lf2

When the emotionally abused “behave badly”

Has the emotionally abusive individual in your life ever “encouraged” you to behave badly?  Were you “pushed” into an emotional response that placed you in a less than favorable light?  Did this response seem to bring satisfaction to your abuser?  Did he or she gain sympathy or affirmation from others because of your upset?  Were you “baited,” into confrontations that ultimately left you very visibly shaken, angry, scared, or feeling out of control?  Afterward, were you left confused and wondering what just happened?  Worse, yet, were you then accused of being “crazy” or “abusive” by your abuser?  Did the events ever cause you to question yourself?

If you are or were involved with a psychopath or anyone with a number of psychopathic features, it is likely that you are answering in the affirmative to these questions.  It’s par for the course.  Psychopaths are abusive.  If you have crossed paths with a psychopathic individual, you have probably been abused and manipulated in some way.  As the emotional abuse was occurring, you probably did not realize or understand what was happening.  At the same time, you probably knew something was very wrong.

How do they get away with this?    

Abusers know that we tend to be unaware of their tactics and that we may easily fall into their traps simply because we do not think as they do.  This is important because emotional abuse serves as the platform from which we are more likely to accept all other forms as well.

Over time, when we are abused, it becomes less likely that we will be able to do anything to better our situations.  This will not change until we process exactly what it is that we are facing.  The fear and exhaustion that we experience as a direct result of their accusations and behaviors is responsible, in part, for keeping victims bound to such relationships.

Our abusers hope to gain and maintain dominance through psychological warfare.  The process is complex, but in a nutshell, they work to erode our self esteem, identities, and attempt to make us believe that we deserve to be treated poorly.  They purposely work to engage us in conflicts or place us in situations that they know will elicit extreme emotional reactions from us.  Later, they use our responses against us.

Ultimately, aren’t we responsible for our own emotions and behaviors? 

Of course we are responsible and our abusers like to remind us of that.  This is the type of thinking that they enjoy exploiting.  They know that we are willing to own our behaviors.  They know that we “invest” and care about how we are regarded.  They like that we will feverishly “work” to make things “right.”  Yet, they have no intention of doing anything positive.  They choose to “fight” us for sport.  They enjoy dropping the bombs and then sitting back and and watching the  “shows” we provide for them.

They set us up to fail, by purposely pressing our buttons.  They take no responsibility, whatsoever, for any role they may play in our upset.  We will never hear, “Gosh, I’m really sorry.  I shouldn’t have said that to you.”  Or, “You’re right, I should have waited for us to be alone before bringing that up.”  That rarely happens.

More commonly, they make fun of us and accuse us of being “disordered,” “crazy,” or tell us to “get our heads checked.”  They enjoy getting the best of us and working to erode who we are in the process.  What begins as an incident that looks innocent, is really a very abusive maneuver aimed at maintaining or strengthening their holds.  These incidents are directs attacks.

How do they work against us or cause us to work against ourselves?

Like any other exploitative measure, an area of weakness is used.  They want to make us look bad, both to ourselves and others.  So they search their arsenals for ways in which they know, almost with certainty, that we will respond negatively.  They know that they can successfully demonize us if we behave badly.  We will discredit ourselves and prove them “right” regarding the negative things they have said about us.  As this is occurring, we usually have no idea that we are being set up.

Sometimes, they arrange for these “conflicts” to occur in front of others.  Why?  They want to show others what they are “forced to endure” with us.  Often, they do this in order to gain sympathy or begin their smear campaigns, twisting the circumstances in an effort to look like the victims.

In my experience, I can think of several fights that were initiated in this fashion.  Once, I was even called a psychopath, as my offender ranted to family members, in an attempt to illustrate my “lunacy.”  (What’s the saying about the pot and the kettle?)  🙂  Regardless, it was quite a display.  My point is this; if a topic exists that is a source of contention, they will make sure to use it.  If we don’t understand what’s happening, unknowingly, we may participate.

What do we do?

The good news is that we can opt out of victimization.  We can learn.  Remember, psychopaths are easily bored.  Compliant victims or those who choose not to participate more than necessary are not much fun.

We must learn not to seek answers or look to them for explanations.  While we may feel that communication is a logical path toward solutions, and typically it is, it tends to get us nowhere with these personalities.   They tend to remain silent, or fail to consistently address the actual issues.  Rather, they use communications, spoken, written, or otherwise, as another means to harass and belittle.  This is in an effort to maintain control, by keeping us unbalanced, angry, and questioning ourselves.  Once we understand this, however, we can change this.

We may have participated for a time, but knowing allows us to make better choices.  We must not react.  At first, staying quiet (to them)about what we feel and think may be one of the hardest things we do, but when dealing with emotionally abusive individuals, it is the only thing to do.  Eventually, we can come to the place where we are unaffected.

 

 


Comment on this article

37 Comments on "When the emotionally abused “behave badly”"

Notify of

Linda – thank you so much for this article. You are absolutely on the money. Sometimes they do this so that they can more easily take what they want from us. And sometimes they do it simply to entertain themselves.

The sooner we understand what is going on, the better off we are.

This is exactly what my EX would do any time things got too uncomfortable for him (i.e. the truth came out, I questioned him on his behaviors/activies). He would push and push and push my buttons and bait me and torment me until I was literally “crazy” and desperate with anger/sadness. I’m embarassed to say some of the things I actually let him push me to, but thankfully with Gods grace I came out of everything OK. This activity of allowing him to make me “behave badly” was actually the final straw that opened my eyes and made me see I needed to rid myself of him. There was actually a final incident of “crazy-making” that was the line in the sand for me. I knew if I allowed it to continue my life and everything I have and am and have worked for would be destroyed. This is why I come to Lovefraud every day. It reassures me that I was not “crazy”, but rather saw things as clear as glass and was right about all my gut feeings and that he is just as disordered as I always knew he was.

Thanks for the article Linda. I cant believe how many years I got sucked into reacting to all his little spath games, and all because I didnt know any better. They all seem to follow the exact same programming don’t they. I was always saying “pot, kettle, black” to him like a broken recording. And on the subject or recording, he actually got out a video camera to film me after he had wound me up, to show people “what he had to put up with”. I caught him secretly filming me one day. He came into the bedroom one morning with a cup of tea, acting all friendly and polite. I knew something was up, as he wasn’t his usual annoyed, irritated, foul mouthed self. I always told him that I didnt want to discuss anything important or make any decisions just after I woke up, as I dont function very well in the morning due to my low cortisol levels (adrenal exhaustion). So knowing this, he would always try and discuss things with me just after I had woken up. On this occasion he had the video camera handy so he could catch me getting annoyed with him for doing something that I had specifically told him not to do to me. But as he was acting all polite I knew he was up to something, so I looked around and saw the camera lens hidden in the blinds. Well, he got a reaction out of me didnt he, when I realized I was being set up. And of course he is using his stories or whatever footage he managed to get in secret to smear me, to play victim and to tell all his “pity ploy” stories about how I emotionally abused him.
I have come to the conclusion that he actually believes his own lies and fabrications, when he is telling it. Of course he knows at other times that it isnt true and that he has manufactured the stories or my emotional reactions, but they seem to have a shifting state of reality where they believe something to be true one minute, but then the next they switch into knowing that it isnt true. They are definitely the crazy ones!

BTW, a big thank you to everyone who writes and posts on the LoveFraud blog. I have been lurking for some time and reading all your artcles and posts. It is a huge eye opener to know that so many other people are going through almost the exact same crazy stuff as me, so I dont feel so alone anymore. I was married for 22 years to my spath, and he did the D&D after I outlived my usefulness. He left 2 years ago, did the usual smear campaign as I told him I wasnt going to keep his abusive behaviour secret any longer. But he had been planning way before I knew he was a spath, so he got my family onside with him years back by playing the victim of emotionally unstable wife act. My parents are both N’s, so they loved helping him and showing him how supportive and good they were, and he supplied them with the “you are such good parents but she just doesnt appreciate you like I do” compliments that they lapped up, turning a blind eye to his abuse and my unhappiness. Spath is still peddling the: “she is just a negative, unhappy person who needs professional help” line. So I am now isolated, alone, locked in a legal battle with spath as he pretends to be depressed, suicidal, on antidepressants and “unfit to work” due to my “emotional abuse”. Of course since he left the marriage he has been traveling the world, buying himself cars and aircraft, flying his seaplane around austalia, rally driving, setting up several new business ventures and within 6 months had a new vaginal doormat in place. So that’s kinda my story, although its a lot more long and involved as you can imagine.

Linda, what a fantastic (and, timely) article!!!! Thank you, so much for this.

I “behaved badly” with the first exspath, and again with the second one. And, when I look back on this, I’m okay with it – I recognize it for what it was, and I can actually laugh about some of it.

Crazymaking………it’s all crazymaking.

Thanks, again, Linda – and, brightest blessings to you

Narcissists seem to use the same tactics. I say this because my brother, while never emotionally or otherwise abused, has a very baiting and triggering approach to confrontation. When such occurs, typically thru passive aggressive tactics, he takes joy in his “moral superiority” at remaining calm while others lose their cool.

Since he is a sociologist, he then has the unmitigated gall to tell those he triggers have “anger management” or some other issue.

I have a burning desire to tell my story and I’m gonna post it here since I behaved badly in the end.

I met her through a mutual friend who works at a liquor store in MA. I was in town on business from NY and she came in to buy a bottle of wine. He introduced us and I was instantly smitten. I came into town every two weeks for the next year and would inquire about her as she would I according to my friend. My friend lost track of what weeks I’d be in town but she never did according to him(clocking me?). It’s important to note although I was wearing work jeans and a sweatshirt, I had a 4000.00 gold chain around my neck and an 8000.00 two tone rolex watch on my wrist(gold digger?) After a year of inquiry we finally went out on a double date.
She started with the pity play right away by asking if she even had a chance with me and telling me she was removed from her biological mother(a promiscuous barfly who dated married men almost exclusively and bore children with them) at the age of three(she’s now 43). She never returned or had a relationship with her biological mother who died in a mental institution. She said she’s never felt a true part of this adoptive family. I found it hard to believe because this family seemed to revolve around her(disciples?). Her sister told me they thought she would come home in a body bag someday but now that she’s met me they’re very happy and noticed a change in her. I didn’t know what this meant at the time but I do know now and will convey it a little later.
We began a whirlwind romance and I left NY to move in with her in MA.
She was a preschool teacher(also a promiscuous barfly who also slept with married men almost exclusively) and I WAS a successful contractor in LOVE. The relationship moved fast and the sex was like no other I had experienced. I’m only 43 but I was buying Viagra online from India to keep up with her. After a couple of months I bought a 1 ct diamond ring and asked her to marry me and she said yes.
The first clue I had about her was a few days later when she said out of the blue ” I will marry you but I’m gonna need a bigger ring”. I was floored, I wondered who could be in love and still say that. Besides it wasn’t a small diamond anyway. Then she began to complain almost daily about it catching her hair or clothing. I thought, who complains about having a diamond engagement ring on their finger. Anyway, the second thing I noticed was I bought her an iPhone and put her on my plan but she carried her pay by minutes phone with her also. This went on for 6 mos. When I inquired she had nothing but lame excuses for this. I began to suspect she was using the other phone to betray me and a year and a half later I learned I was right( by this time the phone was at the bottom of a lake).
We were living together and she would belittle and disrespect me every chance she got. I moved out and rented a place on the lake just over the border in RI. I reconciled with her almost immediately and she continued to verbally abuse me. I would kick her out of my place when she crossed the line. Suggesting I kill myself was on of her favorite things to do. We would live separately for a few days and although I didn’t know at the time she would use these opportunities to sleep with other men at her apartment. I was in love and just wanted some respect. She thought it was funny but as long as I kept coming back she’d keep using me. I once asked her adoptive mother if she thought her daughter was capable of pretending to love me in an effort to obtain money and material things. Her mother replied “absolutely”.
I gave this woman everything she never had(including unconditional love) and she sh:t all over me. I bought her a car and she wouldn’t even go with me to pick it up. She probably wanted to stay home and browse the casual encounters section of craigslist for some stranger to meet with(earlier body bag reference). I didn’t know about this for another year, but if someone was buying me a car I would surely attend. I always knew deep down she was betraying me somehow. Her actions spoke louder than her words.
Ever since we were together she wanted to get pregnant(first child) and she did. I attended all doctors appointments and I was very happy. We decided we didn’t want know what the sex of the baby was until birth. At the hospital during contractions, she was messaging another man(married) on facebook. After the baby was born(cdb II) I asked her about it and she invited me to leave their lives forever. Even threatening to have me removed(I suspect my job was done). I refused and proclaimed myself the head of this family. The abuse and infidelities( I didnt have any factual evidence until the very end) went on for another six weeks until the day I said “please don’t disrespect me like that” to which she replied “I don’t have to respect you, if you want respect from me you need to pay me”. I stood up walked over to her and punched her right in the face(first time I ever hit a woman in my entire life) She was shocked to say the least, then she ran to the neighbors and called the police. She got a restraining order that prevents me from seeing our son. I sold the jewelry to pay the lawyer. I proceeded to drink for the next 9 mos and now I sit here broken and wondering how this happened to me.
Im in counseling but it doesn’t help much. I asked my counselor if he’s had much experience with victims of sociopaths. His response was “no not really”. Visitation with my son would help more but I’ve been painted as an abuser who shouldn’t have any rights.

oh my

This is an excellent topic. I thought I was free after being divorced from him for 30 years. I thought I had read enough to know and never be caught up in his lair again. Then he started up again involving our daughter’s wedding. First, we decided to split he cost equally and I came up with an estimated figure. He said, “I am just a boy and I don’t know anything about weddings and girl stuff so you and your mother can do that and I will just write a great big check.” He is a lawyer. I caught that one and confronted him that he would write a great big check and we would write a little bitty check for the same amount. He stumbled a bit and said yes that was what he meant; my husband and daughter looked at me like I had broken all ten commandments at once. How do they do it?

When I told him we underestimated the price he said he was not paying anymore and we did not have to feed the guests. I tried to convince him it was inappropriate not to offer dinner to the guests. Almost all of them were the bride and groom’s friends and relatives from out of town who spent money on airfare and hotels to be there. He said they could all just go out to dinner after the wedding. My daughter wanted a big reception dinner and I felt it was required by the situation and told him so. He said, “Since when do you cave in to tradition? You never used to cave in to tradition?” He does not even know the difference between decency and tradition or right and wrong. Talk about pushing my buttons, I do not give in to tradition because sometimes there is a higher moral standard. My morals are higher than normal tradition requires. He tried to twist that to fit his sleazy cheap lack of moral decency and proper etiquette.

Ended up, he and his guests did not come to the dinner and he said it was because I did not invite them. What I said is we are providing dinner for our guests, you can do what you want to do. He hurt our daughter immensely by first refusing to come to the wedding at all and finally conceded to come to the wedding and cocktail hour but leave before dinner. He let my husband, my daughter’s loving generous step-father, pay for most of the wedding. Then he stood there at the wedding and cocktail hour like a peacock and took all of the credit. We sent equal numbers of invitations and he had only 6 guests after bragging about all the friends he has. I almost felt sorry for him. You cannot make this stuff up, it is just too mind boggling.

Now he has targeted my daughter and it has escalated for 15 years…since her wedding First five years I did not see him at all and it was great. Both children were annoyed with me but it was worth it to have him out of my life. When the first grandchild was born my daughter informed me she was in control now and she would have Christmas and invite him.

I tried that for five years and it was very unpleasant for all of us. We had a long time tradition of Christmas dinner with some very good friends but her dad was not invited because I did not want him there. She called my friends and invited him herself after he told her he had to have Christmas dinner alone at Hooters. My friends were shocked and stunned and said they would have to ask me. I said no way. Then she all of a sudden hated us and moved with our grandchildren to where he lived. I refused to go there at all. While she was there I had a breakdown and was hospitalized for attempted suicide. On family day while there I told the whole family some of the real story, enough to choke an alligator but only the tip of the iceberg. Again, they got angry with me. I expected that but I could hold and hide his despicable secrets no longer. I refused to protect him anymore by my silence. Right or wrong, I had to do it.

Now five years after she moved back here, after trying to heal and hoping for a miracle, she will not see me or let me see our grandchildren. I got sucked right into the play he was directing and became angry at her for acting like him and delivering his messages hypnotically. I do not think she has the gene but she is certainly hypnotized by his courting her and his pathetic act. I have behaved just as orchestrated by him through her, like a raging lunatic and in so doing given him exactly what he wanted and lost what I love most in the world, my grandchildren.

My therapist says she can help me. I pray she can because I feel totally defeated this time. I recovered from him once only to have him use my children against me. Will it ever stop?

Hens,

you have perfect timing. How is your pup? Hope she hasnt got stuck recently!

Hi Stronglady …My two pups are doing fine..this has been the summer of the wasp…both stung several times. Last summer it was snakes oh my 🙂

Oh no Hens, the poor things! Hope they’re ok now? I love dogs. My old pup, well she’s an old gal now. Don’t know how she would cope with snakes. Hope everything is cool with you. I like reading your posts….you make me laugh 🙂

laughter and hugs make the world a better place..

Yes they do Hens!

I have a special hug for the special people in the world. I call it the hand-heart-hug. When I do this hand-heart-hug, I hug the person really close in my arms and lay my hand on their heart – me sending love from my palm into their heart.

I’m giving a cyber hand-heart-hug to you, right now 🙂

hand heart hug – wow that was nice – i give big ole bear hugs, lift ya up off the ground and shake you till you giggle – well thats what I do with my grandsons anyway…

I talked with a good friend about the Marine, and she brought up some good observations that have put me at ease. With the Marine it is a guy thing and he was marking his territory. He is insecure maybe? And the Lady know’s he is a booger, thats why she try’s so hard to keep me away when he is around. He probably has no clue how much she depend’s on me when he is not here.
And I dont think like a straight man so I dont understand why he would be insecure or territorial with me, but that’s just the way insecure narcissistic x-marine asshole’s behave with their women I guess…so I promise not to harp on this anymore..

Hens, with a narcissistic control freak, the threat doesn’t have to be a sexual one….you could threaten his supply, that is, you could threaten to take a bit of time and attention away from him…you could threaten his image of himself as a competant man who can do a lot of handy-work around the house and yard, etc.
Narcissists create or participate in triangles. This is a triangle. Triangles function as a distancing, or flight mechanism in an intense and chaotic relationship…as in fight or flight in traumatic situations. This is the flight instinct at work.
Triangles also function to bond two individuals against a third party, but it is always a dysfunctional meneaver, and it always masks a conflict between the two who form a diad against the third.
Truthy, this applies to your situation, too. The client lady, as well as the colleague with the spathy GF, are, in my opinion trying to distance from the intensity and chaos in their primary relationships, by drawing you in, to act as a buffer and a scape-goat, so that they don’t have to confront the real issues between themselves and their significant others.
It’s easy to say, macho marine jerk and spathy girl-friend are the real cause of the problem, but, that’s is really too simplistic. Client lady, and colleague are a part of this dysfunction, too. And, sad, but true, as long as you are drawn into the drama, you are, too.
My x always had a needy family member or friend living with us. It served as a means of watering down our intimacy and conflict…it kept him safe, but it, along with his romantic triangles, destroyed our marriage…but, I played along, because I was afraid of our issues, too, so in a dysfunctional way, it worked.

yes Kim, the lady client is manipulating both of us..and I am getting tired of the drama..and thinking it’s time for me to make a change.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

i second that ‘oh my’.

Kim Frederick, I firmly believe that the “issues” that I’ve witnessed between the colleague and his g/f existed well before we got here. Our presence only exacerbated the situation so that both parties behaved badly.

And, to be quite honest, I have behaved badly by expecting understanding and support. When I was able to, I provided the bulk of the food that was being consumed in this household, and I expected – yes, I used the word, expected – these people to understand that I was doing this because I was trying to demonstrate my appreciation for them allowing us into their home. Well, the truth of the matter is that neither of them even understands the concept of appreciation, as they have yet to find themselves in a devastating situation.

Our presence in this environment has put a severe crimp in the g/f’s machinations and manipulations, and the colleague is so trauma-bound that he won’t dare speak up when something is clearly inappropriate (like her “joke” on my son).

So, whatever is going on between them is their business. Yeah, I feel pity for my colleague, but I don’t feel “sorry” for him, if that makes any sense. I have my own “sorry” situation to manage, and he’s going to have to live with his own choices.

Brightest blessings

Sadly enough these people without a conscience are bored and chose to use us as pawn pieces on their pathetic board game called life.
Don’t ever feel sorry for them however; they know very well how to manipulate others to have emotions of concern for them even though they have no capability or knowledge of how to reveal compassion for anyone else.

Personal Boundaries is a very precious word and a true wisdom of survival to obtain. I’m finally learning and deprogramming isn’t fun. I wish I had obtain personal self respect and love while growing up yet; it’s never to late to use the God given shield of Personal Boundaries.

Personal Boundaries: yes.
That is what it takes.

Thanks raised by a socipath.

Dupey

Personal Boundaries are now my favorite two words and motto for my life.
If a retard sociopath treats you in a way you would never treat another like telling you there pathetic life story from the start of the unfortunate union to them. They don’t respect boundaries. Would any of us have the gull to expose ourselves in a negative fashion?
I have to feel safe with someone before I admit about my childhood nightmares and the woman who raised me is a twisted psychopath and her puppet husband an abusive narcissist.
Here on this forum you don’t know who I am. So I’m safe here. Out in the public I wear a mask because I want to be known for my accomplishments and not my dysfunctional past.

I agree with you raised by a sociopath.
Absolutely.

Everyone has choices.
I can relate. Completely.

So very sorry to read about everyone’s heartaches; I have great compassion for you all after my 23 year marriage to a sociopath, then having raised our 5 once-beautiful, but abused, children (one is now a doctor!), only to find my heart broken AGAIN as I’ve slowely watched the same old sociopath traits erupt and blossom in my beloved children! They threatened me with committal last year so my attorney and other experts advised NC. All the experts seem to agree that any form of psychosis is very highly genetically transferable; let ths be a warning to those of you who pin your hopes and love on your children. Be careful, you may be in for “it” all over again! I foolishly thought that by leaving their abusive father etc., I’d put a stop to the disease’s transmission, only to be re-devastated 30 years later. And because they are 5 and I am only 1, they have convinced everyone that I am “crazy”…not so. As my attorney says, I am highly intelligent, run a business and am a “fighter”. Unite and stand up for yourselves…you are NOT alone. Thank God for Lovefraud where we learn that our experiences are not as “weird” as many try to convince usl

I loathe my ex very much. He stole my energy, my heart, my sexual inhibitions and most of all my soul. I am done with him and haven’t verbally spoken to him in 3 weeks but I had to contact him to get a certificate that he has of mine today. I hate having to think about him but I do it every night. I hate the fact that he used me SO much. He stopped showing me affection in front of friends and other people and when I would ask him about it he would say “i thought we were at the stage in our relationship that i don’t need to show you affection”.. this was 6 months into the relationship. I feel so used and trodden over and I also feel so alone.

fluffythespathslayer–

Best screen name ever!

ksm….absolute NO CONTACT is your first step towards healing! We victims need time and space to “clear” our minds of past ways of thinking and start to regain, and live for ourselves. It is a long and sorrowful process but as you regain your old self, it will make yoyu stronger and wiser. You are not alone….everyone here is pulling for you. Be STRONG!

Fluffy, love your nickname!

This place has saved my sanity countless times. Linda, great article!

My ex is continuing with his smear campaign and sadly my young adult son lives with the idiot. The main concern I have is when my ex goes down (and he will), that my son will be dragged down with him. I cannot intervene at this point as it just makes things worse. This guy fooled me for decades and continues to dupe everyone else. Fine, up standing member of the community that he is. Barf.

I’m BAAAACKKKKK LOL–been off line (computer connection problems) for two weeks. Surgery was postponed till Aug 22…

Roof blew off the studio and did a bunch of damage to hangar roof and other crazy things….so been busier’n a one armed wall paper hanger or a one legged man in a butt kicking contest!

Linda, Great article. They DO push our buttons. Abusers are good at that. Trying to defend ourselves we end up appearing crazy to any onlookers and with the smear campaign of the abusers telling others we are the abusers and/or the crazies, it makes us even more crazy in appearances.

I’ve sure been there and done that, but once we get AWAY from them, go NO contact it gives us time to regroup and to see what is going on from a distance that allows us to “see the trees instead of just the forest”

That is why NO CONTACT is so important, and if we MUST (because of “co parenting” or other legal issues) that we keep as much distance as we can and exercise the “Gray rock” attitude of boring. Doesn’t hurt to keep contacts via e mails or other ways in which we can prove what was said either.

This is a wonderful article for us all. Thanks for writing it!

((Oxy))
So nice to hear from you.

Yes, they do push our buttons in the most innane ways.
BORING BORING BORING! YES!
NO EMOTIONS NO REACTIONS.

Add to that, it’s important to not anthropomorphize them. Don’t think of them as normal human beings. As empaths, that’s hard. I had empathy for my stuffed animals (as a kid), my car, even my droid (because it talks). It’s ridiculous, I know, but it’s a knee jerk reaction to my programming: If it looks or sounds human, then it must have feelings right? WRONG.

If anyone knows how to over come these cognitive dissonance moments, let me know. I’d like to become a more grounded person.

Skylar, I had to laugh when you talked about anthropomorphizing them….When I was a kid, I lined my dolls and stuffed toys up on my pillow and had so many that I didn’t have room on my pillow for myself and felt badly that I might hurt the feelings of the dolls if I favored one over the others. LOL

I think psychopaths have “feelings” just not ALL the kinds of “feelings” that non-psychopaths have…they have rage and jealousy, anger etc. and those are “feelings” just not the FULL RANGE of human emotions and feelings. We do tend though, because WE feel love, caring, compassion and empathy to think that ALL people feel those same emotions and feelings…but as you pointed out, not everyone that appears human has the full range of feelings.

Oxy,
That cracked me up. I was the same way with my dolls and bears.

It’s interesting though, that spaths have “shallow effect”. They don’t stay angry very long. All the while, they are seething with rage 24/7. It’s a conundrum.

I just watched an interesting video on apergers. I’m thinking about writing an article, but if I do, I will also download the you tube and send it to you. It’s over an hour long and I know you will be fascinated by it.

Not making promises cuz I’m sort of overwhelmed right now, but this was an eye opening video by a man who has aspergers and has written 2 books. His mom had mental illness, his dad an alcoholic, his brother wrote the book, “running with scissors”.

Sky,

My adopted son’s bio sister who I think has mild aspergers herself is dating/living with a guy with blatant aspergers. He is unable to keep a job because of it and makes his living as a professional poker player both on line and at casinos. I’ve spent one weekend with him when they came to visit and he is “weird” for sure. His mother is also “mentally ill.” Not sure what particular mental illness though.

Interesting condition and many with the condition are highly functioning (Dr. Temple Granlin for example) He is also very smart as well. Very high IQ and can “count cards” and make a living at poker at least.

Been there done that, and knew the game around it. It took me while to understand after he left, when he was around you used ot keep me very confused. I had to go somewhere to think calmly. You could feel the negative energy as soon as you walk in the house.

I still don’t know what these spath get at the end, losing a loving partner, who could have done anything for them.

Send this to a friend