The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
In my own experience, I find bitterness can creep in when I take my focus off my beliefs and values and place it on obtaining justice on my terms. [ I do find great satisfaction in seeing my x reap what he sows.] But, my greatest peace and satisfaction comes when I keep focused on my values and goals and leave these p’s up to God to deal with. Sure, I am wounded and I do allow moments of bitterness to get me….but, by trying to keep my focus on my beliefs and goals the bitterness dies down and I heal more and more.
Amen, TB.
The thing I am most bitter about is my prickly skin. I have been called naive and too trusting always. I brushed this off – thinking why be so cautious…
Sometimes people with a positive attitude who always want to find the good in everyone can not comprehend evil. Now that it has slapped me upside the head, I know it well and watch for it everywhere. That is my greatest loss.
Keensight,
How?
Easy:
1. Remove first flat tire &
2. ease car down onto doughnut.
3. Remove 2nd flat tire,
4. but leave jack in place.
5. Check Garmin for the nearest Treadquarters.
6. Proceed by cab to Treadquarters.
7. Cash in on road hazard insurance.
8. Return by cab to Treadquarters.
I was lucky that it was the two right tires, front and back. This made changing the tires relatively safe. There are tons of nit picking details that make the procedure safer and more efficient. That’s why practical life lessons are so important for adolescents and teens. My daughter, already a very competant person, learned quite a bit that day.
Kathleen – thanks … I caught the taste of that inspiration in the wind and it sounded so familiar and yet so foreign – perhaps travelling into unfamiliar territories is a good analogy. It is like a longing for a shore somewhere that only the heart knows well and yet it has never seen except perhaps in a dream.
I really hope I get to be a woman in the space you are in – lots of wisdom, hope, gratitude, compassion, empathy, confidence, expansiveness … sometimes I do worry that I might end up embittered and alone – I certainly have seen models for that response to inconstant men.
The theme of childhood has been coming up lots and lots through all thinking lately and I was pressuring myself a great deal so I made a deal with myself to put it on the backburner for now and just be mindful of when it comes up but not to stress myself more right now. Things are coming to end and my health is not good because of the stress – it is hard to cope emotionally and just get through the days at the moment.
It will get better I know but it’s hard right now – lots of cleansing crying. I read somewhere that the emotions have to catch up with the logical thinking as emotion and logic get separated in these relationships so bouts of crying sometimes happens after big periods of learning and breakthroughs. That resonates a lot with me and makes me feel much better about the upset.
I will find a good therapist … again … but am not in the humor for conversing to find a good one at the moment. Definitely soon though.
TB You are right … when I start thinking justice, I start getting angry and thinking about revenge. I have seen my ‘shadow’ side and it ain’t pretty 😛
City Kitty … I stand with you in those thoughts. I loved my trusting heart – it was something I held up to the uncaring of the world and said ‘See … I am not afraid to be vulnerable’. But now I am. I got called those things too.
LOL @....... slapped upside the head by evil – I am not laughing at what happened to you but that’s a beautiful turn of phrase 🙂
Ox Drover,
“My little friend.”
You crack me up! We were on a way to a reenactment, and had reproduction weapons with us. One of my niggling concerns was that someone would see the gun case and think they were worth stealing or raising a stink over. I was very glad the State Trooper did not hang around, because I wasn’t in the mood to open the case and explain the contents to a knuckle dragger.
Good Samaritans are very nice folks. I bear ’em no malice, but I’m glad when I don’t need them. Being independent feels more comfortable.
Oh –
8. Return by cab FROM Tread quarters.
9. Put the tires back on.
If you need details, get hands on lessons. There are a lot of picayune details to this type of maneuver. Some of it’s specific to your vehicle.
As general safety precautions:
1. Always put the doughnut under the rear axle, then leave the front axle jacked.
2. Always set your parking brake and start your emergency flashers before starting.
3. Pay attention. It’s noisy on the highway. Those “good Samaritans” can get inside your personal space before you hear them. That can be pretty scary, and you don’t want to clock a State Trooper with a tire iron. I imagine that would end up on your permanent record.
Here’ my thought for the day:
Remember that many of us were selected as targets because of our competencies as well as our easy going dispositions. After all, the Cluster B needed a caretaker. Someone incompetent wouldn’t have been as handy to them as we were.
Sure, we may feel stupid for having let ourselves get used, but we wouldn’t have been useful if we weren’t capable people.
Catalog your strengths folks. None of you are incompetent. Far from it.
Kathleen Hawk, could you please explain whatyoumean by a “regressive fugue state”. As always, I find your post informative and inspiring.
I’m not sure how I feel about the lable PTES. A part of me believes that it is not a disorder but a normal response to a crazymaking environment. However, I do believe that it should run its course. I know that sometimes people get stuck there. I’m sure the profile fit me for years. I knew I was bitter and angry, and dissillusioned. I over-reacted was defensiveand frustrated. I didn’t want to feel that way, but it isn’t something you can wish away. Eventually it seemed to fade and I’m doing much better now.
God bless you, and all of us here at LF.
Dear EC,
What kind of reenactments do you do? What period? We do pre-1840 Arkansas.
Yea, “my little friend” has saved my arse 3 times, literally, I think all 3 were life threatening, where without my friend I would have been totally vunerable and no other help available. One an attempted robbery where I worked, 1 broken down on the freeway at night, and 1 camping in the Wyoming “outback” with my kids.
In areas where I can’t (for legal reasons) have my friend, I carry EASY OFF OVEN CLEANER, SPRAY LYE IN A CAN—it is the equivalent of battery acid in a can, though lye is a base instead of an acid, but it is just as corrosive as acid, and would instantly cause someone to lose interest in you, and gain interest in finding a supply of water to get it off their face (for all the good that would do if a water hose was not immediately available) If someone is trying to hurt me, I don’t play nice and after one warning would do my best to fatally injure them. fortunately I have never had to actually pull the trigger or purposely spray someone in the face with something likely to cause permanent blindness, but I am prepared to do either if my safety is in question.