’t have hit her. LOL I swear I thought I would have a hemmorage over that one! But unfortunately, that is the way many people do think. maybe that guy was projecting too, maybe he was also an abuser who was “prevoked” to hit “his woman.”
Wow. This article hits home for me. I would say the last year I was with my ex S, I had become very bitter…angry…resentful..so many emotions…But he more I knew about him, the more bitter I became. My want for revenge was all consuming. Literally every moment was spent thinking about how to bring him down. But then I thought, doesn’t that make me just like him?? Cold, calous, calculating, bitter, angry… I don’t want to become him. So I’m trying to let that go. I sturggled with it for a year, hating him so much and wanting revenge.. and the longer I let it go on, the worse I felt. I don’t want to be bitter at the world like him. I want to be happy and more forward. Something that he will never have the capability to do! So I guess that’s the best revenge is just like you said Oxy…
“This “evolution” of Oxy is no longer about THEM, but about me. I am MORE than my experiences with the psychopaths. They are not the defining moments of my life. NOW I have choices and I make choices about how to live my life, and how to set boundaries for others with whom I interact,”
You summed it up perfectly. Thank you. It’s been almost a month with NC, and although we’ve gone much longer than that, this time around, acceptance has been a huge difference. I’m ready to accept and move on. I don’t think I was before.
And that Rhianna interview was intense. I wonder too if she knows what she’s really involved with. Last night on Larry Kind he interveiwed women about domestic violence and their reaction to Rhianna’s interview and Larry Kind pissed me off. He kept asking, “well WHY go back??” And the women tried to explain and then he responded by saying, “person comes home monday gets hit, comes home tuesday gets hit, comes home wednesday gets hit, comes home thursday…so who’s the crazy one??” What an ass. And Nicole Brown’s sister responded, “We need to change the question from, why go back? To why are they doing the hitting in the first place?” It was a good interview. If you get a chance, look it up.
just did a tad of research on PTED … seems more like a normal reaction to a very abnormal experience. but okay, i guess revenge motives lasting forever might be a problem.
Oxy,
I think that reaction although sickening is fairly common.
It is much the same as the “why didn’t you leave” question that interviews always ask to victims of abuse. It is even asked of children when their abusers are molesting them or abducting them.
I guess the MAIN thing the general public NEEDS to understand is that when anyone finds themselves as a victim in an abusive situation……Regardless if the abuse is physical, sexual, kidnapping, emotional….. WHATEVER….Along with the abuse comes the “mental conditioning.”
I do not understand why this is so hard for people to “get.”
People really underestimate the powerless feeling the victim has. Those “strings” that the abuser holds are very strong.
Amber,
Nicole Browns sister brought up a very good point.
The QUESTIONS need to change on TV interviews BEFORE the publics response will change. These TV interviews are watched by millions of people. And has a HUGE impact of the general populations “opinions” of these matters.
Some of the HARD questions need to be asked to the abusers.
Dear Dr. Leedom –
Thanks for writing this post. Last night I spent a good deal of time rereading the differences that exist between PTSD and
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. CPSTD, I believe,
isn’t an included diagnoses in the DSM -IV, but what you are
describing, this embitterment diagnosis, seems to follow the same line as CPTSD.
PTSD refers to something that is life threatening and that can
occur in a single instance that threatens a person’s sense of
his/her bodily or wordly integrity being destroyed. For most of those who have had an “ongoing traumatization” by a sociopath or several at the same time, CPTSD is the result of a cascade of ongoing, repeated traumatizations, that not only can threaten one’s bodily integrity, but are likely to shatter all the beliefs/assumptions that they hold about their world and their safety in it, especially as it relates to the commonly held belief in the decency and fairness of other human beings.
Can this cause bitterness and is there a “universal” definition
of it that can be applied to every different individual who presents with symptoms of this proposed disorder?
You said bitterness is a taste in one’s mouth. This is true, but is it not also true that bitterness is also the filter, like that placed on a camera lens, that alters one’s view of the frame,
or in this case, one’s entire world view after repeated traumatization?
Charles Figley, reknowned traumatologist, and his peers did a study of VietNam veterans, those that did well, and others that suffered from PTSD after returning from the war. They wanted to know how to break through the sense of isolation that permeated the lives of these vets and how their suffering
led them into drug and alcohol addictions as well as outbursts of violence and anger that shattered their family lives as well.
In a way, this addresses one of the concerns that Inquirente brought up about how one person can devastate a whole family.
What Figley and his colleagues found was that the whole family system is affected by the PTSD because they are unaware of what is happening inside the vet. PTSD/CPSTD
is damaging when it is dealt with via silence. It doesn’t go
away. Many of the worst suffering vets suffered what is known
as “Sanctuary Trauma” upon return from the war. Their experiences were so alien to the everyday “normal life” pattern, that they felt no one could relate to them, thus feeling traumatized again by a colluded silence that family members, felt, would be the best way to let them heal.
Most survivors of sociopaths know exactly what this is. It is very hard to describe one’s shattered world view and life circumstances to another who has never been affected by their presence and the destruction they create and leave in their wake. Difficult to describe how it alters one’s daily pattern of living. Shabby Chic on another thread said she was
crumpled up into a ball on the floor upon the ultimate realization of what was happening to her at the hands of one in her life.
Whether it is happening in the workplace, known as “Mobbing”
or in the community, know as “Community Based Harrassment” or one on one as with a a single sociopath,
most of it can ultimately be traced to one or several bullies.
If you go to Tim Field’s website, I think it’s something like
BullyInSight.com he gives an excellent description of these serial bullies and to my mind, his defining of them is completely in line with what we know of the traditional sociopath. Most people don’t realize what huge problems these
people are in society. Several countries have enacted legislation related to stopping them in their tracks before they
drive their victims to suicide, whether in the community or the workplace. He also addresses their impact upon the most
vulnerable population, children. Bullying at school, I believe,
is the place to stop these little monsters right in their tracks,
before they go on to shatter any lives in the future.
One can not grieve without the taste of bitterness or the filter of bitterness permeating life, at least for a time. OxDrover talked about the process in another post and how we all can go from one stage to another and cycle back again along the way. Before the grief becomes clean, we need to fully acknowledge the bitterness that has been created by them and grieve it thoroughly. This entails fully feeling your feelings, which can be scary for many survivors. It’s a powerful experience and sometimes best done with the aid of
a caring professional who understands sociopathy first hand
as well as PTSD and CPTSD.
WHEN THINGS FALL APART, a book written by the Buddhist Nun, Pema Chodron, helped me a great deal as my world began to shatter at the hands of sociopaths in my life. Adopting a Buddhist perspective regarding suffering can take you a long way into the process of accepting grief and bitterness, and learning to adopt the awareness that all things are impermanent in this transitory world, including grief and bitterness. She talks about not shying away from that which is painful and uncomfortable to deal with, but rather to, adopt an inquisitive nature into these areas and follow them to their source.
Ultimately, the message I got was to learn to cultivate
strength and fearlessness. Approaching that which brings hurt
and understanding its nature and letting go of what Kathleen
Hawk called “the story” can go a long way toward removing the taste and lens of bitterness.
Each person is constitutionally different in their strengths.
We all heal at different rates and times depending…
Keensight: I think Pema Chodron, the Buddhist Nun is one of the greatest
resources – she is very real and even funny, too in her talks about ‘Shenpa’
that uncomfortable place we find ourselves in, just a part of everyone’s life and ‘learning to stay.’ To just observe ourselves and the situation and not deny it or our feelings. Thanks for bringing her up as well as your whole message in your post. Another good one (and I like her audio cds as she is very personable and talks on them herself) is one
called “Getting Unstuck.”
Sometimes it seems I’ve read so many books, listened to enough tapes and cds – finally it does sink into your subconscious and you start to live it more, you do finally get it – from these outside sources and from as Erin mentioned in another thread – a good friend who stays with you, repeating the mantra of ‘you deserve more, you’re a fine person, just get away…’
What wonderful and deep thoughts guys!
I watched an interview about the man who killed the soldiers at Ft. Hood. Of course (in retrospect) there were BIG RED FLAGS in his behavior BEFORE he took the guns and started shooting, that the military missed.
This woman newsaster asked the male newscaster, “so you think all the stress that is being put on the military personnel is what caused this? (the killings)” “This man was obviously sick, why didn’t someone HELP HIM BEFORE THIS WENT THIS FAR?”
Like the fault for this was the Army not “helping” this poor man. I don’t know what his “problem” was or “why” he did what he did, but he obviously was BITTER against the government, and also reportedly using alcohol in excess, but to automaticallty ASSUME that anyone who does anything is because they were “pushed to it” by some thing or other and that apparently all evil is because they were stressed.
Sure, some people at some times do things because they are insane (in the legal sense) and some things do things like this because they are just simply mean, bitter, etc. but until our society starts realizing that people have CHOICES and that there is TRULY evil in this world, truly evil people, how will we ever be able to help victims.
The true victims are the soldiers who were killed and their families, not the shooter.
I’m not saying why this man did this, but at the same time, HE is not the victim, and no matter what was done TO HIM by anyone, or how he was “provoked” by the Army because they would not let him out (after paying for his medical education for an agreement to work for the army afterwards) he had no right to kill these totally innocent victims. So unless this man was truly out of touch with reality (and I don’t think he was from what has been published so far) HE was not the victim, and that news commentator pithed me off with her comments and “concern” for the SHOOTER.
Persephone 7, After being with the guy that I was with the word Buddhist makes me ill. But yes, just sitting with ones self and feeling and letting the thoughts come and go. Today, I am doing things around my house, changing sheets, etc.. I recall my guy would complain because one of my sets of sheets isn’t as long as he is used to…he would go on and on about how sheets are supposed to be. This from a man that doesn’t own a bed and when I met him was sleeping in a child’s single bed with mickey mouse sheets or some such and he had a Buddhist type altar in the room.. I thought it creepy then and do now.. of course, he had explanations for why this was and of course, I accepted them as they were a set of unfortunate circumstances that led him, the wonderful, Mr. Perfect to this place.. and it was because of the women in his life and just bad luck…
But then, he moves into my large king size bed and complains.. about any little thing that isn’t up to his standards.. laughable, huh? I bet, that he never lived in a house as nice as mine and with as many gorgeous things.. I saw where he lived..and empty, large non-descript rental house.
Then if he was saying what he was eating say for lunch, he would say.. It’s a gorgeous ham sandwiche.. way over description for a ham sandwiche… and he would describe his hotel rooms as being huge with a huge king size bed when it was just a room at the Marriot.. and my house was a billion times better…
So irriational optimism as it relates to himself..
but me not quite up to his lofty standards…
Bitter …? Just reflecting back at what a bamboon he was.. and why did I put up with it..
I did say.. if you don’t like the sheets go buy some others and buy another bed. To which of course, I go no reply.
GeeZ!
Bitter? I think getting riled up in the memories is normal in the process in the healing. I am a decorator my house by any standards although small is nice.. and I moved my clothes out of one of the closets into the garage so his clothes could be hung up .. and after he moved out. he told me that he wouldn’t have moved in that cracker box had he not loved me.
This from a man whose credit is so bad that he wouldn’t qualify for an apt.. so, he moves in with family friends that don’t run a credit check. So first, you are used for what you have then critized becasue it isn’t more or up to their lofty standards..
It’s just amazing when I look back… he wanted my life as my friends told me and he was jealous of me. So, he put me down..
and his accusations after it’s over.. that I almost destroyed his family… make absolutely no sense.. yet that is one of his accusations.. He didn’t see his family but once in over a year.. and I only met one of them.. so how does anything about his family have anything to do with me? It doesn’t.. but they way that they say things makes one look at themselves.. it is a ploy to get you to doubt yourself and to be more controlabel by their manipulation into their agenda.. He wants a woman to come in and take care of his family… so he was doing mind games on me…but by that time, I saw the fool for what he is…
Bitter.. no me… ! LOL… Angry at me for doubting me…