The damage done to strangers, lovers and family members by sociopaths includes physical, emotional, psychological, social and financial harm. Over the years I have encountered many people whose lives have been damaged in this way.
The victimization alone is very sad, but people suffer not only from the actual damage but from their psychological and emotional reactions to it. It is one thing to lose a large sum of money or time that you can’t ever get back. The losses happened and are permanently in the past. It is another thing for a person’s present to be occupied by that loss.
The Aftermath is often more extensive than the victimization itself
It is my observation that for many victims this aftermath lasts a long time and includes considerable dysfunction and this dysfunction causes additional damage. Many have used the label “PTSD” for these psychological, emotional and physical reactions to victimization. Although I agree that diagnosis may fit some, I have never been entirely comfortable with it applied to this context. The reason is that PTSD technically applies to only to situations that are “life-threatening.” PTSD is an anxiety disorder as opposed to an “adjustment disorder” and some symptoms that victims have are not based in “anxiety.”
Psychologist and Professor, Dr Michael Linden, of the Research Group Psychosomatic Rehabilitation, Berlin, Germany has proposed a new disorder be added to the DSM. This disorder, termed Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder or PTED describes the reactions I have seen in many people victimized by sociopaths.
I thought seriously about this blog for two weeks before posting it because suggesting there is such a thing as PTED is far from politically correct and sincerely, I would not want anyone to get the idea that I blame victims for their aftermath symptoms. On the other hand, I hope that those who have the symptoms Dr. Linden identifies will consider addressing them. I am also not in favor of the medicalization of common psychological reactions and so am not rushing to advocate PTED be declared an official diagnosis.
What is PTED?
Just as PTSD is thought to result from the threat of loss of life, PTED results from a different kind of threat. Dr. Linden states regarding PTED, “The core pathogenic mechanism is not the provocation of anxiety, but a violation of basic beliefs. This threat to deeply held beliefs, acts upon the patient as a powerful psychological shock, which triggers a prolonged feeling of embitterment and injustice.”
For victims of sociopath’s the sociopath’s behavior violates core beliefs about human nature and sense of safety. That theme is discussed over and over on this website.
Diagnostic and associated features
The essential feature of posttraumatic embitterment disorder is the development of clinically significant emotional or behavioral symptoms following a single exceptional, though normal negative life event. The person knows about the event and perceives it as the cause of illness. The event is experienced as unjust, as an insult, and as a humiliation. The person’s response to the event must involve feelings of embitterment, rage, and helplessness. The person reacts with emotional arousal when reminded of the event. The characteristic symptoms resulting from the event are repeated intrusive memories and a persistent negative change in mental well-being. Affect modulation is unimpaired and normal affect can be observed if the person is distracted”¦
Besides prolonged embitterment individuals may display negative mood, irritability, restlessness, and resignation. Individuals may blame themselves for the event, for not having prevented it, or for not being able to cope with it. Patients may show a variety of unspecific somatic complaints, such as loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, pain.
PTED is said to be a disabling condition and is very difficult to treat.
Additional comments
Although I read two of Dr. Linden’s papers (see below) I was disappointed that he failed to define what it means to be bitter. How does bitterness differ from other reactions like anxiety or grief? Bitter is not an emotion it is a taste. Is he suggesting that victims have an actual bitter taste in their mouths? In studying dictionary definitions I can offer that bitterness is unique in that there is an anger/hostility component- synonym resentful, hostile feeling.
Provided he can more precisely define bitterness, I think Dr. Linden may be communicating something useful here. That is the idea that we have to mobilize our resources to move beyond events that threaten us. Events that threatened core beliefs may be very traumatic for people. It is important for victims to examine their core beliefs in recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
I am interested in your reactions to this proposed diagnosis.
References
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Barbara Lieberei, and Max Rotter. 2009. “The Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder Self-Rating Scale (PTED Scale).” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy 16, no. 2: 139-147.
Linden, Michael, Kai Baumann, Max Rotter, and Barbara Schippan. 2008. “Diagnostic criteria and the standardized diagnostic interview for posttraumatic embitterment disorder (PTED).” International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice 12, no. 2: 93-96.
witsend…
in the last year of my relationship with the s/p/n, he’d say to me: “why do you still love me? i don’t even call you!” well, i thought, when would you call me, you’re always here in the crib sucking off of me 24/7!!
huh. don’t call me, i’ll call you. we should all collaborate on a book of sociopathisms. they ALL sound alike.
lostingrief,
It is funny sometimes how we can put up with so much in our own lives. the nagging thought might be there that something is not right, yet we “let it go”.
Yet sometimes when we see it in written form describing someone elses story or on TV or “however” we see it….
All of a sudden it makes sense and we see it as it really IS abusive behavior.
wit…LOL!!! You summed it up perfectly!!! HAHAHAHA!! And everything that you said is EXACTLY the relationship I had with my EX. The won’t see me on hoidays, won’t meet my family….don’t call me, I’ll call you..BLAH BLAH BLAAHHHHHH….pretty much sums up the 4 year relationship we had perfectly.
So yes, when this guy sat down and started yapping, I knew he was a jerk, but when he said he was married?? I was seeing RED!! I had to laugh about it! Seriously?? How do I attract these assholes!!! And yes, there was an overwhelming urge to kick him the the you know what! Clearly they were pretty big…I probably wouldn’t have missed!!!
Wow!! Just shocking really! I don’t think he knew that I would have such a reaction though..I wanted to be like honey, I can smell your kind from a mile away..but naaahhhh…that’s gonna be my little secret weapon. Bring it on assholes and when I fire back….don’t be shocked! He put his tail between his legs and ran!! It was awesome!! I was really proud of myself for sticking up and saying something!
Amber,
Good for you! Maybe that guy didn’t proposition any other targets for the rest of the day.
I am REALLY glad that you said something….Sometimes when I am caught off guard like that, I don’t say anything (much) BUT think of something clever to say when its to late…
Dear LIG–when you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all, no conscience, no remorse no matter what they’ve done. Some just have more guts than others, but they are all the same under the skin—cheats and liars.
So, the take home lesson from this is, if someone is a cheat and a liar to others, what makes you think you’re so special they will “reform” for you!? DUH!
Janie, yea, that’s the way I see it. If someone is a cheat and a liar to others or a thief, etc. just because theya re not doing it this minute, this second, doesn’t mean they have ‘reformed” or that they are “Mostly nice” I think it is like dead or pregnant, you can’t be a little bit dead or a little bit pregnant, you either you is or you ain’t.
Now, I’m like you, no one is perfect (even me LOL!) I do make MISTAKES, but I don’t do DELIBERATE bad deeds. I may hurt your feelings, but I care if I do (if you’re not a P!) I didn’t deliberately set out to hurt anyone’s feelings, and if I bounce a check it is because I added 2+2 and got 5 by accident, not because I wrote a check knowing there was no money. I make mistakes but not intentionally. I do get bent out of shape when people say “Oh, he made a mistake and robbed a bank, he should be given a second chance.” NO!!! he did NOT make a mistake, he KNEW DARNED WELL HE WAS ROBBING A BANK, the mistake is what got him caught and it does not deserve him another chance. He is a criminal and he should get his “reward” for being a criminal. There are “no athiests in fox holes, and there aren’t any in prison either!” Everyone “finds Jesus” in prison or in fox holes, but that doesn’t mean it will “stick” once they are out of the crunch.
I have a dear friend who is a prison minister, I actually met this wonderful and caring man through my P-son (who he had conned) and through the years (about 15 now) we have become very close friends and confidents, and I have taught him a great deal about Ps and he has helped me in my own spiritual walk to let go of the cultish angry “god” of my raising, and to embrace the loving heavenly father that he believes in.
While we both agree that people can be changed by accepting a religion or philosophy, he is no longer the naive person he was about psychopaths. My P son sent him a letter telling him how we (the family) were persecuting him because we would not give him “unconditional love”—he sent me both the letter from my son and his response to it. At that time my egg donor was also NC with my P-son and he was furiously writhing over the hot coals of NC and worse yet, NO MONEY! He was trying every manuver he could do to get us to respond. I used to read his letters and actually LAUGH AT how he was writhing like a live pig being turned over the coals. NC WORKS it throws them into a frenzy of trying to figure out how to regain control over the situation. Especially if you have something they want—like money!
Anyway, I have spent countless hundreds of hours e mailing and talking to my minister friend and if ever there was a man who believes in teh God he preaches, it is this man. He works at a job and also does almost full time ministry in both prisons and low income areas, takes no salary for preachhing. He reminds me of the apostle Paul. Very educated, and very caring. Very selfless. But no longer naive.
He comes here to read on LF but does not post, so he has gotten an education in and about Ps.
wit…yeah I tend to shy away from saying things too. And I’m ALWAYS thinking of what I SHOULD have said. Well not anymore. There are so many times I bit my tongue or let it slide, and then thought…I wish I would have said this..or that…Well from now on, if it comes to me in the moment….I’m saying it and not biting my tongue. I’m learning to be more assertive and firm with MY OWN CHOICES! And it felt really good to tell that jerk off!
Well guys I am going to put the finishing touches on dinner. Spaghetti tonight…..I love the smell of Italian while its cooking. Garlic, green peppers, onions, tomatoes, spices….Mmmm Smells good.
Hope to get on later….But Monday is my favorite TV night. I just love the new program Trama. (I know I need a life) But in my younger days I wanted to be an EMT or First Responder…And this show is just all about that.
Dear Amber,
A big TOWANDA for you!!!! I am sure that telling that jerk off made you feel great! And what a jerk too! LOL I hope you get over your “judgmental” ways and inseurities! LOL ROTFLMAO I would have given my right arm to be there to see the look on his face!
TOWANDA AGAIN!!!!!
LOL! Thanks OX. Yeah, it was one of my prouder moments! It did make me feel a whole lot better, and his face was classic!! And then he got all defensive and I knew I had made him feel like an idiot! It was great!
Woohoo Amber!