The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
Elizabeth Conley –
Thank you for the edification about tire changing.
You WERE lucky that they were both on the RIGHT side.
I don’t have a Garmin, but I’m sure now gonna get one.
Thanks for filling me in on the picayune details of this
procedure. Not knowing what model of vehicle yours is
compared to mine is a good point.
Could you please explain what a REENACTMENT is?
What are REPRODUCTION WEAPONS and what do you use
them for?
AND is a STATE TROOPER referred to as a, KNUCKLE
DRAGGER, where you are from!!!!????
I’m feeling almost as deflated as your tires just understanding
your lingo, but I don’t think I misunderstood having to CLOCK
A STATE TROOPER WITH A TIRE IRON!!!!
GOOD GRIEF!!!! What the heck is all that about?!!!
GARMIN sounds like a great idea as well as having that cellphone with you. You sound like a very competent person.
I can’t even imagine a socio getting near you with the what you know.
I’m glad it turned out well for you, but for my mind I’d feel
glad if a State Trooper showed up and offered assistance
without that cellphone and Garmin in tow.
As far as Oxy’s “little friend” goes, I don’t bellieve the word handgun is a dirty word, so no need to speak using pet names
for them. I don’t see them as a bad idea for women and even
men traveling in remote areas, just as long as they are licensed and permitted and the person has no criminal history
or mental instability that might lead to a bonafide tragedy.
Thanks for a very enlightening post about staying safe while
on the road. You’ve given me much to think about, including
getting roadside travelers protection. I guess you’ll never know when you need a tow!
I sure don’t have your skills or added protection, but I’m going to think seriously about just what it means to have them.
God Bless
Civil War.
We are a Marine Unit. We play Union when it’s called for, Union when it’s called for. Whichever is needed.
We are in VA. When we go South they need extra people to represents Yanks. When we go North they need extra people to represent Rebels. We don’t care. We enjoy living history events of all types. None of us are partisan about the Civil War. Reenacting is expensive. It’s only a couple hundred more to be prepared to represent either side in the conflict. No big deal.
Keen sight, I gotta get some work done today.
Here’s the high points – Briefly:
Most law Officers have ingrained behaviors that they believe are clever, but actually tend to cause unnecessary conflict. Many of them are indeed “knuckle draggers”. It’s part of their subculture. There are wonderful exceptions, for which we are all indebted to. Because so many of them are natural born nuisances, getting rid of them quickly and graciously is my preferred tactic. They can make any citizen’s day needlessly complicated on a whim. The less time they hang around, the less chance they’ll become whimsical and ruin my day over something utterly trifling.
There is rarely a NEED to clock ANYONE with a tire iron, but if s/he comes tiptoeing up behind you while you’re focused on changing a tire under dangerous circumstances, an instinctive defensive reaction on your part could end badly for the approaching good Samaritan. This is the reason why I suggest you remain alert. You can’t hear someone approaching you under those circumstances. Many misunderstandings can be avoided if you look up from your work every 20 seconds or so.
I have by no means shared with you even a 10th of the picayune details needed to change tires by the side of the road efficiently. If you really want to know how, you need hands on lessons.
Reenacting is participating in Reenactments. Reenactments are living History events where participants replay the events of a Historically significant incident. It’s a popular activity among Historians and Home schoolers, because it is one of the most effective ways to learn and teach History.
Reproduction Weapons – Weapons that are exact working copies of museum pieces from the era in question.
A reproduction black powder firearm is technically a “gun”, but people don’t generally use them to roll 7-11s. It’s a pain in the @ss to answer questions about such “weapons” when you’d really rather be finished changing the tire and several miles down the highway. They’re not weapons per se, they’re just toys for overgrown kids like myself.
I enjoy marksmanship and reenactments. My beloved muzzle loader, Deborah, is more sporting equipment than weapon.
Elizabeth,
Thanks for your thought for the day!
“Remember that many of us were selected as targets because of our competencies as well as our easy going dispositions. After all, the Cluster B needed a caretaker. Someone incompetent wouldn’t have been as handy to them as we were. Sure, we may feel stupid for having let ourselves get used, but we wouldn’t have been useful if we weren’t capable people.”
True insight to my niece and her situation. The emotional manipulation by this S was unbelievable however, not at all due to our niece being incompetent, just that he was saying all the right things. He had many people fooled and was able to take $$$ from many of them. He promised her a life of love, wealth and children. The Oct. 28 article by M.L. Gallagher “He will call it Love” brought shivers up my spine! The S actually threatened my husband and I with ‘Agents’ coming to visit us and brothers coming to ruin our vacations. He manipulated the family to believe in him, they became ‘his family’ and we were the nasty whistle blowers who created havoc in his and their life.
So no one really knows just how he threatened them but we do know it had to be. It is so convulted like I said, I am in awe of all of you out there that overcome these situations.
I want to remain a warrior against this evil and will continue to learn more and educate my extended family and nieces and nephews that this evil does exist.
Have a great day!
ELizabeth Conley –
Thanks for the detailed explanations. Some good practical
information there on changing tires as well. I studied Civil
War History in undergraduate school, but I can see how
reenacting various battles would be a great way to illustrate
and remember the facts about the various battles and where
they took place historically. Much easier to remember as well,
as I’m sure I”ve forgotten a great deal of what I was taught
over the years since.
Sounds like fun, especially since no one gets hurt.
Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions.
As far as the Knuckle Draggers go…the one that lives directly
behind me has never been anything but nice and polite over the years.
You make a good point about remaining aware of your surroundings at all times though. That I definitely do!
BTW Virginia is absolutey beautiful. I would love to have a place on acreage there one day. So many beautiful, historic
places to live.
Take care.
Elizabeth Conley:
The next time I take a road trip, I want you with me. Living in NYC, I drive so seldom, that I actually have to watch how people use the self-service pumps before pumping gas myself. Quite frankly, I wish they would put the gas tank cap smack in the middle of the back bumper on all cars, so I don’t have to try to figure out whether the car I am renting is a right-side or left-side gas tank. The hours of entertainment I have provided gas station attendants watching me pull up, try to stretch the hose, give up, have to move the car and repeat, are incalculable.
Matt:
I can solve that gas tank location for you……..compliments of my kids!!!
GOD KNOWS HOW THEY KNEW THIS????
If you look on the gas gaige on the dash…..there is a little gas pump picture……depending on which side the picture is located, in relation to the gage picture on the dash…..THATS THE SIDE THE GAS TANK IS ON!!!!
So if it shows picture/gage/nothing…your tank is on the left drivers side.
If it shows nothing/gage/picture….your tank is on the right side.
I was so blown away when the kids pointed that out to me, when I was in the same dang quandry making a fool of myself at the pump….or the familiar scenario of getting out of car to find the tank…..
EC…I love your independance….I’m so glad there are women out there that don’t claim helpless! GOOD FOR YOU!!!
My mother used to tell me growing up….if you never learn how to mow the lawn, you will never be required to do it……
WHAT she forgot to tell me was…if you marry a helpless ass hole you better learn how to do everything for yourself or you’ll be stuck!!!!
After the S left…we got a huge storm….the kids were gone, it was superbowl sunday and I wanted to go somewhere…..Well…it was time to familiarize myself with the snowblower……
WHAT A HOOT!!!! I get to the top of my driveway, looking back at the one pass I had made in the 4 feet of snow…..as proud as ever…..gloating and panting,……as I turned the thing around to make my way back down the drive……I slipped and was so afraid to let go of it that I allowed it to drag me all the way down the driveway on my ass on the ice!!!! Talk about embarrasing, as a neighbor drove by and stopped to witness this sight…….
BUT I DID IT!!!!!!!
kim, you asked about regressive fugue states.
As usual, I have taking some liberties with official psychiatric terminology in this definition. You can look up fugue states and find what the professionals mean when they say that. But here’s what I mean.
First a definition of “states.” States are kind of weather conditions in our mind. We may be in a contented and peaceful state. We may be in a resentful and irritable state. A state doesn’t mean that it’s constant. It’s just a description of the internal weather at a given moment, or how you were for most of last year.
“Fugue states” are so named in reference to fugue or fugal themes in music, particularly classical. These are themes that may recur over and over in a piece. A simple example is well-known Pachelbel’s Canon, which uses a melodic theme 28 times in different orchestrations.
Psychological fugue states are not so varied. They are psychological states to which we return over and over, typically in time of great stress, or when triggered by PSTD-type situations.
In my family, my sister, my son and I all have a particular fugue state that shows up when we are faced with tasks or issues that make us feel intimidated or overwhelmed. We start obsessing on how we have no one we can depend on, that all our helpers have abandoned us and we are alone in the world. We get deeply blue, weepy and/or angry with people who try to comfort us or help us, and are more likely than other times to try to restart relationships with ex-lovers.
I saw this one over and over again during my recovery period, and I recognized it as the fundamental cause of my willingness to let my ex back into my life again, several times, after I thought I had convinced myself to get rid of him. Later when he was really gone, I used to call it the “lugubrious rut.” My sister who was still drinking for part of my recovery (and was dealing with the death of her son), used to call me late at night going on and on about how untrustworthy the world was and how she had lost everything she ever loved. I didn’t drink, but I felt essentially the same.
All fugue states are, I believe, essentially regressive. That is, they return us to an emotional condition reflects our reaction to a much earlier trauma. And traumas themselves tend to regress us emotionally to more childlike states.
And I think this particular fugue state that I’m describing is one that is really familiar to many people here on this site. It is essential a condition of feeling unloved, abandoned, betrayed by the world, existentially alone, and helpless to change the situation.
I believe it is a classic manifestation of deep abandonment issues that go back much farther than the present circumstances. And one of the reason we are so resistant to attempts to reason us out of it is that it is also the effect of a certain neural pathway with associated brain chemicals that was carved out during some earlier trauma, and is our default reaction to a certain type of circumstances that remind us of the trauma. (How that for a nifty explanation for emotional PSTD reactions? The reaction sets the tone, and then we can fill in the details with whatever circumstances happen to trigger it, never linking it at all the the original cause.)
One of the best things about fugue states is that we can eventually come to recognize them. My sister and I in a famous (to us) telephone call were discussing our tendency to fall into this particular rut, and I had the inspiration to call the state lugubrious. If you don’t know the definition of the word, look it up. It stuck us both as so funny that we almost fell off our respective chairs laughing about it. Ever after we were able to recognize it.
And at that point, because we both doing our own research on psychological issues, we figured out about the neural pathways, the brain chemicals, and the fact that is was a very old reaction. Possibly modeled by our mother, who was depressive, but more likely by our father who was basically a non-drinking alcoholic type who wallowed in his emotional blaming, rages and self-justifications.
We both went to work on searching out our first triggering event (when was the first time we felt that way), but more importantly, we began consciously seeking ways to change our brain chemicals and seek out other reactions when we were triggered in this way. One way was just to call each other and get the subject changed. (And to this day, our conversations often start with “Hi, I’m calling because I need to change my brain chemicals.”)
And I think that a lot of us use Love Fraud the same way. We come here to get out of our fugue states, to change our brain chemicals. Which is a great thing, because these fugue states are quite literally circular ruts that keep us from processing and learning. Except, of course, for the opportunities they provide us to get to know these patterns, learn why we’re really reacting that way, and begin to retrain our minds to respond to these stimuli in more positive ways.
As an example, when I feel this one coming on, I get up and go outside for some fresh air and exercise, which usually clears my head sufficiently that I can build a plan of attack for whatever looked so intimidating before.
I know this was a long answer (as usual), but I hope it makes sense. If it does, you’ll be able to see fugue states kick in here at Love Fraud, particularly when something disruptive happens on the site. People who were pretty rational suddenly becoming highly reactive and “stuck” in the reaction, no matter what anyone says to try to reason them out of it. If anything is going to break through a fugue state, it usual is something that changes the focus to an entirely different and less triggering topic. The best thing of all is laughter, but it can be really hard to make a person in an emotional rut laugh. Anther thing that can work is acknowledgement and taking over the state in an amplified way. (“I totally understand why you feel that way. I really hate this man, and I am going to call my cousin Frank to take up his offer to knock his guy off right now.”)
That is, of course, if you have reason to meddle at all. Here on Love Fraud, we actually do have reason to meddle, since a person in a fugue state, especially if it involves attacking or blaming other people, can stimulate other sensitive people into falling into their own fugue states. And then we have arguments and people dropping off, etc. Which may not ultimately be a bad thing. Eventually we all need to be desensitized and/or find better responses to these things that throw us into PSTD reactions. But I know it’s all of our preferences to be mutually supportive and to keep sharing the insights that keep us moving forward.
So that’s the definition plus a typical Kathy brain dump. I hope it was worth the read.
Kathy
ErinBrock:
“Oh Sweet Mystery of Life” mystery #104 is now solved. Thank your kids for me.