The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
And thinking the person who harms as the victum makes us all messed up in the head. And gets us to feel sorry for them and be further controlled and manipulated by them.
style1:
Of course, there are scumbags who use any kind of religion or philosophy and give it a bad name, just because they use it for their own aggrandizement – like alohatraveler mentioned being so burned out on the new age spiritual hippie-types in Hawaii (or anywhere) who were just classic flakes…at least the b.s. meters get more finely tuned after you’ve had a run-in with these people.
I watched the Rhianna interview little bit ago – for such a young woman,
she gave such serious, heartfelt and intelligent responses – she seems
like she already has such an understanding of him and above all, what
really happened to her – let’s hope she holds on to that emotional scar like it is a kind of pearl – one that has set her free.
Dear Style1,
It was because he was SO ENTITLED TO THE BEST, I’m just so sorry you didn’t measure up! Well, that’s just your loss for not measuring up! ROTFLMAO Yea, you “lost out on” him!!! Thank you Jesus!
I knew a woman P who lived in her car (everyone else’s fault of course) and she too was used to “only the finest” and it was always the rotten people in her life that took from her what was rightfully hers. Well, you know, I was fortunate it didn’t take me long to figure out that the WORST P in her life was HERSELF. Any other Ps she had dealings with was just coincidental, she was teh biggest P of all. Fortunately, I saw this rather quickly.
Any time I run into anyone who has “nothing” but keeps on talking about what they “used to have had” I get leary and keep my eyes open. First, because people who seem to regard THINGS and money as what makes you important or not are suspect to start with, but those who live in the past of “what I had” and so on will never march into the future.
Many people have financial ups and downs in our life, and I’ve had my share, but fortunately, I have never been one to think that money bought worth or respect. Usually, the people who DO think that way are, rich or poor, not “nice” people. If theya re rich they want to lord it over you, if they are poor, they want to tell you what they “use’ta have” and/or suck up to you so they can get what is yours.
By “belittling” what you had that was nice, he was trying to make himself feel superior to you, and you inferior to him. Glad it wasn’t successful.
All of this is good insight. I am the type, when I feel bitter toward someone or recieve a ‘belittling’ note from someone, I try to over analyze it. I try to explain myself better or express anger toward that person in being so negative and off base. I think with those particular individuals that push my buttons NC should be the approriate action. Instead of reacting with bitterness back.
I feel that is what our niece is doing toward us, possibly. I congratulate her for that even if it means she and I and her Uncle have no relationship, or we remain uninvolved in helping her come back to her other family and past friends. This may be the only way for her to cope and survive today.
I am not a direct victim of this sociopath/con man lke she has been, so really can not know exactly how she feels or what may be appropriate for her recovery. I just can be hopeful and if she reaches out to me, I will be there and respond.
This sight has helped me gain that insight and to know that i can only be responsible for myself and how I react.
I want to be a warrior in the fight against these manipulative sociopaths who reek havoc on so many, however. So I do tend to keep my radar up and want others to know just how easily it can happen to anyone no matter what your education, socialization or status in life!
Dear Dr Leedom, thank you so much for your dead on article. Food for thought as always! I personally think that embitterment is a possible end stage of being a victim. No hope at all. In German there is a clear understanding what “embitterment= Verbitterung” means. It has nothing to do with bitter taste but it is a state of the mind, and it is very difficult to describe. For me it is not translatable, as it is a specific state of the mind that is sour, cynical, negative, depressive and somehow aggressive and accusing and seeking for culprits, outspoken, unforgiving. It has nothing to do with anxiety, because the person got insulted and is entiteld to feel embittered, and they let the world know how unjust they have been treated, without any attempt to change. It is written in their face. The expression is not sad, not grieving. More aggressive, sour, bitter, like they have always something very distasteful in their mouth.
I have a German patient who has lung cancer and has never smoked, and she feels heavily insulted by the disease, having worked her whole life at an organic veggies health food plant, and she was very much “verbittert”. Even having to show up in our clinics was a big insult to her! Her little grandson succeeded at last at dragging her out of the embitterment, and lately she expressed some kind of gratitude of the outcome so far. (the chemo worked very well; it does not always need a P/N/S to be “embittered”)
I looked up the synonyms for the German term “Verbittert” in English, and maybe these are different aspects of the term you native English speaker might get out something of. My English is not so good to discern the different meanings of the words.
“verbittert”
embitters
rancorous {adj}
acerbated {adj} {past-p}
jaundiced {adj}
embittered {adj} {past-p}
acrimoniously {adv}
bitter {adj} [embittered]
I also think that we at LF are NOT embittered but try to get out of that corner of being a victim and find our way back to life, joy, sweetness, light, hope, future. Have you all a wonderful week! (((((Hugs))))) TOWANDA!!!
Ox drover.. yes, his behavior was the entitlement deal with him.. he thought he was a King..
And it was always what he was going to do for me when his ship comes in…
Meanwhile..he lives in my house, etc… and yes.. I have had my ups and downs.. once lived in a huge house..but now, I have what I have and am proud of it.. and take good care of it..
He didn’t care for his things well.. his rental house was run down… the garage full of boxes full of stuff from his past and a neighborhood woman cleaned it out for him… and we sold all the stuff … I helped him clean up his life.. he was looking for me to do so..
and now, he is probably out there looking for another woman with a house..
When he moved out, he kept making comments about how nice and big the place is where he is living.. i said great send me photos.. never got any ….
Then once when he was visiting me in anger he said it was because of you I moved out and now I don’t have the amentities like I do here.. amentities..? Like my house is a hotel…
yep in the end when his act was cracking .. I saw the real him..
Hi Persephone7,
Your last post on the other thread was full of beautiful thoughts and imagery. Thank you.
I’m sorry for what you have gone through. I know what it’s like to have people move through your personal life and leave an indelible mark that’s not beneficial. It hurts and the loss can feel overwhelming at times.
You’re absolutely correct. Pema is very accessible. There’s
something so beautiful and practical in the simplicity of timeless logic or good sense. She conveys it beautifully, doesnt she? Wisdom of the ages coming out of human experience centuries old and very practical in its application. What people struggled with day to day centuries ago would still be comparable to what we struggle with today, regardless of the modern conveniences we have.
I agree, things become second nature upon repeated practice,
listening, reading and experiencing.
I really do believe that the message You’re A Good Person,
You Deserve More, Just Get Away is a valid one for all of us.
We who have survived what is unacceptable treatment and
behaviors for so long are grateful that our”Teachers” appear
when we are ready to learn the lessons. I know Pema showed
up in my life at the beginning of huge life changes.
As far as getting away, sometimes the only way to get away
is THROUGH feeling. As uncomfortable as it is to “learn to stay” it makes more sense than throwing ourselves headlong into a new relationship, until, as you said, we’ve absorbed the lessons of the one that caused the feelings that made us want to run away in the first place.
I hope I have, as you yourself discovered, an unending stream of books, tapes and cds that help me to better myself regardless of whether or not “The One” shows up. We are all worthy and worth attracting the kind of positive healing energy
to our lives that we so richly deserve. Like this website and books of Pema’s and all of the healing people here sharing what they know to help others, especially OxDrover, for sharing so much of her personal pain and growth, the living
examples of healing in action, provide solace for those hurting
so very much. The love of this ripples outward bringing healing to others reading this blog that we may never even be aware of having been touched. Synchronicity and grace in action to have our prayers answered is something I could never be grateful enough for.
Oxy –
Regarding the shooter at Fort Hood and what you had to say
about it: You’re right! There were plenty of big red flags about
him.
What I want to know is why this man was placed in a position to “witness” the suffering of these brave people, sometimes serving three consecutive tours of duty, and what they’ve been through. First, the danger of CPTSD was there. Second, the huge inner conflict he had to be struggling with, listening to the horrors of untimely death and maiming of people, ours
and theirs knowing he would be sent there.
As far as the religious factor goes, he never should have taken the oath to serve if there was a conflict for him. From what I read he wanted out since 2001 and his reasons were
known.
It’s wrong to say that others might do the same as he. It sounds like he flipped out at the prospect of having to go.
His actions were evil, end of story. There are no excuses
for killing defenseless people. It was cowardly. I won’t
speculate as to why anyone does anything. Crazy is crazy.
Some said he showed calm. Calm doesn’t equate to SANE.
None of us know what it’s like to witness the reexperienced
trauma of human beings who have participated in or experienced war and all its attendant horror. The human being
is hardwired not to kill others. They can be “trained” to do so,
but that doesn’t negate how it changes them and what is lost
in the process. Hearing and viewing this day in and day out
from a place of dispassion so as to provide proper treatment
for them isn’t a job any of us would cue up for. That plus
the fact that he wanted out since 2001 should have been taken
into account and wasn’t.
There needs to be some type of assessment for these professionals as well, after logging so many hours of this.
Regardless of religion or ethnicity it is a highly stressful
function, one that needs respite care and supervision because
of the trauma it entails.
No excuse will ever absolve the taking of life of defenseless
others.
I understand how bitterness is different.
The cluster Bs in my life have altered my feelings of security. Yesterday I got 2 flat tires simultaneously on the interstate while traveling alone with my daughter. They were both full of nails and punctures. Heckifiknow how that happened. Just lucky, I guess.
I knew exactly what to do and how to do it. I was taking care of business, but the good Samaritans really held me up. A full half dozen thoroughly decent men stopped to help. (At least, there’s a high probability that each was decent.) Each gentleman’s arrival forced me to get back in the car, lock the door and as politely as possible request that he leave. Each did, although a bit slower than I would have liked. It really dragged the task out, having to deal with them.
If I was bitter, I would have resented those good Samaritans, and perhaps treated them badly. I’m not bitter, I just don’t take unnecessary risks with strangers any more. I fully understand that they were almost certainly good people trying to do the right thing. I don’t bear these people any malice, I don’t fear them and I don’t hate them. I simply won’t risk dealing with them.
The problem with the tires was somewhat thorny, but nothing that couldn’t be solved with the tools at hand, a call for a cab or a friend, and a trip to and from the local Treadquarters. No need to trust in strangers.
If I had truly been in a situation I couldn’t handle, I would have asked for the help of the state police. They stopped, but left as soon as it was apparent I had it under control. They were very understanding about my disinterest in assistance. I think the run into people like me quite a bit.
What is, is.
A certain percentage of the population is parasitic/predatory. It’s not that these people are out to get me personally. It’s just that they’re out to get whatever they can from whomever they can. In a way, I’m lucky. I’ve got no illusions left.
Bitter is taking the abuse of cluster Bs personally for the rest of your life. It ain’t personal. It just feels that way at first.
PS –
“Red Flags”
The Fort Hood shooter was a walking red flag. So were “balloon boy’s” wacky, tacky parents.
Sometimes I think we’re a nation of morons. There really needs to be a better public understanding of the nature of personality disorders.
Dear Elizabeth,
Sorry to hear that happened to you. You were totally right not to “trust in strangers”d—not today anyway!
Two things I never leave home without and one is my cell phone, and you know what the other one is. That little friend saved my life on 3 occasions over the past 30+ years and I don’t take any chances either. the major of little rock’s daughter broke down on a river bridge and got into the car with a stranger and a few miles up the road she threw herself out of the car to her death, the man has never been caught though there was a descripton of the vehicle. It happens. I might not be sitting here now if I hadn’t had my “friend” with me one night 30+years ago when I broke down on the freeway either. It discouraged the man from driving around the forth time and encouraged him to leave immediately.
No cell phones in those days, but even today no guarentee it will not be in a “dead zone.”
About the guy at ft. Hood.
The state of Arkansas will pay the medical school costs and living costs for a med student but they must work in designated “low medical care” areas for 4 years in exchange and if they don’t do it, they cannot get their medical license EVER and they cannot reimburse the state and skate free either. I’m not sure how the army does it but apparently he agreed to the deal and the army wasn’t going to let him out of it.
I’m not sure what his “poor review” was all about previous to being transferred to Ft. Hood. One witness said he was saying that the Muslim man (American) who killed 1 and wounded 1 at an induction center in Little Rock, AR a few months back was “doing good” and that all Muslims should do this.
I don’t understand why the person who heard him say this didn’t report it THEN. I agree in “freedom of speech” but that is like a cop saying after the death of another Policemen “I wish all Baptists would kill cops” WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Isn’t there something wrong with attitude of a man who would say this?
What about the people he worked with? I think the Army must have missed some BIG red flags in this man’s behavior being “off”—-I think somehow there was more going on than we know right now. But, no use speculating about it.
My heart goes out to the families of the slain and to their friends and comrades in arms. I know there is more than enough stress involved in war, going to war, leaving your family behind, etc. My (step) Grandson is in the Army now, and I have other friends whose lvoed ones are in the service. ALL VOLUNTEERS, not a conscript in the bunch, but even still, I know it is stressful, and potentially lethal, but no one in our country is made to join the army or move to Canada.
I lived through the Viet Nam war and the protests and all that went on with people leaving for Canada. I lost friends in combat, and friends who moved to Canada never to return. I won’t go into my personal opinion of war or our Government’s pollicy(ies) but i always told my sons, if you choose to join it is up to you, or if you would be drafted and you wanted to go to Canada I would be behind you either way, unless we needed to shoot out from the windows of our homes, and in that case, I’ll pass the ammunition and you do the shooting.
EC, glad you liked my “balloon” analogy! ha ha